"But . . . how would he even eradicate all the epis?" I point out. "How could he find all of it, let alone kill it? It's an impossible task!"
"Yes, seeking out each epis location and destroying the plant would be difficult if not impossible," he agrees. "That is why that was never their plan."
I lick my lips, trying to follow. "Then what was their plan?"
Ragnar rubs at his forehead, his eyes troubled. "To kill the zemlja queen."
"The queen?" I repeat, really confused now. "They have a queen?"
"Apparently, the zemlja have a hive nature," Ragnar explains, his voice low. "Kill the queen and you kill the entire hive. Without them alive to fertilize the epis . . .”
"It all dies," I finish softly, horrified.
"Yes," Ragnar agrees. "And us along with it," he adds quietly.
This is . . . a lot to take in at once.
"Wait," I say, pushing my hair off my face. "Where is Ryuth now? What happened after you spoke?" I demand.
Ragnar's jaw tightens. "He . . . left."
"Left?" I repeat, my voice rising. "What do you mean he left? Where did he go? Why did you let him go?"
"Did you not hear what he did?" Ragnar growls. "He nearly killed our entire race! He is the reason why there are so few of us left, why our great civilization was annihilated!"
"He made a mistake!" I yell back. "I saw those videos—Ryuth wasn't the only one who thought like he did, was he? Things weren't perfect or he would never have gotten a foothold with that idea!"
"A mistake?" he scoffs. "A mistake!" He leans in close, eyes narrowed to slits. I hold my ground, meeting him glare for glare. "That mistake nearly killed everyone."
"Ryuth. Is. Your. Brother," I bite back. "I thought that meant something to you."
A flash of pain across his face before he suppresses it, stepping back.
I almost feel bad for the low blow.
Almost.
"This is unforgivable," he intones implacably.
My hands open and close on nothing as frustration rises. "Where did he go, Ragnar?" I ask again. "Where is he?"
He just stares back at me, silent.
"Where did he go?" I demand, shoving at his chest. He doesn't budge, which only makes me angrier. "Where is he, damn it!"
"Perhaps he left to finish what he started," Ragnar says, his eyes defiant.
"Went to finish . . .” I step back, my heart dropping. "You let him leave to find the zemlja queen?" I whisper. "Alone?"
He watches me with that still expression, silent. Like a statue.
"That's . . . that's suicide!" I say hoarsely.
"He is a grown Zmaj," he responds grimly. "He can make his own decisions."
I growl, stepping close and taking handfuls of his shirt, shaking him with all of my strength but managing onto to sway him slightly.
"Where is the queen?" I demand. "Tell me right now!"
"You cannot do anything," he snarls, grabbing my hands and stilling me. "Stop this!"
"How could you have let him leave?" I demand. "How could you let him give in to this . . . this madness!"
He's out there all alone. Intending to fight the zemlja queen alone.
He might already be dead.
I immediately bury that thought. No. He can't be. I won't let him be.
"Who is to say he does not deserve his fate?" Ragnar mutters. "He who sparked the war that killed so many? Perhaps it is justice."
I let go of him abruptly, my eyes wide. "You can't mean that, Ragnar."
He can't. His jaw tightens, but he doesn't take it back.
And my resolve hardens. "Where did he go?" I ask again, my voice hard. "Tell me right now."
Ragnar doesn't respond, his mouth shut tight in a thin line.
He has to tell me.
He has to.
This is not how this ends.
I refuse to let it.
18
Mei
"You have to tell me, Ragnar." I keep my eyes locked on his face, urging him to give in.
He shakes his head, sighing. "He likely went back to the oasis you just came from," he finally relents, grudgingly.
I frown, fear flowing like ice through my veins. "The oasis? He went to the oasis?"
It takes days to get there. He already has a head start.
"We have to go after him," I say. "Right now. Before it's too late!"
"We are not going anywhere," Ragnar says firmly. And he doesn't look at all moved by my plea. "He decided on this course of action. I say we let him finish it."
