Abby was carrying someone else’s child.
“Did Jasper know?”
“Yes.”
Another shock—one Morgan found more difficult to believe. Jasper would never knowingly marry a ruined woman. He may have enjoyed living life recklessly, but he had always been careful not to cross a line that would cast lasting pallor on his high standing in society. He’d valued his reputation too much—or, at least that’s what Morgan had always assumed. But if that had truly been the case, why had he eloped? Had Jasper fancied himself so in love with Abby it made him blind? Had the truth not come to light until after they’d married? Had she been the one to suggest Gretna Green?
No, he couldn’t believe that either. Jasper wouldn’t have been lured into the parson’s trap so easily, even by a woman with an alluring figure and pretty, blue eyes. Besides, if Abby was capable of such deception, she wouldn’t be revealing all this now.
There had to be a better explanation.
Perhaps Jasper’s debts had caught up with him and they’d struck a bargain. If she gave him her extensive dowry, he would save her from ruin.
It was the only thing that made sense, yet it didn’t explain everything. Why would Jasper give up his cherished bachelorhood when he could have come to Morgan for help? He had never been shy about asking his brother for money before.
Then there was Abby, a woman who’d seemed kind and good and virtuous.
Devil take it. Have I been so blind?
“Whose child is it?” he demanded again, his voice hard and cold.
Abby didn’t crumble or fall into weeping as Morgan expected she might. Instead, she seemed to pull herself together and stiffen her shoulders. “His name does not matter, but I would like to explain if you are willing to hear me out. I’ll understand if you’d rather I leave now.”
Not matter? Morgan wanted to shout. How could the man’s identity not matter? He’s the father of your child!
He fought to remain calm, but he had never felt more deceived or wronged by his own family. All this time, his brother had known and not bothered to enlighten anyone. Did their mother know as well?
Surely Jasper would have told Morgan before their mother.
Surely.
He clenched his jaw and stared at Abby. Part of him wished he could send her packing while another part craved answers to his many questions. Why was she telling him this now? Was there a reason she married Jasper and not the man responsible? Who was she protecting and why was she protecting him?
How did she still appear so blasted innocent when she was anything but?
Fighting to control his rising ire, Morgan leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. “I would like the rest of the story, my lady.”
She winced at the condemning way he’d used her title, as well she should. She wasn’t deserving of it. To her credit, she did not tear up again. Perhaps she knew it would only irritate him further.
“It’s a long story,” she said quietly.
“I have all the time in the world.”
She nodded and drew in a deep breath, directing her gaze out the window beyond him. “About a year ago I became friends with our steward’s nephew. I was lonely, and he was kind to me. At one point, I even fancied myself in love with him and didn’t discourage a kiss every now and again. But when he tried to do more than kiss me, I realized I was headed down a foolish and dangerous path, so I told him we couldn’t remain friends any longer. He attempted to convince me otherwise, but in time he realized the futility of his arguments and came around.
“I left for London, thinking that would be the end of it. But I was wrong. He began writing to me every week. At first, his notes were harmless enough—news about the estate, anecdotes that would have made me laugh at one point, and so on. When I didn’t respond, his letters became more frequent and insistent. He said he couldn’t rid his mind of me, and he wanted to see me again. It frightened me enough that I finally wrote to him, asking him not to write anymore. I even said that I was courting your brother and would likely be betrothed by the season’s end, even though we had only just met. I never expected Jasper to come up to scratch, of course. I only hoped the lie would convince the other man to finally leave me be. It seemed to do the trick, at least for a short while.”
Her eyes became haunted and sad. Morgan realized he was clutching the arms of his chair, anxious to hear more even though he already had a good idea of how the story would unfold. It sickened him.
“The beginning of May,” she continued, “I received another note from him, begging me to meet him. He said he’d come to London for a meeting, and he wanted to apologize and say goodbye in person. Though I had no desire to see him again, I agreed because I wanted to be free of him so badly. We arranged to meet at Vauxhall Gardens the following Friday, when I would be there with Lord Jasper and a large party. I managed to sneak away from the group and found Will in a remote section of the gardens. We were such good friends at one point. I didn’t imagine him capable of…”
She closed her eyes and shook her head shamefully. “He hadn’t come to apologize at all. He was so angry. He accused me of giving him false hope and playing with his affections. Said he’d come to collect what was owed to him. When he grabbed me, I screamed, but my cries must have been swallowed up in the sounds of the orchestra. No one came. I tried to fight and kick my way free, but Will was too strong or I was too weak.”
Her eyes began to gloss over once more, but Morgan felt no irritation this time, only pity and sorrow and loathing for a man who would behave in such a heinous manner.
“Once he’d enacted his revenge, he left me on the ground in a torn and wretched state. I crawled to a shadowed corner and huddled there for a long while. At some point, the fireworks began. I couldn’t see them, but they were so loud. I wanted to flee, but the only direction I knew was the way I’d come, and I wasn’t about to go there, nor was I in any condition to wander. Not long after, I heard Jasper shouting my name. The moment he saw me, I was certain he’d turn away from me in disgust, but he didn’t. He heard my sobs, ascertained what had happened, and carried me away from that wretched scene. The fireworks were still in progress so we were able to leave and locate a hackney with ease. During the ride back to the townhouse, Jasper asked me to run away with him. He said we could drive to Gretna Green that very night with no one the wiser. That he’d love nothing more than to take me as his wife. I could scarce believe it.”
