by Cheri Lewis
“I don’t know, but I need you to continue telling me what happened.”
I watch as somebody hands him a bottle of water. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Another person passes him a Kleenex. Apparently he got scratched in the scuffle. The man is a cold blooded child molester and nobody is listening to me. He’s the victim right now. Can’t they see he’s not the victim?
I stammer out, “I need to talk to Chief Mason right now.”
“No ma’am. You need to finish telling me what happened.”
“Officer Sawyer, I’ll take over.”
I turn my body just enough to see it’s Wade walking up to my left and I start immediately pleading with him, “Listen, you have to believe me. That man had a little boy trapped in a bathroom stall about to do God know what to him.”
He lowers his voice and his tone is very serious, “You attacked him in front of a park full of people including children.”
I wipe the sweat from my forehead and stare into his eyes. “Check him. Do whatever you have to do but search him somehow. He was up to something and I let my temper get in the way of good judgement. Just please find a way to search him legally.”
I can see the conflict in his eyes as he whispers, “Sorry,” before he states out loud in a commanding manner, “Put your hands behind your head and spread your legs.”
My mouth falls open and I want to cry, not because I’m being arrested but because I’m being arrested and it’s all for nothing. They’re going to let Thomas go and he’ll have access to do whatever he wants to whomever he wants. I do what Wade says, interlocking my fingers behind my neck and then spread my legs. I feel his hands as they pat my clothing down against my body. I’m so upset I get no enjoyment out of his hands running all the way up my inner thigh looking for my imaginary gun. He gently twists my arms behind my back while reading me my rights and once again cold metal is binding them together. I turn a little looking back over my shoulder making sure we lock eyes. “I’ll never forgive you if you don’t find a way.”
He marches past the crowd of spectators towing me along and passes me off to another officer who I instantly recognize. “Scott, listen. You have to do something to stop that man.” My nose is burning and I stop long enough to realize tears are welling up in my eyes. I fight hard not to release them as I beg again. “Please Scott, you know me. You know—”
He looks at me as he’s opening the back door to his police car. “I’m sorry, Willow. There’s nothing I can do right now.”
I get in and lean back trying to get comfortable but it’s not easy with your arms behind your back. Once he’s in the car he looks at me in his mirror. “I’ll call Heath for you. Okay?”
I nod and lean over to the side resting my head against the window as we drive away.
*****
“Come here, Harmony. Let me get a look at you.”
My hands use the carpet as leverage to push myself further under the end table beside the couch. It’s the safest place in the house. I hate him. I hate it when he comes here to see Momma. I hate him so much I wish he would die.
“Get out from under that table right now and come see your Uncle Johnny.” My heart aches when I hear her voice. I haven’t heard her voice in years. I’ll be beat with a belt for not coming out from under the table but I don’t care. Fear sears through me as I feel the table bump against the wall that’s protecting me. “If you don’t come out on your own we’ll get you out.” Her annoyed tone is so painful to hear and my heart rips to shreds.
I scream, “No!” at the top of my lungs.
I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. I scream again this time I hear a different voice calling a different name. It’s a voice I trust. A voice I love. “Willow, wake up.”
I open my eyes and I immediately sit up wrapping my arms around Heath who’s sitting beside me. He doesn’t say a word as he hugs me back. I hold him so tight wishing more than anything that all of this had been a bad dream.
I take a deep breath then pull away and he says, “I can’t believe you tackled a guy in front of a hundred people.”
I know he’s not chastising me. He’s making light of it even though he knows I really messed up. “You would have done the same.”
“No, I would have beat the fuck out of him.”
“I just didn’t want him to get away.”
He runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a half laugh. “He won’t.”
“Did they let him go?”
“I truly don’t know. As soon as Scott called me I came in and found out what we needed to do to get you out of here. They’ve got you for assault and disorderly conduct. He hasn’t pressed charges yet that I’ve seen.”
“He will.”
He looks down at his hands. “Yeah, I think he will.”
