“Where’s Caitlyn?”
Amber bit her lip. She knew exactly where Caitlyn was, but being the dedicated friend she was, she wasn’t telling. Between the shitty day I’d already had and the headache that wouldn’t fuck off, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with their crap. “Where is Caitlyn, Amber?” I repeated.
Amber didn’t answer. At least not in words. While her body shivered again, she nodded in the direction of the stairs. Perfect. Just fucking perfect.
“Stay here!” I commanded.
This shit, this right here, this was why I was single. Girls and their bullshit drama. Who the fuck needed this? I certainly didn’t. Taking the stairs two at a time, my stomach turned with every step. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the nerves, I had no idea what sort of trap I was walking into. It didn’t take a genius to figure out this whole thing was a well thought through scheme, or if I was still feeling nauseous because of the headache. My eyes were heavy, and even keeping my head upright it took way too much effort.
“Caitlyn!” I called out as my feet hit the landing at the top of the stairs. All the doors down the hall were shut. Except one. My. Fucking. Bedroom. “Of course.”
Steeling myself, I sucked in a big breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. This is what I get for trying to help psychos. Kicking open my bedroom door, I should have been surprised by what I saw, yet I couldn’t even fake that I wasn’t.
There was a trail of wet clothes from the door to my bed. A skirt, a white top, a lacy bra, knee high socks, black shoes with a heel so high and dangerous my balls tried to climb back inside of me at the thought of them coming in contact. Shaking my head, I looked down at my bed. There was Caitlyn. Sprawled out with my comforter covering barely half of her boobs.
“Oh for fuck’s sake!”
“I hope so.” She winked at me. She fucking winked at me and lowered the covers.
They were wrong. Very fucking wrong.
Nothing felt better after a nap. In fact, everything felt worse. At least I did. Waking up in a strange room, it took a few moments of panic before I was able to pull myself together enough to breathe normally. Waking up somewhere I didn’t know made me anxious every time. Even though I understood why, it didn’t make me hate it any less.
Finding my feet, I could hear chaos on the other side of the closed door. Someone—a girl—was yelling and swearing. In fact, the swearing was so impressive it’d make a sailor blush. As quietly as I could, I turned the handle and inched my way into the lounge room. Zoe was on her feet, bouncing about, her arms flailing wildly as she abused the umpire.
“What about hands in the back, you blind cock smoker?” she cried out.
Stifling the laugh, I stayed where I was, safely behind the couch. Looking around, I saw Ryan’s backpack by the door, it’d been opened and socks were hanging out of the bulging zipper, yet there was no sign of Ryan.
“Oh come on! Are you kidding me right now? Where’s the high? You can’t take his head off, asshole!”
Zoe was hilarious when she was fired up. I might not know her that well, or really at all, but this was the most fun I’d had in a while. And all I was doing was standing here, watching her act like an idiot, completely unaware she had an audience. A minute later someone scored, I think it was the team in red, and she flopped down on the couch with a colourful combination of expletives. I couldn’t help myself. When Zoe picked up her brown beer bottle from the table and took a healthy chug, I started clapping.
I guess she’d forgotten I was still in the house, because as soon as she heard me, the mouthful she hadn’t swallowed came out in an impressive spray as she doused me with the foul-smelling ale.
“Holy fuck, Holly!” she spluttered, her hands clutching at her chest. “You scared the living crap out of me.”
As I wiped the beer from my face with the back of my hand, I couldn’t help but smile. Even though I hadn’t meant to frighten her, it was funny as hell. “Sorry.”
“Geez! How long have you been standing there?” Red tinged Zoe’s cheeks and strangely I didn’t feel so stupid.
“Something about a cock smoker?”
“Well, he was! Did you see the hands in the back? And did the blind ass umpire give him a free or the fifty he deserved? No. He just called play on, and a minute later, we’re another six points behind!”
“You take your football seriously, don’t you?”
“Hell yeah!”
“I don’t know anything about it,” I confessed, feeling way out of my depth.
