“C-c-can I say something?” Amber squeaked from beside me.
Under the table, she reached down and took hold of my hand. Caught off guard, I looked around the room, but no one seemed to notice my discomfort. When her claws dug into my skin, I bit my lip to stop myself from making a sound.
“Go ahead, Amber,” Payton invited. It was a fascinating dynamic, Payton and Beau. He was all gung ho in your face while Payton was sweet as pie. They’d definitely perfected their good cop bad cop routine.
“I know where it’s coming from. And it’s my fault. When Holly came to school here, she was smart. Smarter than all of us. How could she not be? She’d been away at the fancy boarding school learning all this stuff and we were stuck in this shithole town with nothing to do. The only options for us are working at the pub or getting pregnant. I wanted more. Holly, she, well, she was going to get that.”
“So you were jealous?” Connor spat out through gritted teeth.
“Yeah. Then Jack became her friend.” She turned to me and I found myself pulling away. I didn’t like where this was going. Not one little bit. “And Jack doesn’t like anyone. He never spoke to us, always to the boys. Caitlyn was…well, Caitlyn was pissed. You gave Holly all your attention and wouldn’t even look at her.”
Oh fuck.
Beside me I could hear Gage grinding his teeth. Across the table, Beau’s knuckles were white as he clenched his fist. The vein in the centre of Adrian’s forehead was pronounced and pulsating. Ebony’s mouth was open and unmoving. It was a surreal scene.
“Caitlyn started digging. She found out which boarding school Holly went to and found people who knew Holly. That’s where the info came from.”
“And by info, you mean the videos, the photos, the lies—everything.”
Amber nodded, her hair falling in her face. She did nothing to move it. Maybe she was using it as a shield. I couldn’t blame her if she was.
“Okay then. How do we stop it?” Carly asked, immediately springing to action.
Everyone else seemed to be stuck in the same place I was. All of this had been born out of jealousy. Holly hadn’t actually done anything wrong. It was all because I’d looked at her the way I hadn’t with someone else.
“What will make Caitlyn stop?” I asked, my voice shaking. I wasn’t entirely sure if it was shaking from rage or fear. Either way, my emotions were leading me at the moment.
“I don’t know.” The tears were falling down Amber’s cheeks again. I wanted to haul her against me and hug her. Thank her for being so brave, so honest, but I was still too shocked to move.
“I need to talk to Derek,” Beau announced, grabbing his phone from the centre of the table and stomping out the door, Payton hot on his heels.
“Derek? As in Cartwright?”
“Yeah. This has to stop. He can help.”
“Will-I-be-in-trouble?” Amber spluttered between sobs. She was looking around for anyone to assure her that it would be all right. No one would. No one could. Amber might not be the only one responsible, but she was definitely involved.
“Come on. I’ll take you home.” I didn’t know what else to do. Now Holly’s family knew everything, I’d leave it to them. I could deal with whatever was thrown at me. I’d leave them to help her. Besides, with a family that big on her side, there was no way she was going to lose. They’d fight to their last breath for each other. Made me wish I had a family. But wishes were for children and wouldn’t help anything. Taking Amber by the hand more forcefully than I’d intended, I half dragged her sobbing ass out of the McIntyre house.
She didn’t deserve to be coddled, and truthfully, I didn’t have it in me right now to be able to offer her that. All I could give her was a lift home. Then she was on her own. Maybe that’s what she needed to come to terms with the damage she’d done. A long hard look in the mirror to see the person she’d become. Then and only then could she decide if she liked the person staring back at her or if she wanted to change the reflection. I hoped she wanted to change. Amber wasn’t a bad person. Undoubtedly she’d done some bad things, stupid shit really, but it wasn’t who she was.
After a silent ride back to town, I dropped Amber off before heading for home. I had a screaming headache and just needed space. I didn’t even go into the house. I didn’t want to be in there. The loneliness was palpable, and inside it would feel like I was trapped. Instead I grabbed my swag and took off through the paddocks. I needed space and I knew exactly where to find it.
“Are you sure? I can wait,” I asked for the millionth time.
