I hop from my coffin, zip up the stairs, and go to the front door, giving it a hard yank to yell at whatever merchant is peddling their wares at such an ungodly hour. “What the devil do you…” My voice trails off.
Standing before me is the woman I saw through my window earlier. Her potent, sweet floral scent slams into me like a mallet to the face. It is painfully delicious.
I step back and pinch my nose. Otherwise, I will have to pull her inside and devour her—not the wisest decision when I am now a stranger in a strange land. Killing so close to home in such unfamiliar surroundings may prove problematic, if I am to heed Neli’s warnings.
The young beauty with her silky dark hair and wide inquisitive eyes looks up at my face. Her gaze then begins the journey south until she realizes I am in my nightclothes. “Oh! Oh, God! You’re naked!”
“Yes. As you can see,” I say, still holding my nose, “I am a man, and real men do not wear garments to bed. Now what may I do for you?”
Cheeks red, she closes her eyes and holds out an odd-looking container of pastries. “I, uh…uh…just came by to introduce myself. I’m your neighbor from across the road, Stella Baker. I brought homemade cupcakes.”
A baker at a vineyard? “I do not eat sugar, but I thank you all the same.” Suddenly, I realize two things. One, pinching my nose is completely useless. Her sweet, virginal scent is still entering my lungs and calling to me. And second, I am nude, which is normally no concern of mine—I am a man and modesty is for women—but for some odd reason my shaft is beginning to thicken.
OTHER WORKS BY MIMI JEAN PAMFILOFF
COMING SOON!
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 5) ← I can’t wait to hear from Miriam.
The Dead King (King Series, Book 6) ← Dark stuff.
THE ACCIDENTALLY YOURS SERIES
(Paranormal Romance/Humor)
Accidentally in Love with…a God? (Book 1)
Accidentally Married to…a Vampire? (Book 2)
Sun God Seeks…Surrogate? (Book 3)
Accidentally…Evil? (a Novella) (Book 3.5)
Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Book 4)
Accidentally…Cimil? (a Novella) (Book 4.5)
Accidentally…Over? (Series Finale) (Book 5)
THE BOYFRIEND COLLECTOR DUET
(New Adult/Suspense)
The Boyfriend Collector, Part 1
The Boyfriend Collector, Part 2
FANGED LOVE ← You are here.
(Standalones/Paranormal/Humor)
THE FATE BOOK DUET
(New Adult/Humor)
Fate Book
Fate Book Two
THE FUGLY DUET
(Contemporary Romance)
fugly
it’s a fugly life
THE HAPPY PANTS SERIES
(Standalones/Romantic Comedy)
The Happy Pants Café (Prequel)
Tailored for Trouble (Book 1)
Leather Pants (Book 2)
Skinny Pants (Book 3)
IMMORTAL MATCHMAKERS, INC., SERIES
(Standalones/Paranormal/Humor)
The Immortal Matchmakers (Book 1)
Tommaso (Book 2)
God of Wine (Book 3)
The Goddess of Forgetfulness (Book 4)
Colel (Book 5)
Brutus (Book 6)
THE KING SERIES
(Dark Fantasy/Suspense)
King’s (Book 1)
King for a Day (Book 2)
King of Me (Book 3)
Mack (Book 4)
Ten Club (Book 5)
THE LIBRARIAN’S VAMPIRE ASSISTANT
(Standalones/Mystery/Humor)
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 1)
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 2)
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 3)
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 4)
THE MERMEN TRILOGY
(Dark Fantasy/Suspense)
Mermen (Part 1)
MerMadmen (Part 2)
MerCiless (Part 3)
MR. ROOK’S ISLAND TRILOGY
(Contemporary/Suspense)
Mr. Rook (Part 1)
Pawn (Part 2)
Check (Part 3)
THE OHELLNO SERIES
(Standalones/New Adult/Romantic Comedy)
Smart Tass (Book 1)
Oh Henry (Book 2)
Digging A Hole (Book 3)
Battle of the Bulge (Book 4)
My Pen is Huge (Book 5)
Wine Hard, Baby (Book 6)
WISH, a Standalone Novel
(Romantic Comedy)
OTHER WORKS BY KYLIE GILMORE
THE ROURKES SERIES ← swoonworthy princes and kickass princesses!
Royal Catch (Book 1)
Royal Hottie (Book 2)
Royal Darling (Book 3)
Royal Charmer (Book 4)
Royal Player (Book 5)
Royal Shark (Book 6)
Rogue Prince (Book 7)
Rogue Gentleman (Book 8)
Rogue Rascal (Book 9)
Rogue Angel (Book 10)
Rogue Devil (Book 11)
Rogue Beast (Book 12)
HAPPY ENDING BOOK CLUB SERIES ← the Campbell family and a romance book club collide!
