by J. A. Owenby
“I’m sorry. I love you, babe,” he said as he nuzzled my ear.
“I love you too,” I whispered as I realized he was back to normal. I let out a soft sigh as he slipped his hand into my panties and teased me.
Xander did things to me that night that I’d never dreamed of. I didn’t know if it was the aftereffect of the drugs or if he was genuinely sorry, but in those moments every bit of fear and anger melted away. I knew that no matter what, this was who I’d become—Xander’s.
I knew I couldn’t leave; I knew no one else wanted me. I just needed to accept it and join him instead.
Chapter 29
It felt like it had been weeks since I’d seen George and the girls, but really it had only been a few days. The sun warmed our backs as we stood outside and welcomed the spring air. The cherry trees were in full bloom, along with the dogwoods. I’d never seen anything so beautiful. Oregon continued to surprise me with the turn of every season.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Cassidy said and nudged me.
I winced as pain shot up through my arm.
“What’s the matter?” George asked.
“What?”
“You acted like Cassidy hurt you. What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing,” I said. “I was helping Xander put the groceries away and I dropped a jar of mayonnaise and it burst on the floor. Then I slid in it and busted my ass. I caught myself funny, and now my arm is sore.”
“I could totally see you doing something like that,” Adalyn said and laughed at my clumsiness.
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t pretty,” I replied as my thoughts returned to the other night. My cheeks flushed with the memory.
George peered at me, his eyebrows narrowed and slightly raised in the middle. I wondered if he could see through my lie. I couldn’t tell any of them what had really happened. They wouldn’t understand Xander’s recreational coke use, and I didn’t want them involved. When he was high he was scary, and I couldn’t take the chance of him coming after them. Besides, I was learning to handle his moods, and we would be fine.
“What’re you guys doing tonight?” I asked, redirecting the subject.
“Partying!” Cassidy and Adalyn answered at the same time.
“Oh? Are you going too, George?”
“Yeah! Why don’t you come, Lacey? You haven’t been out with us in a really long time.”
“I know, I just stay so busy with Xander and studying. I have to keep my grades up for my scholarship,” I said and shrugged.
“Well, let us know if you change your mind,” Cassidy said.
“Sure,” I replied.
“We have to go, so we’ll see you soon,” she continued.
I watched them walk toward the dorms as I waited for Xander. My heart sank. I wanted to go with them, but there was no way Xander would let me. Maybe we could do something else instead. I smiled as an idea crept into my mind.
* * *
“Where the hell is this coming from?” Xander asked and laughed. “You’re serious?”
“Yeah! I mean, why not?”
“Well, you’ve always thrown a fucking fit when I come home high, and now you’re telling me you want to go to my friend’s house with me this weekend and try it?”
“Well, I miss you when you’re gone all night,” I said and jutted my lip out. “Please?”
Xander pulled me into him and searched my face. “You’re not gonna act like a spoiled bitch in front of my friends, are you?”
His words stung, and I tried to pull away from him.
“No, no,” he said and laughed again. “I’m just teasing you—don’t be so sensitive. I just wanted to make sure you can handle what goes on at these parties. They’re not like the ones you’re used to.”
“What do you mean? You guys play cards, snort coke, and what else?” I tilted my head and waited for his response. I ignored the uneasy feeling that began gnawing at me.
“Well, it gets a little crazy sometimes,” he said. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “But I tell you what. I’ll bring you this once, and if it goes well then I’ll bring you some of the time.”
“Really?” I asked and beamed up at him. “Thank you,” I said. Then I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him.
* * *
Friday night finally arrived, and Xander held the truck door open for me. The rain had returned, and the wind whipped through the trees. I was nervous and excited that he’d agreed to take me out with him. I hadn’t been to a party since we’d had ours in January, and I missed being around people outside of the classroom.
I smiled at him as he started the truck and we pulled down the driveway. I hummed to the radio and stared out the window. Ten minutes later, we parked along the street and walked up a short driveway. I pulled my jacket around me and shivered as Xander rang the doorbell and we waited for someone to answer.
“Hey, guys! Come on in.” It was Andy.
I gasped as I glanced at Xander and back to Andy. “You come here? To Andy’s house?”
“All the time,” Xander said as he placed his hand on the small of my back and nudged me into the house.
“Xander, you know where to hang up your jackets. We’re waiting for you to start, so come on back,” Andy said as he hurried down the hallway.
“I had no idea,” I said and laughed, thinking about George and Andy that night.
Xander smiled as he took my hand and guided me down the hall.
“You still wanting to try some coke?” he asked as he peered down at me.
“Yup, if you’re doing some tonight then I’m going to join you. I want to try it,” I assured him. I glanced around Andy’s house as we walked side by side, holding hands.
“Okay, then no drinking. I don’t want you to end up in the emergency room the first time you get high,” he said.
“Really? That could happen?” I asked and frowned.
Xander stopped in his tracks and turned me to face him. “You do know what coke is, right?”
“Yeah, of course I do. I just hadn’t thought about not drinking, and you know how much I like my Pepsi and rum,” I giggled. My nerves were starting to get the better of me.