“I’m sure. I don’t know when I’m going to be back. I’m still trying to finalise some stuff. And Zoe’s going anyway. She said she needs to talk to Mia.”
“Oh. Okay.” Why did it feel like Ryan was abandoning me? Like I was too much of a nuisance for him to deal with.
We’d arrived in Melbourne three days ago. Since then I’d barely seen him but for a couple of hours. More times than not he was usually gone before I got up and he didn’t get back until I was tucked into bed. Sometimes I was still awake reading, but usually I was sound asleep. The only reason I knew he’d even been there was the smell of his cologne that lingered in the bathroom, the dirty clothes on the floor, and the rumpled covers on the bed beside me. Even though each night before Zoe and I turned in we made up the couch for him, I don’t think he once slept there. He always crept in beside me and held tight. Like he was afraid if he didn’t, I’d vanish.
Spending time with Zoe had been fun. Even though I missed Ryan and wished he had more time for me, hanging out with Zoe hadn’t been all bad. Each day I went to the gym and joined in a class—whichever one just happened to be on when we were there. I’d tried a bunch of new things. Some I liked, others I was never going near again. We did brunch and shopped a little. I wasn’t buying much, but I didn’t need to. Zoe was fun and funny, but then she had her serious side. Over the course of the last couple of days she’d told me her story. She told me about being assaulted, about Spencer, about Kane, and her relationship with Derek. In Zoe’s eyes, that man walked on water. Even though I already knew that, understanding why, I couldn’t blame her. In my eyes, Zoe was fucking super woman. Surviving all this shit and still being awesome, that was something she should be proud of. It was something I could admit I was slightly jealous of.
“Come on, Holly, don’t look at me like that.”
“Look at you like what?”
“Like that! With your sad eyes. You know, the ones that get you whatever you want.”
“I don’t have sad eyes.”
“Ah, yeah you do, Princess.”
Ryan wrapped me in his arms and squeezed tight. I don’t think I ever felt safer or stronger. It was amazing what a couple of days away could do. It gave me more than space. It gave me perspective. Or Zoe did. Yep, I’d been though some shitty stuff. I’d been handed more than my fair share of crap in the last couple of months, some of which felt like it was chasing me no matter how fast I ran or where I turned. But I was still here. I may not be standing tall, but I was standing. That in itself was an achievement and one I should be proud of.
I was still embarrassed about the overdose. I wish I could take it back. It was a stupid, dumb thing to do, but at the time I hadn’t been thinking. Well, not properly. I just needed a break. Hanging with Zoe taught me that we all needed a time out sometimes. It was just how you chose to take that break that made you who you are. I’d made the wrong choice. I regretted it now. I regretted what I’d put my family through and the pain I’d caused them. I owed them an apology. In fact, I owed them a hell of a lot more than that.
“Ryan,” I whispered against his chest. He loosened his grip but didn’t let go. “I’m sorry I made everything so hard. And about the hospital. And the running away. And, well, everything else. I love you.”
Without a word, Ryan crushed me against him and I could barely breathe. I held on for as long as I could before tugging at his arm, trying to get free. Well, at least free en
ough to suck in a much needed breath.
“Love you too, Princess. As for the rest, don’t do it again and we’re all good. You need to run, you need somewhere to hide, you tell me and I’ll help you. Don’t do it on your own. You don’t need to. Not anymore.”
“Okay.”
“No, not okay. Promise me, Holly. Promise me no more disappearing acts.”
Tears were streaming down my face. This is what I missed most about being away at school. People think having four brothers meant I grew up tough and with no signs of love. They were wrong. Growing up with four older brothers taught me a lot. They taught me how to hold my own. How to throw a football. How to change a tyre, but also how to be kind and compassionate. They mightn’t look like it from the outside, but on the inside, my brothers were marshmallows. All of them. Especially Connor. Although I wasn’t stupid enough to ever call Connor soft.
“Promise.” As soon as I said the word I knew I meant it wholeheartedly.
“Good. Now, get in the car and get out of here. You’ve got a long drive and you need to make sure you stop and take breaks.” I’m not sure if that was aimed at me or Zoe. Zoe just flicked him the bird and slipped into her car.