Hidden Hollywood (Book 1)
Inviting Trouble (Book 2)
So Revealing (Book 3)
Formal Arrangement (Book 4)
Bad Boy Done Wrong (Book 5)
Mess With Me (Book 6)
Resisting Fate (Book 7)
Chance of Romance (Book 8)
Wicked Flirt (Book 9)
An Inconvenient Plan (Book 10)
A Happy Endings Wedding (Book 11)
THE CLOVER PARK SERIES ← brothers who put family first!
The Opposite of Wild (Book 1) ← Mimi’s favorite.
Daisy Does It All (Book 2)
Bad Taste in Men (Book 3)
Kissing Santa (Book 4)
Restless Harmony (Book 5)
Not My Romeo (Book 6)
Rev Me Up (Book 7)
An Ambitious Engagement (Book 8)
Clutch Player (Book 9)
A Tempting Friendship (Book 10)
Clover Park Bride: Nico and Lily’s Wedding
A Valentine’s Day Gift (Book 11)
Maggie Meets Her Match (Book 12)
THE CLOVER PARK STUDS SERIES ← hawt geeks who unleash into studs!
Almost Over It (Book 1)
Almost Married (Book 2)
Almost Fate (Book 3)
Almost in Love (Book 4)
Almost Romance (Book 5)
Almost Hitched (Book 6)
KYLIE GILMORE
MIMI JEAN PAMFILOFF
Copyright © 2020 by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff & Kylie Gilmore
Kobo Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the writer, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks are not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Cover Design: Earthly Charms
Photography (male model): Wagner LA
Model (male): Juan De La Torre
Developmental Ed
iting: Stephanie Elliot
Copyediting and Proof Reading: Pauline Nolet
Formatting: Paul Salvette
DEDICATION
To men who can wear a cape—or nothing at all, which is most natural—and own it.
CONTENTS
Cover
About the Book
Other Works by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
Other Works by Kylie Gilmore
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Epilogue
Authors’ Note & Free Swag!
Interview with Kylie and Mimi
Acknowledgments
Coming Soon from Kylie Gilmore
Coming Soon from Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
About Mimi
About Kylie
FANGED LOVE
CHAPTER ONE
Boz
Why the devil is there a splinter in my ass? Inside the cozy darkness of my coffin, made from the finest oak an obscenely wealthy Transylvanian prince can buy, I uncross my arms and shift from my back onto my right side.
Ouch! With my eyes closed and still half asleep, I wiggle, feeling nothing but rough hard wood beneath me. Damn that Cornelia!
“Neli! Get down here this instant!” Neli is my loyal “human” slave, gifted to me long ago. She is supposed to take care of all the things I do not wish to deal with, which is basically everything. I find her to be lazy and stupid like most humans. For example, I have told her a thousand times not to use the carpenter in our village to refurbish my coffin. He always does such a terrible job reupholstering the cushions, even after I threatened him. And ate two of his three daughters.
It is as if the man has something against me.
I roll onto my bare back once more and sigh. Well, I suppose I will not be getting my beauty rest. A shame because I feel especially tired this evening, as if I have not had a wink of sleep today.
I suppose it is the stress of all those pesky peasants demanding I stop drinking their virgins and taxing them for the privilege to farm my land. Land I inherited when my master, the Great Kylgorii Gillmoreanu, perished in a very unfortunate sunshine accident. Yes, yes, I may have been the one to leave the dungeon escape door open, but it was truly an accident when I also forgot to close his coffin.
It is just that his coat was so velvety. As his squire, who wore rags made from potato sacks, I naturally admired the soft, luxurious feel. He was an early-to-bed sort of man—hitting the coffin at four or five each morning—so I often entered the dungeon to admire his fine clothing before I myself slipped into the pig crate I called home during daylight hours. Imagine my shock when I rose on that fateful night to find he was gone and that I had inherited his title, wealth, castle, and problems. That was years ago—far too many to count—and though I had technically been his slave, I still miss him. The way he could suck a neck and drain a flailing woman in three seconds was amazing.
Oh, Kylgorii. Sorry about the coffin, my friend. If he were here now, he would have Neli whipped into shape. Literally. I myself have never been able to whip, tame, or motivate her to do anything she did not wish to do. I would remove her head for her constant insolence, but she has a way with the villagers.
“Neli!” I yell once again and push on the coffin lid. The hinges pop from the wood, and the lid goes flying to the stone floor.
Very poor craftsmanship, indeed. I will have to speak to the carpenter this evening. Kylgorii taught me that to rule is to instill fear. Let up for one moment, and people will begin to think they have power. Hysterical.
Naked, I hop from my shabby coffin and grab my black satin cape from the hook on the wall. Why so dusty? As I inspect the thing, it disintegrates in my hands and falls to the floor.
What the devil? We must have a moth issue. Very ravenous, from the looks of it. And where is that damned Cornelia? I hadn’t really noticed the cobwebs this morning when I went to sleep, but clearly she’s been neglecting her cleaning duties. The lack of torches is also unacceptable.
I bet she spent the night with that sheepherder again. That does it.