“Whatever happens tonight, stay close, okay?”
I nodded. I had no intention of leaving his side.
“Hey!” everyone yelled as Xander and I entered the living room. I glanced around and bit my lip as I located the poker table and six guys sitting around it. I heard a giggle and looked over to the group of girls sitting on the couches. A silver tray was on the coffee table with lines of white powder on it. One of the girls waved at Xander as she wiped her nose.
Holy shit, it’s Cheerleader Brittney.
Xander tugged on my hand as he took a seat at the table and pulled me into his lap. All the guys introduced themselves, and I nodded as I tried to remember their names.
“Let’s play, mother fuckers!” Xander howled.
Andy dealt the cards, and I settled into the chair between Xander’s legs. I could see his hand that way without him showing his cards. He shifted in the seat, pulled out his wallet, and tossed several hundred-dollar bills on the table. I gasped.
“Awww shit, dude! You didn’t tell her we play with real money?” The guy by the name of Bill asked. “You’re in deep now.” He laughed and smacked Xander on the back.
“Nah, she’s good with it. Aren’t you, babe?”
I nodded. There was no way I was going to act like a spoiled bitch, as he called it, but I wondered what else I didn’t know about.
“Whatever you say, man. The expression on her face says otherwise.”
“Well, watch this shit,” Xander said as he tossed his cards on the table. The guys groaned as they put theirs on the table. Xander stood up and gathered all the money.
“You always start out strong,” John said as he shook his head. “Let’s see if you’re going to leave with your dick in your hand, though.” He laughed.
“You wish,” Xander replied as Andy dealt another hand.<
br />
I watched as he won three more hands. I was laughing as the other guys gave him a hard time about taking their money. I thought it was great.
Chapter 30
“You ready, babe?” Xander whispered in my ear. I nodded and stood up to let him out of the chair. He walked over to the group of girls. I’d been so engaged in watching Xander play poker that I’d almost forgotten they were there.
Xander came back, placed the tray on the table.
“Your house, you first,” Xander said to Andy.
Andy took a rolled-up hundred-dollar bill, snorted a line, and then passed it to Bill. One by one, the guys each snorted a line. When it was his turn, Xander grabbed a bill, rolled it, and snorted his own line. There was only one line left now, and he pushed the tray in front of me.
“Here, babe,” Xander said as he held out the bill to me. I took it, smiled, held it over the coke and snorted the line. My nose instantly started dripping into the back of my throat; it burned and tasted bitter. I felt the effects almost instantly.
I handed the hundred-dollar bill back to Xander and searched his face. Then I leaned back in the chair and took a deep breath.
“Fuck,” I said.
“You alright, babe?” Xander asked.
I stood up so he could sit in the chair again. I sat back down in his lap and looked at everyone around the table.
“Wow,” I said and bit my lip. I turned toward Xander and giggled. “Take all their money,” I said and winked at him.
“Sounds like your girlfriend is feeling pretty good,” Andy said.
“Good enough to take your money,” I said, laughing.
One of the girls laughed too, and I turned to look at them just in time to see Brittney licking her lips and checking out my boyfriend. Xander chuckled as he patted my leg.
“Calm down, babe, we’re at a party,” he whispered in my ear.
I took his hand and slid it up my shirt. He squeezed my breast as I stared at her.
“Easy, girl,” he said and grinned. “I think I might like you high.”
I leaned back against his chest. “You win more hands, and I’ll give you anything you want,” I whispered in his ear.
“Alright, boys, let’s play some fucking cards!” he yelled.
I giggled as the cards were dealt. I peered over at Brittney and the group of girls again, but they weren’t paying us any attention.
Xander lost the first hand.
“Too bad for you,” I said.
“Oh, it’s not over yet. We’re just getting started.”
One hour and three hands later, Xander had lost all the money he’d won, and more. I bit my lip and kept my mouth closed. My excitement was dwindling, and Xander’s temper was warming up.
Andy took the tray and loaded it up with coke again. We all snorted another line and within minutes I was feeling better again and so was Xander. After several more hours, rounds of cards, and lines of coke, I’d completely lost track of the time. Xander had won part of his money back, and his mood had improved a little.
“Alright, I’ve gotta take a break,” Xander said as lifted me off his lap. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said. I watched him as he left the living room and went down the hall.
“Having a good time?” Andy asked me.
“Yes, thank you for having me,” I said. I guess my Southern manners still showed through, even when I was high. I stifled a giggle.
“How’s George?”
I tilted my head and tried to read his expression, but I couldn’t. Did he care about George, or was he just making conversation? Andy moved to the vacant seat next to me while a few of the other guys got up and grabbed beers.
“Do you like him?” I asked, my eyes widening at the thought of them together.
“Yeah. I mean, who wouldn’t.”
“Then why didn’t you call him?” I asked and propped my elbows up on the table.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I just figured we were at a party, and that’s all there was to it.”
“He likes you, so you should call him,” I said and smiled.