*****
I sign the documents they give me in order to get out. Somebody from the park gave them my purse and cell phone. I don’t have the desire to see if anything is missing out of it because right now, in this moment, I don’t care.
Heath takes me home and says as he’s dropping me off at home, “I’ll get someone to go with me to get your truck and bring it back here.”
I nod as I get out of his truck then look back to him. “Joe is at my office and has been there all day. Can you get him?”
“Sure.”
“And if he’s lying on a towel when you get there, bring the towel, too.”
His left eyebrow arches like it normally does when he has questions. I start to shut the door when he says, “Hey Willow, you’re going to be okay.”
I cross my arms hugging myself and do my best to not sound as defeated as I feel, “Don’t worry about me, I’m always okay.”
I don’t hear him pull away from my house until I’m inside so I know he’s watching me, worried about me. Once inside I begin peeling clothes from my body as I walk to my bathroom dropping them on the floor as I go. I turn the shower on and pull the band out of my hair tossing it on the counter. I step under the warm water and close my eyes letting it rush over my face. I’m so cold I feel I’ll never get warm. I bend down and adjust the water hotter then place my hands on the tiled wall and lean my forehead against them. I feel so numb. I did nothing to help anybody today. I lost money. I set a child molester free. I was handcuffed again. I don’t know why I had any hope Wade would help me. What an utter fuck up today was. I turn the water hotter and it’s so hot it feels cold then my skin begins to itch. I lower myself down into the tub hugging my legs to my chest and rest my forehead against my knees. When I hear my mother’s voice again from the dream, I begin to sob.
****
Heath stays with me as long as he can before he has to leave for work. When he leaves Joe and I are cuddled up on the couch. The next morning after his shift Joe and I are still cuddled up on the couch.
“I brought you some breakfast burritos.” I reach up and pet Joe’s head lying on my stomach. “Come on, Joe. You need to go outside.” Joe looks between Heath and me. I bump my leg against his body and nod at him to go. He leaps off the couch and races to the door where Heath is waiting. “You know this dog is feeding off you feeling sorry for yourself.” I fix the cover back over me that Joe pulled off when he jumped down. I pull it all the way up to my chin then roll over, turn my back to Heath and will myself to fall asleep.
****
“That’s it.” The blanket’s snatched off my body and I’m instantly freezing. “I can deal with you not taking a shower now for two days. I can deal with coming over here and making sure Joe eats and gets time outside to play and uses the bathroom. I can deal with this stupid hunger strike you got going on. But what I can’t stand is this moping… stupid… feeling sorry for yourself game you got going on. Get off the damn couch. Get your ass in the damn shower. And get back to living your damn life. This is so stupid. You act like you’ve never been down before. We’ve been lower than this, Willow.” I don’t look up at him so he squats to where we are eye level. “Do you hear me? You and
I have been through worse than this. Get your ass off the couch and we’ll go make the case against him ourselves. Do what you do best.”
He stands walking away and I’m now staring at the wall across the room. He walks back into the living room and I hear the sound of a canned drink being opened. He squats back down eye level with me again shoving a canned Coke in my face and demands, “Drink it.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Drink it now.”
“Heath, I’m fine. Just leave me alone. Mind your own damn business.”
“Suit yourself.”
He takes a swig of the drink then stands. My body convulses and I scream as I try to get out of the path of the ice cold Coke being dumped on top of me. Joe’s barking and whining like crazy. I can hear him pawing at a door somewhere in the house. I am livid. I start toward Heath and he begins to circle. We look like we could be in a boxing ring and one of the opponents is afraid to get hit. He dances as I move. I bite down hard on my jaw then stop dead in my tracks when he pulls a taser out and has it aimed toward me. I look to the taser then back at him and am actually impressed he thought this through.
Joe is still barking and scratching at the door so I yell at him, “Joe, I’m fine! Stop it!”
He continues to whine but doesn’t bark anymore. Health begins speaking so I look back at him. “Now, listen to me. You’re wet and that’s going to make it hurt that much worse.”
