by R. A. Rock
I let my eyes drift closed and sleep had never felt as good as it did tonight.
WHEN I OPENED my eyes again, the fire was a pile of black charcoal and I was freezing. But at least I hadn’t woken up dead, so that was a bonus. I had slept longer than I had intended and I could see that there was light in the east. I stood up with a groan. Every muscle I had seemed either stiff or in pain.
My wrist was aching fiercely this morning and I supposed that all the adrenaline from yesterday had blocked a lot of the pain from before. I knew I should wrap it up but honestly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to rip any of my clothes into strips to bind it. And this was real life, not some adventure novel, it’s not that easy to rip fabric nowadays.
I thought about my T-shirt. I might be able to rip that if I found a sharp rock. But I was loathe to take off any clothes. I was cold enough with them on. In the end, I decided that I would leave it for the time being. I needed to get farther away.
I covered where the fire had been with dirt and tidied the camp as best I could. Then I got on the trail again and headed south, jogging to keep warm and to loosen my stiff, tired muscles.
As I began to run, the memories from yesterday slammed into me. The crazy people with the gun. The woman attacking me. I touched the side of my head where she had hit me and found a tender spot — a bruise probably.
And Matt. What had happened to Matt?
The fear and worry filled my body, making me run faster.
What if they had caught him?
What if they had hurt him?
What if he was…?
No. I had to get to Pisew Falls. That’s where we were supposed to meet. He would get there and we would find each other again.
I thought about if he couldn’t get there. It wasn’t like I could just text him and say — I’m at the falls, where are you? — the way I would have if it had been two weeks ago. But if I couldn’t find him then I would go on to my cabin, that was the plan. Once I got to the falls, I was almost there.
I would be safe-er at my cabin.
I pushed away the sadness I felt at the thought of not finding him at Pisew. I needed to survive. That was my priority. My heart didn’t matter at all.
But, God, how had he become so important to me so quickly?
How had I come to depend on him so much?
It was stupid of me to be thinking these thoughts, though, because he had a girlfriend and didn’t want me anyway.
And yet, I still felt heavy wondering about what had happened to Matt, so I made myself stop that train of thought. Then I pushed my body to the point where I couldn’t think anymore. Because I didn’t want to contemplate what had happened to Matt.
And what my life would be like without him in it.
Nessa
The early morning sky was grey and the forest was painted in forlorn shades of brown as it waited for spring. There were no spots of colour to cheer me and raise my spirits, but I pushed aside the despair that wanted to take over. I couldn’t let that in. If I did, I would give up. And I couldn’t give up.
Once my blood got moving, my brain began to function a bit better and I started to calculate where I was and how far I had to go. SOAB creek is only maybe five kilometres I was guessing to the falls. What with the long way that I was taking, it was likely to be about seven or even ten. Not a problem to cover in one day, but with my injuries and fatigue I was moving pretty slowly.
The hours passed by in a blur. Every once in a while, I would collapse to the ground to rest. When I could get up again, I would walk or run as far as I could before I sat down again. If I had been paying attention, I might have noticed that the air was warmer. It actually felt like it was above zero. Like, way above zero. Maybe plus ten.
But I didn’t have the heart to be happy about that. I had too many problems and challenges still ahead of me. The most pressing of course was my desperate thirst.
I needed water. From a spring would be best because it would be uncontaminated. Unfortunately, I didn’t know where there were any springs around here. So pathetic. We had been so reliant on all our modern conveniences that I didn’t even know where to get clean water in this area where I had lived all my life.
There was nothing for it, I would have to drink surface water. I didn’t want to drink untreated surface water because even if it looked clean it could have Giardia. One book I had read said that there was no longer any surface water in the world that was uncontaminated by the parasite. But it’s not quite as hopeless as it sounds. Just because you drink surface water, doesn’t mean that you’re going to get sick, because it’s entirely possible that the water you drink won’t contain any.
It was a bit of a crapshoot, though.
Still, when I saw a fairly good sized stream trickling along near the path, I went and drank handfuls of the clear cold water. I couldn’t stop myself. And I had to admit that even if it was going to make me sick, it was the best water I had ever tasted. It made me think about how my life had changed for the worse and for the better.
Funny how losing everything had made me feel more alive than I had in years.
I moved along, feeling clumsy but forcing myself to keep going. I just needed to get to Pisew Falls. I would meet Matt there and we would help each other make it the rest of the way to the cabin.
Then everything would be fine.
I needed help. I knew that.
And Matt would be there to help me. Or maybe he would need me to help him. Either way, we would be together. I ignored thoughts that he had a girlfriend. Girlfriends could be dumped, after all.
Maybe if I found Matt again, then this bone crushing weariness and the deep fear that seemed to have lodged itself in the middle of my chest would go away. Maybe I would even find normal again somehow.
Yeah, right.
I was afraid that normal was something I would never find ever again.
