Thirty-one
When they at last reached the homestead, they were surprised to see Evie’s little four-wheel-drive Suzuki parked in the shed, the chains on the wheels still crusted with snow.
‘Evie!’ Meg shrieked.
‘You go on inside and get warm,’ Emily said. ‘I’ll fix the ponies.’
‘Thanks, Mum,’ said Tilly, her eyes aglow at the thought of their very special visitor. Then the girls were running inside to the warmth of Evie.
When Emily came in she found Evie dishing up steaming soup to Meg and Tilly. They were already scoffing chunks of fresh bread coated thickly with dobs of Evie’s homemade butter.
‘What are you doing here? The snow! I thought you’d come up after it melted.’
‘I didn’t know we were going to have such a season! Plus, driving in snow is easy-peasy compared to driving in bulldust in the desert,’ Evie said with a wink.
As Evie sat Emily down in front of a steaming plate of delicious chicken and vegetable soup, Emily realised she knew almost nothing of Evie’s past. She knew she was a nurse, she knew she had worked in Aboriginal communities in the desert, but she didn’t know where she came from, about her family, if she had children.
Emily was about to ask when Evie said, ‘You look like you’ve had a tough day.’ Emily felt a wave of despair as she recalled Luke’s strained face and cold voice. She bit her lip and looked to her lap. Evie patted Emily’s hand. ‘One moment.’
Evie pulled out a platter of chocolates from the meat safe and passed them to Tilly.
‘There you are, my darlings. You go sit by the fire and enjoy these. We’ll bring you a hot chocolate in just a moment.’
‘Thanks!’
The girls gone, Evie drew up a chair next to Emily and sat facing her.
‘Tell me,’ she said, her green eyes blazing.
Emily felt so confused. She felt beaten and broken. She told Evie about Kelvin Grimsley, who had acted so superior, who had come onto her family’s sacred place and made her feel like nothing, like she was an outsider in her own heartland.
‘To top it all, Luke was there,’ Emily said, ‘and he did nothing to help me. Instead he threw the book at me! They’re going to fine me and inform some other department I’m not a fit mother!’
‘Shush, shush,’ Evie said, drawing Emily into her arms. ‘What a load of rot. You’re a fine mother and a fine bushman. Luke knows that. He was just protecting himself.’
‘But worrying about a job ahead of what is morally right, I thought he was so much better than that.’
‘Oh, I think you’ll find he is. But perhaps Luke was protecting himself from something else.’ Emily looked confused. Evie lifted her eyebrows. ‘My dear, can’t you see? He was protecting himself from you.’
‘From me?’
‘Yes. He’s in love with you.’
The words seemed to hang in the air around Emily. She frowned. ‘But —’
‘There are no buts. He has a soul connection to you that runs so deeply it frightens him. And the time isn’t yet right in this lifetime for you to join him.’
Emily almost rolled her eyes but something stopped her. She could see such conviction in Evie that she began to allow her words to sink in. Evie never tried to prove her theories to her and Sam. She just spoke as if things simply were as she said they were.
‘We all have a body, right? And inside that body is a soul that, when we die, leaves this planet for the non-physical realm. Sometimes those souls come back into other bodies. That’s why sometimes when you meet someone it feels like you’ve known them for an age. You get that feeling because you have known them for an age! Sometimes thousands of years over many lifetimes. Sometimes there are advanced souls in the non-physical world that guide you in the physical world. That’s how it is for all of us. The more you’re tuned in to it, the more you’ll see it.’
Emily shook her head. Until Evie, until her accident, she’d never contemplated stuff like this. Some days she was up for Evie’s strange notions. But tonight she was tired. Her face felt raw from the day in the bitter cold. She felt deeply hurt by the encounter with Kelvin Grimsley, and by Luke’s silence. A log in the kitchen woodstove moved, making her jump.
‘My God,’ said Evie. ‘You’re a mess, girl! C’mon, I’ll make you a hot chocolate as well,’ she said, getting up from the table. ‘I think I better slip some of your Aunt Flo’s harder stuff into it too. Now get up off your backside and onto that couch in the dining room to snuggle with your girls. I’ll bring it in.’