“You won’t taser me.”
“I bet you would’ve said a minute ago that I’d never pour a Coke on you, either.”
“I told you to leave me the fuck alone.”
“You’re freezing. You’re lips are trembling. Go get in the shower then we’ll go get something to eat.”
“I’m trembling because I’m about to kill my best friend.”
He stands tall and drops the taser to his side. “Then do it, Willow. I can’t fight you and win, you know that.” He looks down and tosses the taser in the chair he’s standing beside then back at me. “You’re hurt and angry. I can take the beating, but I can’t take you being this way. Dead to the world.”
I feel like I’ve been slapped. Every ounce of anger I felt towards Heath melts away. I find myself confused as to why I’m standing in my living room and ready fight him. I cross my arms over my chest as I turn to leave to go to my bathroom. “You’re fixing whatever Joe destroyed during your little shenanigan.”
*****
After my shower Heath, Joe and I go through a drive-thru and pick up enough food in two meals for six people. He drives my truck down Main Street. He takes a left on Fifth Avenue I have a feeling I know right where he’s taking us. He turns on the little dirt road to the left right before the bridge and drives all the way down to the water’s edge.
I take a big gulp of my strawberry milkshake. “I haven’t been here in years.”
“I come down here when I have a lot on my mind.”
“Do you remember how much trouble we got in when we came back soaking wet with a bucket full of crayfish? Whatever happened to all those things?”
Heath shrugs and stares out across the water. “Stacey isn’t pregnant.”
I jerk my head towards him. “Thank God for that.” He shrugs and takes a sip on his straw. “That’s great, right? I mean you didn’t want a baby with her…”
“No, I didn’t want a baby with her. It’s just...”
“It made you a little excited.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“The truth is I was excited about maybe becoming an aunt.”
He rubs a finger back and forth on the steering wheel and stares off into space. “Maybe it will happen one day.”
“It will, Heath. It will be with the right person, too. And please for the love of God will you not sleep with Stacey anymore? I mean… you now know, that’s seen more action than a bull at a rodeo.”
He takes a deep breath, opens the door to the truck and gets out. Joe leapfrogs from the backseat and out the door following him. I grab a few fries shove them in my mouth, then grab my milkshake and second burger taking them with me as I follow Heath as he walks along the shore. We stand out there a long time watching the water cascade over rocks. Heath breaks up a stick tossing the pieces into the small river and we watch them float away as far as we can see them then he throws another piece. I crumple the wrapper from my hamburger and shove it down into my pants pocket then cross my legs and sit down picking at the grass in front of me.
“I dreamed about my mother while I was in jail.”
“I figured as much.”
“I haven’t heard her voice in twenty something years and it still seems… I don’t know the right word.”
“Alive? Real?”
“Yes. Alive, like she was really standing near me. It was weird. It was like I was there but I felt it like I was an adult, but helpless as a child. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Wait, why did you figure as much?”
“Because Willow, you hugged me. I bet I can count on one hand the amount of times you’ve hugged me since we both came to live at Momma Maybelle’s.”
I laugh and he looks down at me. “What?”
“The fact you still call her Momma Maybelle.”
“She misses you.”
I grab a handful of grass and toss it into the river. “Well, she’ll see me Sunday at church.”
“And why are you going to church?”
“Because I said I would when I left and I need to see her, anyway.”
“Don’t bring her any sweets. She’s diabetic now.”
“She is? When did that happen? How often do you see her?”
“About six months ago and at least once a week if I can but I don’t go longer than two.”
This surprises me even though I know it shouldn’t. He’s never mentioned seeing her to me and we talk or see each other several times a week. But he’s always wanted parents. He used to tell me we’d have a home at Christmas and they’d never let us go. But I knew better. I knew better than to get my hopes up and dream. In a way though I am wrong, we did find a home and I know at any time I can go back to her house and stay. Just like I know I don’t have to call to tell her I’m going to church with her Sunday. There’s an open invitation and I’ve been wrong to not accept it more often.