THE TRAIL SEEMED endless. It was a cloudy sky and so I had no indication of time as the dim, grey seconds of that never-ending day ticked by. I walked and walked, keeping only one idea in my mind.
I had to get to Pisew Falls. I had to get to Pisew Falls.
That was where things would get better. They had to. And if only I had someone with me and the empty, gnawing loneliness inside me abated, then I could think. Then I could plan. Then I could decide how to proceed in my world that had changed so much overnight.
I stopped to drink a few more times but didn’t worry about food. I would be fine until I got to the cabin. My stomach disagreed, twisting and grumbling, but I paid no attention to it. Maybe when I got to the falls Matt would have one of our packs with him and he might even have the nuts that had been spared from the bear debacle.
My stomach rumbled again at the thought of nuts and I put food — and Matt — far from my mind. I had neither and it didn’t do any good to think about them.
I TRUDGED ON. The only indication that it was the end of the day happened when the sun reached the horizon and lit the clouds up like they were on fire. Red hot colour slashed the sky and the earth in half, blinding my eyes now only accustomed to grey.
I had thought that I would arrive at Pisew today, before dark hopefully. But it looked like I wasn’t going to make it. I had hoped to sleep somewhere other than the middle of nowhere. I had hoped to maybe even meet up with Matt today.
But as I stared at the malevolent red of the horizon, I was pretty sure that wasn’t going to happen. I decided to walk on into the evening until I couldn’t go another step. That way I would fall asleep immediately when I sat down to rest.
I put one foot after another, feeling the despair, which I had kept at bay all day, take up residence in my chest.
What was the point of going on?
What did I have to survive for anyway?
I was never going to get there.
I would never come to the end of his god damned trail.
I wouldn’t see Matt again.
And even if I did, he probably had a girlfriend.
And, oh yeah, the world was coming to an end.
My legs, not used to so much walking yet, felt like blocks of wood instead of living muscle. And God, I was so frickin’ tired. The temperature dropped with the sun and a damp wind arose, chilling my cheeks and coming right through my coat. I shivered and walked faster, trying to keep warm and wondering if this nightmare would ever end.
Nessa
The moon rose on the horizon, cool and calm in contrast to the fiery sunset that had only just transpired. I felt more peaceful. And then as if in response to my change of mood — almost like a sign from above — the trail turned and I caught sight of the road.
I recognized this section of the highway. It was only about a five or ten minute walk to the falls. I stared for a long moment, not quite believing what I was seeing.
I had made it?
I was really almost there?
And maybe Matt was waiting for me.
I wouldn’t have to spend another night alone in the forest. I would have someone to talk to and someone to walk beside. Things wouldn’t seem so grim if I had him with me.
The hope gave me energy and I jogged along, coming finally to the highway. I stared at it from the comfort of the trees, staying hidden while I checked it out.
At one time, seeing the highway after a long walk through the bush would have lifted my spirits. Not anymore. I watched for some time and finally decided that it was as clear as it was going to get. I had to make a run for it.
I would go straight across and then right back into the safety and cover of the forest. It would be easy.
Still, I didn’t move.
What if a car or people came right when I was running across? What if they had guns? What if they saw me and chased me like last time?
I didn’t know if I had it in me to repeat what I had just gone through yesterday. I simply wasn’t sure that I had that much strength.
But what was I going to do? Stay here? What if Matt was already there waiting for me? What if he had been there a while and couldn’t find me? What if he left without me?
Those thoughts pushed me past my fear of the open, because I was more afraid of missing the rendezvous with Matt than I was of running across the highway.
I took a step out of the trees and my breath came faster, my chest rising and falling noticeably. I looked all around, checking carefully that there was no one. I listened for vehicles but all I heard was the mournful sound of the wind in the trees.
It was as safe as it would ever be.
I took off running as hard as I could, watching for things that might trip me. I really didn’t want to fall again. I jumped across the small ditch and ran up the shoulder of the highway, crossing quickly and zipping down into the ditch on the other side. Soon, I reached the cover of the trees, moving in deeper, until I could turn and survey the highway again.
No one and nothing moved.
I was safe-ish.
And I was almost to Pisew.
I bounced on my toes in my excitement, despite the fact that I was so damn sore and tired. The knowledge that I might not have to spend another night alone, buoyed me up and gave me strength. It was only a short walk to where Pisew Falls was located. I followed the road but stayed close to the trees. In what seemed like no time, I emerged into the woods near the park.
Using the word park to describe this place was probably a bit of a misnomer. It was a big circular loop that cars could drive around with a grassed picnic area inside. On the grassed area there were picnic tables and fire pits. There was a trail that led steeply down to the swinging bridge where you could cross to the other side of the river. And in the other direction, a set of wooden stairs led down to viewing platforms where you could observe the falls. Otherwise there was more bush. And that was it. Not exactly most people’s definition of a park. But I had never been so glad to see a place in my life.
I carefully went around the perimeter looking for signs of people. I didn’t see anything. We hadn’t said exactly where we would meet so I would have to check everywhere.
