“Her and that vampire. Indescribable, TMI! What a dirty trick.”
“Don’t go snooping where you don’t belong.” I managed to say, going for smug, but only sounding like I was choking on something, I was laughing so hard.
“God, it was like walking in on my parents. Yuck!” she shook her head vigorously, trying to clear it from her mind.
“Don’t do that again.” She begged and I nodded mutely, trying to keep the laughter from bubbling out.
“Visualize!” Harley cajoled in a sing song voice, so Teagan and I settled down.
This time I focused with everything that I had in me, throwing up walls, doors, bars, and the Hoover Dam. I concentrated on a spot on my wall, noticing how it was in the shape of a mouse, and the next thing I knew Teagan gave a whoop.
“She did it!”
“I did what?” I asked. I truly didn’t see how I did anything. I was thinking about a wall, not the answer to the world’s problems.
“You blocked me.”
“How? I was thinking about a wall!”
Teagan rolled her eyes, as if I was a five year old who couldn’t follow along with a picture book.
“Exactly, and that’s all that I saw, was a wall with a spot that looked like a mouse. Where did that come from, anyway?”
“It’s something I do when I need to get rid of hiccups. Works like a charm, I just hold my breath, and instead of concentrating on holding my breath, I think about something else.”
They both looked at me expectantly, their expressions identical.
“What? I’m still not getting it.”
“While you were visualizing, your thoughts were hidden. For a doctor, you’re completely dense.” Harley explained patiently.
“My thoughts were on a wall. I had no other…Oh I get it. How am I supposed to walk around in life not thinking, though?” I was still thoroughly confused. I flopped backward on the couch, staring up at the ceiling in frustration. I couldn’t very well spend the rest of my life going around thinking about nothing but a brick wall.
“This is what practice is for. You’re a college grad, you should know that. Soon, you’ll be able to have the wall up and be thinking behind it. Most people don’t even get this far that fast, so I have faith you’ll have it down pat in about a week.” Harley got up to refill her tea and snag a cookie off the table, then came back to sit down. She brushed at something on her jeans, and then looked up at me, her face serious.
“You’re a very strong sensitive. I can sense that in you, and if I can, others can. It’s amazing that you haven’t been pulled into this life before now, but I think it’s because you’ve repressed it for so long. Now that you’re open, others will come looking for you, and if they can tell what you’re thinking, even if you might think it’s harmless, it could be bad for you. Take yesterday, for example. At one point a very powerful sorcerer of, shall we say sketchy, morals came in, and I could hear your thoughts as he walked up the stairs,” at my withering look she gave me a wry smile, “and I heard you wondering if he was a witch, or a vampire, or a werewolf. Harmless to me, but if he had been tuned it, and it was a miracle he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have found your thoughts so harmless.”
The thought scared me, but I had to ask. “Why?”
She shrugged, arms spread out as if to take in the house. “We’re in what’s supposed to be an enlightened age, but that’s just window dressing. People are for the most part kind, but they’re also scared, and they don’t understand things that don’t make sense to them. Most of us would lose a lot if we were found out, so we like to keep that side of us hidden.”
“If someone who wanted to stay hidden could hear you wondering if they were not just a regular Joe, they might wonder why you’re thinking that, and come investigate further.” Teagan put in.
“I get your meaning. I’m essentially a beacon then? A loud beacon?” ” They nodded.
The thought that I was a beacon bothered me, and I wondered how many other times in my life something watched from the shadows, following my every move. A shiver ran down my spine and for the first time in years I made the sign of the cross. Why this was scarier to me than attempted murder was a mystery, but a human killer I could see coming. Something spectral that could move among shadows could kill me before I could even decipher what it was coming at me.
“Raised Catholic?” Harley asked, a little smile playing on her red lips.
“Kind of. My father stopped going to church shortly after my mother died. We were never completely faithful about going to church, mostly because my mother couldn’t, but sometimes a priest would come to the house.” I lapsed into thought. I hadn’t thought about my parents in awhile, although they were never far from me.
“Oh, Anna, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to look!”
Teagan had a look of compassion mingling with shock on her face, her hands covering her mouth, tears in her eyes.
“It’s ok, nothing really to hide. I just don’t talk about them very much.” I shrugged. My sympathy was for Teagan; she really looked upset at what she thought was her intrusion into my psyche. It was obvious I was bothered less by it than her.
“What?” Harley asked, looking lost.
“I was thinking of my parents. My mother died when I was 17, just after I graduated high school and found out that I was accepted at college. It was almost as if she were waiting to make sure I would be ok.”
“And your dad?”
I took longer to answer that, never knowing quite what to say. Peoples’ reactions varied from mild embarrassment to Teagan’s brand of horrific shock to disdain.
“He killed himself, about 8 months after she died. His note just said he couldn’t go on without her.”
They were both quiet for a moment, absorbing what I had just revealed. I had come to terms with it, for the most part, long ago. It had just left me scarred to where I distanced myself from people and until now, I had been fine with that.
Harley broke the silence, asking softly, “What did your mom die of?”
