“Like I said, I’m hooked.”
They were in the lobby now, lingering by the elevator. Judith opened her arms wide and folded Meg into a warm embrace. “Good luck to you, Meg. Go forth and bring lots of healthy babies into the world.”
Meg hugged Judith, taking her words as a mission. A responsibility. A prayer.
11
SEPTEMBER
Such a sight! Remy King sat beside her sister-in-law Mary, each woman cradling a newborn in her arms. Fanny leaned back against the kitchen counter and clasped her hands together, delighted to have helped deliver both these babies. Last week she had spent a good day helping Mary Beiler and her husband, Five, give birth to their first, a boy named Nathan, and now today, Remy and Adam’s baby, Esther, had come into the world, blinking her eyes and screeching like a little chipmunk. Named after Adam’s mother, Essie was a feisty little thing!
Doc Trueherz had made it to the house in plenty of time to take care of the hard part. Dear Remy had pushed for so many hours, she was about spent. But Fanny had made up some herbs to give her strength, along with a light snack of toast and cheese to give her a boost, and that seemed to do the trick. Remy, who had been so pale during labor, now sat smiling with a pink radiance on her cheeks.
Adam King nodded at his wife and sister, who had become best friends over the past two years. “Now we’ll never be able to separate those two.”
Fanny and Doc Trueherz laughed along with Adam, who could not take his eyes off his wife and child. The two young mothers sat side by side on the daybed in the King kitchen. Each woman’s face glowed with love as she spoke gentle words to the infant in her arms. The room was filling up with family, who gathered round to coo over the new arrivals.
“I wish my parents could have seen this day,” Adam said wistfully. “My dat would have been all smiles.”
“And your mother would have been delighted,” Dr. Trueherz said. “Esther loved babies.”
“But Gott had other plans.” There was no bitterness in Adam’s voice; only a touch of sadness for the parents he’d lost nearly three years ago. This family had seen difficult times, especially that first year after Levi and Esther King were killed. But their passing had brought oldest son Adam home from rumspringa, and in a turn of events that surprised most everyone in these parts, he had fallen in love with an English girl who turned Amish, Remy McCallister. She had been a reporter of some sort, but she’d been willing to give up her job and her car and belongings to live Plain. Adam and Remy married and took charge of the household with seven young children left behind. And now, praise be to Gott, Remy and Adam had added a new baby to the King family.
Although Fanny hadn’t known Levi and Esther King well, she had mourned their deaths along with the rest of the community. After such a sad time, it made days like this all the more festive to see the family growing. It reminded Fanny that she wasn’t the only one to have lost people she loved dearly. Most everyone had come across a sad patch in their journey, but a person had to keep on going down the road.
“Babies, babies, everywhere!” Adam’s teenage sister Susie clapped her hands together in glee.
Little Katie climbed up on the daybed and leaned over Remy’s arm to peer into the bundled cotton blanket.
“Say hello to the new baby,” Remy said.
Leah, Susie, and Ruthie leaned in close, cooing and chattering, while Gabe and Jonah teased Adam about too many girls outnumbering the boys in the house.
“I’d better get going,” Doc Trueherz said, tucking his stethoscope into his black case. “We need to pace ourselves, Fanny, with three more due in the next week.”
“Mmm.” Fanny pursed her lips, not wanting to speak of such things in public. Indeed, September had brought a rash of births—seven already, and the month wasn’t even over yet. “It’s too much for one woman to handle,” Anna had told Fanny two weeks ago. Fanny had been delighted to be a midwife for half the women on Anna’s list. It was wonderful to be present with each new miracle. Fanny would have offered to help Anna years ago, but back then she thought the older woman wouldn’t want a newcomer like her taking away business.
“These two will enjoy playing together,” observed Leah, Susie’s twin.