First though, I needed to go to pee. I was ecstatic to make use of the out house. God, I would never take a toilet for granted ever again. There was even toilet paper.
When I finished relieving myself, I started my search. I didn’t like the idea of using the stairs that led down to the falls because there was no easy way to escape if someone showed up, so I kept to the forest beside them. I checked every spot I could think of where he might be.
No one down there.
I furrowed my brow, making the cut on my forehead hurt.
Well, he had to be here somewhere.
With every step I took, though, my spirits fell further into my feet. I climbed back up and went down the other path that led to the swinging bridge.
No one down there, either.
I watched the swinging bridge shuddering minutely in the wind and I glanced around. The eeriness of the place suddenly sunk in as I lost hope. At this point, I was biting my lip, blinking back tears, and trying to keep it together. He might be above the falls.
I decided to go check. There was this little known trail that you weren’t supposed to go on that led up to the top of the falls, where the river spilled over the forty foot drop. I climbed it, heart pounding. I wondered if I would find Matt there, waiting for me. I didn’t have much hope at this point, though. When I got to the top, I startled a little rabbit. But otherwise, it seemed the entire place was deserted.
I plopped down in misery.
Matt wasn’t here.
He wasn’t here.
And all of a sudden the events of the past day caught up with me and I put my hands to my face and burst into tears, sobbing as though my heart were broken and maybe it was.
It was no good.
No good.
I had come all this way and Matt wasn’t here.
Where was he? What had happened? What was I going to do now?
I was so damn tired of everything going against me. Why did this have to happen to me? Why?
My sobs and self-pity calmed down after a couple minutes and I drew in deep, shaky breaths trying to calm myself. It wasn’t going to be helpful to lose it.
I felt despondent as I sat and stared with empty eyes at the smooth brown water going over the falls. It was mesmerizing and as I gazed, I felt myself starting to fall asleep.
I crawled back far enough into the bush that I felt safe lying down. And within seconds of my head hitting the soft dirt, I was out.
Nessa
I had waited the two days that Gideon had suggested, searching the whole area three times a day, and no one had shown up. I had seen a lot of rabbits, whiskey jacks, ravens, chickadees, and one fox as I sat by the falls.
But no Matt.
This was the third morning and I had to admit that it didn’t make sense to stay here and wait anymore. I was so close to safety. If I hadn’t waited here, I would be at my place already. I could check on Matt’s mom and get settled in my cabin.
And yet, I was still sitting here by the falls, gazing at the river crashing over the rocks and not thinking.
Spring was really in the air these past few days. It was getting hot enough I only needed my T-shirt in the afternoons and it wasn’t going below freezing at night. The nice weather would have made me feel hopeful about life if I didn’t feel so broken-hearted.
What I was not thinking about was what had happened to Matt that he couldn’t get here in two days. What I was not thinking about was how lonely my life was going to be if he never reappeared in it. What I was not thinking about was how much I missed him, which seemed ridiculous since I had only spent a few days with him and he had a girlfriend. What I was not thinking about was…
I stood up abruptly — unable to handle my own thoughts for a second longer. And the realization hit me.
I had to go.
Cradling my hurt arm with the other one, I made my way up from the falls to the area where the loop and the picnic tables were loca
ted. The injury throbbed all the time and I didn’t know what to do about it, so I ignored it.
My heart felt as though it was being wrenched out of my chest when I thought of leaving here without Matt, so I shoved the thought out of my mind. It had to be that something had just happened to slow him down. He was fine. I would see him at his mother’s place.
But somehow I didn’t believe it.
I pushed away that doubt, too.
I knocked aside all those messy feelings that were getting in my way. I needed to get to my safe place and make it safer. I needed to stop running and start hiding. Bad days were in our future if the lights didn’t come back on and I needed to be prepared.
And I wasn’t getting ready by sitting by the falls, waiting for someone who might never come.
It was time to get out of here.
No matter how miserable I felt about leaving without Matt.
Nessa
A few minutes later, I was heading for the highway, walking next to the forest as far off the road as I could get, when I suddenly had the urge to stop. I frowned at myself and took another step. A feeling of dread filled me.
I stopped again.
What was going on?
I took a few more steps towards the highway and was nearly suffocated by the need to turn around.
I stood still for a moment, contemplating.
Then I turned and faced the other way.
The dread disappeared.
Huh. Weird.
I turned back towards the highway and started walking again, the heavy feeling of something terrible about to happen got worse. I scrunched up my face in confusion.
I spun on my heel and faced back towards the falls again.
My breathing eased, the tension in my guts released, and I felt better.
Ooookay. This was so bizarre.
Obviously, my subconscious was trying to tell me something. I had never been good at paying attention to my intuition. In fact, before, I had pretty much always ignored it, favouring my own logic over a gut feeling. Usually it was only in hindsight that I realized that I should have listened to my gut feeling and then things would have turned out so much better.