I’m splashed with water as Joe jumps into the water. “Oh no, Joe, get out!” He sticks his nose in the water then snorts and jumps. He’s after something. “You’re going to have ride in the back of the truck on the way home. I’ll never get the wet dog smell out.”
“Or the mud,” Heath says as he shakes his head.
We sit and talk a while until the heat gets too unbearable. We’re both dripping in sweat trying to get a tarp spread across the backseat so we can get Joe home. Neither one of us were comfortable putting him in the back of the truck. Heath says Joe takes after me, if he sees something he wants he goes after it. I know he’s making a joke but I’ve already lost him once. I’m not taking that chance again.
When we’re finally back to my house I hook the leash onto Joe. Heath and I give him a bath scrubbing him down getting all the mud and filth off him. I unhook the leash and watch as Joe races all over the front yard rolling and scooting his body across the grass undoing pretty much everything we just did. I glance over at Heath and can see he’s exhausted. There are dark circles under his eyes and I’m sure if he were to sit still in a halfway quiet spot, he’d be out.
“Do you work tonight?”
“Yeah.”
“Go get in my bed and sleep. I’ll wake you up in enough time for you to eat and get dressed.”
He grins and shakes his head. “What now?”
“I’ve missed you.”
I don’t hesitate to wrap my arms around him and lie my head on his chest. I feel one arm lightly wrap around my back. We both pull away at the same time. He’s right, though. Hugging is a foreign feeling for me and it’s something I’m going to have to work hard to change. No, I don’t plan to hug him all the
time but I want him to know I need him as much as he thinks he needs me.
While Heath sleeps in my bed I do things around the house that I had already been putting off before I checked out for a few days. My cell phone is completely dead so I have it on charge. I have ten loads of laundry it looks like piled up in front of the washing machine. I sneak into my bedroom and grab Heath’s clothes and frown when I find all of them all the way down to his underwear in a pile beside the bed. He snores as he rolls over and I grab the clothes out of my bathroom floor. When I come back out I’m relieved to see he borrowed a pair of my shorts to wear. There’s something wrong with the thought of his naked butt sleeping on my sheets. It’s just wrong on so many levels.
I find myself doing jobs to keep my hands busy but my mind is working overtime planning my move to get Thomas. He will not go free. Joe and I run into town and pick up loaded baked potatoes from Bart’s Backyard Barbeque. I know the employees were pissed off I came in at fifteen minutes ‘til closing but I wanted Heath to have a warm supper. It’s the least I could do for him after what I’m going to need him to do to help me catch that sorry sack of crap, Thomas.
*****
I toss and turn, sleep evading me. For one thing, my bed smells like Heath’s cologne and in no way shape or form is that remotely sexy. It’s like cuddling with your brother. I get out of bed and start stripping the sheets off. Joe refuses to get up so I pull him off as I slide the fitted sheet across the bed. He lands with a thump on the floor. He yawns and looks around confused but is obviously not too upset because he stretches slowly taking his sweet time to move off the sheet. I take all the bedding and throw them in the laundry room floor then grab my spare ones out of the closet. I’ve never used them before but they were on the discount table at the outlet mall for five bucks and they are eight hundred thread count. Too good of a deal to pass up. I barely got the fitted sheet on my bed before Joe jumps back up and sniffs around to find his spot. I get the bed made and crawl back into it. Joe’s already back asleep before I turn off the lights. I lie wide awake staring at the ceiling, my mind reeling over the last few days and that son of a bitch Thomas. Then it jumps over to Wade and what kind of person he is to let a child molester go free. My leg bounces and I roll over punching the pillow under my head trying to find comfort. I lean up staring at my pillowcase, the mother fucker’s glowing. I lift my comforter up and it’s the same thing, stars and moons are glowing on my bedsheets. I drop back down on my pillow frowning at my glowing sheets. My phone rings. I roll over and grab my phone off my nightstand and see it’s Heath. I’m actually glad he’s called because I’m about to crawl the walls with boredom and agitation.