by Rico, Lauren
And, in less time than it takes to blink, Matthew is in his face.
“You want to think real hard about what you say next, Jeremy,” he says softly. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“You should be.”
He says these three words in an over-enunciated whisper. The effect is chilling.
“If not for yourself, then for her,” he continues with a nod in my direction. “Because I know, Matthew. I know that the surest way to hurt you is to hurt her. And you cannot possibly be there to protect her every minute of every day.”
He’s right, and all three of us in this room know it.
“Let’s be clear here, Jeremy. I’m a man of more resources than you can possibly imagine; more connections, more power and more money. There is nothing that I cannot or will not buy to protect the people I care about. So if you think for a second that you’re the only person in this room without something to worry about, you are very much mistaken. I might not be willing to kill you with my own bare hands, but I’m not above hiring someone else to do it for me. So again I say, get the fuck out of my home.”
I can’t see Jeremy’s expression now, just that he’s shaking his head very slowly.
“You have made a very, very big mistake, Matthew, and a stupid one at that. I mean really, if you think I killed Cal, then what makes you think I wouldn’t hesitate to kill you? Or her? You know, I came here to offer you one last chance, but I’ve changed my mind. You can take your ‘resources’ and shove them up your ass, Matthew, because, I repeat, I can get to anyone, anywhere, anytime.”
And with that he walks around Matthew, stopping briefly in the doorway to turn around and address me one last time.
“Can you see the fall from here, Jules?” he asks with a twisted smile before heading down the hall and out the front door.
“Did that really just happen?” I ask incredulously. “Did I really just hear him threaten to…” I can’t finish the sentence. I just slide down the wall until I’m sitting on the carpet.
Matthew joins me just the way he did that morning of the Kreisler auditions. God, it seems like a lifetime ago now. He takes my hand in his.
“What was that thing about the fall?” he asks.
“That day in Montauk. He took me to the lighthouse and I was afraid of coming back down the spiral stairs. He asked me why I wasn’t scared going up too. I told him it was because on the way down, I could see the fall coming.”
Just like now.
56
It is the last thing I can think of to do. It’s a long shot, I know, but I have to try anyway. So when Brett Corrigan steps out of the backstage entrance of the theatre on Broadway, I’m waiting for him.
“Julia?” he says with surprise.
“Hey, Brett. I was hoping you might have the time to talk for a few minutes. Maybe I can buy you a nightcap somewhere? I won’t take much of your time.”
I can see that his curiosity is going to get the best of him on this one.
“Uh... sure, I guess. There’s a bar just over there,” he says, gesturing to a small Irish pub.
I follow him across the street.
“How was the show tonight?” I ask, trying to make a little conversation as we walk down the block.
“The same,” he groans. “It’s always the same. You’ve played in Broadway pit orchestras before, you know how it goes.”
“I do,” I admit. “At least it pays well.”
“That it does.”
He holds the door open and I step into the dark bar ahead of him. The bartender nods to us, and we take a couple of empty stools at the far end of the big oak bar.
“Michelob,” Brett says when he puts a coaster in front of him.
“I’ll just have seltzer and cranberry, please,” I say.
We wait quietly until the drinks are sitting in front of us.
“So… what’s up?” Brett asks.
“I don’t really know how to say this. Uh, it’s your brother. It’s Jeremy. He’s making some pretty serious threats lately, threats against Matthew and me. And I was hoping you might…”
His eyebrows go up expectantly, as if he’s waiting for me to finish the sentence.
“You were hoping… what? That I could intervene somehow?”
I shrug and take a sip from of my drink.
“I guess. I hoped you could at least give me some guidance here. All I want is to get on with my life, Brett. He’s got what he wants. He won the gold. He’s going to have an amazing career. I’m going to steer clear. It’s just that…”
He just stares at me, expressionless. This isn’t going the way I’d hoped. Finally, Brett speaks, and he when he does, he doesn’t hold anything back.
“What, Julia? What do you want? What is it that you think I’m going to tell you? Yes, my brother was a dick to you. I’m not surprised. In fact, I think you’re the only one who didn’t see that one coming.”
Oh, this was not a good idea.
“Brett,” I say softly, locking my eyes on his. “He says he’s going to hurt me.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time, now, would it, Julia? And I didn’t see you running to the police, or packing a bag. If memory serves, you were sleeping in his bed both of those nights.”
You know, I wasn’t going to go there but he just opened the door. So, now I’m going to walk through it.
“Why didn’t you do something? Why did you just let him hit me?” I ask quietly.
He looks away from me and swigs his bottle.
“My brother and I have an agreement. I stay out of his affairs and he stays out of mine.”
“Brett, I don’t believe for a second that you would ever hit a woman,” I say firmly. “So how could you stand by and let him do it?”
“You don’t understand. My relationship with Jeremy is… complicated.”
I’m never going to get through to him this way, so I might as well just throw it all out there.
“You know he had something to do with Cal’s death.”
“I don’t know that.”
“You’re not stupid Brett. He took peanut oil and put it on Cal’s mouthpiece so he’d have a fatal reaction.”
