by Rue Volley
“Two years,” August said quietly.
“Wow, I guess that is long enough to know you love someone.”
“I don’t know if it was love, I just know that I miss him,” August said as if it felt like a veil was lifting from him to be able to say it out loud.
“So what? You were double dipping then?” Jami asked and August pulled his hand back.
“Rude,” He said as Jami grinned at him.
“Truth, not rude. You were fucking both of them huh?” he asked and August looked around the café again.
“You know for a Bittermend you sure act like you give a fuck what people think. You must be the first of your kind.”
August opened his mouth as Jami had finally pissed him off but Zoey returned and stopped as she stared at both of them. She looked pale and sweaty so August stood up and touched her face.
“You okay?” he asked her and she nodded to him.
“I think I need to eat, this espresso is not sitting right with me.”
“Mmm,” Jami said as he stared at the two of them.
“Do you want something here?”
“No. I want to go home, will you take me?” she asked August as Jami watched them closely.
“Sure.” August looked back to Jami.
“I will see you both later.” Jami said as August stared him down. They started to walk away as Zoey looked back at Jami and grinned and he then knew that she was playing a game and he shook his head and took a large drink of his coffee.
“Fucking bitch,” he muttered as he grinned with the cup to his lips.
****
Zoey sat in the back of the car and watched everything pass them by as August watched her closely. She then turned to let her eyes meet his own.
“I think it is time,” she said to him as he narrowed his eyes.
“Time for what?”
“To go see him.”
August shook his head and she continued on.
“I have to. I have things I need to say to him.”
“He won’t understand a fucking thing you say Zoey, I don’t see a point.”
She moved over, touching his face and staring into his eyes. Her hand felt as cold as his heart was starting to feel when he thought about Cass in any way.
“I think to move on, to be whole again, we have to do this.”
“Us?” August said as she took his hand and lowered it to her stomach.
“All of us,” she whispered and August suddenly felt sick to his stomach as he realized what she was saying to him.
“No.”
She let his hand go and studied his face.
“Yes.”
“Really?” he said as he looked out of the window as if jumping may be the only option.
“Yes really. August,” she said with a stern tone as he looked back to her. “I cannot believe this,” she said as she scooted over and he watched her and then decided to do as he had learned to do, his ability to lie. It was a talent he would forever possess, a learned behavior, hardwired into him from his genetic makeup.
“You smoked last night, you have been drinking Zoey,” he said and she looked at him and narrowed her eyes.
“My mother drank, it is fine.”
“It is NOT fine Zoey, it can hurt a…”
“A what, August? Say it.”
He hesitated and she shook her head.
He tried to touch her face and she jerked away at first.
“Zoey,” he said in a soft tone, a softer one than she had ever known to hear from him before. “Zoey,” he whispered as she looked down at her small hands and then his hand lifted her chin to look at him. Her eyes looked glossy and he took a slow breath to steady his speech.
“You can’t do things like that, you must know that.”
She started to cry and he watched her even closer.
“Of course I am happy, I love you.” He said as she hugged him and grinned and he looked as if he would be sick as the scenery raced by. His thoughts went back to the café and to Jami. How the fuck would he explain this to his parents let alone to Molly Renew?…
Chapter Thirteen
Poisonous Truth
“Jesus Christ,” I said as I sat there and stared at August.
He nodded slowly and then leaned back as he waited. I took a deep breath and stared at my hands. The time was starting to show on them, as in the wrinkles. You can only hold it back for so long. I then rubbed them and tried to distract myself with thoughts of what would fix it, the wrinkles that is. I held them and then showed them to him.
“Am I looking old?” I asked him and he raised an eyebrow and ran his hand through his hair.
“Are you fucking serious?” he asked me and I took a drink of my tea and swallowed it as I collected myself.
“August, is she going to keep it?” I asked him and he looked up at the ceiling and studied the design, I snapped my fingers and he looked back to me.
“Well, I would guess that the answer is yes seeing she wanted to tell me and talked about the future.”
“Great.” I muttered as I leaned back and stared him down.
“What?”
“I mean are you sure it is yours?” I said and he laughed.
“How, I mean she said it is.”
“Well, I mean you are not the only one with a dick.”
He stopped moving and shook his head.
“She is not a whore, Mother.” He said to me as I knew I had insulted him.
“You just never know.”
“Oh yeah, I mean she is just so busy with everyone else.”
I stared at him and then leaned up.
“You were stabbed, how far along is she?”
He swallowed hard and stood up. He walked to the window and stared out as the memory of being stabbed by Cass ripped through him as well as the gunshot which rendered his brother helpless. I walked up behind him and touched his arm and he jumped. It was so unlike him to be this unnerved about anything. If there was nothing else that rang true it was that August was the strength and Cass was the emotion. I knew this as did he and it bothered me to see him this way. I stepped up next to him and stared out into the garden.
