by Lila Felix
“Okay, okay. In the bedroom at the top of the closet. In a shoebox.”
I went to get them since he probably couldn’t move. And just like he said, there were two shoeboxes with the letters, along with photos of Hero from afar. The guy I trusted with my life’s secrets was a filthy creep.
With the shoeboxes under my arm, I marched out of his house, slamming the door so hard the screen door fell off its hinges.
Those two shoeboxes held the contents of a wasted life, wasted dreams and wasted love.
In those shoeboxes, maybe Hero could find a way to forgive me.
Chapter Fifteen
Hero
I TRADED SHIFTS with one of the girls so I could stay home and wallow in self-pity. Now, I picked at the food on my plate and kept the volume loud through my earbuds. Not to mention it kept Grammy from asking too many questions. However, she was eyeing me pretty good. She was awake when I came home the other night, crying, but I have ignored her and everyone else since then. I didn’t even do chores today.
The tap on my shoulder told me my time of sulking was over. I pulled the buds out of my ears and turned to see…Ranger.
“We need to talk.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m tired of talking.” I pushed my chair back and didn’t care I slammed it into his stomach. “Go away.” I gritted my teeth and headed for the door.
He followed me to the barn, even though I wanted to be alone. I’ve cried enough over Ranger Bronson. I waited a decade for him and I won’t wait anymore. Hero Danner was going to live her life…it was my new motto. Or at least it was when I finished crying my eyes out last night. I’ve had enough sleepless nights over him.
“Please, Hero.” I felt his hand touch my elbow, causing me to jerk away from him.
“Don’t touch me, Ranger. You can never touch me again.”
“I’m sorry.” He held his hands up in surrender. “I need to explain some things to you.”
“Oh.” I scoffed. “Explain to me? Am I some child? I know what you’re going to say.” I threw my hands in the air. “I don’t need for you to tell me how I was living a pipedream waiting for you for ten years. Ten years! You’re going to say how our love was nothing more than some teenager’s fantasy and a waste of both of our time.” With each word, I grow louder and louder.
He stepped closer to me, but I backed away from him. “Hero.” He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He said it again. “I’m sorry I hurt you, but please let me talk to you and then you can throw me off the ranch…if you want.”
I crossed my arms and glared at him. “Whatever.” Yes, I was being a bit childish, but right now I didn’t care.
“I left here ten years ago with every intention to come back and marry you.”
My heart stopped.
“Things changed.” He walked closer to me.
“I don’t care.” I put my hands. “I can’t listen to you.”
“You have—”
“No. I don’t have to. I don’t have to do anything but pay taxes and die. That’s it. Nowhere in this whole wide world does it say I have to stand here and listen to whatever excuse you’ve come up with to rip my heart out again.” If he wanted the truth, then he was going to get it. “I loved you. You were my everything. I laid in my bed night after night and wondered what I did wrong for you to stop talking to me. I racked my brain to figure out how to tell you how sorry I was for whatever I did. Garrison held my hand when I would cry over you. The man was dying of a brain tumor, but he listened to my incessant crying over you.”
Ranger’s face was pure pained and I couldn’t stop the words.
“You knew, better than anyone, how abandoned I felt when my parents died. I fought and fought to be a good person to make them proud. You knew how much I loved you and how I would have never broken my promise to you. Look at me now.” I held my arms out. “Ten years later and I’m still holding onto my promise but not anymore.” I shook my head. “I’m tired of waiting for you, Ranger Bronson. It’s time for me to move on from you.”
“I love you.” He blurted out and I yelped as if just got a splinter to my heart.
“Shut up.”
“Hero—”
“Shut up. I can’t hear anything you say because I don’t love you. I can’t bear the thought of giving you my heart again and you stomping all over it again. I hate you.” The words burned like acid in my mouth, but right now I did.
He looked down to the floor of the barn and said nothing. The hot tears were stinging my cheeks, but I couldn’t stop them.
“Please let me talk.”
I was about to yell out no to him one more time, but Grammy appeared at the front of the barn. “You two could wake the dead with all the yelling. What’s happening in here?”
“I hate him.” I pointed to Ranger as if she couldn’t have figured it out on her own.
“Hero.” Her soft tone told me she knew I was lying.
“And she won’t let me explain what I found out yesterday.” He explained.
“I don’t care,” I yelled at him. “I hate you.” Saying it again still brought a sour taste to my mouth.
“Hero, that’s enough.” Grammy hollered at me. “Now you two have been fighting since the moment Ranger arrived back in town. I know very well you aren’t meant to be acting like a couple of dumb jackasses.”
“He started it.” I grumbled, turning my back to him and facing Grammy. “Just tell him to go away.”
Her face looked sad for a second before it twisted in what seemed to be pain. “Oh.” She put her hand to her chest.
“Grammy?” I reached for her. Suddenly my heart stopped for another reason.
“Pain.” She pushed out the words and Ranger grabbed her as her knees buckled.