“They’ll be close, getting to spend so much time together,” Fanny agreed, looking up at the clock. Nearly three P.M. If she left now, she would be home in plenty of time to prepare some supper for her family. It had been wonderful good having Emma at home during the summer, but now school was back in session, and all three of the older ones spent their days at work. The evening meal had become one of Fanny’s regular chores, and she enjoyed cooking for her family and checking in with Zed. Often, after she popped a casserole in the oven or gathered vegetables from the garden, she would go out to the carriage house and talk with Zed, admiring the progress he’d made that day or talking through possibilities for the renovation.
“I’d best be going, too,” Fanny said.
“I’ll go hitch up your buggy,” Simon offered, ducking out the door. A true horse lover, that one.
“Can I get one of you big, strong men to carry my black suitcase out to the buggy?” Fanny asked.
“I’ll do it,” Gabe said, darting into the other room to get the case of medical instruments and supplies. What a good young man he was, strong and quiet, but a little wild and fun-loving at times, which was what Tom’s daughter Emma needed.
Fanny went to say good-bye to the new parents. Adam and Remy wanted her to take some cookies, and the children wanted to give her apples and cheese and rhubarb from the garden. She agreed to take some cookies for the children and cheese from the King dairy, but left the rhubarb, telling them she had a garden full of it.
Outside the stables, her buggy was waiting with Flicker hitched up. But instead of Simon, Gabe stood there rubbing the horse’s neck. At nineteen, he was a tall young man, and in his black pants and blue shirt, he looked like he could use some meat on his bones. Fanny would have Emma find out what he fancied so that she could bake him something tasty.
“You got my bag all tucked away?” Fanny asked.
“It’s in the back.” When Gabe faced her, she could tell he was skittish. His Adam’s apple moved up and down as he swallowed nervously, turning away to cough.
“Are you all right, Gabe? Having trouble with allergies?” Why would Gabe be nervous around her? She had known this young man for many years, even before he had started courting Emma. And by the time he became Emma’s beau, she and Tom were very comfortable with Gabe.
“Friends first,” Tom had once said of Emma and Gabe’s relationship. “Emma and Gabe will be a very good couple, because they started as friends.” Fanny remembered exactly where they were when they had that conversation. She and Tom had been in their room on a Saturday night, preparing for bed, when they’d heard the clip-clop of a horse’s hooves receding down the lane—a telltale sign that Gabe had just left with their eldest daughter. “Emma was a sympathetic ear for Gabe when his parents were taken,” Tom explained. “That’s a solid foundation for good things to come.”
“Is that how you courted me, Tom?” She had removed her kapp and unraveled her braid, leaving waves of brown hair spilling over the bodice of her white nightgown. “You gave me work when I needed it, a chance to take care of three wonderful good children, and while I had my guard down, you showered me with kindness and love and became my best friend.”
“Oops! Now you know my secret. But the kindness came first.” He came up behind her and pulled her against him, one arm around her growing waist, another sweeping the hair from her neck so that he could plant a kiss there. “The love came later.”
Pushing back the intimate memory, Fanny drew in a breath to clear her head, and the pungent smells of fresh hay and manure reminded her she was standing outside a stable, and she was supposed to be calming a nervous young man. “What is it, Gabe? It can’t be all that bad, now.”
“It’s been eating at me for a while.” He took off his black
felt hat, raked back his gold hair, and then replaced the hat. “There’s something to ask you, and it’s a rough question.” His gaze finally rose to meet hers, and in that moment, her breath escaped her because she knew.
He would be asking for Emma’s hand in marriage, and the question would open a wound that had been healing ever so slowly. The pain of losing Tom but eight months ago was still fresh at times. Although Fanny knew he was gone from this earth, there were still times when she mistakenly thought she might find him at home, or when his words and laughter came to her so vividly, she found herself answering him. Of course, she knew Gott had taken him. She remembered that every day.
“You know I don’t mean any disrespect, Fanny. You lost your husband and Emma lost her dat, and there’s nothing I can say to ease the pain. But Emma and I want your permission to marry in November,” Gabe said solemnly. “Now that I’m baptized, we’re both in good standing in the church. The bishop says there’s nothing to stop us, but we want your permission, Fanny.”
