The sound of his zipper brought me back to reality, even if it was still hazy. In the blink of an eye, he’d taken my hand in his while releasing his beast from captivity. I gawked at his nakedness as he wrapped my fingers around his penis and stroked his hand over my own. The skin was soft and smooth, but it was all wrong.
“Holland…” His name came out like a breathless moan of desire, not a command to stop. I watched him close his eyelids; his head fell back, and the pressure in his grasp increased along with the speed in which we both stroked his shaft. When I finally had the wherewithal to pull my hand from his grasp, he looked at me with confused eyes.
“What’s wrong, Gianna?”
“I can’t do this.” My words were merely a whisper. I knew I’d led him on and didn’t want to be considered a tease, but I couldn’t ruin the possibility of a lifetime with Jase for a moment of pleasure with Holland.
He regarded me with hooded eyes. “You’re attracted to me, so what’s holding you back?”
I was having a hard time formulating rational thoughts, much less those that wouldn’t give me away. “I just can’t.”
Something changed in his expression. “You know he’s never going to fall for you. If he had a romantic interest, he never would’ve agreed to allow us all to take you out.” His words were slurred but honest. He wasn’t trying to be cruel—he was trying to tell me he was an option if I’d take it. As sobering as his words should have been, they instead allowed me to wallow in the incoherent blur of alcohol with satisfaction. “I’ll make it worth your while.” His thumb grazed my bottom lip, pulling it down slightly. “I bet this mouth can do some serious damage.”
With his hand on the back of my neck, he pulled me closer to his exposed lap. His words echoed in my head, and I knew he was right—Jase would never love me the way I did him. I would always be his project, and the only way to escape that was to escape my circumstances. As long as I was in The Village, Jase Lane would never be an option. And with that drunken, twisted logic, I sealed my mouth around Holland, and at the end of the night was rewarded handsomely with an extra two hundred dollars.
I didn’t realize he’d given me any additional money until I’d closed the door and gone into my kitchen alone. When I saw the extra bills, my heart sank as I realized I’d just become a prostitute. Exactly what I’d promised myself this wouldn’t be. It was only dates, escorting men to functions, nothing intimate, no touching—but in a few short months, I’d compromised who I was for the almighty dollar.
Running to the bathroom, I barely had the toilet seat lifted before I emptied the contents of my stomach into the bowl. Completely disgusted with myself, I tore off the gorgeous dress and threw my shoes across the hall. Once I had rid myself of all clothing, I turned the shower on as hot as I could stand it without scalding my skin, stepped in, and stood under the stream until my sin had been washed away with the filth that covered my body.
I brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. I’d always called Jase after a night with one of his friends, but I couldn’t stand the thought of what I’d done and was afraid I’d spill my secret the moment he answered the phone. As much as I needed to hear his voice, I closed my eyes in favor of sleep—hoping I’d wake up and tonight would’ve been a dream.
~~~
The following morning, I woke with a horrible headache and my phone ringing incessantly. I saw Jase’s gorgeous gray eyes staring back at me and slid the bar to accept the call.
“Hey, Jase.”
“Hey, beautiful. I’ve been worried about you. Why didn’t you call me last night when you got home?”
I couldn’t tell him the truth, but I refused to lie. “I was pretty intoxicated, so I showered and went to bed.”
“Did you have fun with Holland?”
“Sure.” I glanced at the clock and realized how late in the morning it was. “Hey, Jase. I’ve got to retrieve my kids. Can we talk later?”
“Of course.”
We hung up the phone without Jase knowing what I’d done. I prayed Holland kept his mouth shut and didn’t run loose-lipped to his buddies about what happened in the back of the limo. I still couldn’t shake the feelings of shame and was repulsed by the hundred dollar bills lying on the counter top in the kitchen. It didn’t matter how I justified needing the money—I’d accepted it in exchange for a sexual favor. I was no better than the trash I lived around or grew up with.