“Let’s get you to the hospital.” He easily picked her up. “Hero, get the truck door.”
My mind went into autopilot. Grammy was the only person I could count on. She was my world, my best friend. I couldn’t lose her.
I PACED UP and down the hall. Sitting down was an impossibility right now. My family and Ranger were all sitting and seemed much calmer than me. The doctors took Grammy back forever ago, and we’ve received no updates yet.
“Hero, let’s grab coffee for everyone.” Ranger softly suggested.
I hadn’t even noticed he was standing next to me. “I can’t leave. I have to know she’s okay.”
He lightly touched my back. “She’ll be fine. She’s a tough bird. I’m certain of it.”
I small smile crossed my face. “She’s a stubborn mule.”
“Let’s at least take a walk. Wallace will call when the doctors come out to update us.”
I felt my head moving as he took my hand in his, leading me out of the waiting room. As the elevator descended down to the cafeteria, my chest tightened. My family was everything to me. Sure, I loved the ranch, but it was replaceable. Grammy wasn’t, and I can’t be without her.
“Hero.” Ranger squeezed my hand guiding me off the elevator.
“I can’t lose her.” I choked on a sob.
He pulled me down the hall until no one was around. He wrapped his strong arms around me. I buried my head into his chest, gripping his waist. I shouldn’t revel in his touch but for a brief moment, I did.
“You’re the strongest woman I know and you get your strength from Grammy. I promise you she’ll be fine.”
I nodded my head still buried in his chest.
“Let’s get the coffee and head back up.”
Stepping back from him, my heart hurts lacking from his touch. Together, in silence, we purchased the coffee. Ranger paid and carried them as we went back upstairs. As we were handing out the cups the doctor came over to us.
“Mr. Danner?”
We all turned and jumped to our feet. My heart was in my throat. This was it.
“I checked over Mrs. Danner, ran numerous tests and found nothing wrong.”
“What?” We all said in unison.
“Everything came bac
k normal. She’s healthy as one can be at her age.” He explained.
“Then what happened?” I asked.
“The only conclusion we came to was she had a small anxiety attack.” He shrugged. “We’ll keep her overnight to observe her, but if all is well, she can go home in the morning.”
I collapsed on the chair next to me. I couldn’t believe the relief that I felt. Grammy was going to be okay.
“She wants to see Hero and Ranger,” the doctor said as he left, telling us the room number.
We walked quickly to her room and when we walked in she was stretched out on the bed.
“Grammy.”
“Oh.” She moaned in pain.
I rushed to her side. “What is it? Are you in pain?” Panic filled my chest.
“Is Ranger here?” She croaked.
“I’m here.” He took her other hand.
“You two have to stop fighting. Life is too short and even shorter without having the one you love by your side.” Her raspy voice was in a hushed whisper. “You both love each other.”
We glanced at each other. I inwardly sighed.
“Please try to complete the task Garrison gave you.” She coughed.
Something seemed off.
“We promise.” Ranger answered.
She opened one eye, glaring at me. “Do you promise?”
Anger boiled up to the surface. “You’re faking.”
Now she opened both eyes. “How else will you two see how silly you’re being?”
“Are you kidding me?” I wanted to yell at her, but we were still in the hospital.
“Why?” Ranger asked.
“Because she’s a few bricks short of a complete foundation.” I growled.
Ignoring me she said, “At times extreme measures are needed.”
“You need to be committed.” I countered and crossed my arms. “You have completely lost your mind.”
“Hero.” She finally addressed me. “You love Ranger. You told me so the day you came home from school and told me about him. Since you were eight years old you told me how you were going to marry him.” I turned my face away from her and I could feel Ranger’s eyes on me. It caused my cheeks to grow red from anger and from being called out in front of him.
“Ranger.” She now had her sights set on him. “You were a fool for not talking to Hero all these years. However, since you’re male it’s in your genes to be dumb as a rock at times. However, your time is up and you need to be the man I know you are deep inside. You love Hero. Every time she walked into the room your face lit up. She is your world and you need to act like it.”
I couldn’t stop myself from looking up at him. His eyes were cast down, looking at the floor.
“Now both of you get out and go be in love. I’m hoping the young, hot orderly will come in and give me a sponge bath.”
Ranger chuckled as I shook my head. “Grammy, you’re married.” I reminded her.
“I didn’t say I wasn’t.” She winked.
“You’re the reason I’m getting gray hair.” I kissed her cheek. “I love you but I’m mad at you. I’ll send everyone else in.”
I left the room and went back to the waiting room. I told my family she was fine and was ready to see them. I sat down in the chair and put my head in my hands. I had relief running through me, even though the old bat drove me…well…batty. But I loved her. Her heart was in the right place, but she was crazy as a squirrel.
“She’s the most unorthodox woman.” Ranger sat down next to me.
“Yes.” I removed my hands and leaned back.
“How about we go and have an early dinner? I want to talk to you.”
This time I sighed deeply and looked over at him. Am I a masochist for putting myself through this intense pain over and over? I must be because part of me wanted to know what he had to say.
