An odd stinging made Odo blink his eyes. When did Doctor Mora's hands grow that thin? They were the same hands he feared for so long. And now, he realized, Doctor Mora could hardly use them to wash himself.
Not even newborn Kejal looked that vulnerable. And there sat Doctor Mora, naked and nearly helpless.
Odo forced away the pity gnawing at his mind. He knocked on the doorframe. "Doctor Mora, do you need assistance?"
"Yes," came the quiet reply.
Reluctantly, Odo soaped up the wash rag and handed it to his mentor. "Wash what you can reach and I'll help with the rest."
He kept his eyes downcast and felt the rag slide off his fingers.
Doctor Mora reached for the mobile showerhead. He stopped short, making a wounded noise in his throat. Odo rolled his eyes and got it down for him.
This is insane. He can't honestly be that sick...
"I need your help now."
"Where am I washing you?"
"I got my front from my neck to my knees. The rest is up to you."
Of course, Odo groused mentally. This was so much easier when he imagined Doctor Mora as being invincible. He didn't like seeing the reality.
Odo started at Doctor Mora's feet. He kept his eyes only on what he was washing.
"Your left knee is swollen."
"It's been that way for years."
Doctor Mora's toes were short and round like his fingers. Odo worked the washcloth between them. It would have been easier if Doctor Mora didn't squirm.
"Can you try to be still?" Odo grumbled.
"I'm ticklish. I can't help it." Doctor Mora leaned forward, discretely covering himself with his arms.
Some of Odo's irritation melted. Like smell or taste, he lacked the ability to feel tickle sensations until after he spent time as a humanoid. He often assumed Kejal "let" him keep it.
Even then, he often hated it unless Kira did it. She had the ability to tickle him in the most erotic way. With one finger, she could leave him gasping.
"You're smiling about something."
Odo wiped the smirk off his face. "No, I'm not."
"All right." Doctor Mora hung his head. "I won't argue with you."
"Thank you. I'm going to wash your back now." Odo rinsed the soap away. "Do you need help standing up?"
"I'll stand myself up." Doctor Mora grasped the grab poles on either side of him and pulled himself up. Odo saw more of him than he ever wanted to as he slowly turned away.
"It's painful to stand, so please hurry."
The muscles under his skin quivered. His sides heaved when he breathed. He pressed his forehead against his wrists.
Odo swore he heard a muffled whimper. Such a proud man reduced to this...it just wasn't right.
Odo scrubbed Doctor Mora's back. He got into the shower, not caring that he got wet, and knelt to wash his lower body. Then he rinsed. Slowly, carefully, still fighting the pity encroaching on his mind.
Doctor Mora lost his balance as Odo shut off the water. Odo caught him by the armpits. The former scientist weighed less than he did the last time Odo picked him up. He was shrinking into nothing!
"That's the last time I drink a martini," said Doctor Mora. He twisted his head to smile at Odo.
Odo scoffed at him. "This is the last time I shower fully clothed. And...by the way? Martinis taste terrible."
They both chuckled, breaking the tension.
Odo walked Doctor Mora to the waste unit, lowered the lid and sat him down. Doctor Mora leaned forward with his forearms resting on his knees. He grasped the towel Odo wrapped around his shoulders and sprayed something on his underarms.
"Do you remember how water used to scare you?"
"Mmhmm." Odo caught his own mothering instincts in action again when he started drying Doctor Mora off. "You're the one who told me humanoids die if they submerge."
"And then you..." Doctor Mora laughed, "...you fell into the river outside the lab, and it was hell getting you back out. You discovered you could swim."
"Exposure seems to help me get over my fear of anything." Odo stopped moving the towel. He met Doctor Mora's eyes. "Especially the lab."
"I'm sorry about it, Odo."
"Please, Doctor Mora, don't." Odo wasn't ready to hear this. So he did what he always did and pushed the subject away. "I didn't realize how low this commode is. How does Aleexa normally help you stand up?"
"I used to use the grab poles, but it's too hard now. This is how she helps." Doctor Mora placed his hands on Odo's shoulders. If being pushed away hurt, he did a fine job of not showing it. "She has me hold on and stands up." His eyes crinkled. "It's remarkable how strong Talaxians are, isn't it?"
