by Bailey Bradford, Ethan Stone, T. A. Chase, Sean Michael, L. M. Somerton, Morticia Knight
“Lie on me properly, honey. You won’t hurt me,” Jensen whispered against his lips.
Shifting cautiously, Toby did as Jensen asked then he shuddered as their cocks rubbed on each other.
“Oh yeah. Just like that.”
They rocked together, causing Toby’s eyes to roll in his head at the heat and hardness of Jensen’s body under his. Jensen had always been muscular, but when he’d lived in New York, the definition had come from spending time in the gym. Toby had a feeling the strength he felt in Jensen’s hands and Jensen himself came from being outside, conquering mountains and Mother Nature.
After pushing away from Jensen’s grip, he slid down to swallow Jensen’s cock, taking it all the way in so that his nose was buried in the curls at the base. He’d relaxed his throat so that Jensen’s head could to hit the back of it. Toby began to bob his head, applying as much suction as he could each time.
“Toby. God, man. You’re driving me crazy. Do you know how many times I’d jack myself off thinking about you doing this? Every damn night. I couldn’t forget about you. I didn’t want to forget. I needed to remember the good things in my life and you were it,” Jensen rambled, his right hand resting on Toby’s head while he scrambled in the sheets to get a hold of something with his left hand.
Pushing his own erection into the mattress, Toby worked Jensen, drinking down the pre-cum leaking from his slit while reaching between Jensen’s thighs to roll his balls in his hand.
“Toby. You have to stop. I’m going to come and I want to come in your ass. It’s been too long,” Jensen pleaded.
He wanted that as well, so Toby eased off then slipped over to the nightstand where he dug through the box on top of it. He pulled out a condom before tossing it at Jensen. After that, he got out the lube he’d stuffed in there that morning.
“Put that on. I’ll get myself ready this time. I don’t want to take too long. I’ve been thinking about you in my ass since I saw you earlier tonight. No matter how many guys I fucked after you left, it’s never been the same.”
Wincing, he told himself to shut up about the other men who’d been in his bed. Jensen didn’t want to hear about all that. But when he glanced over, Jensen was nodding like he agreed.
“I know. I didn’t sleep with a lot of guys. Mostly because I was still trying to get myself back on track and figure myself out, but still I managed to hook up occasionally. None of them were you, you know, so it wasn’t the same.” Jensen struggled to get the foil packet open because his hands were trembling and the brace made it difficult for him as well.
After setting the bottle down, Toby took the rubber from Jensen. He got the condom out. He held it for a second. “Can you roll it on or do you need me to help you with that?” He wasn’t being sarcastic or anything. He’d broken his hand two years ago and had been so frustrated by all the things he suddenly couldn’t do with the cast on.
“I got it.” Jensen flashed him a bright smile. “Thank you.”
“No problem.”
He snatched up the slick again, straddling Jensen’s hips. Toby popped the top then poured some on his fingers. Bracing his hand on Jensen’s chest, he reached around to press his fingers into his ass. He wasn’t going to take it slow or careful. Stretching was going to be fast and hard.
“Are you ready?”
Toby looked down to meet Jensen’s gaze, noticing the need blossoming in it. Gasping, he removed his fingers then grasped Jensen’s cock to position it at his opening. Jensen took hold of Toby’s hips, not doing anything except balancing him as he lowered himself.
He bit his lip at the burn as, inch by inch, Jensen filled him. Shivering, Toby relaxed as best he could until Jensen was all the way inside. He froze, letting his inner passage get used to being so full again. He knew it had to be mostly in his mind, he’d never been as full as when it was Jensen fucking him.
Jensen smoothed his hands down Toby’s sides, doing his best to ease Toby in some way. Toby closed his eyes, took a deep breath then began to move. Up and down, slow at first until the slight pain morphed into pleasure and he grunted as the flared head of Jensen’s cock bumped his gland each time.
“Christ! Jensen, I’m going to come.” Toby managed to get it out just before his climax burst over him.