I mean, looking at the TV, I could appreciate the short shorts and the glistening guns on display. The way these guys ran and jumped, it was a pretty mesmerising spectacle even without knowing the rules.
Zoe scoffed before turning to look at me. It didn’t escape my notice that an ad was on, so she wasn’t missing a moment of the action. I chose not to be disappointed by it though. “I used to be like that. I knew nothing about the rules or the teams or any of it.”
“Really?”
“Ah huh.”
“What happened?”
“Spencer happened. And Derek. They both taught me. Derek dragged me to games when he lived here. He taught me to drink beer, what insults to call out, and when. Who was who. He even taught me the rules.”
“Wow! I didn’t realise you and Derek lived together.”
“Yeah for a while. Derek and I are pretty close,” Zoe confessed, her voice becoming quiet and filled with pain. I felt like a bitch for bringing it up.
“I assumed so when you were his best man.”
“Yeah, I forgot you were there.”
“Most people do.”
“Hey now! None of that feeling sorry for yourself bullshit around me.” Zoe’s reprimand caught me completely off guard. I didn’t want her pity and I definitely wasn’t keen on sharing my secrets with her, but I hadn’t expected her to be so blunt, either.
Choosing to ignore all the thoughts bubbling inside me, I straightened my shoulders. “Hey Zoe?”
The game was back on and I’d lost her attention. “Yeah?” she replied, distracted, her eyes never once leaving the TV. While she wasn’t yelling at the game any longer, it didn’t mean her arms weren’t waving about as she coached from the couch. Someone really should have told her that they couldn’t hear her. But it sure as shit wasn’t going to be me.
“Where’s Ryan?”
“Oh. He, um…he had to go meet up with some guys. He said he had his phone, but don’t wait for him for dinner. He’d be back when he…kick it, you stupid idiot!” I’d lost her. Thankfully I got the gist.
At first I was annoyed with Ryan. He’d basically dropped me here with some crazy woman and taken off. Granted, I knew he wasn’t coming to Melbourne for a holiday, and he had shit to do, I just didn’t think he’d be bolting out the front door as soon as my ass was out of the car.
Sliding back, I tucked my legs under me and hugged the cushion to my chest. Sitting here watching Zoe bounce back and forth seemed like a good plan, at least for now. While I was watching her act like a complete lunatic, I wasn’t feeling like one. When the game ended—I guess Zoe’s team lost, I couldn’t really tell who she was going for—all I could be sure of was that she wasn’t a fan of the bald umpire.
I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was just after three in the morning. My stomach gurgled and cramped painfully. Regretting that last slice of overly cheesy pizza, or maybe it was the chocolate lava cake with the rich, gooey chocolate filling spilling out of the middle that did it.
“Oh crap!”
Somewhere in the last couple of hours I’d managed to twist myself in the sheets so well that trying to escape in a hurry was proving quite a challenge. It was taking time, precious seconds I wasn’t sure I had. Finally breaking free, I hurried to the bathroom, one hand on my slightly terrifying stomach, the other covering my mouth.
I made it.
Barely.
Without time to kick the door shut behind me, I made it to the bathroom,
flicked the toilet lid open, and emptied my stomach. Just when I thought there was nothing more to come, another wave hit me like a tsunami.
“Shit, Holly. Are you all right?” Ryan asked as he crouched down beside me wearing nothing but his tight grey boxers. Usually I’d tell him to cover that shit up. I’d give him grief that no wants what he was offering, but right now I didn’t have the energy to be sassy.
Flushing the toilet again, I leant back against the tiled wall, resting my cheek against the coolness. It felt good. Refreshing. My mouth tasted like ass, but I was too exhausted and miserable to move. Even from where I was sitting, I could see the minty mouthwash on the counter. My eyes were stinging. Ryan reached out and with the pad of his thumb swiped away the tears that ran down my cheeks.
After he tucked the loose hair behind me ear, he asked again. “I don’t know. I probably ate too much.” As vague as it sounded it was the truth. I hadn’t eaten anything weird and it wasn’t anything I hadn’t had a million times before, ham and pineapple pizza, garlic bread, and chocolate cake—dinner of champions, really. For some unbeknownst reason, tonight it just wasn’t working for me.
