by Cooper Davis
Hayden was enthralled. Hypnotized by some sort of spell Josh had woven over him during the past six hours, starting with the beers they’d shared back at the bar. He’d never imagined Josh would let his brusque guard down quite so much, nor express genuine interest in Hayden’s college experiences. They could have talked for hours and never run out of things to say.
With a laugh, Hayden fell backward into the snow, and the shocking coldness soothed his fevered skin. Josh lunged down beside him, both of them laughing at the ridiculous image of two grown men rolling naked in the snow. Hayden didn’t plan to do what came next; if he had, it would never have happened. But the joy and pure pleasure thrumming inside his veins right then seemed to have only one possible expression.
Hayden reached toward Josh, cupped a hand along his nape, and pulled his mouth closer so he could kiss him. And the word kiss was paltry, utterly unable to convey what happened as their lips brushed together and Josh’s tongue, shy at first, delved into Hayden’s own mouth. All at once, they rolled closer, pulling each other tight. Chest to chest they lay, hearts nearly exploding as one in their wild, hard beating. Josh’s sweat mingled with Hayden’s, and suddenly their bare hips pushed close together. The cold of the snow beneath them wasn’t uncomfortable because they were still exploding with the heat of their wolf nature.
What had begun so gently started to gain the speed of a freight train—each Alpha’s core nature battling for dominance, urging him to take the lead. Josh cupped Hayden’s face in his hands, dragging him closer to deepen the kiss, and Hayden no longer cared who gained control. He thrust his fingers into Josh’s long, curling hair, wanting to inhale him—to lap him up somehow, like water from a stream or to absorb him like stars from the sky itself.
It was the most consuming rush of need and longing that Hayden had ever known. He refused to stop and question whether Josh was leaping in too far or too deep for a straight guy. All Hayden knew was to trust his own heart. Again, they rolled as one, hips pressing even closer, arms and legs tangled together. Hayden ran his fingers through the damp tangles of Josh’s curls, aching to be even closer, wishing it were possible to transcend the barriers of physical separation. Wolf songs echoed through his bones and muscles, penetrated the primitive corridors of his mind.
Josh suddenly pulled back, gasping for air. He had never looked more gorgeous, and Hayden responded by trailing his thumb along the light beard on his chin and jaw line. “God, Josh, if you knew how long I’ve wanted this.”
Josh smiled, but kept a staying palm against Hayden’s bare chest, obviously trying to catch his breath.
Hayden frowned, wondering why Josh had slammed on the breaks. “Too much?” He asked uncertainly, afraid his heart was about to be broken. “Too fast?”
Josh shook his head, raking a shaky hand through his disheveled, damp hair. “Wrong place.” He growled as he said it, then grinned at Hayden, a wonderfully suggestive smile spreading across his face. That smile said one thing—Joshua Peterson felt like the biggest, baddest, happiest wolf who’d ever walked open land.
All because of Hayden’s kiss.
Chapter Five
Present day
“What’ll you do if he doesn’t go along with it, Joshua?” his sister Kira asked. She sat in his tiny police station office eating her buffalo burger, waiting for him to finish recounting all the gritty details from the night before. He was lucky his kid sister understood the intricacies of attraction, how sometimes they led you down unexpected paths. She also knew enough to keep all of Josh’s secrets—even the darkest, most dreadful ones that were starting to unspool with Hayden.
“He will go along with it.” He scowled at her challenge. She just laughed back at his need for dominance.
“But do you have a plan?”
He shook his head. “Only one. The truth…to let everything come out. I am going to be relentless. I know him, sis.” He stared out the window, watching the lazy snow falling. “I can get through. What he felt for me—what we felt for each other and we shared…it can overcome anything. Even this.”
Kira laughed, taking a bite of her burger. “Well, it certainly sounds confident. And committed.”
Hayden smiled, thinking about how clearly he knew what he wanted. Good grief, he’d waited five extremely long years, he sure as hell better know what he wanted by now. His desk phone rang, and seeing it was his commander, he grabbed it off the receiver.