“Oh yeah? If that’s so clear cut, then why haven’t the police charged him with anything?”
“He switched the mouthpieces out when he was ‘helping’ Cal. I saw him do it, Brett.”
“Again, why haven’t the police charged him with anything?”
I sigh and drop my head in frustration and he continues, leaning down closer to me so that no one will overhear what he’s about to say.
“You have fucked yourself here. Big time. If you had just let it go, everything would’ve been fine. Sure, your ego would have been bruised for a while, your heart would have been broken, but you’d have been okay eventually. I can’t tell you that now. Did you know they’re actually considering revoking his medal because of all this shit you and Matthew have stirred up?”
What? Dear God, that’ll push Jeremy right over the edge!
“I know my brother better than anyone on this earth and you better believe me when I tell you he holds a grudge. I’m going to give you a piece of advice, Julia, and I hope you take it.”
He sits up again and takes a swig of beer. I stare at him, miserably, waiting for whatever it is he’s going to say next.
“You, Julia, should get the fuck out of town, and take your boyfriend with you. If you stay here, there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that Jeremy won’t do to punish you for this little stunt. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’ll be lucky to get a teaching job at a community college after your little publicity campaign. You took something huge from him, and I guarantee you that he will not rest until the score is settled.”
I think I’m scared, that I’m going to grow pale and mutter and apologize for bothering him. But when I open my mouth, something miraculous happens. I fight back.
“Don’t you think for a single second that I don’t see your agenda here Brett Corrigan,” I hiss at him.
“You’d just love for us to leave town so you can just slip right into Matthew’s seat at the Walton Quartet. That’s what you’re really thinking, isn’t it Brett? Come on. Tell me the thought hasn’t occurred to you before.”
He smiles, and I have to make a concerted effort not to slap it off his face.
“Don’t you feel even the least bit guilty?” I ask him.
“Why should I? I haven’t done a damn thing.”
“Exactly.”
“What?”
“You’re worse than Jeremy. You just stand by and let him hurt people, kill people, Brett; rape and beat women. You’re worse because you can do something about it, but you make an active, conscious decision not to.”
Now he’s looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind.
“You know what, forget it. You’re just as incapable of empathy as he is. Maybe all this time you thought you were teaching your brother how to be human. I think it’s the other way around. He’s been teaching you how to be inhuman.”
I’ve struck a nerve here. His jaw is slack, his brows are knit and it looks as if he’s suspended in time. For an instant, I think I have won him over. But even I cannot undo a lifetime of conditioning from a master manipulator. Brett regains his composure after a few seconds. He stands up, drops a ten-dollar bill on the bar and slings his viola case over his shoulder.
“I’ve got this round,” he says as he tucks his wallet back into his pocket. “You’re going to need every cent you have to get as far away from here as possible.”
And with that, he raises a hand goodbye and walks out the door without so much as a glance back over his shoulder.
57
The apartment is silent when I get back from my ill-fated peacekeeping mission. I put on my nightgown and try to sleep this horrible day away, but I can’t. I make my way to the bedroom, Matthew’s bedroom. The door is already open a crack, and I can see his figure, lying still underneath the covers on his bed.
I don’t want to startle him so I ease the door open slowly and slip in, my feet padding noiselessly on the carpet. I lift up the covers and slide in next to where he’s sleeping on his side, breathing in a soft, steady rhythm. I snuggle up against him, putting my head on his pillow and draping my arm over his waist.
“Matthew,” I whisper into the darkness close to his ear.
“Hmmm….”
“Matthew, I have to talk to you.”
The regularity of his breathing stops with a gulp of air, and his body stirs.
“Julia?” he mumbles. “What’s wrong?”
“We have to talk.”
“What time is it?”
“About one a.m.”
“Geez, Julia, what are you doing up so late? You need your sleep,” he mumbles and gravitates back toward slumber.
“Matthew, please. This is important,” I say, still softly but more firmly this time. “I’ve just been to see Brett Corrigan.”
Matthew is wide awake and sitting up, staring at me in a matter of seconds. I pull myself up to join him in sitting against the headboard.
“What is it?”
“I think we’re in some trouble.”
“Jeremy?”
I nod solemnly.
“I just heard that the Kreisler Committee is considering stripping him of the gold medal because of all the controversy around him. All the controversy that we helped to create.”
He puts the heel of his hand to his forehead, closing his eyes as he speaks.
“Oh, God. He’s going to lose his fucking mind over this,” he groans, echoing my thoughts. After a second he opens his eyes and looks at me. “Wait, why were you talking to Brett?”
“I was hoping he could do something; say something that would keep Jeremy from– I don’t know. Doing whatever it is he’s thinking of doing.”
He shakes his head at me.
“Julia, you can’t reach a guy like Brett, anymore than you can reach Jeremy. They destroy lives. They don’t care about anything or anyone other than themselves. You were never going to convince him to help,” he says.
Well, I know that now. I sigh and put my hands over my face for a moment.