‘Thank you. Thank you so much, Evie,’ Emily said wearily.
Emily dozed off. She dreamed of cattle in the snow, plunging deeply through drifts, Tilly and Meg following them on ponies. Emily was screaming at them all to stop, but no sound would come from her mouth. The snowy landscape was silent, despite her internal screams. She watched in horror as the girls, their ponies and the cattle all tumbled over the cliff, bodies thudding violently on rocks as they fell. On the mountain opposite, the skiers watched and toasted the sight with shining glass flutes of bubbling champagne.
She woke suddenly to the shrill ring of the phone, gasping. Evie must’ve put the girls to bed as they were no longer with her on the couch. She grappled on the mantelpiece for matches and lit a lantern. In the armchair beside her Evie was stirring awake.
‘Who could that be?’ she said sleepily.
Emily hurried to the phone.
‘Emily?’ There was a delay as the radio phone beamed its signal to the satellite tower and back.
‘Dad?’
‘Just had a call from Parks. Any sign of two rangers up your way? It seems they’re missing. Were due back this afternoon in Dargo but there was no show.’
She asked her father the time.
‘It’s after midnight.’
‘Yeah, I’ve seen ’em,’ she said.
‘Where?’
‘Out on the Long Spur.’
‘When?’
‘Dad,’ she broke down, her voice cracking, ‘it was awful. They tried to ping me on all fronts – when all the girls and I were doing was fixing a bloody fence at Ma and Pa’s reserve at the spring. They reckon they’ll fine me or take me to court. And they said they’ll get the family services in – that I’m not a fit mother. Just for, for … I dunno what! So I left ’em. Out there on the Long Spur at some new boomgate in a white-out.’
‘Oh, Emily,’ her father said.
‘I thought they’d be right! They’re supposed to be rangers. They weren’t far off the track.’
‘That young bloke is brand new and wouldn’t have been up there more than once or twice, and you know it. And the other fella, well, he’s from Melbourne. Plus you know it’s a black spot for radio reception that side of the range.’
‘The trees were blazed – I even did a couple of fresh marks myself on my way through.’
‘They wouldn’t know to look for the blazes.’
‘I know,’ she said quietly, guilty that she hadn’t guided the men out to the main road where modern snow markers of orange plastic flagged the worst of the snow-covered road. ‘I was so mad, Dad. I’m sorry.’
‘I’ll have to tell the authorities. If they’re really lost, there could be all kinds of enquiries and you could find yourself more than fined!’
‘Dad, I’m sorry. I’ll set out at dawn and see if I can find them.’
‘Don’t rush out in the morning. The weather’s not meant to lift until mid-morning anyway. I’ll call you. Chances are they’ll send a chopper across from Hotham at first light.’
‘A chopper! Are you serious? They’ve only been gone one night. They’ll be okay if they stay with the vehicle and I know at least one of them has the sense to do that,’ Emily said, thinking of Luke.
She shook her head. She was so confused by Luke’s behaviour. He was a farm boy, but he’d been touched by a government culture that seemed to skew real life. She thought of him reading out from the infringement book, his voice monotone and de
void of emotion. Was a job so important that he couldn’t speak up for her?
When Emily put down the phone, Evie was standing behind her, her hair sticking up on one side from sleeping in the chair.
‘You must be like a sapling,’ Evie said.
‘A sapling?’
‘Yes, not a rigid tree trunk. Saplings bend with the winds of trouble. They bounce back quickly when times are still. But trees that are inflexible in the wind simply get blown over. Try not to resist what life throws at you, Emily. You must be flexible and bend with it. Be in the flow. And remember, never shrink to be a tussock.’
‘A tussock?’ Emily said, leaning forward and hoping for more pearls of wisdom. ‘Why not a tussock?’
Evie looked her in the eye and Emily saw a twinkle. ‘Because dogs and wombats crap on tussocks.’