His cum spilled from him, coating Jensen’s stomach. His orgasm tore through him, his muscles clenched around Jensen’s dick over and over again, milking it until finally Jensen gave in and came, flooding the condom and crying out Toby’s name.
Toby’s mind had been wiped of any thought as he collapsed into Jensen’s arms. He didn’t care about the sticky mess between them, wanting only to be held by his lover while his pulse slowed. Burying his face in the curve where Jensen’s shoulder and neck came together, Toby breathed in Jensen’s pine scent.
“You smell like outside,” he muttered, nuzzling along Jensen’s jaw.
“It’s a soap that Cat makes. She says it’s to soothe me when I’m away from the woods and mountains that I love.” Jensen shrugged, which bounced Toby’s head on his chest.
Even though he’d said he didn’t want to discuss anything else for the rest of the night, Toby couldn’t help but ask, “Do you think you could live in the city if you had a chance to go out climbing whenever you wanted?”
Jensen, who had been running his hand up and down Toby’s back, paused in his movements for a second then he started up again. “Think I could probably do that if I had someone who loved me in the city. I’d have to figure out something to do while I wasn’t climbing.”
“What do you do in between your trips?” Toby couldn’t seem to stop asking questions.
“I train and hang out with Cat and Jigger. He’s my Narcotics Anonymous sponsor and he became a close friend. I told you Cat’s a therapist while Jigger used to be a bassist in a big-name rock band, but the drugs were taking their toll. So he quit cold turkey, left the band and headed out to the woods. He got clean.” Jensen sighed. “I’d made a shit-ton of money before I left the city, and it’s still accruing interest. No matter what I do, I couldn’t spend it all in my lifetime.”
Toby snorted and Jensen laughed.
“All right. I probably could make a pretty big dent in it if I went totally crazy, but I figured out once I got away from here that I don’t need a lot of things to make myself happy. I like simple things. I want a man who loves me. That’s a good start. Then maybe add a nice house, a dog, and the ability to travel the world and climb. But I also know I need to have something to do or I could easily fall into my old habits.”
Toby nodded then yawned. The cum between them was drying and starting to itch.
“We should clean up then go to bed. You need to put your ankle up and I’m dead on my feet. I’ve been working fucking crazy hours on this account. I finally got all the buys laid in, so I can take the weekend off.”
Jensen took care of the condom, wrapping it in tissues before tossing it into the wastebasket next to the bed. Toby climbed off the mattress then held out his hand. “I’ll help you to your feet and we’ll shower together.”
Once Jensen was up, Toby couldn’t believe Jensen Brockhoff was standing there in his bedroom, but he wasn’t going to question it at the moment. He’d been well-fucked and was relaxed enough to allow his exhaustion to overwhelm him.
“Whoa,” Jensen said as he caught Toby when he stumbled on his way to the bathroom. “We’ll make that a quick shower then you’re going to bed.”
“What about you? You’re staying the night, right?” Toby gripped Jensen’s arm tightly, not wanting to let go because he was afraid he would disappear before his eyes.
“I have to make a call then I’ll be in. I promise no more leaving without telling you first. You’ll always know where I’m going when I travel anywhere.” Jensen leaned in to place a kiss on Toby’s lips. “I don’t make promises very often anymore, Toby, especially if they’re ones I know I can’t keep. This is my vow to you—I won’t disappear ever again.”
; Toby inhaled deeply and smiled. “Thank you. All right. Clean up then bed.”
Jensen left his brace on the counter. Even if it was one of the fastest showers Toby had ever taken, he loved being in there with Jensen, letting him wash and rinse them both without complaining that all Toby did was lean on him.
“I wish we could’ve done this six years ago,” he admitted.
Jensen cleared his throat. “I do too, but I couldn’t get through the haze of drugs to see what I was missing with you. I just knew that I wasn’t going to poison your world by bringing my stash here with me. It was bad enough I touched you with my hands that had held a needle earlier in the day.”