“Fine. Let’s go.” I stood up and strolled to the elevator.
Chapter Sixteen
Ranger
THIS TIME THE elevator ride down was frigid. There was no tucking her under my chin to soothe her.
“What was she thinking? She just decided things weren’t going right so the only way to fix it is faking some kind of…” She flailed her arms. “Incident? Episode? If she wasn’t already in a hospital, I’d kill her myself. Old battleax.”
To any other person, it would sound like she was bitter and angry, but I knew better. She was putting up her shield against what she couldn’t control.
“Come here.” I told her, knowing full well it would take more than one sentence to get her to fold.
“What? No. I’m so pissed. Anyway, you think I’m just going to fall into your arms like a hopeless flower just because my grandmother said so. Please.”
I watched the numbers on the elevator. I had exactly three floors to get her to let go.
“No. I expect you to come over here and let me hold you because you and I both know she’s right. You love me and I love you. Always have.”
She shot me a good dose of stink eye. “Could’ve fooled me.”
One more floor.
“No, actually I couldn’t. I tried like hell to, but I failed. We really need to talk but with you like this you’re not going to listen to anything I have to say.”
“Fine.” The elevator door opened and she let out a breath filled with worry and anxiety.
“There’s a good Italian place across the street. Let’s eat and I’ve got a story to tell you.”
She laughed. “I hate stories.”
“You’re going to love this one.”
We walked across the street and sat at a table for two. She waved her hand back and forth over the candle in the middle of the table.
“Tell me this story. It had better be good.”
I exhaled loudly. “I’m not. That’s the coward’s way. I need to just spill my guts here.”
“It will look like the spaghetti.”
She was nervous. She said silly things when she was nervous.
“When I was in Afghanistan, I started to get these weird letters every now and then. At first, they weren’t signed, but then later the person revealed who they were. It was Jacob.”
She cringed at the sound of his name.
“What did they say?”
I started to tell her but we were interrupted by the waitress. Hero didn’t even bother with an entree, instead, she ordered a double plate of cannoli.
“Don’t say a word. It’s a double dessert kind of day.”
“I’m not saying a word.”
She looked around the room and then met my eyes again.
“When did you start getting these letters?”
“About five months after I left boot camp.”
That seemed to pique her interest.
“Anyway, they told me things were changing. That I should be careful who I could trust. They started out as generalized messages. Then, they started to get a little more personal. The letters would ask if I knew where my girlfriend was. They would ask me if I thought you would wait for me.”
Hero was getting upset, but she held it together.
“Is that when you stopped writing me?”
“Just let me finish. I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”
She was growing impatient but the dessert came right on time.
“I don’t know if it was because I was so far away from you or because I missed you so much. Maybe it was just the reality of where I was and whether or not I would ever come home, but I started to believe the things in the letters. They detailed the relationship or fictionalized a relationship between you and my brother. I was told the two of you had grown close and were about to get married. Then, he had moved onto the farm. I quit reading them after that.”
She motioned for me to continue.
“I wrote you a letter for every one you wrote me, Hero. I never wanted to believe what he was saying and I still don’t know quite why I did. Maybe I thought what we had was too good to be true. Maybe it seemed too perfect.
I don’t know. And there’s no excuse. There’s nothing in the world I can say that will make what I did okay. I’ve wasted what could have been a decade with you. We could’ve been married. We could’ve had…”
“Don’t.” The tears were running down her face and into the fluff left on her plate.
“I can’t help it, Hero. I’ve wasted so much time, sweetheart. I have messed all this up.”
She scooted back from the table and got a hold of herself by wiping the tears from her face and smiling at me like it would be all right.
What I had done to her – to us – would never be all right.
“Look, I’ve got something for you. It’s in the truck and then I’ll leave you with it for the night. I don’t even know what to say anymore. You won’t even look at me.”
She followed me to the truck and I handed her my old backpack holding the shoeboxes with my letters I’d found at Jacob’s house.
Maybe she would read them and realize.
Maybe she would know.
I left her there at the elevator with my backpack in her hand. Even if it ended that night, it would be worth it to set the record straight. At least I tried to make things right.
There was another person I needed to make peace with.
It took me about a half hour to get to the farm from the hospital. I wasn’t stopped by anyone at the gate this time. They’d actually left it wide open when we were in a hurry to get Grammy to the hospital. After locking the gate behind me, I grabbed a flashlight from the door of the truck and went to the pond. Hero’s pond. My pond. Their pond. Our pond. It was all the same place now. The only thing that had changed was now I didn’t have anger. I was grateful for that pond. It had given Hero and me a place to love each other. It had given my brother a place to die peacefully and one day maybe it would give her a place to remember me.
That’s probably all she would have left after the pieces fell. A memory of me.
The moon made a lit path that skittered along the surface of the water. It was mucky during the day but at night it looked like a blanket of navy.
“Hey, little brother. It’s about time I got out here and talked to you.”