“You think you’re done?”
Feeling weak and pathetic, I nodded. Ryan was on his feet in a heartbeat and put his hand out to pull me up. The moment I was upright, I wobbled. The whole room was spinning. I was light headed, but before I had a chance to say anything, I pulled away and vomited again. Much to my surprise, he didn’t run away screaming. Instead he held my hair back with one hand, and rubbed circles on my back with the other. This, right here, this is one of the reasons I loved my brother.
It took another ten minutes before we were brave enough to risk me leaving the bathroom. After swirling some mouthwash and taking a few small sips of water, Ryan tucked me back into bed and kissed me good night. Turning on my side, I saw him vanish back into the bathroom. I could hear him cleaning up, but I was too drained to help, let alone say thank you. Instead, I let my heavy eyelids fall closed as the world fell silent.
I woke the next morning with a pounding headache. I shouldn’t have been surprised. These days I woke with one more often than not. After making a quick trip to the bathroom to freshen up, I pulled on some jeans and a hoodie and stepped out.
“Morning!” Zoe smiled, a wide ass toothy smile as she set down the book she was reading and focused her attention on me. “You feeling any better?”
“Yeah, I guess.” At least I wasn’t throwing up anymore. That was better, wasn’t it?
“So, Ryan’s already taken off. He had an early appointment on the other side of town. Want some breakfast?”
Ew, breakfast. Food. Probably not a good idea. “I shouldn’t…”
“Oh come on. A glass of OJ and some vegemite toast will settle your stomach. Any idea what it was?”
“Probably dinner. I ate too much.”
“I ate more than you.” Zoe slipped from her chair at the kitchen counter and started flitting about. She was fascinating to watch. She was like a hummingbird, unable to sit still or slow her pace for just a second. In truth she was making me kinda dizzy.
When she slid a plate with a single piece of buttered vegemite toast in front of me, my stomach groaned. Although it was a risk, it smelt so damn good I had to try. The first bite was heaven. If there was anything in the world that was going to cure an Aussie stomach ache, it was vegemite toast. Forcing myself to take small bites, I listened while Zoe rattled off her to do list for the day. Seemed full on. I found myself wondering how many cups of coffee she’d already had this morning to be this bouncy.
“Okay, well, I’ll just chill here, if that’s okay…”
Seriously! I was about ready to kill Ryan. I know I was just a tag along, but if leaving me alone with Zoe last night wasn’t bad enough, he was up and gone before I’d even woken. Now he’d dumped me on Zoe again. And she had shit to do. I mean, it took me a minute to remember that people had lives that didn’t include me. Ryan was doing—well, I wasn’t exactly sure what the fuck Ryan was doing—he was definitely up to something, though. And Zoe, she obviously didn’t have time to babysit me. She had a business to run.
“Nope. You’re coming with me. You’re going to come to class with me.”
“Class? Me?”
“Yep. Have you got some sweats or something?”
“Ah…”
“Don’t worry, I have some you can borrow.” Before I had a chance to protest or decline, Zoe had disappeared into her room and came out holding a pair of black tights. There was not enough money in the world for me to attempt to squeeze my ass into them. I wouldn’t wear something like that in the privacy of my own bedroom, so why in the hell would anyone think I would step foot in public wearing them?
I learned very quickly just how hard it was to say no to Zoe. If there was someone who’d ever accomplished it, then I’d love to meet them, ’cause I sure as shit couldn’t. That’s why I was now standing in the back corner of a crowded room trying to make myself invisible while the instructor gave out tips and tricks on how to defend ourselves if we were ever attacked. This wasn’t what I had in mind when Zoe said she had a class. After our chat last night, I was expecting Zoe to be leading a spin class or possibly even aerobics—definitely something high energy and full of pep. Yep, that was it. Zoe was one of those girls. One full of pep. Partly I was jealous, I’d never been a peppy girl, but the cynical, tired side of me wanted to slip her a Xanax and tell her to chill the fuck out.