“Hey, boss.”
Chief Jenkins was taking a personal day with his wife and kids, so his calling in was to be expected. But it still made Hayden’s stomach clutch nervously. What if Jenkins had bad news? What if there had been some change in the case?
“Hey, Peterson, wanted to give you an update on the Rawlings-Keener case.” Uh, oh. His boss’s voice sounded a bit tense.
“Oh, God, tell me they didn’t file a motion or—”
“Hell, no! You’re wired tight on this one, Joshua. You need to try and relax a little.”
“Doing my best, sir. But you know my personal stake here, and you know how long I worked this particular case.”
“Yes, son, I’m well aware of what this one means to you,” he said plainly. “You just have to trust things to keep proceeding smoothly.”
“So what’s the news?”
Josh cleared his throat, looking away from his sister, although he was well aware she was listening to every word traded. She, more than almost anyone, knew how hard and long he had worked to bring this particular case to the grand jury. They already had their indictment—at least that victory had been won. But the next eight months while they waited for the bastards’ trial was going to chew his nerves raw.
“They’re trying to claim they were set up by the undercover sting.”
Josh leaped to his feet. “Bullshit! That’s total bullshit!”
“We both know that, but I’m keeping you in the loop. That, and—” Jenkins cleared his throat and the sound crackled over the phone line, “—I have to ask, son. There’s no chance you’d be willing to press charges of your own? For what they did to you and…”
Hayden’s throat tightened up on him. “Boss, I can’t. I told you from the get go. Said I’d take them down, and I did, but my own situation stays out of it. We’ve got enough without—”
“I understand,” the older man said firmly. “I won’t ask again. But so long as you know there’s a chance this thing could get tossed out. If it does, Rawlings and Keener walk. That’s all I’m saying. But what you’ve got…”
“Is only my word against theirs. No corroborating evidence, nothing.” Except the possible testimony of a man who has no memory of what really happened that night. “We both know there’s not a case there. It might have been different if I’d come forward at the time.”
Jenkins made a chiding sound. “We’ve already been over that, son. I understand what your motives were.”
“Thanks, sir. Keep me posted.”
Josh returned the phone to its cradle and stared at it for a very long time, almost as if he half-expected the inanimate object to give him some much-needed advice.
When he looked away at last, Kira’s stare was locked on him, and she was clearly gauging whether or not he wanted to talk about it. He rubbed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. All these promises he was giving Hayden—what if he couldn’t back them up? What if the man he loved might still be in danger, even now when Josh had been sure he was finally safe?
“Tell me those freaks don’t have a shot at walking,” she blurted after a moment, clearly unable to contain her fears. “After what they did to you, Joshua—everything they’ve done, to so many people—you tell me they won’t somehow cut a break or a deal or something.” His little sister stared up at him like she used to do when they were much younger, when she was first learning how to shift to wolf form and had been so frightened.
Tell me this won’t hurt, she’d almost begged the first time he’d taken her out for a night run, her huge blue-green eyes filled with terror. Her gaz
e held that same honest need for reassurance right now. She was the gentlest member of their immediate family, the only true Beta in their midst.
He’d placed a heavy burden on her slight shoulders when he’d decided, six months ago, to come clean about why he’d spent three years doing undercover work to bust Edwin Keener and Burton Rawlings. Until then the secrets had been toxic acid, eroding his insides. And even though his bosses knew how personal his stake was in bringing those thugs down, it wasn’t the same. He’d needed someone in his inner circle, someone who really loved him, to know why he’d seemingly lost hold of his sanity—and how Hayden Garrett fit into the whole fucked up mess.
“Sis, we both know that sometimes cases go south,” he said. “Dad saw it happen in his job. You remember.”
They’d grown up with a father who was a police officer, just a hardworking, good man, who had finally retired to focus on leading their people.
“You’re not promising me they’re going to get what they deserve,” she said.
Her kind gaze never moved from his face, and it touched him how much she cared. And that she hated those two men almost as much as he did—maybe even more because they’d hurt her big brother.