Even though leaving Ryan alone seemed wrong, I knew going home right now was what I needed to do. I just had to hope Beau didn’t flip his shit when he saw my tattoo.
***
“Wake up, Holly, we’re here.”
Blinking, I fought of the heavy cloak of sleep that surrounded me and looked around. We were parked out the front of Payton’s bakery. The lights to the downstairs store were off, but the apartment up above was alive.
Stumbling out of the car, I stretched my arms and legs, surprised by how much they ached. I was the worst travelling companion ever. I’d slept most of the way, not even staying awake long enough to have a real conversation.
“Thanks for bringing me home,” I offered pathetically as I grabbed my bag from the back.
“Any time. You okay to get upstairs? I need to get over to Mia’s.”
“Absolutely!” I declared, faking confidence. I didn’t want to walk up the stairs and knock on Payton’s door. What if Beau was there? What if it was a trap? Then I remembered everything I’d learnt in the last couple of days. Things I’d learnt from Zoe. From the instructors in the self defence classes. Things I’d learnt from just being on my own and having time to think things through. I had this. This shit was mine. I was going to win. And god forbid anyone who dared get in my way or try to stop me.
Standing on the footpath, I watched as Zoe drove away. The blinking orange of her indicator was the only movement in a deserted main street. It was peaceful down here and I knew once I made it upstairs that would be gone. Taking my time, I sat down in the gutter and tugged my jacket tighter around my shoulders, warding off the chill in the air. I never thought I’d like living in a small town. Not after spending time in the city with everything you could possibly want at your fingertips. Yet as I gazed out over the emptiness and the stillness I realised, this is where I should be. What would become of my life I had no idea, but whatever it was, this was home. And I for one, was in no hurry to leave.
“You think you’re so fucking special, don’t you, Princess?” a nasally voice behind me slurred.
I thought I was all alone. As I jumped to my feet, my ankle got caught on the strap of my bag, sending me careening towards the asphalt. Even though I stuck my hands out in front of me to break my fall, my knee hit hard, sending a jolt of pain radiating down my leg. Sprawled out on the ground, I’d taken the skin off my hands and tiny rocks were indented into them. Rolling over, I sat on my bum and looked up.
Hovering above me was Caitlyn. At least she looked like Caitlyn. Her normally perfect hair was wild, her eyes red-rimmed, and her lips chapped. She wore a pair of dark jeans and a t-shirt which had seen better days. Gone was the perfectly put together version of Caitlyn.
“Ah, hi Caitlyn.”
“Don’t fucking ‘Hi Caitlyn’ me. Why I am I not surprised to find you sitting in the gutter? After all, it’s where you belong.”
“Come on, Cait. Ease up. You know Holly prefers it when she’s in the barn. With the animals. Where she belongs.”
The voice stepped out of the shadows and my stomach plummeted. I knew her. I knew the voice and I recognised the evil sneer. Jocelyn Albright. Jocelyn had been my roommate at boarding school. Why the hell she was here I had no idea. Searching my brain, I vaguely remembered something about her being from the North Coast. So why the hell was she out here in the middle of nowhere?
“What’s wrong, Holly? Did you miss me?”
“Wh-what-are-you-doing-here-Jocelyn?” I stuttered, completely confused.
“My cousin Caitlyn said she was having some issues with some country bumpkin whore. So naturally, I thought of you. And here I am.”
Dusting my hands off, I clambered to my feet. There was no way I was going to sit here and let these two tower over me. I already knew, first hand, what Jocelyn was capable of. I wasn’t dumb enough to dare Caitlyn. Right now she looked the more dangerous of the two.
“Of course she didn’t miss you. Why would she, J? She was too busy shacking up with Jack to even notice anyone else. In town two minutes and already fucking the richest guy around.”
“She always was nothing but a slut. I mean, she even threw herself at Adam, like he’d ever want to go near that!”
They were talking about me like I wasn’t standing right there. It was ridiculous. They were ridiculous. From the constipated looks on their faces, they actually believed the bullshit they were spewing.
