by Shelly Crane
I looked over at him then, unable to do anything but in that moment. What if the situation were reversed? Would I be able to just give Mom and Dad up so easily? What I was asking him to do in a day was something I wouldn’t do myself. And I felt like the worst kind of scum for being so callous.
I noticed his fist shaking on his thigh, the leather “Vivere” bracelet sitting there. I could see the dark mark on his middle finger near his fingernail from his pencils from drawing. It was probably permanent by now. My shoulders shrunk even lower as I realized how angry he really was. I opened my mouth to try to apologize somehow, but he stopped me, lifting that fist. He opened his hand, his fingers white, finally getting pinker as the blood returned. He kept looking between me and the road as we neared the school.
“Once you opened your mind’s gate, I guess it was hard to shut.”
I didn’t understand…until I did. He had heard everything.
I opened my mouth to explain, to tell him…what? It wasn’t that I didn’t mean it, I just hadn’t meant for him to hear it. He chuckled once. “You can still hear me,” I declared, knowing it was true.
Adorable.
“It’s okay,” he promised and tried not to smile, but failed epically. “I won’t hold anything I hear against you.” His smile grew when he saw me tilt my head at that.
Freaking adorable.
My lips parted at hearing him, not knowing if he’d meant for me to or not. Though now that he knew how much I thoroughly enjoyed it, I could guess I’d hear it all the time.
“Thanks for asking.” He took my hand slowly, as if he thought I wouldn’t let him, and held it on the seat between us. “About my mom.”
With practically a mile of seat between us and both of our arms spread wide to reach the other’s hand, that was all we needed right then. And probably all I could take. But it was enough for now.
“Of course. But next time, don’t shut me out.” I turned on the seat so he could see my face if he wanted to while I said it. “I know that our families are going to be problems for us, but it’s up to us how we handle it, how we let that interfere with us. If you have something going on with your family, I might not like it, but instead of being left in dark and wondering what’s going on, I’d rather just know. The dark just makes things worse.” I looked down at our hands near my knee on the seat. “Your mind runs in the dark.”
The truck stopped and I thought he had pulled over at first, but he had pulled into the back of the lot of school. Putting it in park, he mimicked my stance, turning in his seat and looking down at our hands.
“I didn’t know what to do. I hate being stuck in the middle like this.”
“I get it.” I kept his hands in mine but let the fingers of my other hand move up to touch the leather band on his wrist. “What does Vivere mean?”
“Uh…” He squinted. “It means to live in Latin.”
“Did you take Latin in college?”
He smiled, looking down at our hands before swinging his blue eyes up to mine. It was like I’d been hit in the chest that gaze was so powerful. “No. When I used to dream, sometimes that word would stick in my mind. So I looked it up and thought that was a pretty good motto. I figured there had to be a reason I was dreaming about it. At the time I thought it was about my life, becoming a fireman, doing what…needed to be done.” He looked at me closely, his thumb sweeping over my mine. “Dreams are kind of important to me so. Vivere. To live.”
“That’s…truly beautiful, Seth,” I whispered. “And powerful. Who else has a story like that? A testimony to back up the whys of the way they do things?”
He shrugged, like it wasn’t that big of a deal, but I could see it in his eyes. He didn’t know why, but he cherished it. “Thanks. My family didn’t get it. They thought it was—”
He stopped, not wanting me to have more ammo against them.
“Do you really think anything will ever change?” I asked softly, with any hope that was left in me.
“It has to.” He looked up and begged me to do the same. “I will fix this for us, Ava.”
I felt a shiver go down my back. Looking into those eyes and hearing those words…
“You all right?” he asked, his voice deeper than before.
“Yeah. I just…nothing.” I glanced out the side window to see all the students heading to class, parking their cars, being so normal. “I better go.”
“I can pick you up. What time?”
I thought about it. “You’ll have to drop me off at Daddy’s center. I’m working there tonight.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “No problem.”
I let out a small sigh, not sure what else to do. “Two.”
“I’ll be here at two.”
“What about work?”
“I’ve worked so many overtime hours for them for sick babies and recitals and basketball games. They owe me.” He smiled. “I’m the single guy, remember?”
He handed me my coffee that I still had yet to drink and I bagged up the rest of my breakfast.
“Thanks for this.” I lifted the bag.
“No sweat. Be careful, uh…getting out.”
That’s not what he was going to say. He was going to say to watch out for myself today. But that would mean he’d be admitting there might be a threat and he wasn’t ready to. I let it go.
I started to get out, but stopped. “You be careful. Don’t win anymore awards today, okay. No playing hero.”
He grinned, full wattage, heart stopping. “You got it. Just for today.” He winked. Winked. “I’ll see you later. Go fill that pretty head with all sorts of knowledge.”
I laughed as I took the door in my hand and stepped out. “Yeah. Bye.”
“Bye, sweetheart,” he said gently and put the truck in gear, but he stopped me. “Wait.” I looked at him and he had a little embarrassed smile on his face. “Uh…I can’t leave.”
That made me feel…kinda awesome. It was the first time he needed me to release him and not the other way around. “Really?”