Ragnar is angrier at Ryuth than I realized if he's willing to simply let him go, possibly to his death.
Probably to his death.
It's a harsh stance, but the Zmaj are a harsh people. That is why they live by the Edicts—they know their own natures, know how easy it would be to be taken over by the bijass, revert to their primal selves.
I would leave right now, by myself, but it doesn't make any sense for me to go alone. I wouldn't even be able to make it across the desert in one piece. If the carnivorous wildlife didn't get me, the heat most likely would.
Some help to Ryuth that would be.
No. I need Ragnar to come with me. Even angry, he's the only one who has a vested interest in Ryuth. I wrack my brain for a way to convince him that going is a good idea, to get him to look past his apparently impenetrable anger at his brother.
But something else occurs to me as I struggle along that avenue of thought. The only reason Ragnar is sitting back and letting this happen is because he's so sure Ryuth won't succeed in his plan to kill the queen.
He's sure that Ryuth will die in the process. But why is that a given?
"What if he succeeds?" I blurt out quickly as Ragnar takes a step towards the cliff face. "What if you're wrong and he actually fulfills his mission?"
He stops, hesitating.
"What then?" I push.
"What are you talking about?" he growls, scowling.
I don't care if he's pissed. I can easily match it.
"What if Ryuth succeeds in killing the zemlja queen?" I repeat. "What if he kills the queen and destroys the hive?"
"He won't," Ragnar says flatly. "It isn't possible."
"Isn't it?" I counter. "You remember how he fought when he showed up with the Zzlo, how difficult it was to bring him down. And that was when he didn't have a clear thought in his mind. How much more dangerous is he now that he can strategize? Think his actions through?"
I can see doubt seeping into Ragnar's expression as I lay everything out for him. But he shakes his head again, still refusing to entertain the possibility.
Damn it.
"He is only one Zmaj. I do not care how fierce a fighter he is—one Zmaj could not accomplish such a task. It is not physically possible."
"Even one Zmaj can get lucky," I retort. I need to go in for the kill. Ragnar is on the edge of simply walking away. "And what will happen to all of us if he does succeed?" I point out. "No hive means no more epis. The Zmaj will last longer than us humans, that's true. But eventually we'll all die." I take a breath, feeling a little bad about adding what I say next. But it is the truth. And it might be what I need to sway him. "Including Olivia. Including Malcolm."
Ragnar's face twists in rage and he turns away from me, his tail whipping out behind him in agitation.
I wonder if I've gone too far.
If I pushed too hard and destroyed any chance of him—
"I will go," Ragnar says, his voice deep with rage. "I will go and stop my fool brother from carrying out this insanity." He looks back at me over his shoulder. "Are you satisfied now?"
I feel almost faint with relief. "Oh, good. Can—"
"You have said enough," he interrupts, no give to his voice. "I will collect Melchior and Bashir. We will leave at once. Ryuth is too far ahead of us as it is."
Melchior and Bashir are his fellow hunters and his best friends. I have no doubt they'll follow his lead. Even Bashir, who doesn't exactly have a so
ft spot for Ryuth after everything that has happened.
I hurry after Ragnar as he starts to walk back to the caves, his stride fast and determined now that he's come around.
"I'm coming with you," I call out to him as I try to keep pace but fail.
All the Zmaj are just so tall, their legs making their strides so much longer.
"No. You are not," he says without turning around. "You will only slow our journey and be a burden in a fight. You will stay here where you are not in the way."
Okay, I'd be lying if that didn't sting.
Even if it is true.
I don't say anything as we near the others, but there's no way I'm staying behind. I need to be there for Ryuth.
"Melchior! Bashir!" Ragnar barks out, his voice pitched to carry.
Everyone nearby turns to look, curious.
"What's going on?" Astrid murmurs, coming up to me. "Did you find Ryuth?"
I shake my head no. "No. We're going after him right now."