Evie began to laugh, and so too did Emily.
They both made their way back to the dining room where they stoked up the fire and resettled themselves under blankets on the couches. There was no way Emily could sleep now, knowing Luke was still out there, probably with the vehicle running for warmth, shut in the four-wheel drive with only his boss for company. But, Emily thought angrily, he deserved it.
The next day, despite what Rod had said, Emily set out early with the wind whipping coldly about her. Evie stayed behind with the girls, who for the first time were not begging to come out for another ride. Even though the weather was rough, Emily knew their reluctance was mostly because they didn’t want to go near the grumpy man again. Meg had mentioned him several times last night, saying in Evie’s words that he had an angry energy.
Emily didn’t want to go near Kelvin again either, but as she rode Bonus towards the Long Spur, she knew she was doing this for Luke.
Suddenly, the clouds parted and sunshine poured down upon the snow. She thought about Evie’s view that Luke loved her. If he did, surely he would’ve stuck up for her. With the warmth of the morning sun on her face, Emily realised now that she couldn’t help but love Luke too. No matter what he’d done. She also heard Evie’s words again, that the time for them was not right. She thought of Evie’s talk on souls last night and ‘other lives’, past and future. If she and Luke couldn’t be together in this lifetime, Emily decided now she would look for Luke first in her next life.
She felt comforted by that thought and urged Bonus on faster. He was breathing heavily, as the effort of walking through deep snow was great, but he was also fit and lean and completely bonded to Emily. Even though she was riding out to find two lost men and the situation could be serious, Emily felt a lightness. She was enjoying the solitude, the first time in weeks she’d had time off from being a mum, just her and Bonus. Her one link with Luke. What a gift he was.
As she rode, she recalled a story about her grandfather’s bushman’s knack for finding people who had become lost on the vast ridges of the high plains. On one occasion he’d ridden right up to a large log in a gully where he figured the bushwalker may have wandered, hopelessly lost. Sure enough the walker was there, lying asleep on the lee side of the log, cold, but none the worse for wear. The walker was woken by the deep voice of Emily’s grandfather saying, ‘So, do you want to be found today, boy?’ It seemed only fitting that here again, Emily was looking out for stranded people on the mountain. Ironically, they were VPP employees in the year of the bans.
On the last zigzag pinch onto the track, Emily pulled her horse up short in the cover of the trees. There they were, and with them a further three vehicles that had clearly travelled from Mt Hotham. There were rangers everywhere, laughing and chatting. There in the huddle were Luke and his boss. Relieved for him, Emily watched for a while.
She was about to swing her horse around when Luke looked up as if he’d sensed her there. She saw his expression change when he saw her sitting astride the big young chestnut amidst the snow and the twisted limbs of the trees.
He smiled at her. The most gentle, beautiful smile. He slowly shook his head and mouthed ‘sorry’ to her. Emily didn’t return his smile. He’s not for me in this lifetime, she told herself, and she suddenly felt a powerful freedom.
She was beholden to no man, Emily realised. And she was no longer only a cattleman’s daughter, but a cattleman in her own right. She was a strong woman who could survive on her own in a rich, wonderful life. Like a sapling she would bend to any troubles that came her way.
‘Goodbye,’ she whispered. ‘See you in another life.’
She turned and urged her horse on, sliding, laughing and tumbling down the track, enjoying the bright clear warmth of the sun and keen to be home again with her girls and Evie.
Thirty-two
Weeks later, Emily was surprised to see a solitary yellow daffodil blooming beneath a sprinkling of snow beside the stable. Spring had arrived on the mountains, and this one special winter with her daughters was coming to an end.
After that first bloom, spring began to reveal itself all around them. She pointed out to Meg and Tilly the shoots of Granny Bonnets emerging from the icy soil. Above them, bright green, red and blue parrots skittered overhead, flirting in their own private mating ritual. Mother Nature was nudging Emily to accept that her self-imposed isolation was over. It was time to pack up and go back to the lowlands, time to make a new life.