“Was your drug use the reason why we never barebacked?” Toby remembered the conversation they’d had once about not using protection when they fucked.
“Yes, it was the major part of why we didn’t, but also because we weren’t exclusive, Toby. As much as I wanted to be, and I know if I had asked, you would’ve committed to me. I couldn’t bring myself to tie you to the person I was back then.”
Jensen turned the water off, helping Toby out of the shower then toweled them both down. Toby pulled out a new toothbrush for Jensen to use.
“Where’s your luggage?” He’d forgotten to ask before.
“I left it at Simpson’s place. I went there first because he hadn’t moved and his was the only address I still had that worked.”
Made sense. They finished getting ready for bed then Toby led Jensen back to the bedroom. He sighed as Jensen helped him into bed, pulling the covers up over him and tucking him in.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Jensen kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry. I’ll be here in the morning when you wake up.”
Toby lay there, listening to the soft murmur of Jensen’s voice as he talked to someone. He didn’t care who was so important Jensen had to call them this late at night. All he cared about was the man he’d never stopped loving had come back. They still had some stuff to talk about and they would the next day, but for the rest of the night, Toby was going to bask in the happiness he’d felt for the first time in six years.
Chapter Five
The sound of banging woke Toby in the morning and he stretched. He winced at the aches in his butt and various muscles that he hadn’t felt in several months. Another bang brought a frown to his face as he tried to figure out who else was in his apartment with him. He wasn’t supposed to meet Simpson until eleven for brunch.
Then he heard someone singing, which brought back memories of years ago when he would take a nap after sex with Jensen. He would lie in bed and listen to Jensen sing softly while he moved around Toby’s apartment. There had been a few times when Jensen stayed for a few hours before he left. Jensen!
The thought of his old lover shot him out of bed. Toby dug through his dresser for a pair of sweats then tugged them on. He dashed out of his bedroom before heading down the hall to the kitchen. When he turned the corner, he skidded to a stop and froze.
Jensen danced around the kitchen while singing softly. He wore his jeans, unbuttoned but zipped and that was it. As Toby had noticed last night, Jensen was still muscular, yet slender. Almost as though he’d been refined through his addictions and rehab until all that was left was the essence of what made Jensen a man. His wide shoulders tapered down to a narrow waist. The V where his hips met his abs called to Toby, making him want to drag his tongue along the groove.
“See something you like?” Jensen asked.
He lifted his eyes from where he had been staring at the bulge behind Jensen’s zipper to meet Jensen’s amused gaze. “Oh yeah.”
Without breaking the connection between them, he strolled over to where Jensen stood, encircled his waist then pulled him close. He brought their lips together in an easy kiss then swiped his tongue into Jensen’s open mouth. The sweet flavor that greeted Toby surprised him.
He pulled back a little to meet Jensen’s gaze. “You haven’t had any coffee.”
Jensen shook his head. “I don’t drink it anymore. Too much caffeine. I saw you had some tea in the cupboard so I made some of that with honey. Was that okay?”
“Oh sure. I got that for Lisa who lives in the apartment below me. She works the night shift at one of the hospitals. She’s usually coming home when I’m getting up, so sometimes she’ll come and we chat while I’m getting ready to go to work. The tea helps her settle down after work.” Toby stole another kiss before he wandered over to where the coffee pot had finished with a little ding.
Smiling, Jensen gestured toward the refrigerator. “I was going to make you breakfast and serve it in bed, but you don’t have anything worth cooking in there.”
“I haven’t had time go shopping. It’s on my list to do today.” Toby held his mug close to his face, inhaling the robust scent of his favorite drink.
“I forgot how much you love coffee,” Jensen murmured as he leaned against the counter near Toby. “I’m going to have to stop by Simpson’s and grab my stuff.” He hesitated for a second then went on, “If you’re all right with me staying here, so I can start making up for running away all those years ago.”