She exhaled slowly and swallowed before continuing. “In my weakened and miserable state, I agreed, and before I could rethink the decision, we were on our way to Gretna Green.”
She wiped a tear from her cheek and tried to smile. “I still don’t know why Jasper did what he did or why I let him. It was madness. I keep thinking that if I had only been stronger or wiser or less selfish, we wouldn’t have married and he’d still be alive. But he isn’t, and nothing I can do or say will change that.”
Tears spilled freely from her eyes as she lifted them to his. “Why couldn’t it have been me and not him? I had nothing to lose and he had everything.”
Morgan’s heart wrenched. It was no wonder Jasper wanted to rescue her. One look at those tear-stained cheeks and bright blue eyes and any man would feel the pull to do the same, although few men would have offered their protection in the way Jasper had. The fact alone was nothing short of astounding.
“It’s not your fault he died, Abby. I know my brother well. He could never say no to a hunting party.”
She negated him with a shake of her head. “He had already written his refusal, insisting his rightful place was at my side and that’s where he would remain. It was me who told him to go. I could see how much he yearned for it, how restless he was becoming here, so I encouraged him to accept, thinking I was doing him a kindness.”
“You were doing him a kindness, and he still made the choice to go. His accident was not your fault anymore than it was mine or his friends. As morbid as it sounds, death is part of life. It’ll come to
all of us at one point or another, and there is nothing we can do to stop that. It’s simply harder to bear when it happens before we think it should.”
Morgan hoped she found some comfort in his words, or at least forgave him for the harsh way he’d reacted to her news. Whatever ire he still felt was now directed at the man who’d done this to her, if he could be called a man at all. Had Jasper done anything to seek recompense? Had he called the perpetrator out? Beat him within an inch of his life? At the very least, turned him over to a Bow Street Runner, not that justice would have been served. Acts of such savagery rarely saw justice. The cur need only say that Abby encouraged him, and the law would look the other way—or worse, force Abby to marry him.
Morgan clenched the arms of his chair as his stomach roiled at the thought. A man like that did not deserve a woman like Abby. He deserved to be hung from the gallows.
“When I discovered I was increasing,” Abby continued, “Jasper said he would claim the child as his own and never breathe a word to anyone about his or her true parentage. I know I have no right to ask the same of you, but for the sake of the child, it is my hope that you and Lady Brigston will honor his desire and remain silent on the subject.” She placed her hand over her stomach in an absentminded fashion. “The babe is innocent of any wrongdoing and should not be made to suffer for circumstances beyond his or her control. I will never ask anything more of you than that.”
Although she appeared anxious, she held herself with pride. Morgan had to commend her for that and for her honesty. She could have kept all these sordid facts to herself, and Morgan and his mother would have been none the wiser.
“How can you be certain the child is not Jasper’s?” The question wasn’t one he wanted to ask, but he needed to know. If there was even a small chance it could be his brother’s, Morgan could see no reason for this discussion or for revealing the truth to his mother.
Her face turned a light crimson color, and she diverted her gaze. “Jasper and I…” She closed her eyes and blurted, “We never consummated our marriage. He wanted to, but after what had happened, I couldn’t bear to have another man touch me. I told him I needed some time, and he was good enough to give it to me.” When her eyes opened again, they were wet. “I would love to believe the child could be Jasper’s, but I can tell you with absolute certainty it is not.”
Morgan had no idea what to say to this. He’d been so quick to condemn his brother and Abby, so quick to assume the worst in both of them.
How wrong he’d been.
“Why are you telling me this?” he asked.
She took a moment to answer. “I never wanted to hide it, at least not from you or your mother. But Jasper insisted that the fewer people who knew the better. He didn’t see any reason to explain the situation to you, and he didn’t want to trouble your mother. I respected his wishes even though I did not agree. But now that he is gone, I can no longer live with the deceit. Perhaps it is wrong to ask you and Lady Brigston to share the burden of secrecy, but whether or not you do so should be your choice to make, not mine.”
“Do you still intend to keep the child?”
“Yes.”
“You wouldn’t consider turning it over to a parish? I’m certain there is a couple somewhere who would gladly welcome a babe into their home.”
The proud look in her eyes hardened into steel. “The child may not be Jasper’s, but it is mine. I never knew what it was like to have a real father or mother, my lord. I always felt as though my father blamed me for the death of my mother and couldn’t abide being near me for long. It injured me deeply, and I would never want any child to feel unwanted. The only reason I would consider giving it up would be if I could not find a way to properly care for it myself. But I assure you, I will find a way. Children ought to be cherished, not abandoned.”
“I admire your determination, Abby,” Morgan said carefully. “But will the child not serve as a constant reminder of a vile act?”
