by Shannyn Leah
“Unload the rest on Wanda’s side then come help me grab these boxes.”
He’d move it all before she finished her shower. Soon enough, the walls would come down but, even, then he’d keep his boundaries.
CHAPTER TWENTY
~
AWKWARDNESS SETTLED OVER THE GROUP during supper. It didn’t matter that Olivia rattled on with stories or that Wanda tried her hand at light teasing. Ava’s outbreak had obviously been heard by all and she’d ruined their dinner. They would have been better off if she’d stayed upstairs and hid in her bedroom like she’d considered. But she hadn’t, so here they all sat, quietly sharing looks.
All except Dax.
He was quiet, but in an entirely different way. She knew what he was doing. She’d witnessed Rowdy do it a hundred of times. Analyzing, searching, and digging for clues to the puzzle, the pieces of the past to explain her outburst. Dax was smart. He’d already guessed she’d been—or felt—cornered into decisions. Possibly even guessing her family’s death may have impacted her somehow. But he’d never be able to guess the truth, never know it was her body’s addiction that had controlled her decisions. He’d never understand and, quite frankly, she didn’t want him to. She couldn’t bear the looks of disappointment from a man who usually looked at her with such passion. The looks now wouldn’t compare to the ones he’d give if her past was revealed.
“Guess what I’m being for Halloween?” Olivia’s cheerful voice snapped her back to the awkwardness of the now.
“What, sweetheart?”
Olivia shook her head at Wanda. “You already know. I’m asking Uncle Dax.”
Dax forced a smile for Olivia. “Is it that time of the year already?”
“Yes, silly. Why do you think we have pumpkin spice cake?” She pointed to the cream cheese iced cake sitting in the middle of the table, half eaten. “It’s at the end of the month and all the best costumes will be gone if I don’t pick one early. Guess what I’m going to be.”
Dax took a long sip of his chilled beer and crinkled his forehead as if contemplating an answer before he spoke. “A princess?”
Olivia frowned at him. Ava actually smiled at the both of them. This sweet, easy-going banter had been how the last month had gone by. It gave her a sense of ease she couldn’t deny felt right.
“No.”
“A pumpkin?”
Her daughter shook her head and sent him a questioning look. “Who dresses up like a pumpkin?”
Dax looked flustered. “A ghost?”
Hawk and Stone laughed. “Man, you are so old.” Stone said.
“What?’
“I’d guess a zombie,” Hawk said.
Wanda shot him a look. “She’s a little girl.”
“A princess zombie?” Stone offered.
“No.” Olivia giggled. “Do you know what I want to be Mommy?”
Last year she was a mechanic and the year before an astronaut so Ava could only imagine what she’d chosen. “Pirate?”
“Nooooope…” Olivia emphasized the word, dragging it out, obviously impressed that no one had guessed her top secret costume. “I’m going to be the Fire Chief of Willow Valley.” The table went silent and smiles faltered, but Olivia didn’t seem to notice. “I’m going to be Grandpa. I will even wear one of his old white shirts under my costume and then I will be like a real fire chief.” She shrugged, scooping a forkful of cake into her mouth before saying, with cake bits falling out, “It will be like Grandpa is with us on Halloween.” She beamed a smile at them. The notion was beautiful, but Ava felt a curdling sickness shape in her stomach.
Wanda spoke first. “I think Rowdy would love that, Olivia.” The table agreed with grunting sounds.
Rowdy might love it, but what about her own mother? Olivia might only be seven, but Ava knew firefighters often ran in the family, like Dax and Rowdy. Especially volunteer firefighters. The thought of her daughter one day wanting to run into a burning building sprouted a wave of fear and dizziness into her head that made her almost pass out.
“Right, Ava?” Wanda said, somewhere in the background of her thoughts.
Ava managed a weak, “Yes.” She was grateful Olivia didn’t elaborate about her costume and instead focused on the route she would take which included houses that gave better candy.
