I satisfy myself in accepting that God knows best, and that he brought Delroy into my sister’s life through me, when she needed him most desperately. Louisa had said—“We take care of each other.” They had needed each other, Louisa and Delroy, and their union had been no mistake.
And me? They all stared at me at Mama’s funeral. They stared and tapped each other as they had the night I killed Ellie. Some nodded greetings and exclaimed at my survival of the fire, others stayed far away, their eyes doing that familiar shift reserved for guilty or fearful souls. I smiled at them all, not just with the smile that their fire had granted me, but my own. I smiled because I was grateful that they had released me from their stifling boundaries.
I returned to Kingston the day after Mama’s funeral and found a love of my own. You see, before my lesson that morning in the dew, I had closed my eyes to so many things around me, and I had blocked love without even realizing it. When I returned to Kingston accepting myself, it allowed me to accept others, and their love. I accepted my agape.
My sister was not able to come to my wedding. She gave birth to a little girl three days before my wedding, nearly a month before her scheduled time, but the baby was strong and healthy. A fighter, Delroy told me proudly on the phone. Her name was Sadie Dahlia Reckus. I could not speak when he said the name and it was not until I heard Delroy’s own wet intake of breath that I realized that we were both crying.
I knew that as soon as my niece was able to understand, I would tell her about the dew angels and the promise for her life, and when she asked me where was the proof of something so mysterious, I would tell her, Right here in front of you—me. I am the miracle, not just ‘cause I’m alive, but that I WANT to be alive! I would not tell her that in just eight years of my life, I had lost five people who were very dear to me, four of whom chose death over life. I would tell her about Grampy, about his great wisdom that led to the stories that helped me to cope. And when she asks me why I smiled with only one half of my mouth, I would tell her, “Because I know true happiness, and I know true pain.”
Mine was the second wedding to be held in the house in Havendale, and I knew that Dahlia must have been guffawing in glee when I walked across Nathan’s beautiful crab grass in my yellow dress. Yes, I chose to get married in yellow because it was the colour that to me represented the essence of life. I learned that life didn’t always go along with our plans. Through my journey, I learned that imperfections are not hindrances. To the contrary, it is our imperfections that make us perfect for each other.
Kendra made the most beautiful and eager flower girl, throwing bougainvillea petals on the lawn as she walked ahead of me in her peach dress. My husband-to-be waited across the lawn for me, with his best man, Nathan, fussing over the collar of his suit. As I met his eyes across the crab grass, my heart soared because of the love I saw in them. I had been blind not to have seen it all along. He said I had cut him deep, from the moment I had walked past his stall with my large ackee-seed eyes. He said he knew that he had cut me too, when I brought that rat-tail of a beard back to him, but had to wait till I’d realized it for myself.
I soon realized—after all, when I had first met him, he had fed me fish, and said I was his beautiful princess.
At last, I had found my own luscious, delicious red cherries.
IT DUN
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Melanie Schwapp was born in Kingston, Jamaica. She was educated at the University of South Carolina where she majored in Mass Communication. She lives in Kingston with her husband and three children.
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
Children’s book:
Lally-May’s Farm Suss
COPYRIGHT
First published as an e-book in 2013
by HopeRoad Publishing
P O Box 55544
Exhibition Road
London SW7 2DB
www.hoperoadpublishing.com
http://twitter.com/hoperoadpublish
http://hoperoadpublishing.wordpress.com
All rights reserved
© Melanie Schwapp 2011
The right of Melanie Schwapp to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 This e-book is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly
ISBN 978–1–908446–20–6
Dew Angels Page 37