He nodded. “It’s in alphabetical order, second row back in the video section.”
I walked to where it was, the area was small, and tucked Gimme Shelter under my belt. My heart hardly skipped a beat. I took another one to the counter. “How much to buy it?” I asked.
“I don’t think that’s for sale,” he said. “We just rent them.”
“My friend out there, says he saw it for sale here for twenty dollars.” The man shook his head. “It’s not for sale,” I said after I’d come out of the store. “Let’s go.” When we were out of sight of the store, I pulled out the video tape and showed them. I could see that they were impressed. “I could steal anything?” I bragged.
“Get me a television,” Kurt asked as a joke. Kurt and Andy could only watch television with their parents and they were jealous that Sally and I had our own.
“I didn’t mean things like that. Small items.”
“Makeup?” Sally asked.
“What would you do with it? Una says you can’t have it.”
“I would hide it in my locker at school,” she said.
This struck me as reasonable. “Let’s go to Macy’s and you can show me what you want.”
She picked out lipstick, nail-polish, mascara, blush and eyeliner, five items in all, and only two of them, the lipstick and eye-liner-sets were of any size. I told Sally and Andy to wait out in the mall on a bench just outside the store entrance. I asked Kurt to go to the cosmetic counter and talk to the woman there about getting something for his mom’s birthday. While he distracted her, I gathered up the items, then I joined Sally and emptied my pockets into her purse.
“I need nail-polish-remover too,” she said quite elated.
I hoofed it back in. “Let’s go,” I said to Kurt, who was still at the counter. He headed for the concourse and I took a detour through the health and beauty section, pocketing a bottle of nail-polish-remover, a package of cotton swabs, and a pair of sun glasses. We sat on a mall bench, whispering and wondering what else we could have.
“Do you have a receipt for the things you’ve taken from Macy’s?” a tall black man in a security uniform said.
I shot to my feet ready to dart, but to my dismay saw that my three companions were paralyzed. “Jesus,” I whispered to myself and shook my head. “They didn’t take anything,” I confessed softly. “It was me alone.”
The man’s eyes fell to me in such away to imply both sympathy and genuine regret. “All of you will have to come with me.”
He sat us in his little office, and when he phoned the police, Sally began to cry. “What have you done, Christian,” she whispered.
I saw that Kurt and Andy were trembling with fear. Andy repeatedly mumbled that he hadn’t done anything wrong, which of course was perfectly true, but he was about to cry, and it seemed to me a little sad that he was so cowardly. The man emptied Sally’s purse and took out the makeup accessories.
“Where’s the tape you stole from Magnavox Electronics?” he asked. I passed it to him without argument. Once you’re caught, you might as well come clean and be polite. There’s no point in making matters worse. “This was just reported stolen,” he continued. “I do believe the shop owner described you to a tee.” I frowned, but said nothing further. “What are you kids doing with this fellow?” he asked Sally, Kurt, and Andy, genuinely interested.
“He’s my brother,” Sally answered between tears.
I felt ashamed and stupid, however, I was neither afraid nor genuinely sorry. Perhaps mostly, I was annoyed. Left on my own, I’d have at least escaped. I’d done it many times before. He asked for our names, and because of Sally, I couldn’t do anything but tell the truth. The Police took a long time to arrive. They talked to us and wrote an incident report, but we weren’t charged. It wasn’t until I saw Stan’s face, that the full force of what I done, hit me. He talked several moments to the officers and then we were released. Stan didn’t say a word, until we were home.
“What in the world were you thinking?” he asked when we reached the foyer where Mary and Una stood to meet us.
Mary looked quite afraid and Una was frowning, but she left at once. “I was showing off,” I answered truthfully and faced my parents with my head up. “I bragged to Sally that I could steal anything. I asked what she wanted and proceeded to get it.”
While waiting for the police, I’d scratched the remaining trace of the scar on my forehead until it had bled. Una came back and put on disinfectant and bandaged it. “But why, my full-grown child?” she asked softly.
“It’s one of the things I used to do for the older boys at Carling Street,” I said honestly.