“I fucking hate this place,” he said quietly as I allowed him to vent as he needed to. It seemed he was finally starting to feel the pressure I had felt here my whole life.
“As do I, but it is home August, it is what we know. Knowing at least one thing in life is important and you may hate it here but it is a strange sense of belonging don’t you think?”
He grinned and looked down and then turned to me.
“I am going to see him…with Zoey.”
“I wouldn’t…” I started to say and he cut me off.
“I have to. I have to end this. I dream about him every night and now, I mean I can’t have a future without settling my past.”
I tilted my head and stared at him. He looked back at me with the curiosity he had always had as a child.
“What?”
“When did you become a man?” I asked him and he smiled at me.
“Mother…” he started to say as if he wanted to tell me more but he stopped himself. It reminded me of Ryan and how he always shuts me out right when that last bit was bubbling to the surface. I watched him closely but he just could not take that last step needed.
“August,” I said and he sighed and looked back out the window.
“I only told you because I love you,” he said to me and it impacted me that he felt it needed to be said. August was not one to whisper ‘I love you’ to anyone, he was not emotional and this was not like him to allow me so close to him. I reached out and just as I felt we may be coming closer he turned and started to walk out of my room. I then spoke as I thought that I should.
“Cass is no longer human,” I said and he stopped at my door and looked back at me.
“Was he ever?” he asked me and the question struck at my heart. I mean perhaps he wasn’t, perhaps he truly was the dragon he wished to be.
****
Ryan rolled off of Molly and lay on his back. Sweat drenched and catching his breath as she lay there next to him and stare at her ceiling. She tilted her head and then glanced at him.
“Time to leave.” She said softly and Ryan glanced back at her. He rolled onto his side and reached out to touch her hair. She felt awkward, this was not normal and she really had no idea how to handle his sudden romantic nature.
“You are getting gray,” he said as he rolled from the bed and she sat up, suddenly angry and watching him pull his pants on.
“I fucking hate you,” she said as she pulled a cigarette and lit it up. He grinned and looked back at her.
“Of course you do, as I hate you,” he said as he put one shoe on and then the other. She crawled up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, placing the cigarette to his lips and he took a drag of it.
“How long until you just leave that fucking place and come here once and for all?” she asked him and he pulled from her and laughed as he stood up and started to button up his shirt. She watched him closely as she leaned back against her headboard and played with her exposed nipple. He turned and watched her as she grinned.
“You are ridiculous, you know that?” he said as she smiled and took another drag of her cigarette.
“What? Am I not the reason to run away?”
“Sure,” he said as she picked up his suit jacket and slipped it on one arm at a time. She sighed and rolled her eyes.
“I guess you are not in the playing mood today.”
He walked to the bed and took the cigarette from her, He took a drag from it and then kissed her lips as he blew the smoke into her lungs and she coughed as his lips left her and the smoke rose up between them like rolling water.
“What would you like for me to do Molly?” he asked in a low tone as he reached down in between her legs and slipped two fingers into her wet pussy. She hissed as he thrust his hand upward and it hurt a bit but she enjoyed it as she always did.
“I would love for you to be here when I want to fuck and not when you do.”
“Oh?” he said as he thrust upward again and she moved her hips slightly and moaned.
“And here I thought I was just a toy to you.” He whispered and she bit her lip leaving a mark on it as he continued to finger her.
“I saw Bethany yesterday,” she said as she stared into his eyes and he stopped thrusting his hand and pulled his fingers out of her. He continued to study her face as she watched him and waited.
“Why?” he asked her and she grinned.
“Girl talk,” she said and he stood up and rubbed his neck.
He laughed and walked to the window, picking up his tie and he started to put it on as he controlled his anger.
“You know it is funny how you react to things about her, seeing that you hate her so much,” she said and he stopped and turned to her.
“I never said I hated her,” he said and she watched him walk to the door. He then stopped and turned back to her. He smelled his fingers and then looked at her with his sinister grin.
“You may need to clean up a bit, smelling a bit strong.”
She sat up and grabbed the ashtray and lobbed it at him as he closed the door and it shattered against it. She yelled out as he stood there and took a deep breath, knowing if he went back in he would more than likely strangle her to death without remorse.
****
“When?” Zoey said as August sat on his phone and listened to her voice shake.
“Soon,” he said and she sighed on the other end.
“Honestly, I want to go. We need this, we both need this to move on August,” she said and he closed his eyes.
“I know, just give me a couple of days okay?” he asked her and she hesitated.
“Zoey?” he said and she nodded.
“Okay, fine…2 days.” She said and he gripped the phone in his hand.
“Three.” He said and she laughed.
“Why do you always fucking do that? It always has to be your terms.”
August smiled and then spoke.
“I am a Bittermend, what do you expect?”