Ava was thankful when the company didn’t stay long after dessert, at least not on her side of the duplex. If they did, it was next door on Dax’s side. That made more sense anyway. They were his friends and had been Rowdy’s. She’d just sort of been here.
When Olivia darted to her bedroom to color, leaving Ava alone, she stepped outside on the back deck. The cool air cleansed her balmy insides.
Everything felt wrong…off. Her thoughts about Wanda, Stone and Hawk, Dax, the fire station…nothing seemed to fit right. After a month of having Dax regularly drop by the house, she’d gotten used to him.
What had happened today? She’d lost it, plain and simple. And afterwards he’d transported everything except his television to his side of the duplex, leaving no sign of his plans to move in.
Dax’s back door opened and shut. Ava felt him walk up beside her. He leaned over the railing, arms outstretched, hands clamped together.
“It’s Saturday. Why aren’t you at Bucks?” she asked, without looking at him.
“Maybe you could come with me some time.”
“As what, your wing man?”
“No.” He didn’t hide his irritability. “I thought we were past this.”
“We are.” She groaned and turned to him. “I’m sorry about today.”
“Why don’t you save the sorry and tell me what happened?”
“It’s a big decision. It doesn’t just affect me, but Olivia, too.”
“I understand and since that’s only a half-ass answer, why don’t you tell me about what’s bothering you right now.”
She glanced up at him.
“Olivia?” he asked. With that one word, he added yet another reason for her to throw caution away and tell this man to scoop her up and never let her go. He knew her. Had he always? He had always been sitting back, watching, observing and learning? The thought would have creeped her out if it wasn’t Dax.
“Of all the costumes to choose, why a fireman?”
“She’s only a kid experimenting with what she knows. It’s not to say that’s her path.”
“A passionate kid.”
“A fearless kid. Be proud of her.”
Ava turned to him. “Proud of her? I’m scared to death.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Your dad died of a heart attack while at a fire and my family died in a house fire.”
He turned too and rubbed her arms. “Growing up, I had a mixture of pride in my dad’s work that grew into fear as I comprehended the seriousness of the other side of his work. Olivia is young right now. When she grows up and see’s the scarier side, it’ll change the way she views the job.”
“It could inspire her to want to help people.”
“Or not.”
Ava groaned.
“Listen. I’ll stay on Wanda’s side, for now, but, eventually, I plan on moving into the master bedroom—with you.” He stepped closer, brushing her hair over her shoulder. “I know we haven’t discussed details like marriage, kids, or where we will live. I have enough money to buy you a house on the cliff, if that’s what you want.”
The cliff was a gated neighbourhood with lakeshore properties. Some houses overlooked the cliff while others lined the beach. Those properties were the most expensive properties in Willow Valley. She certainly didn’t want to live there, but then she’d never thought she could.
“Olivia is enough for me if you don’t want more kids. But, if you do, I’m good with that, too.”
“You’re good with that, too?” His casualness didn’t console her.
He shrugged.
“This isn’t a shrugging matter, Dax.”
He winked at her open-mouthed expression and
walked backwards. “When you’re ready to talk details, you find me. Until then, I have plans for this house and the first thing is tearing down the wall that divides the two sides. I’m giving you fair warning.”
Fair warning, she bet, and yet, she smiled.
Neanderthal.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
~
DAX SLIPPED THE YELLOW WORK helmet over his head and glanced down at Olivia standing at his side, watching with wide, anticipating eyes. What kids wouldn’t when you promised the demise of a wall? He handed her a child-sized, safety helmet and said, “Hard helmet.”
Giggling, Olivia slipped it over her morning hair. Morning hair. He hadn’t even realized that was a thing before living two weeks beside these girls. Where Olivia’s hair generally sported braids, ponytails or gentle curls, she awoke with a frizzy knotted mess which she trotted about with until Ava pulled out the brush, usually causing Olivia to bolt in the other direction. Regular neighbours would never notice such things about each other, but Dax still owned keys to Ava’s place. He often cooked a larger breakfast for everyone and had coffee waiting for Ava when she woke up.