I had to force myself to get up, and even though I’d showered the night before, the stench of alcohol permeated my pores and lingered in my sheets and pajamas. My hair clung to my head in a wet, sweaty mess. Afraid of what I’d see if I looked in the mirror, I bypassed my reflection and went straight to the tub, stripping my stinky clothes as I went. After I showered, I filled the tub with warm water and soaked until the ache in my head began to subside. I knew I had to get out and get the kids but kept giving myself five more minutes.
Once the tepid water began to shrivel my skin, I got out and wrapped myself in a towel. Opting for jeans and a T-shirt, I quickly finished with my hair and no makeup so I could go next door. All I could think of was hugging each of them tightly and embracing their unconditional love. No matter what I’d done last night, their opinion of me wouldn’t change, and those bright smiles warmed my heart every time.
I knocked on Miss Pearl’s front door and waited for her to answer. When she didn’t respond, I knocked again, a little harder this time. The apartment wasn’t that big; I couldn’t imagine she didn’t hear me. I heard voices on the other side of the door, but I knew the kids wouldn’t be able to see through the peephole to know it was me.
“Hey, guys. It’s Mommy. Can you open up for me?” I spoke loud enough for them to hear me and was rewarded with the click of the deadbolt unlocking. When Trace peered through the door, an enormous smile spread across my face. “Hey, buddy. Whatcha doin’?”
He swung the door open for me to come in, but something was wrong. The smell of food was always present at Miss Pearl’s, especially when I came to pick the kids up in the morning. She always had breakfast ready, and it was never a slight spread.
“Miss Pearl doesn’t feel good.” His solemn face spoke volumes. He didn’t want to scare the other kids, but something was wrong.
I ruffled his hair in an attempt to lessen his anxiety and remind him he’s just a kid. “Where is she?”
He pointed to the bedroom but didn’t say anything further.
“You guys stay in here and start to clean up your blankets and stuff, okay?” I asked, to which Megan and Trace nodded. I heard Derrick and Emmy, but they weren’t directly in front of me, so I just kept moving toward my friend.
I tapped my knuckles lightly on the bedroom door, but she didn’t answer. Slowly, I pushed the door open and allowed my eyes to adjust to the lack of light in the room. The curtains were drawn and offered little sunshine to pierce through their fabric. As the space finally came into focus, I saw Pearl lying on her side on the bed with a trash can sitting on the floor. There was bloody tissue in the wastebasket, and Pearl barely seemed conscious.
Gently, I tried to wake her, arouse her to speak to me, but when she finally focused on me, her eyes were glassy and her words we slurred and confused.
“Miss Pearl, can you talk to me? Are you feeling bad?” With each question, I raised my voice, perplexed by her lack of response. “Can you shake your head yes or no?” I asked, wondering if she couldn’t speak. There was a tiny motion of her head, but overall, she was relatively unresponsive. “Miss Pearl, I need to know what’s going on. If you can’t talk to me, I’m going to have to call an ambulance to get you some help.” I was trying not to scream and frighten the kids, but my voice trembled, and no matter what I did, my tone got louder and more acute. When I sat down on the bed to call 9-1-1, her hand grabbed my wrist.
Her breaths were labored as she tried to speak. “I’m just tired, baby.” That was her telling me not to hit send. She was a feisty old goat.
I slid down off the bed
and onto the floor to kneel in front of her. “Miss Pearl, I need you to talk to me so I know you’re okay, or I’m going to have to call the ambulance.”
“Jus’ lemme sleep a bit.” Her hand lightly patted my wrist as if she was telling me to be a good girl and run along.
“I think you should go see a doctor. Where did this blood come from?” I nodded my head toward the trash can filled with red tissues.
“I had a bit of a coughin’ fit. Kept me up all night. I’m too old for all-nighters. You watch them babies and let me close my eyes. I’ll be fine.”