“I can’t lie to you Matthew, it’s going to take some time for me to totally get over him, but now I have this - this other person to think about. If he finds out I’m pregnant, he’ll hurt me. I know it in my heart. He’ll do something to make me lose this baby.”
“I know,” he says simply.
“Do you think we’re in danger? I mean, it kind of feels like that, but I don’t know if I'm overreacting…”
“I honestly don’t know,” he shrugs. “What did Brett say to you?”
I clear my throat.
“He recommends we leave before Jeremy has a chance to react,” I say, toning down Brett’s comments so he won’t get upset.”
I wait for a long moment before I ask him again.
“What do you think?”
“I think I’m not afraid to stand my ground here,” he begins. “And I know you’re strong enough to weather whatever comes next. I think that if we commit to staying here, we can ride it out and hopefully Jeremy will move on, one way or another.”
“But…”
“You know me too well, Julia. Of course there’s a ‘but.’ But I can tell you right now it won’t be easy. I’ll be worried about you every second of every day. You’ll be looking over your shoulder constantly, wondering what fucked up thing he’s going to do next. Maybe…”
“Maybe we should go somewhere else and start over,” I finish the thought for him.
He nods.
“I’d hate to let him think he’s won.”
“Oh, Matthew, it’s not a win or lose situation. It’s whatever will make us happy.”
“But will you be, Julia? Can you be happy if you leave here with me? If you give up your life here, your degree, your career?”
“I can finish my degree and have a career somewhere else, Matthew. But you’d be giving up the Walton. You’ve worked your whole life for that.”
“Nothing. That’s nothing compared to you and the safety of your child, Julia. I’ll give it up in a heartbeat and I won’t look back if that’s what we decide to do.”
I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. Finally, Matthew is the one to break the silence between us.
“Julia, I’m so sorry,” he says in a strangled voice. My God, is he crying? “Tony warned me about pushing Jeremy and I didn’t listen. Now– now I’ve ruined everything for us.”
I can see the tears glistening down his cheeks in the darkness. And I thought I’d be the one crying over all of this.
“Oh, Matthew,” I say, opening my arms to him. I embrace him, rub his back and sooth him as he sobs quietly into my shoulder.
“It’s okay, we’re okay,” I murmur. This is my mantra. The words I use to get myself through scary times. Now I have broadened it to include him and the baby; all of us.
He pulls his head back to look at me and I wipe the tears from his face. I can’t help myself. When he leans in to kiss me, I don’t pull away.
“Marry me,” he breathes to me in between kisses.
“What?”
“Let me be your baby’s father, Julia. Marry me.”
And just like that, I’m overwhelmed by my love for this man. I have fought our attraction for more years than I can remember, but I can’t do it for one single second more. I take his face in my hands and pull him into me. It happens so quickly, but it feels so right. I help him get the sweatshirt over his head and his pants are in a pile on the floor a moment later. I feel his strong, rough hands under my nightgown, his palms against the smoothness of my back.
“Take it off,” I whisper breathlessly.
He helps me out of it and presses against me. The feel of his bare chest against mine is incredible. I can’t take my mouth from his as his hands explore my body, cupping my breasts, outlining my hips, running up and down the outside of my thighs.
“I want to learn
every curve by heart,” he whispers.
When he moves his mouth to my neck, I have to gasp.
“Julia, are you sure? Are you really sure?” he asks, pulling away so I can see his face clearly.
I smile.
“So sure,” I say, putting a hand to his face.
I don’t need to say another word. My legs wrap around his waist and he eases into me. I sigh, arching my head back. We fit together so perfectly. It’s as if we were made for one another. Slowly, he starts to move, and I am with him. My eyes lock onto his and I meet every breath, every thrust until neither of us can stand it another second. And then we are moving faster and faster, building to a crescendo. I kiss him and pray silently that he will always be this close to me.
I feel as if, in this moment, I have finally found my home. My family.
Epilogue: Brett
As I take the stage at Carnegie Hall, I can see both Matthew and Jeremy, but they can’t see one another. This is my first official concert with the Walton Quartet since I’ve taken over the seat that Matthew vacated. What a fool. He had the opportunity of a lifetime and he pissed it away. And for what? To defend a naïve little girl who was stupid enough to fall for my brother.
No one’s seen Julia in weeks. Rumor is that she’s withdrawn from McInnes. Jeremy tells me her phone is out of service and her emails bounce back. And this is the first time I’ve seen Matthew since Joe Dancy called to offer me his job.
Right now, my brother is seated in the audience, maybe six rows back from the stage. He’s got a smug smile on his face because he’s pleased that I’ve gotten this gig. Oh, not because he’s happy for my success, but because it makes him look good to have a brother playing in the top chamber ensemble in the world right now.
Definitely not smiling is Matthew. He’s standing back in a shadowy corner where he doesn’t think anyone will notice him. But I do. Mainly because I’ve stood in those shadows myself a time or two, watching him take this very spot on stage and wishing it was me. And now it is.
I could probably find a way to tip Jeremy off to the fact that Matthew is there. But that’s not what this is about. Matthew has come to say goodbye to his dream. I get it. By seeing me sitting in his chair, he can finally let it go and move on.