“Neli!” I march up the stone steps toward the kitchen storeroom, where the entrance to my sleeping chamber is hidden. I am hungry, I feel weak from lack of sleep, and I am in no mood for this bear crap! I push on the concealed door.
Hold the scuppers. What is this? I stand in the middle of my storeroom, smelling flour, sugar, and other familiar ingredients, but nothing looks familiar. I see shiny cylindrical containers with very skillful drawings of vegetables on the outside. There are also boxes of something called “pancake mix,” along with many smells I do not recognize.
I crinkle my nose. What sorts of goods are these? Have we started trading with those crazy Saxons? I hope not. They are scary. Very savage.
I push on the outer door leading into the kitchen, and I am hit with blinding lights.
Instinctively, I hiss and throw my arms over my face. It takes only a moment to realize that these lights are not from the sun. If they were, I would be charred by now.
Slowly, I lower my arms and take in the strange objects before me. Large shiny metal boxes that hum like a swarm of bees. Lights that give no real heat. Floors made from polished stones I have never seen.
What sorcery is this? “Neli!”
Suddenly, the door from the connecting parlor flies open.
“Boz?” Neli’s green eyes are wide with shock. “OMG! You’re awake?”
“Yes, girl. Plain to see! Now tell me what the hell is going on. What are these—” I sweep my hand toward the tallest of the shiny metal boxes making all sorts of unnatural noises off in the corner “—objects? And do not tell me you have once again traded my gold for Gypsy trinkets and black magic, or I will skin you alive!”
Neli stands there dumbfounded in her odd-looking clothing—extra-long dark blue breeches and some white shirt that hugs her form, but provides no support. Very indecent. Her long red hair is still the same, however.
“Where is your corset? And, woman, what is on your feet? Put on proper attire this instant!” She appears to be standing on pieces of toasted bread, her toenails painted red and hanging out in the open air. I never!
Neli blinks at me and clears her throat, but words do not leave her mouth.
“Well, girl, do not simply stand there like a speechless Carpathian boar. What do you have to say for yourself?” I cross my arms over my chest. That is when I notice something frightful. My arms are thinner than I recall. I glance down at the rest of my body. I resemble a weathered scarecrow.
I whip my gaze to hers, silently demanding an explanation.
“Sir, welcome back.”
“Wha-where have I been, Cornelia?”
“Asleep, sir. For five hundred years.”
CHAPTER TWO
Boz
Five hundred years? I am in no mood for Cornelia and her silly little games. “Cease with the theatrics, girl, and bring me my supper. I will take it in my quarters.” I march from the kitchen, heading for my bedchamber upstairs. While I prefer to slumber somewhere hidden and windowless, I find the luxury of coffins and cellars to be lacking. My chamber is a lavishly appo
inted suite with two fireplaces, fine tapestries, and oil paintings of my master, his master before him, and some of my own artistic creations. For example, a peach that I am quite proud of. The fuzz is sublime. “And tell Bogdana to bring up the water for my bath!” I yell over my shoulder as I enter the parlor and come to a halt.
“What the devil?” I mutter. Who gave permission to redecorate this room? My red velvet chairs have been replaced with disgusting beige things with sharp angles and no wood. I poke at one. Hmm…soft. I pivot and take in the room, noticing that my fruity artwork has been replaced by enormous paintings of wine bottles. The tall ceiling and fireplace are the only things that remain the same. “Neli!”
“Stop yelling. I’m right behind you.”
I startle and jump. “Do not sneak up on me like that. How many times have I told you to…” I notice a flat-looking object behind her on the wall. A man and woman are trapped inside. “What is that? How did they get inside?” I point with a shaking finger.
Neli groans and walks over to the thing.
I hold out my hand. “Do not touch it! You do not know what sort of witchcraft those tiny people are capable of.”
She ignores me, presses something on the side of the box, and the people disappear.
Where did they go?
“It’s not witchcraft.” Neli faces me. “It’s called a TV, one of many inventions you’ve missed out on—” she raises her voice and continues “—while you’ve been asleep for five hundred years!”
I stare at her, wondering where my sword is hidden. Clearly, Cornelia has gone mad. I must put her out of her misery and remove her head.
“OMG. What’s it going to take for you to believe me?”
“Why do you keep calling me OMG? That is not my title. I am Prince Bozhidar, same as yesterday, girl.”
“Ugh. Fine.” She marches over to the wall and grabs a beveled mirror that has been placed there for some odd reason. Mirrors belong in the dressing chamber, not in the parlor. She marches back and holds it up in front of me. “Look! Look at your face, Boz.”
“But why would I…” I glance at my reflection. Gods of the night! What has happened to me? My normally dark eyes are sunken, and the silver flecks have faded to a dull gray. My cheeks resemble animal hides stretched over bone, and my jaw looks like it has a giant woodland critter napping on it. “Get me my razor immediately! The servants cannot see me in such a state. And where the devil is my dinner? Plainly I need nourishment!”
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