“She must have a golden pussy or something ’cause she pulled the same shit at school.”
“I didn’t go near Adam! I wouldn’t do that,” I protested but I knew it wasn’t doing me any good.
“Bullshit! You’re an absolute miserable liar, Holly. I saw you. I fucking saw you. You were wiping his cum off your face. His pants were around his ankles. So don’t try and tell me you didn’t suck off my boyfriend in our room.”
“I didn’t!”
“Sure, Adam just jerked off all over your face and you did nothing to stop him,” Caitlyn added with a nasty snicker.
The truth was, that was exactly what had happened. I’d been asleep when I woke up to Adam’s grunting and groaning as he tugged at his cock right over my face. When I opened my mouth to scream blue murder, he’d come all over me. When I finally managed to scream, in came Jocelyn, only to find Adam’s flaccid cock in his hand, his cum on my face, and his pants around his ankles. Naturally he’d spun some story about me coming on to him and not taking no for an answer. I guess she really did believe his bullshit after all.
With a look of disgust on her face, one that would frighten the toughest person, she tossed out casually, “Shame those pills didn’t do the job. Then we wouldn’t have this issue.”
“W-what issue?” I found my voice.
“Don’t play dumb, Holly,” Caitlyn spat acidly.
“Oh Cait. She’s not playing. She actually is that dumb.”
Grabbing my bag from the ground, I slung it over my shoulder. If these two wanted to stand here on the street talking shit, then they could do it without me. I didn’t need to hear it. And I sure as shit didn’t want to. I’d taken three steps towards the bakery when I was yanked back by the hair.
It hurt.
It hurt a fucking lot.
Not as much though as the slap that connected with my cheek as I was spun around. It was like wham. I wasn’t expecting it, and honestly, I wasn’t sure which bitch actually let fly. I did know it split open my cheek though, and besides the stinging, there was a trickle of blood running down my cheek.
I was pissed.
Beyond pissed.
I tried to do the right thing. Walk away. Leave it alone. I knew nothing good would come from retaliating. But they weren’t going to let me. I had to fight back. It was now or never. This had to end. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t keep having
these same arguments or living in fear a moment longer.
“What the fuck is your problem? You think I was fucking around with Adam—hell no! He was as disgusting and vile as you are! I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole ’cause I don’t know what the hell I’d catch! Seriously! Jocelyn, you had a crush on my fucking brother! I wasn’t screwing him. Yep, Ryan came and picked me up. He took me shopping and to the movies and out for lunch. But guess what? He’s my brother. And after all the shit you were piling on me—and I know you were behind it—you’d think he’d ever touch you?” I was so over putting up with this. Ever since the day I’d embarrassed Jocelyn in a debate, pointing out her inaccuracies and her blatant lies, she’d been on my back. Enough was enough. “And you, Caitlyn…what the fuck did I ever do to you? You saw me walk into school one morning with Jack and suddenly I was the enemy?” Both stared at the ground, unable to look at me. I don’t think they were prepared for me to fight back. Bullies never are. That’s what gives them the power. They pick on the weak. They torment the silent ones. The ones they think will keep their secrets. The ones that won’t argue and make a scene and make them pay. The ones they think will let them get away with it.
I’d had a gut full.
I was fucking sick to death of being their punching bag. If they wanted to swing at me, they’d best believe I was swinging back.
“Jack and I are friends. We were friends. That’s it. You think he’s not with you because of me? Why don’t you step down off your pedestal and take a look in the mirror? Maybe Jack doesn’t want you because you’re an evil, conniving bitch.” Fuck, that felt good. The words that were coming out of my mouth were horrible and I hated saying them, but I needed to. I was fighting back. I was fucking over this.
“I don’t believe you,” Caitlyn snarled.
“I don’t care! I really don’t. Believe whatever you want, Caitlyn. I’m going inside. I’m done with this. All of it. These games, this bullshit, you being on my back all the time. It’s done. We’re done. You want Jack, he’s all yours.”
Fighting Back (Meet the McIntyres Book 3) Page 23