“Much worse.” She said and there was silence between them until they both laughed.
“Fine, three days and then we go see him, I am serious.”
“I promise,” August said and she smiled.
“August.”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
August opened his mouth and he was not sure if anything was going to come out but she hung up before he had to say it back to her. He then set his phone down and walked to his doorway, he looked out into the hallway and saw no one so he walked along the wall, staring at the paintings and then he stopped as he saw the closed door to their old room. He touched the handle and it felt cold to him but he turned it and opened the door up to see the large space sitting as it had before. The blood had been cleaned up but the darkness remained in the wood as a reminder on the floor. He took a step and felt a slight twinge of panic rise up in him as the echoes of that night also played over and over again with him. He knew it would always haunt him, that this was the one thing that had a hold so evil on him that to break free of it would be nearly impossible. He started to walk towards the window and then stopped as he glanced back at the rocking chair and for a moment he could see his Mother sitting there with the book on her lap and Cass sitting with her. He was always the better of the two of them as August had believed. He had always felt a bit colder, a bit less bothered by anything around them. He also had a dark nature, one he was very eager to explore in school and had as he fucked his way through the fellow student and even some of the staff members. He had caused harm his whole life, not death, but he could almost bet that some had wished it for themselves after dealing with him. Cass, on the other hand, was so loving. This alone made it so much harder to accept why he had done the things he had. He knew that Cass loved Zane as he did. He knew that he should not have deceived his twin as he did and the pain was unbearable. He also knew that he was not able to open himself up and accept being gay as Cass had. It was not something he was proud of as hard as he tried to be. He then turned to the window and placed his fingers against it and caught his reflection and for a moment it was as if Cass was still with him, still that part of him was salvageable, but he blinked as Jami popped up into view and made him jump. He stepped back and shook his head as Jami smiled and tapped on the window. He pointed at the handle and August reached out and turned it as Jami popped up on the edge of the large window and stood up straight, smiling down at him like some demented Peter Pan.
“Did you miss me?” he asked as he hopped down and looked around the room. August stepped back and felt a little uncomfortable that he was here in his home, his old room of which belonged to him and to his brother. Jami walked around the room and then hopped into the rocking chair and started to rock as August stepped towards him.
“That is old, it may break.”
Jami tapped his hands on the armchairs and then grinned.
“This? I weigh like 140 pounds, I doubt I can do anything to it. Chill out.” Jami said as he stood up and looked at everything in the room.
“Was this your nursery?” he asked and August watched him as he stepped up to the bookshelf and started to finger his way down the old books.
“Dragons huh?” he said as he pulled the book his Mother read to them most when they were children. He stepped up and took the book from him and closed it, placing it back onto the shelf. Jami raised an eyebrow but did not say anything as August looked different to him and he could feel the tension.
He reached up and touched Augusts face as August stared at Jami’s lips and for a second he wanted to kiss him but he held back and stepped away, walking to the door and closing it so no one could hear them in the room. He turned the lock and then leaned on the door as Jami watched him from the other side of the room.
“What happened?” Jami asked and August walked back to the window and stared out as
Jami joined him.
“Zoey is pregnant,” he said as Jami turned to him and said nothing but the look on his face said it all.
“Well, it could be anyone, I mean anyone,” Jami said as he laughed and August turned to him.
“Are you fucking serious?” he said and Jami stopped laughing.
“So serious, she fucks everyone.” Jami said as August continued to stare at him. Jami smiled as he was only playing with him.
“It is serious.”
Jami stepped up to him and touched his hand, August tried to pull it back but Jami held on as he studied his face.
“Hey.”
August looked down and Jami leaned down to make him look at him.
“She can just flush that shit right out,” Jami said and August narrowed his eyes.
“An abortion?” he said and Jami nodded.
August pulled his hand back and stared him down.
“No.”
“Oh my God, you want it?” Jami said and August allowed that to delay his response. Jami laughed and clapped his hands together, pulling them to his mouth and shaking his head.
“What is it with your family exactly? Do you not know that anything can be fixed?” he said and August shook his head and then turned to stare back out the window.
“Listen, if this is some fucked up Karma thing then get over it. I mean I know that your brother lost his shit and fucking psyched the fuck out here and all, but YOU did not do that, YOU don’t have any debt to pay.”
August turned to him and crossed his arms on his chest.
“Cass did this because of me,” he said and Jami stepped back from him.
“What?”
“Zane. He was with Zane, he loved him and I knew that. In some way I was jealous and I wanted that too.”
“Well fuck,” Jami said as August stared at him and felt the pressure of allowing it out into the open liberate him.
“You know what you need?” Jami said and August shook his head.
“I am not fucking you…” he started to say and Jami laughed.
“You wish, no you need to see my psychic.”
“What?”
“My psychic, she is the shit. Does Tarot card readings, fire readings all that shit. She is amazing.”