“Kira, sweetie,” he told her gently, “I put together the best evidence I could. I think it’s all going to be fine. We made it past the grand jury, a huge hurdle.”
She nodded, picking at her burger. He decided to lighten things up. “So, let’s get back to the really juicy, good stuff. My love life.”
Kira laughed, her freckled nose crinkling. “You are so demented.”
“No, I’m a highly focused individual.”
She made a playful, wolfish snarl. “Alpha. You are so, so totally Alpha, it’s not even funny. I hope Hayden’s into that.”
This really made him laugh. “Good grief, do you remember Hayden? How flipping Alpha he is? I’m downright docile and Beta compared to him.” He smiled, thinking of how many times he and Hayden had circled each other over one issue or another. Right now, things between them sure felt hopeless, but maybe—just maybe—it was simply more of their Alpha natures battling for dominance.
Kira’s smile slipped away and she became serious again. “I hate to ask this, Josh, but what if Hayden won’t forgive you? For all that you kept from him…well, all of it?”
Josh wiped his hands definitively. “I cannot allow myself to consider the possibility.” Josh rolled his desk chair back and checked his watch. “I’m picking him up in an hour.”
“Does he know you’re coming over?”
He gave his sister a playful wink. “Nope, or he probably wouldn’t be there.”
“Joshua. I’m not so sure this non-plan of yours is the best one you’ve ever come up with.”
“No, it really is. And heading over to Hayden’s place now is perfect for phase one.”
She didn’t appear totally convinced and gave him a skeptical half-smile. “I see.”
“For real! In fact, my strategy’s going to tear down all the cynicism he’s hiding behind.” He smiled, thinking of what the situation required. “You see, sis, I’m going to woo him. Day by day, I’m going to win his heart back.”
She cleared her throat. “Sweetie, uh, not to be a killjoy, but you know,” she said, “Hayden may not even open the front door when he sees it’s you.”
“He will.”
“And you know this how?”
“I just do.” Josh leaned down and kissed Kira on the cheek, then glanced in the small mirror he kept on his office wall. With a quick sweep of his hands, he made sure his hair was neat and smoothed out his uniform. When he caught Kira’s gaze, she seemed to be waiting for a better explanation.
With a sigh, he leaned against the edge of his desk. “Because one night, a long time ago, Hayden Garrett fell in love with me. He gave me his heart…his very soul. And I gave him all of myself, too. He just doesn’t remember it. Not yet.”
“Good luck!” His sister called as he bounded out the door, hardly able to contain the thrill he felt about seeing Hayden.
Oh, God, let it work, Josh prayed, practically vaulting down the office stairs and to the first floor.
Hayden lay in the middle of his king-size bed, staring at the ceiling. The same thing he’d been doing for hours, and none of his thoughts made any more sense than they had while he’d tossed and turned for most of the night. It didn’t help that his sleep cycle was twisted like a misshapen pretzel. He would be working again tonight, like he always did, grooming the ski slopes over at the resort. Work all night, sleep all day. Until he’d seen Joshua again, the schedule had suited his dark moods perfectly.
Just scraping by, barely existing. Perfect self-imposed punishment for crimes he supposedly committed, yet had no memory of. And even though he suspected he hadn’t been driving the night of the car accident, he still deserved to burn in hell for the huge way he’d fucked up all the expectations his folks had pinned on him, their only child.
He wasn’t sure if rage or confusion was causing his immediate turmoil. After the stunt Josh had pulled in the parking lot of the bar last night, Hayden had wanted to slam him against his fucking police cruiser. The man had the balls to follow him out to the car and swipe his keys. As if that wasn’t bad enough—he wasn’t honestly going to drive, for God’s sake. He’d planned to call a taxi, but then Josh had forced him into the back of the cruiser like he was some common criminal.
They’d shouted and postured there in the lot, and Hayden had definitely been drunk. Drunk enough that he’d come within an inch of fulfilling that vision of slamming Josh violently up against the car. Only that image had dissolved too quickly, replaced by a much stronger desire to shove the cop against the vehicle and kiss him senseless. To push the man down onto the hood and mount him, public viewing be damned.
