A Daughter's Dream

by Cathy Sharp

  ‘No, I see that. So shall I tell Margaret to take the job if she wants?’

  ‘I think it is best. We really only need two girls if we go back to doing just alterations anyway.’

  I felt a little resentful and upset as I went down to the shop that morning. It was only natural that Lainie should think of herself, of course, but she hadn’t been thinking that way until John put the idea into her head.

  A part of me wanted to tell Lainie about the missing money, but I decided to keep it to myself for the moment. It would only sound like sour grapes.

  Matthew came to see me that weekend. He took me to a show and dinner on Saturday, and on Sunday we went over to see my parents, though we didn’t stay to have lunch with them. Matthew wanted me to see a little house he had seen advertised for sale in a nice suburban area.

  ‘I’m thinking of putting a deposit on it,’ he told me. ‘It has been for sale for some months now, and I think I might be able to get it cheaper – though it probably wants a bit doing to it, so you mustn’t be disappointed.’

  ‘How could I be disappointed?’ I asked, feeling excited. ‘Oh, Matthew! I thought it was going to be ages before we could buy a house – that’s why I was so disappointed when Lainie said she might be selling the shop.’

  ‘I might take a lease on the shop if she decided to let instead of selling,’ he said, looking thoughtful. ‘Not for a dress shop, though. I don’t know enough about ladies’ clothes – and Lainie’s quite right. I would rather you didn’t work once we are married, Amy.’

  ‘You wouldn’t mind me selling my designs to fashion houses if I could, though, would you?’ I asked anxiously.

  ‘No, of course not. I just want you to give most of your time to the home and me – and we may have children, though not too soon. I want you to myself for a while.’

  When Matthew looked at me that way I melted inside, and my ambitions faded into the background. I clung to him when he kissed me and felt the desire surge between us.

  This was right for me; this was how it should be. It was foolish to mind too much about other things when I had all this.

  The house was about the same size as the one Matthew’s parents owned, but in a rather rough state. My heart sank when I first saw it – there was so much to do! Matthew saw it through different eyes.

  ‘I know it looks pretty bad now,’ he said. ‘But most of it is easy enough to put right. It wants completely stripping out, new plaster on the walls and ceilings and a new bathroom and kitchen. It will look very smart then, I promise you – and it is a nice area, Amy. Just what you wanted.’

  ‘Yes, I like the area,’ I agreed. The suburb was not much bigger than a village, with a shop, post office and a doctor all within reach. There was also a playing field for the children and a pond with ducks swimming on it. It was within easy reach of the town by train. Ideal for Matthew to get to work. ‘The neighbours aren’t too close, and they look friendly – that woman waved as she saw us come in. Yes, it will be nice when it’s done, but isn’t that going to cost a lot of money?’

  ‘I had a word with your father,’ Matthew said. ‘He knows some people who will do it for us at a reasonable rate. It might be ready for Christmas.’

  ‘Does that mean we could get married?’

  ‘Yes, I think so,’ he said and smiled as I hugged him. ‘I thought that might please you.’

  ‘It does. Of course it does. You know that’s what I’ve always wanted.’

  ‘You haven’t changed your mind then?’ He looked at me oddly. ‘I wondered if all this talk of dress designing and mixing with Mary and her friends had made you think again.’

  ‘No! No, of course it hasn’t.’

  I blushed and hugged him, but I couldn’t quite meet his eyes. I was still in love with Matthew, of course I was … But I liked being Mary’s friend, and I liked the new world she had opened up for me. And even Matthew’s surprise about the house hadn’t quite eased the disappointment I’d felt over Lainie’s change of heart.

  I suppose the praise from Jane Adams and a few others had gone to my head, making me think I was something special. Of course I wasn’t really, just a very ordinary girl with a small talent for designing clothes to suit people.

  I tried to put my disappointment behind me, and think about how lucky I was to have Matthew. He loved me very much, and I knew he was buying the house sooner than he had really wanted to because he wanted to make me happy.

  ‘I’m not sure if I can, but I might come up again the week after next,’ he told me just before we parted. ‘If I get the house I might meet Joe there and hear what he has to say about renovating it. Your father knows a lot of stuff like that, Amy.’