"Indeed. Hang on." Odo stood, pulling Doctor Mora onto his feet. "You need a shave."
"You don't miss a single detail." Doctor Mora rubbed his chin. "Help me to the sink and I'll take care of that."
"Mother? Where's the-- ew! Father vomited!"
Odo rolled his eyes while Doctor Mora combed his hair and shaved off his stubble.
"Kejal, it's just vomit. Clean it up. I'm busy."
"It's gross! I'll do whatever you're doing, you clean this up."
"No," Odo replied sternly.
"I'm going to gag." Kejal complained.
"You don't have a gag reflex." Odo sent back, smirking. "Clean it up, Kejal. The smell will make Doctor Mora ill again."
A long-suffering sigh punctuated footsteps moving away. Then Odo heard the wet splat of the mop at work. He nodded, satisfied.
Doctor Mora put his straight razor away and splashed water on his face. "Kejal still enjoys pushing peoples' buttons."
"Sometimes, he is such a child."
"I heard that, mother!"
Odo fought down the sharp retort. It would only open up the avenue for Kejal to continue the argument, which meant he didn't have to mop. Odo wasn't going to play that game.
"Do you want me to bring you a clean nightshirt, Doctor Mora?"
"Thank you, no. Take me back into my bedroom and I'll-- " Doctor Mora stopped mid-sentence and stared blankly at his shower. He smiled, " --I'll put one on myself."
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Leruu is taking a shower."
"What?"
"Nothing." Doctor Mora shook his head. "Please." He gestured towards the bathroom door.
Odo tucked the towel around Doctor Mora's waist and helped him into the freshly mopped bedroom. Kejal had the decency to dry the floors.
Doctor Mora pulled on his brown winter nightshirt. An old, shapeless thing that somehow kept him warm.
Still shaking his head, Odo found Kira carrying her travel bag to the front door. He stopped short of exiting the living room. A familiar, colorful artifact hung on the wall by Doctor Mora's bedroom door.
"Oh!" She said, "I put the sand mandala on the wall in the living room. Pol might like having it around. I better see him...just in case he's not here when I get back."
Odo kissed her cheek. Kira still looked a little flushed from their early morning activities. She slipped past him on her way to Doctor Mora's bedroom.
Outside, Kejal slouched on the swing, half-heartedly kicking at a seed pod under his feet.
"I was helping Doctor Mora." Odo said upon joining him. "I couldn't let him fall and hurt himself."
"He throws up almost everything he eats now," grumbled Kejal. "I don't like seeing him this way, mother. Father values his dignity."
"I've said this before for a different reason, but I'm going to say it again now. Perhaps the fact that it's not easy is what makes it worthwhile."
Kejal shot him a hard look, his brown eyes blazing. "It's so easy for you to say that, isn't it? You don't love him like I do. Seeing him sick like this doesn't hurt you as much as it hurts me. He loves you, and you won't see it! You're going through the motions. That isn't taking care of someone. He wants you to love him, mother. He's sorry for the pain he caused you in the lab. I see both of you and I want to slam your head into a wall until you
see what I see. You're so blind! Are you going to hold his mistakes over his head for the rest of our lives? When will you let it go?"
The outburst took Odo aback. As long as he'd known Kejal, he never saw him express such anger straight at him before. And it hurt like knives stabbing into his torso.
"Do you think this is easy for me?" Odo met Kejal's burning brown eyes with his icy blue ones. "You aren't the one who went through it."
"He hurt you! I know, I understand! It feels awful and I wish I could take that pain away from you. But I can't. You're the only one with that power, mother. He didn't mean to hurt you. He didn't know he was hurting you. It's eating him alive, and you're just sitting there, watching it happen! Forgiving doesn't make everything okay, it just means you're willing to move past what happened and focus on healing." Kejal jumped off the swing. "Dammit, mother, sometimes you're too stubborn for your own good!"
"Kejal-- "
"You won't understand until you sit by his bed and hold his hand while he is in pain."
"Let me finish."
"No."