Ragnar looks over at me sharply, his expression foreboding. "How many times do I have to explain there is no we," he bites out. "You will stay here, out from underfoot."
Luckily, that's when Melchior and Bashir show up, faces sharp with concern.
"What is it?" Melchior asks, his eyes going from me to Ragnar. "Why did you call for us?"
Bashir stands silently by his side, his gaze curious and watchful.
"My brother has left on an ill-fated mission to destroy the zemlja queen," he says quietly, low enough that the others can't hear, though I'm sure they're trying to. "If he succeeds, it might mean the death of all the zemlja," he lets that sit for a moment before continuing. "And thus the epis they fertilize."
A stunned silence from both his friends.
But it doesn't last long at all.
"We are going after him?" Bashir asks, his face grim. "To stop him?"
"Yes."
"Good. We can pack supplies and weapons and leave right now." Bashir looks over at Melchior who nods at him in agreement.
"I'm going with you too," I insert before they leave.
The two don't greet this news with grins. Way to make a girl feel unwanted. Too bad I don't care if I'm wanted, or frankly, liked. I have more important matters on my mind.
"If I have to tie you down, I will," Ragnar snaps at me. "Do not be stupid."
"If anyone here is being stupid, it's you," I retort. His nostrils flare and his head lowers as he glares at me. I glare back. "Who's going to stop Ryuth if we catch him? Huh? Who's going to convince him to abandon his ridiculous plan? You?" I scoff. "You lost that chance when you let him leave last night. He's not going to listen to you." I look over at Bashir. "He's definitely not going to listen to you." I turn back to Ragnar. "None of you will get through to him. You need me."
Silence.
"She is not wrong," Bashir murmurs after a tense moment, surprising me with his agreement. "This will go more smoothly if we can reason with him."
I look at Ragnar expectantly.
Come on.
Admit I'm right.
He looks up in exasperation, throwing his hands up. "Fine," he concedes. "You may come."
"Thank you!" I exclaim, taking a step back, already thinking of what I have to pack for another trip to that place.
"But you will follow every order we give you," Ragnar continues, his tone brooking no arguments. "If I say jump, you will not first ask me why. You will simply jump because I have ordered it. Understand?"
"Yes. Loud and clear," I say seriously. And the demand doesn't bother me. I don't have an ego when it comes to something like this. "I know you know what you're doing much better than I do."
Contrary to what he might think, I'm not stupid. Looking somewhat mollified, but still unhappy, he nods. "Go prepare," he says, turning to Bashir and Melchior. "You as well. We will meet at the wall as soon as we are ready."
We all murmur our agreement and break. It doesn't take me long to grab my backpack and fill it with the supplies I wish I had during that first trip to the oasis.
The entire time I'm gathering them, I'm thinking of Ryuth. Why didn't he talk to me? He knew he was leaving. That was why he was so distant last night. It must even be why he tried to push me away when we left the oasis.
And his past-- that was why he kept telling me he wasn't good enough for me. That I would find someone else, someone better.
Didn't he know he's it for me? That I don't want anyone else?
Idiot.
I'm going to have to set him straight.
I shoulder my backpack, my mood grim. I don't know how everything could be so perfect one second and be so completely upside down the next. Did he really even understand what he was doing? How could the reasoning he'd first used to come up with this plan still apply now when his entire world is so different? When we're living post-Devastation?
When almost nothing is left?
Doesn't he understand that killing the queen means killing me?
There's just so much I need to tell him, to explain to him. He has to listen. I'm not even going to consider that he won't.
Adjusting my pack, the lightness of it worries me. There isn’t enough epis for me to pack some. Our supplies are getting low plus it doesn’t last long once it’s harvested.
On my way to the wall, I'm stopped by the women again. By my friends. I open my mouth, not knowing how I'm going to explain what's actually going on, when Olivia interrupts.
"We know you're going after Ryuth," she says, smiling a little. "I understand. I would go after Ragnar too."