  ‘Yes, I think he’s done up a few properties in his time,’ I said. ‘I’m going to stay with Mary in the country that weekend, Matthew. It’s her special dance and I shall need to be on hand for any last minute fittings she might need …’

  Matthew frowned as he saw the faint flush in my cheeks.

  ‘You weren’t going to tell me that, were you?’

  ‘I didn’t want to make you cross,’ I admitted.

  ‘Then you admit I might have reason to be?’ The look in Matthew’s eyes made me feel guilty. ‘I’m not going to ask if there’s someone else, Amy. I just want you to think very carefully about what you want. If it’s not me, then I hope you will be honest and tell me before things go too far.’

  ‘Matthew! Of course there isn’t anyone else, not like that. I just enjoy being friendly with Mary, that’s all.’

  ‘Then tell me what you’re doing. Please don’t hide it from me, Amy – or I shall think the worst.’

  ‘Don’t look at me as if I’ve committed a crime.’ The hurt in his face was making me squirm inside and I kept thinking about the way I’d let Paul kiss me. ‘I do love you, Matthew.’

  He reached out to touch my cheek. ‘I love you, Amy – but I don’t want to hold you if what I can offer isn’t enough. Think about it and tell me next time I come. I shall not come for a week or two, but I’m still going to offer for the house, because I think it’s a good investment.’

  I didn’t answer and Matthew walked away, leaving me to go home alone.

  ‘Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside,’ Sally sang over her work that Monday morning. ‘Beside the seaside, beside the sea …’

  She was not particularly tuneful, but she was happy. Margaret smiled at me as I handed her the back panel of Mary’s dress, which I had embroidered with beads.

  ‘That’s beautiful, Amy,’ she said. ‘I can sew both panels together now and it will be ready for her to try on when she comes in.’

  ‘I think I shall take a break before I start on the next one.’

  Margaret hesitated. ‘We’ve got a social evening on at the church hall tonight. All the money we collect is going to charity. It’s for ex-servicemen who were gassed in the war. The tickets are two shillings. I don’t suppose you would like to come?’

  ‘Yes, I would,’ I said, smiling at her. ‘I was wondering what I might do with myself – and it’s for a wonderful cause.’

  So many ex-servicemen had become part of the ‘forgotten army’: men who had returned after so much suffering and self-sacrifice to a grateful nation but had soon discovered there were no jobs and none of the benefits that had been promised them.

  Just after the war it had been common to see them on the streets hawking cheap goods from trays they carried about their necks. It was seen less often now but they still stood on street corners, jobless and hopeless, their faces reflecting the kind of despair that only poverty brings.

  ‘Oh good,’ Margaret said. ‘It’s always nice to see a new face at these things, and as you say it’s for a worthwhile cause.’

  ‘I’ll come an’ all,’ Sally chipped in. ‘I can spare two bob for ’em. My cousin Billy were gassed. He near enough coughed his bloody lungs up afore he choked to death. What about you, Peggy? Are you comin’ wiv us?’

  Peggy looked at her fo
r a moment and then back at her sewing.

  ‘I can’t manage it. There’s no one to look after the baby at night. ‘Sides, it takes me all me time to keep body and soul together. Leave charity to them what can afford it, that’s what I say.’

  She shot an accusing look at me.

  I saw the exchange of glances between Sally and Margaret and wondered. It seemed to me that they didn’t much like the newcomer to the workroom.

  I enjoyed my evening. After leaving Margaret and the others that morning, I telephoned my mother at home and left a message for my brother, asking if he would like to accompany me to the social evening.

  ‘Tell him to pick me up at seven if he wants to come, Mum.’

  Terry was there on the dot. I knew from his expression that he was keen to see Margaret again, and I was glad I had asked him.

  The entrance fee paid for a cup of tea, but sandwiches and sausage rolls were extra. There were lots of other things we could spend our money on, including draw tickets and toys made by disabled servicemen.

  Between us, Terry and I spent three pounds, which pleased Margaret and her mother no end.

