by Selena Kitt
“Yes, indeed.” I couldn’t have agreed more as Billy Ray met my eyes around his father’s back. “Mama’s making lemonade, and we’ve got a ham. I baked a strawberry pie. They’re real fat and ripe this year—you should take some home to the missus.”
“That’d be fine.” Preacher Harris smiled as he took a seat at our kitchen table. “Maybe you and Lottie and Billy Ray can go pick some after dinner, then?”
Was it horrible of me to be thinking, That’s just what I hoped you’d say?
“Oh, speaking of picking…” Mama poured lemonade over a glass of ice she set in front of the preacher. “Rosie, will you run out back and pick me… Let me think…” She frowned, looking up at the ceiling as if the answer were written above her head. “I’d say…fifteen…fifteen ears of corn should do it.”
I couldn’t believe my luck. We were gonna have the opportunity to be alone twice in one Sunday?
“Sure, Mama.” I didn’t bother with my shoes and I tried to make it sound real casual when I stopped with my hand on the screen door, looked back and asked, “You wanna help me, Billy Ray?”
He slipped behind me, pushing the door open as an answer.
“Your daddy don’t care, does he?” I glanced back at the preacher man on the front stoop drinking Mama’s lemonade and talking with my daddy as Billy Ray and I made our way through the field.
“Oh, he cares.” Billy Ray picked a piece of long sweet grass and stuck it between his teeth to suck on. “He just trusts me, is all.”
I lifted my blue eyes to his dark ones and we both smiled. “We got a new lamb. Wanna see him?”
“Sure.” He followed my change in trajectory as we cut toward the barn.
It smelled like hay and manure inside and the earthy odor of animals. I stopped to give my horse a nuzzle, rubbing my cheek against his silky black nose. Jupiter nibbled at my long, brown hair looking for goodies, and I giggled, pushing him away.
“Not today, Jupiter.” I noticed Billy’s eyes on me as he leaned back against one of the stalls, his arms crossed, just watching.
“He just wants a little sugar,” Billy Ray noted with a slow smile. “Don’t see as I blame him.”
My cheeks blushed even pinker as I moved past him, hearing his boots fall on the concrete behind me as I made my way to the sheep pen. The new lamb was sleeping curled by his mother’s side but he looked up and bleated as we approached. His mother nuzzled him and bleated back as if to say, “All’s well” and the lamb closed his eyes again.
“Ain’t he sweet?” I squatted down to peer through the wooden slats.
“Yep.” Billy Ray leaned over the rail, chewing on his blade of grass. “Not as sweet as you, a’course.”
I snorted, putting my hands on my knees and rocking back, rolling my eyes. “You think I’m stupid, Billy Ray Harris?”
He smiled down at me. “Why would I think that?”
“I know what you’re doin’.” I stood, brushing my hands over my dress as if squatting next to the pen had made it dirty, and put my feet up on the first rail to peer over at the lamb, making me just as tall as the preacher’s son.
“Yeah?” Billy Ray did the same, bringing his height to a full head taller again. His shoulder brushed mine as he reached up to tip his hat back. “What am I doin’?”
“You’re no better than Jupiter.” I nudged him with my knee. The lamb was blinking, swinging its head back and forth between us. “You’re just looking for some sugar.”
“Aw, come on, Rosie.” He tilted his head when he smiled at me. “Can you blame me? Pretty girl like you…you’d just melt in my mouth like sugar…”
“Billy Ray!” I pushed him with my shoulder, meeting solid resistance. He didn’t budge an inch. “What you’re talkin’ ’bout is a sin. What would your daddy say?”
He snorted. “What Daddy don’t know, don’t hurt him. Besides, I told you, he trusts me.”
I hopped off the rail, brushing my hands together. “Well, now, that was his mistake, wasn’t it?”
Billy Ray stepped off the wooden slat and stood in front of me. “Don’t you trust me, girl?”
I met his eyes, trying to decide if the question was genuine. “Should I?”
“Wouldn’t hurt ya.” He brushed a stray hair off my cheek. It tickled. His fingers lingered over my jaw, his thumb rubbing there.
I glanced nervously past him, clearing my throat. “I don’t know ’bout that.”
Billy Ray frowned, stepping back. “You act like I’m Lucifer come to tempt you with a nice shiny apple.”
“I didn’t mean—” I stopped as he turned and started toward the barn doors. “Hey, Billy Ray, wait up…”
I caught his hand as we neared the doors and went out into the sunshine. We didn’t talk, but our hands stayed locked together as we walked. He squeezed my fingers once, pointing up to show me a hawk riding the updrafts and we both stood, shading our eyes with our other hand, to watch. And still we didn’t let go.
“Your mama’s sister still feelin’ poorly?” I asked, more a bid for connection than anything else.
Billy Ray didn’t answer for a long while and I thought for sure I’d hurt his feelings again, but then he said, “She’s a mite better, I s’pose. Most of it’s in her head. She’s just still grievin’ my cousin Brian getting killed in ’Nam last year.”
“Was he drafted?” I squinted up at him in the sun, and I knew the smattering of freckles there wrinkled with my nose.