Her heart was beating so hard, she could hear the rushing sound in her ears. “You want to marry this year?”
He nodded solemnly, swallowing hard. “I know it’s soon after her dat’s passing, but wedding season comes but once a year, and we’re ready to marry now.”
“Not even a year. November won’t be a year after Tom’s death,” Fanny said, thinking aloud. She didn’t mean to blurt it out, and she didn’t mean to criticize Gabe, but a year was the usual mourning period for family members. The girls were still wearing black to church, and Fanny wore her black dress every day. It was still a time of sorrow, and a happy event like a wedding would feel wrong when the heart was still swollen with grief.
“Aw, Fanny, don’t look at me that way. This is a good thing, Emma and me. We want to be man and wife with Gott’s blessing, but we want your blessing, too.”
The initial shock wore off, leaving her in a daze. “A wedding … in two months?” It wasn’t nearly enough time to plan such a big event, and Fanny couldn’t imagine herself or any of her children rising to the occasion with their hearts so burdened with grief. “There’s not enough time to put together a reception.”
“We can have it at our farm, and we’ll rent a wedding wagon, like Adam and Remy did. But don’t worry about those things. We can pull it all together. Just as long as you think it’s still respectful to Tom.”
Her eyes stung as tears threatened. How could this wedding possibly be respectful to a man who had passed so suddenly just months ago? She could not tell Gabe what he wanted to hear.
“Can you wait until next year?” she asked again, her voice hoarse with emotion.
“We can wait, but it doesn’t seem right to us.”
She turned away from him and climbed into the buggy. “Give me some time to think about it. A week.” A week to think of a kind way to let you and Emma down easy.
Gabe nodded. “A week, then.” His eyes watched pensively as she called to the horse and looked toward the highway.
Biting her lip as the buggy rolled down the lane, she took in a deep, ragged breath. It was only when she reached the end of the lane with the shelter of trees and bushes behind her that she let the first sob rush from her throat.
On the drive home, Fanny kept trying to put the matter out of her mind. She looked to the golden fields and trees that were just beginning to take on the glowing hues of autumn. She tried to let the patter of the horse’s hooves feed a little song in her head … something from church.
But the song that came to her was the one Tom used to sing to calm the children. This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine …
A band of emotion squeezed her chest at the memory. “Dear Tom, they want to wash you away. They want to pretend you are long gone and everything is fine.”
The grip on her heart tightened.
What a relief it was to turn into the narrow lane that led home. She would have Emma swing over to Rose Miller’s to pick up the children when she got home; right now, it would upset them to see their mamm broken up and crying.
She climbed out of the buggy and began to unhitch the horse. Flicker nickered, nuzzling Fanny gently. “What is it, girl?” The horse’s large eyes brimmed with sympathy. “You know something’s wrong, do you?” Pressing her head against Flicker’s neck, Fanny breathed in the scent of warm horse and fresh hay. “I don’t know what to do.” The horse tried to console her, but only Gott in Heaven could lift the burden that weighed on her heart.
As she led the horse to water, Zed came around the side of the carriage house. Golden September sunlight outlined his tall, straight figure topped by a wide-brimmed straw hat. She nodded at him and turned to the horse, hoping to hide her tears.
“I think the problem with the door is finally solved,” he said. “Kumm, take a look.”
“Good.” Fanny’s voice squeaked. She swallowed hard over the knot in her throat. How much had Zed seen?
“Is everything all right?” His voice was low and thick with concern.
“Mmm.” She couldn’t bear to face him. Best to change the subject. “I have good news. There’s a new baby for Adam and Remy King. A little girl named Essie.”
“That is good news. The community is sure growing.” He dropped the hammer into a loop on his tool belt and stepped back. “I’ll be out in the carriage house when you want to have a look.”
“I’ll take a look now.” She gave Flicker a pat and followed Zed, gazing down at the gravel path.