Kejal crossed his arms. He shape shifted into a smooth black river stone at Odo's feet.
Odo scooped up the rock and carried it inside. For a single angry moment he considered hurling it at Doctor Mora's forehead. It wouldn't help the situation any.
What was that old saying again?
An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.
He sat down in the chair by the oval window. The sand mandala fit right in with the décor of the house. He spent ages staring at it.
Kira's voice filtered out of the bedroom. "...so, how is the pain?"
Doctor Mora's answered. "To be honest...it's getting worse. I am not the type who admits to pain easily."
"That makes two of us."
Their voices dropped too soft to hear.
"Perhaps you're right." Odo cupped the rock in his hands. Just the way he had immediately after Kejal's birth. "I don't want him to suffer, either, but he is going to regardless of what we do. I'm not sure how to help or make it easier."
He placed the rock on the floor. It shape shifted into a humanoid again.
"Aleexa told me dying people with unresolved issues will suffer more pain than those who don't." Kejal sat on the footrest in front of Odo. "I'm not blaming you for father's pain, but this wall you have up around yourself isn't helping him either."
Odo sighed heavily. He took Kejal's hands in his own. They looked identical to his. "The fact that he raised you so well shows me how much he's changed over the years. He used to be so arrogant, so buried in his work."
"I know, but he was good to me, mother. He really was. He raised me the way he wished he could have raised you." Kejal smiled. He made a shushing motion at the sound of Kira's footsteps. Then he liquefied and oozed under her travel bag.
"He's resting now." Kira said as she emerged from the bedroom. She checked the clock. "I better go. My transport leaves in a little over an hour."
Nodding, Odo walked her to the door. "The tram is here."
Kira leaned into him, grasped two handfuls of his backside and squeezed. "I love you, husband."
Odo let his forehead touch hers. He didn't want her to go. "I love you too, wife."
They kissed and embraced. Odo wished he could smell her soft hair.
"Take care of Pol," she whispered in his ear. Then she reached for her travel bag.
Kejal dribbled out of the side pocket and took shape already hugging her. "Do you think I'm going to let you escape without a hug?"
"Ah! Kejal!" Kira laughed, giving him a good, strong squeeze. "Ooh, you sneak." She pinched his cheeks. "I need to get going. I'll be back in about three weeks. I told Pol not to wait for me."
Kejal's smile sobered. "I understand." He embraced her again. "Take care, mom."
Kira rubbed his back until he let go. She stepped out the door, climbed into the hover tram and was gone.
A tram carrying Aleexa pulled up scarcely two minutes after Kira's drove away.
"Help her." Odo said to Kejal. He left him there and ventured into Doctor Mora's bedroom, where he found Doctor Mora curled up on his right side.
The former scientist appeared even smaller in the bed than in the shower. His upturned shoulder shuddered.
In the living room, the sounds of Aleexa unpacking were punctuated by Kejal chattering to her about gardening.
"Doctor Mora?" Odo moved in front of him and sat on the seat that swung out from the bedside. "Are you in pain right now?"
Doctor Mora nodded without opening his eyes. His eyebrows knit. Suddenly, his face contorted and turned red. Tears poured over his nose ridges. The shaking of his shoulder accelerated.
"Don't leave me again, Odo," he sobbed. "Please. Please."
At a loss, Odo moved onto the edge of the bed and touched Doctor Mora's hand.
How many times had he been the one cowering, helpless and small inside his beaker? How many times did he suffer pain he couldn't escape?
"Please, don't leave me," whispered Doctor Mora. He sniffed. "I know how I made you feel...I'm going through it. It's no wonder you left...Odo, please, don't leave again! If this is how I must atone for it, I will...I will. Please, stay..."
Odo reluctantly climbed onto the bed and drew Doctor Mora to his chest. He didn't pull away when strong hands gripped his clothing.
This wasn't the terrifying scientist who unknowingly tormented him so many years ago. This was a broken, dying man.
If Odo believed in the Prophets, he might have called it divine retribution. Except, he didn't feel vindicated. Seeing Doctor Mora like this hurt.