“Yep.” He said the word flatly, but it could have been a scream to my ears. Too many of my former high school classmates had gone off halfway across the world to fight some war that my daddy watched every night on the TV and Preacher Harris vehemently opposed from his pulpit every week. It scared me to think of Billy Ray being drafted, but it was a real possibility. He was twenty come September, and he had no deferment—he was a young, single man, not pursuing a college education. All he had was a job at the feed store in town.
“I got something to tell you.” I swung his hand as we walked around to the high rows of corn. We were away from the sight of the house now, and I could barely contain my excitement. I’d been waiting to tell him for near a week.
“Lemme guess…” Billy Ray started feeling corn in its husks with his big, knowledgeable hands. “You’re running away and joining the circus?”
I laughed, nudging him with my hip. “Very funny.”
“You could be their living bookworm.” He grinned as he broke off a fat ear of corn, still in its husk. “Blind as a mole from sitting under the covers reading until the wee hours of the morning.”
“I got a full scholarship to USC.” The words hung there for a moment before he swept me into his arms, swinging me around and whooping.
I laughed. “Put me down, Billy Ray.”
But he wouldn’t. He turned until we both got dizzy and collapsed, breathless, next to the cornfields. Here the grass was low and soft as velvet and we rested as we always did, side by side on our backs, watching summer clouds drift lazily by.
“So, what did they say?” He rolled and leaned up on his elbow to look at me. I knew my sundress was getting dirty and Mama would say something, but I didn’t care. The way his gaze moved over me, as I stretched out next to him on the grass, made me feel like I had an itch I was desperate to scratch.
I grinned. “They said I could go.”
“Hallelujah!” Billy Ray leaned over and kissed me lightly on the cheek, and I turned my face up to his in expectation. His eyes had turned dark and serious though.
“I’m real glad, Rosie.” He played idly with the top button on my dress. “Not just ’cuz I know you’ll be an amazing teacher…but it’ll give you something to keep your mind busy while I’m gone.”
“Gone?” I frowned. “Gone where, Billy Ray?”
He looked off into the distance. “I’m enlisting.”
My heart stopped. I watched the wind nod the wild goldenrod. Finally, I asked, “When?” following his gaze, as if I could see what he wa
s seeing.
“End of the summer.” He pulled the piece of grass out of his mouth and tossed it aside. He didn’t look at me, and I could feel him doing it on purpose, not meeting my eyes. I reached for his hand, then, finding and squeezing it. I couldn’t talk around the lump in my throat. I wanted to ask “why” but I already knew. And there was no talking Billy Ray out of a thing once he set his mind to it.
“Don’t know what’s gonna happen, Rosie.” He lifted my hand, still not looking at me, and turned it palm up in his. He kissed it, his lips soft, and then closed my fingers tight as if to save it there.
“You’ll come home,” I whispered back, holding his kiss in my hand and leaning my head against his shoulder.
He sighed. “I can’t know that, and you can’t know it either. All I know is that I want you, girl, and now all we got is this summer.”
He kissed me—not for the first time, but it was like the last. It went on and on, our mouths raw and aching, our bodies strung like taut wire as we lay together on the ground.
There was no stopping what we wanted and we rolled together, pressing hard and rocking. He pushed up my dress, feeling past my panties, and led my hand to his zipper so I could feel him, too, all hard and wanting me. His mouth was like moist heat, trailing down my throat as his big fingers slid into my wetness.
“Oh, Rosie,” he groaned when I unzipped him, digging inside his jeans, seeking to free him. He reached down to help me, guiding my hand to the stiff length poking out above his zipper. His breath came faster in my ear as I tugged, his fingers probing up inside me. I squirmed against his hand, wanting more. He seemed to know it, his thumb finding that sweet spot at the top of my cleft and beginning to strum.
For a moment I forgot all about the hard length of him in my hand, and I moaned softly and rolled my hips in little circles. It felt too good for me to concentrate on anything else. Billy Ray’s hips moved, too, reminding me, and I pulled him, up and down, making him groan with pleasure.
“Rosie, please,” he begged, meeting my eyes. “Your mouth…”
I bit my lip but turned around, situating myself on my hands and knees so he could still touch me. I pushed his jeans down further, stroking him before sliding my tongue around the head. He gasped, yanking my panties down to my knees and shoving my dress up over my behind, exposing me. His fingers slid in easily—I was so wet—his thumb working that little bud of flesh back and forth.
He thrust up into my throat, one hand in my hair, his breath coming faster and faster. I could barely contain my own excitement, moaning around his shaft as he fingered me from behind. My climax was coming, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Billy Ray thumbed my little button, his fingers moving in and out. I didn’t take him out of my mouth to tell him, but I knew he could feel it, the delicious spasms squeezing his fingers again and again.
My mouth tightened around him, too, and he groaned. The head of his cock seemed to swell against my tongue as I shuddered with my own orgasm, and then he exploded, filling my mouth with waves of white hot fluid. I swallowed the first wave quickly, waiting for more, and it came with a load moan from Billy Ray, his hips bucking up as he shoved himself deep into my throat.