After class, I was feeling a bit better, but I just needed some time on my own. Being with people was exhausting. I mean, I loved my family, but being surrounded by such big, booming personalities all the time drained me. So while Zoe ducked into the office to check a few things, I found myself a bike and started to pedal. I wasn’t trying to win any awards and I didn’t want to make friends, so I slipped in my ear buds and let Taylor Swift’s broken teenage heart consume me.
A tap on my shoulder startled me.
After everything I’d learnt this morning, even though I felt like at some points through the class I was rolling my eyes so hard people could hear them, my body straight way went into fight or flight mode. Springing from the seat, I turned to face my would-be attacker head on. With my heart pounding and blood roaring through my veins I was shocked to see it was only Zoe. Standing there innocently, a brightly coloured towel draped over her shoulder.
“Shit—sorry, Holly. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“Y-you didn’t,” I lied quickly as I tried to get my breathing under control.
I knew Zoe didn’t believe me, but she let me off. “You want to clean up and get out of here? I’m starving. I could use some lunch.”
“Sounds good.”
Following Zoe towards the locker room, I had the sinking feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that something was coming. Something that would hurt. Hurt like never before. I tried to shake it off, but it wasn’t cooperating. Even the harsh, hot spray from the shower didn’t wash away the nagging unease.
Cleaned up and out in the sun, the whole fifteen minutes of sunshine Melbourne decided to grace us with today, Zoe led me down an alley to a tiny hole in the wall coffee shop. If you didn’t know it was there, nine times out of ten you would have walked straight past without even realising. Thank god Zoe knew about it, because they served the best smashed avo on sour dough I’d ever tasted. Like seriously, I was trying to make notes in my phone with directions on how to find my way back here.
When I’d finished stuffing my face and pretty much licking my plate clean, had I not been in public, there’s a better than even chance that’s exactly what I would have done, I pushed it aside and sat back.
“So, you trust me enough to tell me what’s going on?” Zoe asked pointedly.
She was good. Where everyone else pussyfooted around the topic, too afraid to make it worse or see me crack, Zoe just came straight out with it. In a weird way, I appreciated her honesty.
Wishing my coffee mug was sti
ll full or my water glass still had a sip left, I had nothing to fidget with. Nothing to keep my hands occupied. Instead I was forced to suck in a deep breath and look Zoe square in the eye. “I’m just having a shit time at school.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Holly! Tell me the rest.”
“The rest?”
“The full story. Don’t forget, I’ve been a teenage girl. Not too long ago, actually. And don’t roll your eyes at me, I’m not that ancient.”
“Yet.”
“Don’t deflect. What’s so bad it’s got your brother pulling you out of school and bringing you to Melbourne before begging me to talk to you? To make you see it will all be okay.”
“What will be okay? And who begged you? I’m fine!” I was pissed now. Stupidly, I hadn’t realised how much had been a set up. Ryan wasn’t busy, he was hiding. The chicken shit. I’d be busting his balls the moment I could get my hands on him.
“You’ll be fine. You might not be right now, but you will be. First though, first you’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on. And don’t even think about skimping on the details.”
Well, fuck me sideways. No matter how I looked at this, there was no way out. My only option was to grab my stuff, run out the door, and get myself lost amongst the crowds. Which I seriously considered for a minute. Maybe a tad longer. The only thing stopping me was the fact I had nowhere to go once I stopped running. Perhaps that was the answer. Running away wasn’t helping me. Maybe it was time to step up and fight.
“What do you know?” I asked, picking at my fingernails.
For the next ten minutes Zoe downloaded. Fuck, she knew a lot. How she had that much info I had no idea. It was more than a little fucked up and intimidating. “So now fill in the blanks for me. Did you really try to kill yourself?”
Wow!
When it was said like that, it really was harsh. I’d never meant it to be. “I don’t know. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, but I needed it all to stop. I know that doesn’t make sense but…”
Fighting Back (Meet the McIntyres Book 3) Page 20