Her hand moved over her midsection in a protective way. “I choose to believe that he or she will be a balm instead of an unpleasant reminder. How could anyone resent an innocent babe? I can only pray I won’t feel that way because I desperately need something good to come from this. How else can I put it behind me?”
Morgan considered the woman before him with newfound respect. Instead of allowing hatred and fear to consume her, she was doing what she could to heal and move forward. He, on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to find the blackguard who did this to her and make him pay for what he’d done. No man should be allowed to force himself upon a woman and walk away unscathed.
He ran his thumb along the edge of the desk. “In that case, I will keep your secret, not that it matters much. By law, the child will be considered Jasper’s regardless of how your confinement came about. You are his widow, and if you were carrying the child at the time of his passing, it is legally his. I see no reason for you to say anything about this to my mother, at least not at present.”
The wariness in her eyes told him she didn’t agree. “My lord, it is not right to keep this from her.”
“Perhaps not, but I know my mother. She is a stickler for proprieties, and while I believe she would come to terms with it eventually, it will be difficult to bear so recently after Jasper’s passing. She has already lost a husband and a son. Let us not make her lose Jasper’s child as well. I know the truth. Can’t that be enough for now?”
Abby furrowed her brow. “I understand your feelings, and I have no wish to cause her additional pain, but she wants to make a christening gown and who knows what else. I cannot, in good conscience, allow her to spend her time, energies, and money on a child she believes to be Jasper’s own flesh and blood.”
Morgan steepled his fingers under his chin and considered her words. They both presented valid arguments, but when it came to his mother, he felt strongly that now was not the time for honesty.
“I only ask that you allow her to heal a while longer and refrain from explaining at this juncture. When the time is appropriate, I will be the one to tell her. Please, Abby, you must trust me on this.”
She finally nodded. “Very well. I shall leave it in your hands, so long as you promise to do so before she begins making the christening gown. I would like to write her a letter of explanation as well. You can give it to her when you feel the time is right.”
It took Morgan a moment to realize why she’d feel the need to write a letter. She was still planning to leave. The thought didn’t sit well with him. It had felt less lonely since she’d come to Oakley, and he was reluctant to see her go. Before Jasper’s accident, his mother had begun to smile and laugh more as well. If given more time, he was certain she’d grow to care for Abby as a daughter, making the news of the child easier to bear. But if Abby left Oakley now…
“You’re determined to leave?” he asked.
Her eyes widened, as though she hadn’t expected it to be an option. Had she really thought he’d send her away once he learned the sordid details of her past? Did she think he’d hold her to blame?
“I believe it would be for the best, my lord,” she finally said.
Morgan disagreed, though he kept that opinion to himself, saying instead, “It seems we are back to where we began. What is it you want to do, Abby? Leave or stay?”
His stomach became a mass of knots while he waited for her answer. Why, he couldn’t say. Did he want her to stay because he felt duty-bound to provide for her, or was it more than that? If she were hideous to look upon or unpleasant to be around, would he still feel this way?
Probably not.
The fact of the matter was that Abby was becoming his friend. He liked being around her, he enjoyed their conversations and her sense of humor, and he was growing increasingly fond of her smile and laugh. He didn’t want to lose that. He didn’t want to lose her.
When she didn’t answer straightaway, he felt the stirrings of hope. Perhaps all she needed was a reason to stay.
He clea
red his throat. “Abby, I will not try to dissuade you, but you are Lady Jasper Campbell now, my late-brother’s widow. As such, you will always be welcome here.” Even as he spoke the words, he cringed at how stiff and formal they sounded, like an offer made out of charity.
He quickly amended, “What I mean to say is that your presence here has been a delight. You have been a companion to my mother and a friend to me. I will miss you should you choose to leave.”
She pressed her lips together, and a myriad of emotions flitted across her features. Consideration, hope, worry, anxiety, and finally a solemn determination. She was going to insist that leaving would be for the best, regardless of his or her wishes.
Before she could voice her thoughts, he quickly said, “You needn’t decide right away. There is still much to be done to put your affairs in order. Feel free to take your time and think on it during the next week or two. You can give me your answer once all the papers have been signed.”
She frowned. “What papers are you referring to? I have no claim on anything.”
“Not now, but in a week or two, you will,” said Morgan.
“But—”
He held up his hand to quiet her. “Abby, I would no more leave you penniless then I would allow this estate to fall to ruin. I intend to set you up with an annuity equal to what your jointure would have been if marriage settlements had been made. The law may not require me to do so, but my conscience does.”
Morgan would never tire of seeing those lovely blue eyes grow wide. Only this time, they shone with good tears, endearing tears.
“I… don’t know what to say,” she finally said. “I don’t deserve your generosity.”
“It is not generosity to return to you what should have been yours to begin with, so let us say no more on the subject.” He clasped his fingers in a gesture of finality.
“Thank you, Brigston,” she said. “That sounds so inadequate, but I don’t know how else to tell you how much your kindness, understanding, and compassion mean to me.”
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