Now Ava, on the other hand, woke up with a soft angelic glow that stirred his insides. Especially so when he had wicked ideas of grasping a fistful of her morning hair and pulling her luscious morning lips against his for a good morning kiss and romp in the bedroom to follow. But he restrained himself.
Now, he glanced up the stairs where she still slept. Apparently she stayed in bed way later than him. Most mornings, he could hit the beach running and get back in time for a shower and to cook breakfast before she even awoke and she had school each morning.
Today was the weekend though and, apparently, she slept even later on Saturday mornings. That was alright. In about two minutes, when his hammer hit this wall, she’d be awake. Today was the day he planned on breaking down the wall between them—literally—while praying the one holding her back broke a bit, too. He would push her, not much, but enough to remind her of his ultimate goal.
“Are you ready?” he asked Olivia.
She nodded. “Yes.”
Dax marked an “X” on the wall where he’d confirmed no studs stood and stepped back. “You have first swing. This entire wall has to go.”
She smiled, lifted the small hammer above her head and swung at the wall, nailing the middle of the “X” right on. “Yes!” she cheered, jumping up and down. Without asking, she swung again and again. Her laughter subsided and the serious little mechanic in her came out. Dax folded his arms, impressed with her swing, and watched her “work” face make it look like it had taken all the fun out of the demolishing wall. But he knew from building Charlie with her that her work face could easily be mistaken as such. Usually, those times were her favorite.
“What are you doing?”
Olivia paused, mid-swing as she and Dax both looked up at Ava. Rustled hair and white shirt slipping off one shoulder, she sleepily soaked in the view at the bottom of the staircase. Damn, she was sexy first thing in the morning. He didn’t think he’d ever tire of her drowsy morning face, exposed and containing no worry…well, except this morning.
Olivia let the hammer drop to her side as Ava descended the stairs.
“We’re taking the wall down.” Dax winked at Olivia, but he could see her fearful frown.
Ava’s bare feet stepped onto the main floor and over the dusty drywall Olivia had managed to accumulate. She swiped a smudge of dust from her daughter’s nose before looking at Dax. “So this is it, huh?”
“It’s time.”
Her chest rose with a deep breath. “In that case, I suppose I should state my thoughts on the bigger picture here.” The bigger picture being “them.” She walked around him and he figured she was grabbing a pair of shoes to protect her feet or open the front door and throw him out. Her tone sounded like she was prepared for a fight.
Her feet didn’t slip into shoes, though, or bend down to fetch a pair, and she didn’t even reach for the door. Instead, when she turned to face them, holding the sledgehammer Dax had brought.
Dax took a step back, taking Olivia with him, as Ava stepped up to the wall. She smiled at Dax first. “I’m ready,” she said, lifting the sledgehammer, and then focused on swinging it onto an untouched part of the beige wall. The drywall broke apart just like he hoped the emotional walls around him and Ava would.
She glanced over her shoulder. “What are you two waiting for? We have a wall to take down.”
~
LATER THAT AFTERNOON, Olivia decided she needed a picture hung up ASAP. She could not wait until another piece of the wall was ripped down, dragged outside and loaded in the back of Dax’s dad’s old pick-up. No, when the little girl set her mind to something there was no changing it.
Dax abandoned his job, wanting a break anyway, and switched the light on in his dad’s wood shed in the backyard. He riffled though the five-foot tall tool boxes until he found picture hanging hardware.
On his way out, his dad’s old work bench caught his attention. He stopped and grazed his finger along an unfinished project, untouched since Rowdy’s last use and sitting there as if waiting for the old man to come back and complete it. Only, Rowdy would never step foot in this workshop again. He’d never hang a picture for Olivia or replenish the drawers of the tool chest when the supplies grew low.
Dax’s chest tightened as each realization set in, things he was already fully aware of, but the untouched area had a deeper effect on him than any he’d felt since his dad’s death. There weren’t many places left intact by Rowdy like his office at the shop and this building. The house had Ava and Olivia’s smell, and the fire station had hired a new chief to replace Rowdy.