  ‘Mum is thrilled,’ Margaret told us towards the end. ‘We’ve never done quite so well. I think you’ve brought us luck, Amy. We’ve raised quite a bit for the charity. I’m so grateful.’ She spoke to me but I noticed that her large brown eyes were on my brother most of the time.

  I sensed a blossoming romance between them, and I wished that everything could be as pleasant. Why had I quarrelled with Matthew when I didn’t really want to?

  I asked Terry how my father was when he took me home afterwards.

  ‘He seems all right, but I don’t like to see him looking so tired all the time … But don’t worry too much, Amy. He’ll be fine if he slows down a bit, takes things easy for a while.’

  That was easier said than done. I’d never known my father to take things easy.

  Terry dropped me outside the flat. I went upstairs to find Lainie sitting over her accounts. She looked up and smiled.

  ‘Did you enjoy yourself?’

  ‘Yes, thank you. There was a bit of dancing and some party games for the children. It was very much a family evening.’

  ‘Yes, these things usually are.’ She frowned. ‘I think we shall have to charge more for the next dress Mary orders. It’s all very well for Mrs Holland to insist on a discount but you’re working all hours for nothing.’

  ‘I haven’t minded,’ I said. ‘Mary has been nice to me.’

  ‘Well, as long as you don’t mind, but I’m sure she could afford to pay the full price. Just don’t let her use you too much, Amy.’

  ‘No, I shan’t,’ I said and went to kiss her cheek.

  I was thoughtful as I went to my room. Was Mary using me? Or was she really my friend?

  I was introduced to Harold Brompton for the first time that weekend. He had come up to visit Lainie, and he took us both out for a special dinner at the Savoy Hotel. I had never been there before, and I was thrilled to see how grand it looked.

  ‘I wanted to take you both somewhere special,’ he told us. ‘I’ve come into a little money, you see. It’s not a huge fortune, but a nice house and some land. I’m hoping to persuade Lainie to come down and take a look soon. It’s bigger than my own house – and just crying out for a mistress.’

  ‘Well, we’ll see,’ she said. But I could tell she was thinking very seriously about it. ‘Not this weekend, Harold, but perhaps in a few weeks.’

  ‘You could come too if you wanted, Amy.’ He smiled at me. ‘I’ve told Lainie that all her family will be welcome once we’re married.’

  ‘I haven’t said yes yet,’ she reminded him, but she was smiling and I guessed that she was very near to making up her mind.

  Harold was a decent man and I thought he would look after my aunt, but I knew that when she did marry him I might well be out of a job.

  My mother came into the shop on the Thursday afternoon of the following week just before lunchtime. She had a look through the rails and picked out a dress she liked, which Lainie took away to have wrapped for her.

  ‘It’s time I had a new dress,’ she said when we were alone. ‘Joe is always telling me I should spend more on myself.’

  ‘That isn’t why you came though, is it?’

  ‘I thought we might go out to lunch, if you have time?’

  ‘Yes, of course. We can pop out and have a sandwich just next door. I mustn’t be too long, because I have a client coming in for a fitting in an hour, but we’ll go now. You can collect your dress when we come back.’

  There was a nice little café next door to Lainie’s where the girls sometimes went for tea and sandwiches. They made simple things like salads and omelettes, too. I had an egg and cress sandwich and my mother had an omelette with salad.

  She didn’t eat very much, just picked at it with her fork.

  ‘Isn’t it very nice?’

  ‘Yes, of course it’s fine.’ She laid down her fork and gave me a straight look. ‘Would you be very disappointed if I asked you not to go to Mary’s this weekend?’

  ‘Oh, Mum,’ I said, stunned. ‘You know I would. I’ve been looking forward to it so much. Why don’t you want me to go? Is it something to do with Mary’s father?’

  ‘Yes …’ She sighed. ‘Joe said I wasn’t to spoil your fun. He says I worry too much and that you’re too sensible to get involved with him. You wouldn’t get involved with an older man, would you, Amy? Only Mr Maitland isn’t a very nice man and I would be very unhappy if you did.’