“It’s called Xeroderma Pigmentosum or XP for short. To put it in the simplest terms, XP patients are allergic to UV light, whether from the sun or even some interior lights. It can cause horrible sunburns, lesions, and cancer. That’s technically what she died from, cancer, but it was caused by her XP. That’s why it’s what I’ve chosen to study, to make my career of.”
“So, did you have to live in the dark?” Teagan asked, and it wasn’t just politeness or morbid curiosity making her ask, she was generally interested.
“No, we didn’t have to live in the dark.” I answered, smiling a little in remembrance. I told them about my parents, how they had met in college when my dad came to my mom’s rescue when a group of rude and inconsiderate students was making fun of her, how he didn’t care what she looked like or her limitations. How he loved her with everything he was and how devastated he was when she passed away.
“What were their names?” Harley asked, and I was thankful that she didn’t get them herself out of my head.
“Caroline and James.”
They were quiet again, and I waited for more questions. When the silence started to stretch and they didn’t ask any more questions, it started to make me uncomfortable.
“What? Why aren’t you saying anything?” I asked defensively. I couldn’t read their moods at all. They were the first people I had known since childhood that knew our bittersweet story, and it was really bothering me that they hadn’t said anything more.
“Nothing. We weren’t sure if you were done or not.” Teagan said with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Nothing to say about a family of freaks? A mother that can’t go out in daylight and a father that committed suicide?” I said harshly, bitterness in every word.
Harley’s eyes grew frosty. “Is that what you think about your family?”
“God no! It’s just what I’ve come to expect from people.” I said, shocked that she would even think such a thing.
“My, you are emotionally cynical, aren’t you?” her voice was waspish, as if I had offended her.
“You did offend me, you twit. How could you think that either one of us could think that? I know that you don’t know us from Adam, but we opened ourselves up to your ridicule and never thought for a second you would think we were anything but normal, average people.”
“But you’re not “normal” by society’s standards. Neither am I, not with this “gift”, nor were my parents. I love them, I don’t think there was anything wrong with them, hell, they showed more dignity and kindness than most people I meet with no disabilities, but they are the ones that are scorned and ridiculed.” I finished angrily, not even knowing why I was so angry. They had done nothing to bring on this wave of anger and bitterness, and I was a complete asshole to have lashed out at them.
“Aren’t you tired of always defending them and yourself? You need to stop worrying about what others think of you, and start living your life as who you are. You just don’t need to advertise.” Teagan spoke gently, with none of Harley’s offended harshness.
“I don’t worry about what others think of me.” I said petulantly, like a bad-tempered child who had to get in the last word. It made me instantly ashamed of myself.
“Oh yes you do. You think it’s because you don’t want to get close to people because you’ll just get hurt in the end if they leave, but it’s because you’re afraid they’ll find out the truth and not like you for who you are.” Harley put in, but her voice had lost its harsh edge.
“Well, that kind of follows, doesn’t it? If they find out the truth, as you say, they’ll leave. Then I’m hurt.” I gave a shrug and rolled my eyes, indicating we had learned nothing new.
“My God, you’re stubborn!” Harley threw up her hands in frustration. “You’re hiding behind the fact that the two most important people in your life died tragically, and using that as the basis to not get close to anyone. People leave, Anna, that’s what most of them do. Friendships come and go, people grow apart. Sometimes you’re really lucky and find friends and lovers that stay, no matter what, even if they find out you have a fantastic gift. Loyalty is worth its weight in gold, and most people don’t want to put forth the effort. Simple as that.”
She was right. I knew she was right, but I couldn’t get rid of twenty years worth of lessons in humanity in just a moment of epiphany, or maybe I could, but I wore my solitariness like a shield, and it was hard to put aside your only means of protection.
“Look, it’s getting late and we haven’t gotten near enough done. Are you going to stay the night again?” Harley went on, dismissing the whole discussion.
“I brought a change of clothes just in case.” I said, my voice carrying a note of uncertainty.
“Well, aren’t you the little planner?” she said, her voice holding a note of approval that said; I know what you were thinking when you made that decision. She probably had.
The night ended much as it had the night before, although I didn’t drink as much, and we stuck with wine. The subject of my poor outlook on life didn’t come back up, and I finally got the trick to throwing up a block, which impressed Harley and Teagan, but I learn quick for the most part, so I didn’t think much on it. It would be hit or miss for a bit, but eventually I would be proficient and not have to actually think about doing it.
As we were trudging off to our rooms, I watched as Harley flicked a hand at the windows and the blinds came down to cover the glass, and Teagan put out the cheery fire with a similar toss of her hand. Both movements were done so casually, like just another part of body movement. I wondered if that was something that I would learn, but that was most likely something that would come with time. I had power in me, that I knew, but I hadn’t embraced it yet.
As I lay down under the thick blanket, I thought of Gareth, and wondered if he was still trying to avoid me or if he had come to my house to find out where I’d gone. I fell asleep with him on my mind, but he didn’t come to me in dreams or in reality. Bastard.