“Okay. I know you two are close, so I trust you. You have classes with him, right?”
“Yup! Can I tell him we talked?” I asked. I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice.
“Sure. I’ll find him next week, but yeah, let him know I’m looking for him,” Andy said as a shy smile crept across his face.
I leaned back in my chair as Xander’s hand snuck down my top from behind me. I closed my eyes as he slid his hand inside my bra and teased my nipple.
“Lacey,” Andy said, a warning tone to his voice.
“You better watch it, I’m going to take you into one of Andy’s bedrooms,” I said, ignoring Andy.
His hand gently squeezed my breast as he began kissing my neck. I leaned my head to the side, allowing him better access. I’d never let someone touch me in front of other people. The coke was doing some weird shit to me.
“What the fuck?” Xander yelled. His hand left me quickly, pulling out of my shirt.
Andy jumped out of his chair and leaped to the other side of the room. I turned just in time to see a lamp crash against the floor and shatter.
“What the hell?” I asked as I stood up, covering my chest with my arms. My mouth dropped as Xander pinned a guy named John to the floor, raised his fist, and punched him in the face over and over again.
“Xander! What are you doing? Stop! Please, stop!” I cried out. I ran over and tried to pull Xander off John, but I couldn’t. He was too strong.
“Someone help me before he kills him!” I screamed.
Arms wrapped around me, picked me up, and moved me while several other guys pulled Xander off John. I screamed as he lay there unconscious, blood pooling on the floor.
“What did you do? Dammit, what did you do?” I looked at Xander’s fist. It was covered in blood. Xander stared at me and then walked into the kitchen.
What had just happened? I sat in the corner as a few of the guys picked John up and took him outside. I wasn’t sure where they were taking him, but I hoped it was to the hospital. My God, Xander had almost killed him. Why?
I stood up and leaned against the wall. My legs were still unsteady, but I managed to make it a few steps toward the kitchen. Xander was washing his hands off. Andy gave him a towel.
“What the fuck? Why didn’t you stop it, man?” Xander asked.
I stopped before I walked into the kitchen and waited for Andy to reply.
“Are you kidding me? You were in my bathroom getting your dick sucked. Why weren’t you out here taking care of your girlfriend?”
Xander turned and slammed Andy against the refrigerator.
“You want me to fucking kill you too?”
I gasped and stepped back so I couldn’t be seen. What was Andy talking about? Xander wasn’t the one who’d been touching me?
I backed up, not wanting to hear any more. My stomach churned as I pieced everything together.
Xander was cheating on me while I was in the same house. And all the guys knew.
Did they pass the girls around at these parties? Why in the world would John think it was okay to touch me like that?
I made my way to the front door, grabbed my purse, and walked out. The cold wind slapped me in the face as I pulled on my coat and ran. I had to get out while I could. I didn’t know what Xander was going to do, and whoever he’d been with, he could just stay with her.
I ran down the driveway and turned left down the street. The rain was coming down harder, and I struggled to see against the darkness. I’d only made it a little way when Xander’s truck pulled up and he rolled down the window.
“Get in, Lacey,” he demanded.
I stopped and turned toward him. My wet hair clung to my head and rain streamed down my face.
“No,” I said.
“Get in the fucking truck and let’s go home. I’m not in the mood for your shit.”
“My shit? My shit? Were you with B
rittney? Was that who was sucking your dick?” I screamed.
The truck lurched to a stop and Xander got out. I stepped backward as he came toward me. His hand connected with my cheek and sent me flying backward. I stumbled and fell flat on my ass. Pain shot through my entire body. He grabbed my hair and jerked me into a standing position.
“Get in the fucking truck and shut the hell up,” he hissed.
I whimpered as he led me back to the truck by my hair, put me in the seat, and closed the door.
I cried softly all the way home.
Chapter 31
Coming down was a bitch. I still hadn’t said another word to Xander. He made coffee while I searched for a towel to make an ice pack for my cheek. I felt like shit. No wonder he was pissed at me. He’d watched another guy feel me up. What the hell had I been thinking?
The morning light filtered through the curtains. I struggled to grasp the idea that we’d stayed up all night snorting coke, gambling, and fighting. My life had turned into a secret hell, and I had no way out.
The phone rang and interrupted my thoughts.
“Hello?” Xander asked. “Yeah, is he in the hospital?”
I held my breath and waited.
“Yeah man, thanks for letting me know,” Xander said and replaced the phone in the cradle.
“Is John okay?” I asked. “Did anyone tell the cops what happened?”
“He’s okay. I broke his nose—that’s why there was so much blood.”
Xander handed me a small baggie filled with ice. I held it against my cheek as I sat down at the table.
“Now you know why I didn’t want you to go. I just got crazy seeing his hands on you, Lacey. You can’t be pissed. I was protecting you.”
“Who were you with last night? I could smell her perfume,” I whispered.
“You’re kidding me, right? I went to take a piss, and when I came back, you were acting like a total slut. You just rolled over while John had his hand down your shirt.”
I winced at his words. It wasn’t the first time I’d been called a slut, though.