  ‘If that’s all you’re worried about …’ I laughed. ‘I promise you I shan’t, Mum. I know that older men sometimes like young girls, but I wouldn’t give him the chance. He suggested something about me finding a backer for a fashion house based on my designs, but I told him I wasn’t interested because I was going to get married.’ I smiled at her. ‘If Matthew and I get married at Christmas I shan’t see much of Mary then anyway.’

  ‘Good.’ She laughed at herself. ‘I know I worry too much, Amy – and your father doesn’t want me to tell you why, not at the moment – but just be careful of Mr Maitland, please.’

  ‘I promise I won’t let him get me in any dark corners. He probably won’t be there anyway.’

  ‘Terry has decided he’s coming with you for the weekend,’ she said. ‘He will be there if you need him, love. Your father told him he could have the time off. He’ll drive you down tomorrow and bring you back when you’re ready.’

  They had arranged it between them. Mum had tried to persuade me not to go, but they had a back-up plan to cover all emergencies. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh at them for fussing over me like old hens or to be annoyed that they thought I needed looking after.

  ‘I wish you would tell me what Mary’s father did to you, Mum.’

  ‘It wasn’t to me,’ she said. ‘There were other people who were hurt. I would tell you all of it, but Joe says we shouldn’t – and I suppose he is right. But remember that Mr Maitland isn’t nice and he isn’t kind, Amy. I think you are safe enough if you keep your distance, but don’t trust him.’

  ‘Mary has told him to leave me alone, Mum. I’m her friend, and I think he respects that. It’s almost as if she draws a line and he can’t cross over it for some reason.’

  ‘Yes. He told me once that he respects decent women,’ my mother said. ‘But if he ever thought you had crossed that line …’ A little shiver went through her. ‘I would still rather you didn’t go, Amy – but if you’re set on it I shan’t forbid you.’ She smiled as she pushed her plate away. ‘Have you got everything you want? We’ve got time to go shopping if you need some new shoes.’

  ‘I bought them yesterday. If you’ve got time to come up to my room, I’ll show them to you. And Margaret has almost finished my dress. She is going to bring it to work with her in the morning. We’ll decide on any last-minute changes before I leave. It will make things easier if Terry is taking me down. I’ll phone Mary this evening
and tell her.’

  ‘I believe your brother has already done that,’ she said. ‘Come on, we’ll pay for this and go. I should like to see your new shoes.’

  Eight

  I was thoughtful as I selected my things to take to Mary’s that evening. What was so terrible about Mr Maitland that my father had forbidden my mother to tell me about it?

  Did Mary know things about her father? Was that why she seemed not to like him, why she had told me I couldn’t be her friend and his?

  I knew that I was going to have to think very seriously about continuing my friendship with Mary. I liked her and I had enjoyed being a part of her world, but if it was upsetting my parents then I might not be able to see her any longer.

  It was another disappointment, but perhaps it was inevitable. After all, we were from completely different worlds.

  Margaret brought my dress in with her the next morning. It needed one small adjustment at the back but otherwise it was perfect. Very sophisticated – like something out of a Paris fashion magazine.

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ I said and kissed her. ‘I love it. You are so clever, Margaret – and I think you are worth the extra money those people have offered you.’

  She blushed and looked at me oddly. ‘I’m going to see someone this afternoon,’ she said. ‘It’s my free afternoon …’

  ‘I’m sure you are right to do so,’ I said. I hadn’t told her that Lainie might be selling the shop, because it wasn’t certain yet and it might mean that we should lose several of the girls. Besides, I thought it wasn’t likely to happen just yet. ‘If you like the people you will be working with, the money would be much better for you, Margaret.’

  ‘Yes, I could use the extra money,’ she agreed. ‘But I enjoy working with you – we’ve become friends, haven’t we?’

  ‘Of course we have, and we still can be,’ I replied. ‘I shan’t hate you if you go. We can still meet up sometimes.’

  ‘It wouldn’t be the same, though.’

  ‘You must do what is right for you, but be sure it’s what you want, Margaret. It still seems a little odd to me. It would be awful if they didn’t keep you for long.’