He smiled and shook his head. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“Yep.” He laughed, his smile…pretty sexy. “We’ll see each other in just a little bit. I promise,” I finished so softly, it sucked all the playfulness out of the truck and turned it into something else entirely. We stared at each other. “I’ll go this way. You go that way.” I tried to smile. “See you later?”
He nodded. “You got it, sweetheart.”
As I watched him pull away, I felt an arm swoop through mine, tugging me roughly through the parking lot.
Nine
“Um, tell all, right now!”
I watched Lilith tug her earbuds out and look at me expectantly. We were the exact same height, dark hair, even the same brown eyes. Except she dated anyone and everyone that looked good in a pair of jeans or could play a sport they could brag about. She was studying to be an engineer so we were in a lot of the same classes and had been from the beginning.
We’d met freshman year and she kind of latched herself onto me. But I was okay with that. She was one of those people that pretended they were loners, but they really weren’t. They acted like they didn’t really like people, but they talked all the time and knew someone everywhere they went. Why she wanted to be my friend, I still didn’t know. She was always there, always awesome, always laughing. She was a slice of normal pie.
I never got too attached to people because I knew that they’d want to know things. I knew about Mom’s best friend. How things had gone terribly wrong. Dad and his friends had eventually drifted apart because they just can’t know about us. Even his best friend Vic. It killed Dad to it, but it’s our life. So I just kept all my friends on a very long leash and never got too chummy.
When I went off to college, it was more like we’ll text you sometime and that’s how I wanted it. We never texted though. And that was sad, but okay. It was safer for them. Better for them. Yeah, I’d been friends with Lilith for almost four years now,
but it was still so casual. We never hung out much outside of school. Well…much. Yeah, we had a ton of classes together and yeah, we had lunch together just about every day. We even met up with Rodney at lunch sometimes and he had such a crush on her back when he was a freshman…it was so hilarious…and adorably pointless.
I looked over at her. She raised an eyebrow and quirked her lip. “Waiting, miss I don’t date and yet I just jumped out of mister hottie’s truck.”
I snorted. “He’s…”
“Oh, boy!” she squealed and tugged me further along with her arm in mine. “You’ve got it bad!”
“What,” I said breathlessly.
“That dot, dot, dot that was implied just now means you’ve got it bad. I am so glad that you decided to take the chastity belt off—”
“Whoa!” I glared at her. “Nobody is debelting.”
That eyebrow got back to work. “Where did you meet?”
“The coffee shop. I was late, he was early.” I couldn’t help but smile remembering that conversation.
“And he drove you to school. In his truck. That he owns. And I bet he doesn’t live with his parents either.” I shook my head. “Have you been on a date yet?”
“No. And before you start all your matchmaking crap, we’re taking things slow. Like lava slow. There’s some things that need to be worked out—family stuff.”
She rolled her eyes. “Where does hottie work?”
I sighed, knowing what was coming. “He’s…a fireman.”
Her mouth opened a full fifteen seconds before words escaped. “You’re killing me, Smalls!”
_ _ _
The day dragged. I knew why and it irked me that I had become that girl. Or maybe it just pained me that I was surrendering to something without all the facts. It didn’t feel right to be so easy with Seth when there were so many unanswered questions with his family still.
I got my work for the day done, ate lunch with Lilith and the rest of my friends, and before I knew it, it was time for him to come get me. I was content to sit and wait alone in the courtyard, reading my book, drinking my coffee. I was content to wait alone a lot of the time. Not having many friends was part of the package of being one of my kind.
“Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold,” a deep voice read from behind me.
I jerked around to find him over my shoulder. He was smiling. “Seth.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Expecting someone else?”
“No. I just thought you’d…”
He smiled and chuckled. “Pull up and honk?”
I laughed a little and shook my head. “Uh…yeah, I guess.”
He offered his hand as he straightened. I took it, loving the small hiss his breath made when our skin connected. “I’m not the pull-up-and-honk type, Ava. That won’t happen. Sorry.”
I didn’t speak for a while, just soaked up his touch. “I’m not complaining,” I finally muttered.
It was like I could hear that song playing in my head again, Vega 4’s “Life Is Beautiful”.
This is ours just for the moment.
“Ava,” he interrupted.
“Yeah.”
“Let’s go.” His smile was one of someone who knew what was up, but wasn’t going to say anything. He nodded his head the way of the truck.
You wax poetic even in your head.
I jerked my gaze to his in surprise. He didn’t look at me, but his upturned lips stayed put.
I thought you said it was cute.
He laughed out loud, surprised, putting his hand on my back to direct me around the cars. “Oh, it’s cute,” he rumbled.
I melted under his touch and his laugh. If this was how it was going to be, how was I supposed to survive it? Let alone go as slow as lava?
When we reached the truck he sighed. “We have company again. One of yours, I’m assuming?”