For a split second, Odo considered leaving and taking a shuttle to Deep Space Nine. He couldn't stand to see this. But abandoning a sick man would be more heartless than his physically lacking a heart.
"I won't leave you," Odo said softly. "It's all right." He tucked Doctor Mora's head under his chin and scooted closer to him. "I'm right here. Shhh. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
Odo held Doctor Mora while Aleexa changed his metorapan patch and dosed him with triptacederine. He helped him drink his takeo smoothie. By sunset, he'd settled into a restless slumber in which he sleep-talked to Leruu.
The house gradually grew silent and dark.
Odo extricated himself from Doctor Mora's bed and tip-toed out into the back yard. Cloudless skies always chased the darkness out of his mind. Being alone let him gather his scattered thoughts.
That night, it was below freezing outside. Odo hugged himself. He couldn't shiver like a humanoid. Instead, his willed his inner substance to thicken and circulate faster to maintain homeostasis.
Millions of stars glimmered in the clear sky. He watched a gibbous Jeraddo rise over the southeastern mountains. It encroached upon the Milky Way's central hub, which looked like a streak of sugar someone spilled and then tracked across a black carpet.
What was it about winter that made the sky feel so close?
He stepped past the property line to better see the moon. Wind stirred the deka tree, making it creak. A limb of frosty leaves brushed his back. The chill almost hurt.
Odo ignored the droopy branch. He walked further eastward, closed his eyes and told his body to change. Morphogenic enzymes flooded his substance, bringing forth a pleasure experienced only by shape shifters who morphed for the sheer joy of it.
He let his feet sink onto the ground and spread out. His elongating torso broadened. When he lifted his arms, they transformed into two massive limbs from which several drooping branches unfurled.
Suddenly, he sensed the wind ruffling his leaves. Instinct prompted him to fluff out his appendages, trying to capture the light of suns far too distant to warm him. All around, the universe went on into eternity, and only his strong roots stood between him and the void.
The vastness of everything left Odo awed. Trees really knew things!
"Mother?"
Odo stretched a branch towards the vibration. Something touched his trunk.
"You feel that, don't you? The night air, the sky, the stars...no, don't change back. Stay a tree."
A weight settled in the junction between his two largest limbs.
"Imagine turning into a planet full of trees like you. Heh, heh, Vokau told me it's great to have two eyes, but ten eyes see even more. Then she shape shifted into a ten-eyed squid from Karemma to prove it." Kejal patted the limb he was sitting on. "Can I tell you a secret, mother?"
Odo rustled a leaf. Kejal chuckled at him.
"My biggest dream is to be a world full of trees. I want to be a garden. I want to be the ground, the plants, the sky and the rain all at once. I want to become a place where people will appreciate how precious nature is." Kejal sighed wistfully, "I just want to be."
He jumped down, the vibration of his landing reaching Odo's roots.
A few minutes later, Odo sensed another deka tree forming scarcely ten feet away. Their roots intertwined underground.
They stayed that way for hours. Simply being.
A flicker of warmth rippled the horizon. The wind stopped. Everything held its breath in anticipation.
Odo's leaves sensed life. He turned them towards it. Golden light created a sweeping chord that resurrected the dormant world. Nature became music and he joined its song.
The simple joy of it rivaled giving birth to Kejal. Odo was in awe.
Now he understood Kejal's openness towards music and nature.
No, towards everything.
Together, the trees shrank into two humanoids silhouetted against the sun.
Kejal grinned, his brown eyes twinkling in the sunrise.
"Trees know," he said. "Now, you know, too."
Odo smiled back and extended his hand. Kejal accepted it. They made their way towards the house.
Aleexa greeted them at the door. She folded her arms against the cold and pretended to shoot them stern looks. "Well, where did you boys wander off to?"
"We communed with nature," said Kejal. "How is father doing?"
"He's resting. I'm giving him small doses of long-acting promethazine every twelve hours. It seems to do the trick. He ate alvasauce on toast and kept it down. I expect him to stop wanting food pretty soon." Aleexa moved out of the doorway. "Oh, get in here! We're letting the heat out! It's freezing out there."
Beginning: A Star Trek Novel (New Frontier Reloaded Book 2) Page 23