I didn’t have a clue what to do. I knew calling the paramedics would upset her, especially if she really did just need to sleep, but I didn’t want to live with the regret of not having called if her condition was life threatening. I smoothed her hair back from her face and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead as I stood up. When I left the room, I quietly closed the door behind me and stepped out front to call Jase. I didn’t know who else to contact and needed someone to help me make this decision.
“Hey, guys, sit on the couch and watch TV while Mommy goes outside to make a phone call, okay? Don’t make any noise—you don’t want to wake up Miss Pearl.” They nodded at me and took their respective seats on her old, worn couch. I watched as Emmy snuggled up to Trace with her blankie in her hand and rubbed her nose with the end of it. He put his arm over her lap like a good brother. My heart was full for just an instant before Megan pulled Derrick’s hair, and I had to roll my eyes at their ability to always be kids.
He didn’t answer the first time I called, but with back-to-back phone calls, he picked up on the second ring. “Hey, babe. What’s up? I was just getting out of the shower.”
I gave him the rundown on what I’d found this morning when I came over to Miss Pearl’s to get the kids, and the condition she seemed to be in. He argued with me about calling the ambulance but finally agreed it was an expense she would be unhappy about if she truly was just in need of sleep.
“Why don’t I come get you and the kids, and we can give her the house for a couple of hours. She can sleep, and they can play. I’ll pick you guys up in about thirty minutes, okay?” His soothing voice calmed my frazzled nerves.
“I’m really worried about her, Jase. Do you think we should leave her alone?”
“Do you want to watch her sleep? If so, I’ll take the kids, and you can stay there.” He wasn’t being a smartass; he truly was trying to offer another option, but I warred with which one was right.
“I think someone should stay here in case she needs anything.”
“Sounds good. I’ll come get the rug rats, and you can play house nurse.”
I thanked him and hung up. Wrangling the kids, I got them up, changed, and ready for the day. We all picked up the living room so Miss Pearl’s house was nice and neat just in time for Jase to tap on the door. He swooped in like my knight in shining armor, snagged the kids, and left in the same breath he came in on.
Sitting around someone else’s house got boring quickly. Her apartment was always spotless, so I snuck into her room and checked on her while I grabbed the wastebasket to empty its contents. I left to take the trash out and was assaulted by the sun and an unseasonably cool breeze. When I came back from the community dumpster, I opened the blinds, the windows, and the door to circulate the fresh air and eliminate the germs. The light seemed to cleanse the space, and it wasn’t long before Miss Pearl emerged from her room, looking refreshed and like the woman I’d grown to love. The clock on the wall indicated it had been several hours since the kids left, but I wasn’t sure where the time had gone. I’m sure I lost it during a nap of my own.
“Gianna, what are ya doing here? Where da youngins?”
“Jase took them out for an early lunch and to the park to play. How are you feeling?”
“Right as rain, child.” She smiled warmly at me, and I was grateful I hadn’t called the paramedics. Her eyes were bright and her grin full. Maybe she truly did just need sleep. She studied my face momentarily before laughing and waving me off. “You worry too much, girl.”
I knew this wasn’t going to go over well, but I’d hate myself if I didn’t offer. “Miss Pearl, why don’t you let me take you to the doctor this week? Coughing up blood is not healthy, and I’d feel better if I knew you’d had a checkup.”
She petered around in the kitchen, ignoring me completely, until she peeked her head around the cabinets, her face full of sass. “Did you say somethin’?”
I got up from my sinkhole on her couch and made my way to the kitchen so she couldn’t avoid me. “I know you heard me, so why don’t you let me take you?”
“No doctor’s got nothin’ that’ll fix me. I’m old, Gianna, and old people wear out. I ain’t done livin’ yet, so quit tryin’ to put me in the grave. I promise when I need to go, I’ll tell ya.” She patted my forearm in an effort to comfort me, but I was anything but.
I wanted someone with a medical degree to assure me she had tons of time left, to promise me that this woman I loved would be around for years to come. I was selfish—it was about my need for her to be healthy so we could have her for as long as possible. My kids and I adored her—she’s our only family, and life without her just wouldn’t be the same.