I looked where he nodded his head and saw one of my cousins, Jordan, leaning against his truck. He gave a small wave with a sad smile before getting in and waiting for us. Dad and Mom had been sending my cousins out to watch me. I looked over to explain or… I shrugged. “I—”
“They don’t trust me yet. Why would they?” Seth rubbed the side of his head with his knuckles, a sad smile sitting on his lips. “Look what’s happened since I met you? I get it.”
I pressed my lips together. “That’s Jordan. And my cousin from the other night was Drake. I’ll tell my parents to back off—”
“They’re just watching out for you.” He looked at me closely. “They’re just making sure you’re safe. I appreciate them for that.” My heart pounded. He ticked his head toward his truck. “Come on.”
_ _ _
I stared at the glass doors of the center, all covered with pictures of colored art shapes and drawings from the middle school class. I was stalling; not ready to leave.
“I’ll come by tonight, okay?” He inched his hand toward mine on the seat slowly. I showed him mercy and took his hand in mine, accepting the hit of calm that shot through my veins like lightning. I closed my eyes for a second and just felt. I was so glad that Momma never tried to describe this to me. If I had known, I would never have been so good at waiting.
Though I was awful at waiting anyway.
I could tell he was doing the same thing as me—just soaking in my touch before I left, experiencing everything as it came, in the moment, in this moment.
I never got much from him, from his mind, and I wondered why. He seemed to be reading me constantly, but he said it wasn’t him, it was me. Like I was broadcasting. But why couldn’t I pick him up as easily? I opened myself up and tried to just listen, feel for him. It wasn’t hard to get a read on him. I just had to want to.
He was thinking how much he loved my skin, the way it felt against his. He loved the way I was so independent. He loved that about me, but he also loved that I accepted his help, like a hand up from a bench when he offered it. He wanted someone who could stand on her own two feet, but would admit she needed help if she did, in fact, need it. And he wanted me to need it sometimes because he was going to need me sometimes. He wanted us to need each other.
I yanked my mind away and found myself breathing a little harder as I stared into space. I looked over and found him looking at me. His face held a small smile before it morphed into a disappointed frown.
“Your, uh, father is waiting.” He pointed out the window.
I waved to him to let him know I was coming, but he continued to wait. I sighed and rolled my eyes a little. All the men in my life were like watch dogs.
“You’ll come tonight?” I asked and dared to look hopeful so he’d see how much I wanted him to. “I’ll tell Mom to make something really good for dinner.”
He smiled gratefully. “At this point, I’m scared to make any promises. And I know that makes me a complete…tool, but I…” He banged his fist lightly on the steering wheel looking out the window before swinging his determined gaze back to me. “I’ll try. I want to be there.” He smiled, letting my hand go to grip my chin in his fingers gently. “I will try, Ava. Maybe I’ll see you in your dreams.”
I scoffed. “That’s a little presumptuous.” He smirked. “But I don’t want to see you in my dreams.” His look changed to disappointment so fast it startled me for a second before I could go on. “I want to see you for real, in my mother’s kitchen, being interrogated by my little brother, okay?”
He seemed relieved and leaned in a little. “Agreed. That sounds like a great night, and I hope that I can make that happen.”
“Don’t hope.” I put my hand over his on my face. “Just…say it’s going to happen. We’ll plan for it.”
He licked his lip. “I’ll see you tonight then.”
“Tonight.”
“Bye, sweetheart.”
I groaned as I slid from the truck, taking his touch as I went. “Why do you have to be so dreamy when you say that?”
He chuckled as he put the truck in drive. “Then we’re even.”
I ro
lled my eyes dramatically. “How so?”
“Because you can be so freaking adorable sometimes, it physically hurts.”
My chest jumped violently, but I still managed to say, “Now you’re just showing off.”
He winked and smiled widely as I shut the door. I watched him drive away until he was gone, waving at Jordan as he drove by, before turning to Daddy. He was smiling at me in that way that said I was about to be ribbed all night for the goofy look on my face. “Just don’t, Dad.”
He laughed and swung his arm for me to enter as he opened the door. “I didn’t say a word.”
“The evil look in your eyes said it for you.”
_ _ _
“You’re going to chop right through the counter, Ava Winifred!” I scowled at my mother and continued to chop. “He said he was coming. Calm down.”
“He said he was coming last night, too.”
“There is no way he’d stand you up two nights in a row.”
“Not if the boy wants to keep his arms intact.” I looked at Daddy as he stood at the counter next to Mom and helped her marinate the steaks. I couldn’t help but smile at him. “I am not joking.”
I rolled my eyes. “Let’s let him mess up before we starting breaking limbs, Daddy.”
His lips quirked as he tilted his head. “I think you need to turn that little speech around on yourself. You’re the one that’s about to ruin your Mamma’s kitchen because you think he’s going to blow you off.”
I tossed the knife into the sink. “There. I just won’t help.”
“Will you go sit,” Mom ordered and laughed, shaking her head as she looked down at the chopping board. “You obliterated that poor cucumber into something inedible anyway.”
There were barely tiny slivers left. My scowl deepened as Daddy came around the counter and put his arms around me.
“I saw you two today. I know that it’s more than just the bond now. You’re…” he squinted, “getting closer. He’ll come.”