As she carried bags out to the ute, Emily held within her a sense of accomplishment – she had not merely endured the winter here, but thrived in it. She had ticked off many of the jobs on her list and also added more, knowing she was free to come and go from here as she pleased. It was her home. She was no longer answerable to any man. She felt altogether changed and altered.
She now had a lean, fit body, and her mind was sharp too. The only thing worrying her was how she was going to earn an income. She had no formal qualifications for anything. But she pushed the worries away and focused on the positives.
Tilly and Meg had also thrived in this wilderness and as she watched them now, dragging their backpacks onto the verandah, she saw they were very different children to the meek little ones she’d mothered in the suburban house in Brigalow. She realised how withdrawn the girls had been there, hunkering down in front of the television if Clancy was in a rage. But now, they no longer asked after their father, and seemed so alive and engaged with the world around them, that they offered to help with everything and asked questions all the time.
There was no need to pack everything up. The horses would stay in the vast home paddock and the food could remain in the pantry as Emily knew they’d be back soon. She now planned to live between the two houses – her father’s on the lowlands and here.
She was heading down now to enrol the girls at the school for next year, then would travel back up for the summer holidays. Perhaps she could get a job in the pub or the store so she could pay the bills that would no doubt soon follow now they were heading back to the modern world.
As they reached the foothills of the mountains, the rivers were fresh from snowmelt, the water rushing and burbling over rocks. On the road into Dargo, the giant walnut trees, once winter skeletons, were beginning to shoot huge green shady leaves. The gums frothed with flowers.
Emily drove past the church and the school. She held her breath when she passed the ranger’s office, both wanting and not wanting to see Luke. But his vehicle was not there, and Emily laughed at herself for the mixture of relief and disappointment that swirled in her.
The Tranquillity driveway was flanked prettily with walnut trees and elms in true Dargo fashion. Emily drove past Bob’s house, surprised to see DD back on the chain bouncing up and down. For the first time the dog’s coat was glossy and he was actually fat.
Bob’s lawn was mown, not grazed. And the daffodils in the garden beds that had survived from her grandparents’ days had been joined by other bright spring blooms that had obviously been planted. Emily frowned. Had someone else moved into Bob’s?
Emily had barely switched off the vehicle before Meg and Tilly were out, bounding up the verand
ah steps. They ran into the house calling out, ‘Grandpa, Grandpa!’
There was no one about. The house was silent, the kitchen empty. They came banging out of the big wooden screen door their faces subdued.
‘No one’s home.’
Emily frowned again. She’d rung to say they would be home around lunchtime.
‘They’re probably out working,’ she said. ‘We’ll see them later. Come on. Help Mum with the bags.’
The girls, a little grumpy now, lugged bags into the homestead. As they walked along the hallway they heard a noise.
A snickering.
‘Shush,’ Emily said to the girls. ‘Did you hear that?’
Meg and Tilly’s eyes lit up. ‘They’re playing tricks!’
They all dashed to the one closed door of the house, the dining room. Swinging it open, they were met with a chorus of voices shouting, ‘Surprise!’
The Flanaghan family stood around the table, which was laden with Evie’s lunchtime feast. Emily was amazed to see Sam there with his arm around Bridie. Sam’s cheeky handsome face glowed with good health and Bridie beamed a welcoming smile at Emily. Evie stood beside Rod, who radiated love and pride for his daughter and granddaughters. Next to him stood Flo, who towered over Baz, her arm slung about his shoulders. And beside them, to Emily’s astonishment, stood Bob.
Bob had lost weight, shaved his head, and had a fresh tattoo of a flaming comet on his forearm. He was wearing tight black jeans with a silver studded belt and a black T-shirt with Keith Urban’s funky country rock designs on it. He even had an earring!
Emily, tears brimming, rushed to hug each and every one of them as they told her how fit and strong she looked and how beautiful the girls were. They began to trip over their words and their conversations ran this way and that as Emily tried to find out all their news.
The Cattleman's Daughter Page 25