Toby froze. What the hell am I doing? We’re acting like nothing happened. Like there isn’t this six year gap between us seeing each other. I slept with him last night instead of thinking about what he told me. That didn’t help anything except tell me the attraction’s still there. I need to think about things.
Toby took a deep breath then shook his head. “Actually, I think you need to leave, Jensen. I need to think about everything without you around.”
Disappointment and hurt crossed Jensen’s face, but he nodded. “All right. I guess I can understand that. I’ll get dressed and head out.”
As much as he wanted to grab a hold of Jensen and not let him leave the condo, Toby knew he had to go over things in his mind. He had to decide if he really wanted to give Jensen a chance or if he was going to allow Jensen to walk out of his life again.
“Wait. I need your number,” he told Jensen before he could leave the kitchen. Toby raced back to get his phone then returned to find Jensen hadn’t moved. He unlocked his phone, glancing up at Jensen. “All right. Give it to me.”
Jensen recited his number then asked, “Why would you want my number if you don’t want me around?”
“I didn’t say I never wanted to see you again, Jensen. I simply said I needed to think about the whole thing without you around to distract me. I need to know I can survive if you decide to up and leave me like you did last time.” Toby touched Jensen’s cheek. “Please, you’ve waited this long. Give me a chance to process all of this. I’ll call you tonight to let you know what I’ve decided. You don’t have to leave right away, do you?”
“No. I can stay for as long as it takes for you make up your mind.” Jensen stopped and seemed to think twice about what he was going to say next. “I’ll leave you to whatever you need to do.”
After moving out of the way, Toby watched Jensen disappear into the bedroom then leave. He bit his tongue to keep from begging Jensen not to get on the elevator. It would be too easy to welcome Jensen back into his life and take whatever Jensen wanted to give him. But Toby deserved better than a man who wandered in and out of his life and who disappeared with only a cryptic email. How do I know he won’t do that again? Do I take his word that he’ll always come back?
He pulled up Simpson’s number and sent him a text.
Meet me at my place?
He grabbed his coffee mug, wandering into the living room where he dropped onto the couch to wait for Simpson’s answer.
Be there in twenty. Brockhoff still there?
No. Asked him to leave so I can think.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
Toby didn’t feel like answering that, so he chose to ignore it.
Can he stay with you?
Sure. Why not? It’s not like we hate each other or anything.
He rolled his eyes at that. Of course, Simpson and Jensen had
n’t been friends or anything when they all worked together. Yet why had he allowed Jensen to stay at his place when he’d shown up?
Letting his phone fall to the cushions next to him, he leaned back to stare up at the ceiling. Last night had proven that all the chemistry he’d felt with Jensen hadn’t faded over the years. In fact, it might have gotten more intense. Of course, some of that probably had to do with not having seen each other for a while.
Seeing the needle and cutting scars on Jensen’s arms had startled him. He regretted that he never knew how bad Jensen’s life had been back then, yet how could he have known when Jensen hadn’t said a word to him? In a way, he could understand why Jensen had chosen to break off all contact with the world that had driven him to such a terrible place in his life.
The ding of the elevator caused him to lift his head and he stared at the doors. Simpson stepped off. Toby frowned.
“That was quicker than twenty minutes,” he said as Simpson headed toward the kitchen.
“I was on my way home when you called. The chick I spent the night with doesn’t live too far from here,” Simpson called from where he was obviously getting a cup of coffee from the sounds of the cupboard opening and shutting.
“I should’ve known you wouldn’t be home when I text you.” He chuckled and Simpson wandered back to flop next to him. “Was she good?”
Simpson wiggled his eyebrows. “I got her number and will definitely be calling her again.”
Toby snorted but didn’t pursue that topic since he really didn’t care about the women Simpson slept with at the moment. What he wanted to do was dig into his heart and soul. He needed to know if taking Jensen back was the best thing for him.
After curling up, he turned to Simpson, asking, “What should I do?”
“About what? Jensen?” Simpson sipped his coffee as he studied Toby.