She was grateful that he didn’t turn to stare at her puffy, sore eyes or poke her with questions right now. That was one of the reasons Zed was so easy to have around the house; he understood the necessary spaces between words, the healing quiet that had the power to nourish the mind and ease the heart.
The door that had been a problem for years was a wide six-paneled slab of wood. Tom had tinkered with it for years, but no matter what he did, it swelled shut in the heat and humidity of summer. In winter, the doorjamb never seemed to line up with the latch.
“I know we wanted to save this,” Zed said, one big hand on the knob. “But I wanted to make sure we could make it reliable before we close off the big carriage doors with dry wall.” He turned the knob, and the old door glided open without a creak or groan.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this door move without a battle.” Fanny closed it and opened it herself. Not a moan or creak, and it latched easily. “How did you do it?”
“It wasn’t the door that was the problem. The framing was rotten and shifted. Taking in moisture and swelling in the hot weather. And in the winter, the hinges would start sinking in the soft wood. So I pulled out the framing and put in all new wood. It’s level now.” He stood back, hands on his hips, as Fanny swung it open and shut.
She let out a grateful sigh. “It’s wonderful good, Zed. Tom struggled with this door so many times, every season. He used to say he was good at fixing a wheel, but not so much a …” Her voice broke as sudden tears filled her eyes, blurring her vision. In her mind, she saw Tom staring up at the top hinge, scratching his head. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed.
“Fanny, Fanny …” Zed’s gentle hands gripped her shoulders and led her into the building, to a workbench, which he dusted off with one hand.
Gratefully, she sank down and drew in a quavering breath.
“It’s not easy, is it?” His voice was ever so soft as he lowered himself to a tool chest beside her. “Gott takes away someone we love, and life goes on all around us while we keep looking for them. That’s how it was when my grandmother passed. I was young, just a kid, but I kept expecting to see her baking in the kitchen or chasing me out of the bathroom or scolding me to redd up my room.”
She swiped at her damp cheeks and mustered the courage to face him. There was no wall of judgment in his eyes, only sympathy. “That’s how it is. The mind plays tricks on us, doesn’t it? But this isn’t about the door you fixed. Something happened to
day that put Tom in my mind, and I can’t stop thinking that his memory is being swept aside like dried leaves.”
“Folks will tell you to move on. They think it’s for your own good.” He lifted his chin and stared at the shaft of light from the window, where dust glittered in the air. “It’s hard to suit other folks, though we try, don’t we?”
Fanny sniffed. Many times in the past few weeks she had confided in Zed about personal and family matters. Whether it be her worries about Will not wanting to mind her or the carriage house costs staying under control, Zed had always listened to her concerns and shared his good advice. “That’s just what I’m facing now.” She told him of the question Gabe had posed this afternoon—how he and Emma wanted to marry this wedding season. “They’re good, responsible young people, Emma and Gabe, so very much in love, and good friends for many years. But to marry so soon, while we’re still mourning Tom …” She swallowed back the thick knot in her throat.
“Did you ask them to wait until next year?”
She nodded. “But they want to marry now. I understand that, I truly do. They’ve been courting long enough. But I don’t think I have a celebration inside me right now. They’re looking to me for approval and joy, but I have none to give. It’s wrong to cast away mourning so soon. It’s disrespectful to Tom’s memory.”
“It does seem wrong.” Zed rubbed his knuckles against his chin. “But nothing is all wrong. Even a broken clock is right at two times during the day.”
“What can I do? If I put myself in Emma’s shoes, I wouldn’t want to wait.”
Zed leaned forward and wiped sawdust from the knees of his pants. “I take it that Tom knew about Emma and Gabe? He knew they were courting?”
“Ya. And he was happy that they were friends first. Tom thought friendship was the right foundation to build a marriage on. And he said it did his heart good to know that his Emma had found a man who would make her happy. Tom liked that Gabe was a good dairy farmer. He thought Emma needed a man who would get her out of the schoolhouse now and again.”
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