But this area belonged only to his dad.
Rowdy had purchased and stored away the hardware Dax now gripped in his hand. The tools lining the walls had been meticulously placed by his dad. The projects he’d completed, been working on before he died, and those he’d yet to touch, all belonged to Rowdy.
Dax fisted his hands and pressed his knuckles against the splintered wood bench. He sucked in deep breaths, but the familiar smell of his dad working in this shop overtook his senses, broke through the wall of acceptance he’d built over his dad’s death and brought about pure hard anger.
His arms snapped out sharply, moving across the bench and sliding everything in his path onto the floor. A mixture of metal, wood and other items crashed to the ground. It didn’t ease his pain but, instead, fueled his anger. He kicked over a stool beside him, tore whatever hung around him to the ground and hacked a path to the next reachable area. Rowdy’s projects went flying across the room and smashed against the walls. Tools followed. After promising himself for weeks he wouldn’t let the anger win, he left a path of destruction around him now, letting the sadness swallow him whole.
“Dax? Dax!” He heard Ava over the destruction, but he couldn’t stop. The anger inside him had won. Why his dad? Why now? He wasn’t ready. His dad had been his best friend and he was forced to wake up every single day now and live without him. Damn world, damn evil world that brought about happiness only to tear it down.
“Dax?” Her voice was a whisper, her touch on his arm as light as a feather, but her grip strong. “Hey…”
Dax turned and sunk to his knees in front of her. He wrapped his arms around her middle and pressed his head against her stomach. “He left me.”
“Shhh…” She smoothed her fingers through his hair before bending over his head and running her hands down his back. “I know.”
They stood in the mess of his making, and he grieved the way he’d swore he never would. All that was left now were the tears that streamed down his face.
~
THE DAY DRAGGED on after Dax’s meltdown in the shed. He’d regained composure, quickly refusing to discuss it and smashed away at the wall for the rest of the day. He hadn’t stopped for supper and continued into early evening. Olivia seemed additionally irritable, too, as if sensing
Dax’s change in mood. Ava was left checking on both and remaining the only stable person in the house.
After she’d tucked Olivia in bed, she grabbed a beer from the fridge and carried it back to the bottom of the staircase where Dax sat on a folding lawn chair. She held the drink out to him, but he just stared up at the broken drywall waiting to be torn down.
“Are you hungry?”
He finally looked at her, as if not noticing her until she’d spoken. Where had he been? Would he talk to her or shut her out?
He took the drink and stuck it in the cup holder on his chair then pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around her, nuzzling his head against her chest. Sitting sideways on his lap, legs curled up, she ran her fingers through his hair and they silently sat there for what felt like an hour before he lifted his head.
“I remember when the house was open like this.” He sat back in the chair and grabbed the beer, taking a long swallow of the cold drink.
“I imagine it was beautiful.”
“The atmosphere was beautiful.” He took another mouthful. “When my mom was alive, this house was a home. But when she died, it seemed to die with her. There was no more laughter or joking. My dad constructed this wall almost immediately, as if to erase her.” He paused. “And now I’ve pulled it down and I can’t decide whether it’s to remember her or forget my dad. I didn’t want to grieve like him but then today happened and I feel like I took a hundred steps backwards.”
Ava touched his face, tracing her fingers over the stubble along his chin. “You bottled up your grief. It was only a matter of time before it exploded. You need to grieve, miss him, be sad….”
“Rip down walls?”
“You’re scared of grieving like him and I get that, but you’re stronger than you think. You’re stronger than Rowdy and he would be so proud of you.” She kissed him lightly then looked over the destruction in the house. “Maybe the wall isn’t one or the other. Maybe it’s returning to that good feeling they gave you when they were alive and you were young. Maybe sharing that with Olivia and I, and having a family that runs through the house laughing and joking, is what you need. To want that feeling again doesn’t make you weak, Dax. For going after that scary possibility makes you brave and strong.”