Chapter Eleven
I woke up to a dull morning, weak sunlight filtering through the wood blinds. I got out of bed and moved to the window, looking up at the sky. It was getting ready to snow again, and clouds were moving in, obscuring what sun there was. It amazed me how much snow we had been getting lately.
I turned back to the room, and noticed the clock on the bedside table. With a muttered curse over my brief lapse of irresponsibility, I realized I had forgotten to set the alarm and was late for work. It was nine-thirty, and I was very late. I usually don’t sleep that late, and chalked it up the wine and exhausting practice of blocking thoughts. I rushed through my shower and dried my hair as quickly as I could. I threw it back in a pony tail and scrambled into my clothes.
I could smell coffee as I came out of the room, and saw the surprise on Harley’s face as I came into the kitchen.
“We thought you had left! I was just about to go into your room and straighten it up.”
“I forgot to set the clock. Can I get a cup of coffee to go?” I asked hopefully and she nodded, moving to a cabinet to get a travel mug.
“Where’s Teagan?” I asked, taking the mug from her and turning to the coffee pot.
“She went downstairs. Someone was banging on the door, but we don’t open till ten so they have a couple of minutes to wait. Oh shit.”
I looked at her, thinking that was a weird way to end a sentence, but she had turned to look at the staircase that lead into the house.
“He’s here.” She stated. At her words, fear rushed through me, causing my heart to accelerate. Who? The bad vampire? The good one?
At that moment I heard Teagan saying loudly,
“We don’t know anyone named Anna, I have no clue who you’re talking about, which means she isn’t here.”
“She is too, witch. Move out of the way, please.”
I heard the deep voice, the soft Scottish burr, and my knees gave way. I leaned hard against the counter, and Harley put a hand to my elbow. She sent a thought to me, Do you want us to get rid of him? And my return thought was a loud and unequivocal, No! All my anger at him evaporated at the sound of his voice, and I needed to see him, to be in the same room with him.
I heard their footsteps on the landing; they would be in the room at any second and I could hear Teagan say, her voice chirpy, “Yep, your right, she’s here. Couldn’t hide anything from you, vampire, too smart for us.”
I wondered crazily if Gareth would hurt her, because the tone was sunny but the sarcasm thick, but I heard him reply softly, “Your protection is welcome. She needs friends like you,” his tone grateful. Teagan sent me Oh, he’s a keeper, and I smiled from the sigh I heard in the thought. Yep, that’s Gareth, alright.
Then he was in the room, a tall, achingly gorgeous presence, and I resisted the urge to fling myself at him.
He nodded at Harley, and I saw her nod back to him from the corner of my eye, two royals acknowledging one another.
He stood there, watching me, and I sensed rather than saw Teagan and Harley melt from the room.
He was dressed for work, with black trousers and a white shirt that was unbuttoned at the neck, the tie pulled loose as if he’d been choking on it. His black hair was messy, most likely from his hands running through it, and he had on his brown contacts, which I was really starting to dislike. It seemed with those in, I couldn’t see the real Gareth.
“Are you sure you want to see the real Gareth?” he said, his voice somber, and it didn’t bother me that he was in my thoughts. All walls were down between us, and it seemed as though he have given up hiding. I nodded, mute. My brain was in overdrive but I couldn’t voice any of the thoughts that were in it.
“It’s not something that I wanted you to ever know about. I shouldn’t even be here, but when you didn’t show up for work, I went to your house and you still weren’t there, I thought…” he trailed off, and looked down at the floor.
I just kept staring at him,
not sure what I wanted him to say, but I know I didn’t want to hear from him anymore about staying away from me. That was not flying with me.
His head snapped up at my thoughts, and he looked angry.
“You don’t know what you’re asking for. Do you realize what I am?” he said, his voice a growl. I nodded, feeling calmer by the second. I stood my ground. I wanted him, no matter what he was, no matter what he’d done, no matter anything.
With a true growl he crossed the room and was in front of me, faster than any human, his left hand under my chin, angling my head so that my neck was exposed.
I stared up at him, my eyes boring into his. I had no fear, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, I knew with a certainty he was just trying to scare me, but the sight of those long canine teeth sent a thrill through me, as if I wanted him to bite me, to turn me into what he was.
“That’s not what you want, Anna, don’t say that.” He whispered, horror in his voice. The teeth retracted, the anger went out of his eyes, and he dropped his hand from my neck.
“I didn’t say anything at all. You were in my head.” I said, finding my voice, and I ground out the words. All of a sudden, I was livid. Who was he to put himself in my path, haunt my nights, tempt me with his sadness and beauty, and then tell me to stay away?
Without thinking what I was doing, I pushed him hard in the chest, and he stumbled back, shock now showing on his face, whether it was because I managed to knock him off balance or just the fact that I would hit him, I didn’t care. Pain rain up both my arms from the shock of striking a chest that was like granite, but it only fueled my anger.
“You came into my life. I was happy being alone, going to work, living in my little house, or so I thought. Now you’re here and you’ve turned my life upside down, made me crave you like a drug, and you tell me we have to stay away from each other? I don’t think so.” I threw myself in his arms, and he had no choice but to catch me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his arms came around my back, holding me to him, my feet barely touching the floor.
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