He hadn’t exactly been thinking on his feet, had he? It had been embarrassingly easy for Joshua to shove him in the back seat of the car and lock him in.
“Oh, great, buddy.” Hayden had draped his arms over Josh’s seat, leaning into the front part of the car. “This is doing wonders for my already extremely tarnished reputation. Last thing I need around this two-bit town is for people to see me being driven home in a police car.”
Josh hadn’t answered, keeping his eyes straight ahead on the snow-covered road.
“What happened to all the shit you were talking back inside the bar, huh?” Hayden had asked, voice a little too loud. “About you making me see the truth of things?”
Josh had turned toward him then, just for a moment. Long enough for Hayden to feel the warm familiarity of his scent; how was it possible that any man could smell so damned delicious and alluring while being such a jerk?
“I’m taking care of you, Hayden,” he said simply. “That’s what a mate does.”
He’d popped Josh in the shoulder. “We’re not mated, you freak. In fact, we’re not even gonna talk about it anymore.”
“Yes, we are.” The calm confidence in Josh’s statement had stilled Hayden for a moment.
“Yes we are…” What? Talk about it? Do it? “We are what?” he’d finally mumbled, feeling the many, many beers hit his system hard.
Josh kept silent, and then his police scanner erupted in chatter. Josh instantly silenced it, turning off the highway toward Hayden’s small house.
“You know where I live?” Talk about an embarrassing thought. His little shack of a home was shockingly modest. As often as his parents tried to offer him money for a fresh start, he refused to accept it.
“I know a lot about you, Hayden,” Josh told him quietly. “I’ve kept my eye on you all along. Like I said.”
Hayden sank back against the seat, feeling exhausted. More tired than he could remember feeling in a long time. With shaking hands he tried to neaten up his too long hair. Whereas Josh kept his naturally dark curls trimmed short these days, Hayden had grown his own wavy brown hair to his shoulders. It allowed him to be anonymous at his resort job, like every other ski bum e
mployed at the place, not like a twenty-seven-year-old Dartmouth graduate and former inmate. One who sure as hell should’ve been doing something important with his life by now.
He rubbed his eyes, trying to understand all the crazy shit Josh had hit him with tonight. And then one thought surfaced, one that disturbed him most of all.
“So, Josh,” he ventured, “if you cared so much, then I don’t get why you never came to see me. You were never at the hospital, didn’t show up on visiting days during my two years of hell, doing time.”
“You don’t know what happened when you were in a coma,” Josh interrupted quietly. “Those six weeks are a blank, your father told me.”
“You never came. I’d have known,” he said bitterly. “And you definitely never came while I was in prison. I kept waiting. Some dumbass part of my heart really thought you’d bring a cake and we’d make jokes about you hiding a file in there. I waited…man, I was nuts then.” He settled back against the seat, rubbing his eyes. Yeah, he’d been naïve enough to hope Josh might show. For a while.
“I’m sure it must’ve been hard to understand why I didn’t visit you,” Josh answered in an even tone. “But you have to trust me, Hayden. I had my reasons, and they were….”
Hayden lurched forward, leaning over the bench seat so he could be closer to Josh, could force him to finish the sentence. “Tell me what they were,” Hayden demanded, grabbing the other man’s forearm. “Tell me they were good. Worth what you did to me.”
For a brief moment, Josh reached over and covered Hayden’s hand with his own, letting it rest there, the warmest kind of contact. “Rock solid reasons. If you can trust me, even a little, I will make you understand what they were.”
Hayden shook his head. “Can’t trust you, dude. Not now.”
Josh squeezed his hand, and the gesture felt like pleading. “Hayden, please.”
“If you give me one ‘rock solid’ reason, I’ll consider the possibility.”
Josh nodded, let his hand drop and stared at the road ahead. He drew in a heavy, long breath and said, “You won’t believe this, at least not yet, but I was protecting you. In fact, I was willing to give up everything in order to keep you safe.”