"We just wanted to wish you luck," Penelope explains.
I smile, feeling a little misty-eyed by the support but trying to hide the reaction.
Stupid eyes.
"Thanks guys. That's really sweet of you."
They all hug me in turn. I bolster myself with each one, with each show of solidarity.
"Oh, and we also wanted to ask you to bring back some more of that fruit," Astrid says, with a grin. "Might as well multi-task while you're out there trying to save your man, right?"
I let out a wet laugh, shaking my head. "I'll try."
With one last wave goodbye, I close the rest of the distance to the wall. There's no time to waste. Ragnar, Melchior, and Bashir are already waiting, packs and lochabers in hand.
Ragnar nods as I approach and steps closer to me.
"We must leave," he says, wrapping an arm around my waist. "The only way to move swiftly is if we help you."
I nod. I was going to ask him to anyway.
"Let's go."
The wall, the last bit of protection between us and the rest of Tajss, is behind us. And then we're heading into the sun-baked desert at a swift pace, Ragnar keeping me from sinking into the sand. I can't help but wish for Ryuth's arm around my waist instead.
I can't wait to have him in my arms again.
After I've given him a thorough dressing-down for this ridiculous plan, of course.
But he has such a big lead. What if we don't make it in time? What if that last time with Ryuth was the last time, like he'd intended it to be? What if he'll never call me his treasure again? What if I can never speak with him again?
What if . . . what if he's already gone?
I shake my head, trying to dispel the thought.
Hold on, Ryuth.
We're coming.
19
Ryuth
The suns glare down as I skim across the sand, my wings spread to keep me light enough so my feet don't sink.
Starlight has given way to sunlight, highlighting the smooth lines of the dunes spreading in every direction. Simultaneously soothing and monotonous to the eye. The journey is going swifter now that I am alone.
Without my treasure.
Another stab of pain goes through me, settling back into the dull ache that has been plaguing me ever since I left the Tribe behind.
Left Mei behind.
Left my treasure alone in her furs.
I growl to myself as I force my legs and wings to keep pumping as I think about what I did to her. I let her fall in love with me, knowing what I have to do. What needs to be done.
I put my own desire for her above protecting her, above ensuring that I didn't hurt her. I should have stayed away. I know that. I should have made a clear cut.
Instead, I hurt her when I told her I was unworthy, that she would find someone better. My intention was to distance myself, to end our relationship before I left. But I couldn't do it.
Rather than continue through with that intention, I mated with her again that very night!
As if that was not enough, I left while she was sleeping.
No explanation.
No goodbye.
It’s a terrible thing to do to someone I love. I hope she realizes that I only did so because I am weak, that I did not mean to leave her in such a cruel manner. That I did not mean to harm her in any way.
I fear she will think exactly what she thought when I attempted to break away from her after leaving the oasis—that I do not care for her at all, but only wanted her for her body.
That is so far from the truth, which is that I simply could not bear to leave her without loving her the only way I could. The only way I could allow myself to.
When we were together . . . I didn't have to hold back how I felt with my body, like I had to with my words. I could touch her and taste her however I wanted, love her with abandon.
I hate myself for the weakness of that act even as the memory of it still stirs me.
I want her, even now. Even when I know I am going to my death. Even when I know that I cannot be there to provide for her, to protect her.
I truly am worthless.
Only someone beyond help could hurt the female he loves in such a selfish manner. It is further proof of what I am, of the crimes I need to atone for. The thought has me lengthening my stride, pushing another bit of speed out of myself.
I need to move quickly.
I know Ragnar and he knows me.
He will know exactly where I am going and why I am going there. So I know my time is limited.
My brother is a good person, a leader. Even if he no longer feels anything for me, he will be moved to come after me. To make certain I do not carry out my plan. He will think that he is doing what is best for everyone, that I am misguided and must be stopped. He will see it as his responsibility because I am his brother.
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