Relenting for the time being, I dragged two chairs outside the front door so Miss Pearl and I could sit and chat with two glasses of iced tea and soak up some vitamin D. It wasn’t often the two of us got to sit around and shoot the breeze without the noise of four kids circling us. I lived for these moments, the times when I felt like I was her only special person. She had a knack for making each of us think we were her favorite, but I knew the truth—she loved every one of us more than we could ever measure, and when the time for her to leave us actually came…we’d all be better for having known her.
~~~
Drake called and wanted me to be his date at a party he was holding at his house in a couple of days. I wasn’t really feeling it and hemmed and hawed around about whether or not I could go. I told him I’d call him back after I checked on some things, but he could tell something else was going on. I hadn’t expected him to tattle on me.
“Hello?” I answered Jase’s call a few minutes after having hung up with Drake.
“Hey, babe. What’s wrong?” He didn’t mince words; he just went straight for the gusto.
“Nothing, why?” But I wasn’t down with telling him what happened with Holland. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I couldn’t tell him the truth, either.
“Then why don’t you want to go with Drake?” If Drake were nearby, I’d punch him in the gut for a being such a baby that he had whined to Jase. Heck, I hadn’t even told him no—I’d said I’d call him back. Jerk.
“It’s not that I don’t want to go to Drake’s.” That was true. “I’m worried about leaving the kids with Miss Pearl overnight.” That was true, too.
“Has she had another incident?”
Damn. “No. But it’s a lot to ask of her when I know she’s not in great health.” Truth again.
“Fair enough. I’ll watch them. All four of them. They can come to my house and spend the night.”
He’s got to be kidding. “You’re not going to watch four kids…alone. You’ll never survive.” I rolled my eyes at his insipid idea.
“Jesus, Gia. I’m an adult. How much trouble could it be? It’s not like they’re tyrants. I’ll pick you all up and drop you off at Drake’s. It’ll be perfect. Miss Pearl gets a night off, too. Tell her to have Derrick ready.”
And just like that, I had apparently accepted Drake’s invitation. I could’ve strangled Jase, but if I wasn’t willing to admit why I was hesitant, it wasn’t fair for me to expect him to understand. He thought he was helping by taking the kids so I could make some money.
“Do you not ever need anyone to accompany you anywhere?” It slipped out before I could catch it. My question was met with silence on the other end, silence I tried desperately to recover from. “Ignore that. I didn�
��t mean to ask that.”
“Did you want me to take you out with me?” There was a hint of a smile in his voice and a playful lilt in his tone. He was messing with me, but I was uncomfortable playing back. He thought it was a game, but I had real emotions.
“I was just wondering. No big deal.”
“The truth is I don’t go out as much as the guys do. They like to be seen. Me, not so much. But I can promise you there’s no one else I’d want to be seen with, so when I do have somewhere to go—you’ll be the first to know.”
He repeated the same details Drake had just confirmed, so I’d know when and where. I’d have to go during lunch on Monday to get an outfit. This should’ve been fun, but every aspect of it filled me with dread. Things were bad when shopping held no appeal.
Saturday came with a gusto. Drake had informed the salesperson I needed a pants outfit suitable for lots of walking. I wondered what he was going to have me do at his house that I needed appropriate footwear, but it wouldn’t be long before I found out. Jase pulled into the driveway of a house I could only describe as enormous. I guess it was a modern mansion, but mostly it was just huge. The need for flats was the distance I’d be walking around the house to mingle with guests and check on things in the kitchen. I wondered briefly if Drake had hired me to manage the staff, but he quickly squelched that fear. Regardless of where we were in the house, every time the doorbell rang, he had me go with him to greet another arriving guest, and with the rich preferring to arrive fashionably late, there was a ton of walking involved. Each trip, Drake became a little more familiar, showing his guests a cozier side of him. He whispered to me, “People trust married men more than they do single guys. I need to appear committed tonight and hopefully gain some investors.”
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