“Rosie…” He reached for me, tugging me up and cradling me against him. We kissed, lying half-naked on the grass. The ache between my legs was nowhere near satisfied, and I rolled on top, slipping my panties off and straddling him, my tongue searching for his. His hands moved over my body, pulling my dress up, seeking the heat of my flesh. It was as if we couldn’t stop. We were too desperate to have each other.
His fingers moved between my legs again, parting my lips, rolling that little nub between his thumb and forefinger. I sat up on him, lifting my dress so he could see. His eyes lingered between my thighs and he used his other hand to slide his fingers up into me. I sighed, my head going back as I rocked.
“You’re so beautiful.” His words made me flush and I could feel his cock growing hard, pressing up against my behind. He was still wet from my mouth and I reached back to grasp him, making him groan out loud as I slid him through my fist. “God, Rosie, I want you so much.”
“I want you too.” I leaned in to kiss him, situating the length of his cock between my swollen lips so I could rub my slit there, up and down. He grabbed my hips, biting his lip and looking at me through half-closed eyes as we rocked. We had kissed and touched and petted, but never had these two core parts of us been so achingly close.
“Oh God, I want to be inside you.” He thrust his hips up, grinding me down onto his cock. I knew, if I just shifted a little, he would be inside of me. I wanted it, too, now more than ever before, knowing he was leaving, maybe forever. I rocked back and forth, and Billy Ray guided my hips, sliding through my wetness. The head of him rubbed that sweet spot, making me moan and pinch my own nipples through my dress.
“That’s it,” he murmured, pulling me against the saddle of his hips. “God, you feel so good.”
“Oh, Billy Ray!” I collapsed onto him as I came, my whole body shuddering with it, still rocking the length of him up against my sex. He was like an iron bar between my thighs, seeking entrance to my heat.
“Please, Rosie.” His hand was there, looking for the place he wanted to go. “I need—”
“Yes.” I nodded, spreading wider, aiming him.
We would have, too—we would have found each other there next to the cornfield, if the preacher man hadn’t started calling for his son. Eyes wide, we scrambled up, straightening and tugging clothes back on. Our breathing was fast and our faces flushed. Two people had never picked fifteen ears of corn faster in their lives.
“Hey, son.” Preacher Harris clapped Billy Ray on the back as we walked up to the house. “John is thinking about selling his truck—are you interested?”
I saw Billy Ray trying to come up with an excuse in his head why he wasn’t—clearly his daddy didn’t know about his plans to enlist. I knew Billy Ray wouldn’t have told him, what with Preacher Harris’ fairly public views on the war.
“I don’t know if I’ve got enough saved from the feed store.” Billy Ray shrugged, his arms just as full of corn as mine were. “Let me take these in.”
“No need for that.” Mama came out onto the porch with paper bags folded over at the edges to make them stable. “Less mess to shuck it outside.”
The subject seemed dropped as Preacher Harris started throwing a stick for Harley. It was a race to see who would catch it first, Lottie or the Irish Setter, as they ran back and forth, laughing and tumbling. Billy Ray and I sat on the steps with a bag each between our knees, pulling thick, green strips of husk off fat ears of corn.
“Get all that damned silk off,” my daddy called from the porch swing, giving me a wink before he took a drink of lemonade. “That stuff sticks like grim death in my teeth.”
I glanced over at Billy Ray and he smiled at me, but I was all of a sudden thinking about “grim death”. I didn’t like to watch the news, but you had to be in a coma nowadays not to have seen the bodies of soldiers at some point on the TV. There were protests going on all the time, and Preacher Harris was organizing a busload to head up to Washington in August.
“Oh, don’t throw those away,” Mama said to Billy Ray when he started balling up the bag full of cornhusks. “I save them.”
He gave her a puzzled look. “What for?”
“Cornhusk dolls.” I took his bag full of husks and dumped it into mine.
“Can you show me how to make one?” Lottie poked her head through the railing.
“Sure, sweetheart.” Mama picked up the big pot we’d filled with golden ears of husked corn. “I’ve got some dried in the house. Just let me bring it out.”
We sat on the big wraparound porch, Daddy and the preacher drinking lemonade on the swing, talking about baseball while Harley panted under their feet. Mama and Lottie sat cross-legged, making cornhusks into slowly recognizable shapes. Billy Ray had one of the dried husks that he twisted in his fingers as
we sat on the steps, waiting for a cool breeze to lift our spirits and listening to the warblers and the meadowlarks calling in the trees.
I wanted to talk to Billy Ray, ask him about his decision, but it was too close to supper to go wandering off again without any excuse. Instead I just hugged my knees and watched the leaves on the trees move in the wind like schools of silver fish, back and forth, swimming with the currents. I wasn’t paying any attention to the conversation at all—just listening to my own heartbeat and imagining I could hear Billy Ray’s—when Mama mentioned my going to college.
“What for?” Preacher Harris frowned from the porch swing. “Pretty girl like Rosie should already be settled down with a baby on her hip.”
I flushed at the thought, blinking fast. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, someday, be a wife and mother. I just couldn’t imagine that’s all I wanted to be.