This seemed to take the steam out of their anger. “This will go down on your record now,” Mary said with resignation.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means you’re a damn fool to be closing doors before they’re all open,” Stan said. “Go get cleaned up for supper and don’t let it happen again.”
That Sunday, needless to say, we all set off to mass, even Stan. I believe it’s the only time he went to a mass that wasn’t related to a funeral or wedding. I saw the significance of it, but it only served to make me feel guilty about shoplifting. If I ever did it again, I’d go alone. After the mass, the five of us stayed and met with the priest, only this time we were formally introduced.
“This is Father Mackay,” Mary said, “he’ll speak to you in private for a moment and then you can decide what to do.”
I followed him dutifully. Although he was obviously an ascetic, his lean build, clean shaven face, haunting eyes, and narrow cheeks told me that, he smiled warmly and took me by the hand to a pew to the side of the church, into an alcove called the apse, which lay before a marbled sculpture of the Virgin Mary with the crucified Jesus laying dead in her arms. Many of the candles before it were burning, their flames lightly swaying from a breeze of unknown source. I could see Una, Mary, Stan, and Sally, as well as the altar from where we sat.
“Do you know of Jesus, son?” he asked softly. I wondered about his memory. When I’d first met him, I had told him about my visits from Jesus in my dreams, but at the time, it had seemed to make him fretful, so this time, I just nodded. “Do you understand the Holy Trinity?” he asked.
I shrugged to this question. I didn’t have the slightest idea how the system worked, three persons in one God. Who could understand that? Not even Aristotle. “Try to think of the Holy Trinity like this,” he explained solemnly. “God, the Father, gave up his only son, Jesus, to redeem us from original sin. That’s why he died on the cross. Even though he rose again, he died a horrible mortal’s death. The horrendous suffering he endured, he did for all mankind, for each and every one of us. We all live in sin and must be forgiven. The love of the father for the son, is itself attested in the Holy Spirit. He speaks in the tongues of angels and comes to those believers with the greatest faith. I myself have been all over the world and have seen many worshipers speak in tongues of the Holy Spirit, it’s truly eminent proof of God’s presence in our lives, if anyone still needed it. Do you believe in God?” I nodded. Father Mackay rose, looking down, his height well above me as I sat. “Would you like to be born again into Jesus?” he asked. “To be baptized into the one true church of St. Peter?”
Since I didn’t know what baptism included, and wasn’t willing to show my ignorance, I nodded. Besides, I told myself, whatever happened, I had it coming for my stupidity in getting caught shoplifting and embarrassing myself in front of Stan. However, as it turned out, the ordeal wasn’t too bad. He poured a mixture of olive oil, holy water, and balsam from a container called an ampulla over my head.
“The oil signifies grace and spiritual strength,” he said, “and the balsam symbolizes virtue.” He repeated what he had already said about being in original sin and added that I was a cousin of Adam and Eve’s and shared the very first sin that had been committed by them at the dawn of mankind. This was news to me, and it seemed rather mean of God, to pu
nish me for something cousins did long ago, but I must admit, as I’ve said, I had it coming for the shoplifting thing. He also talked about the Mother Church, the Roman Catholics, the Pope, and finally, Jesus. It was fairly painless and took only fifteen minutes or so. Everyone seemed happy, even Stan, and so, I was happy too.
This is The Second Law of Life: Things happen in threes. From the beginning of moving in with the Tappets I became fascinated with details. I observed the four of them as an act of the most importance. They were not just my family, but the earth I walked upon, and were quickly becoming the standard I used to judge the rest of the world. If Stan said America was great, then Richard Nixon must be great. If the Arckon family were our friends, then they must be like us and could do no wrong. After supper that evening, we sat to watch The Wonderful World of Disney. Near the end of The Alamo, the Davy Crockett Story, Mary was called away to the phone.
“Una, could you come to the drawing-room, please,” she called softly a minute later.
Una came back and turned off the television. “Stan, you’d better go next door and talk to Bert.” She looked at Sally and me with her big brown eyes which glistened with sadness. “Come with me.”
“The show’s not over yet,” Sally complained.
I knew at once something had happened and wondered how it was Sally could be so thick. “What is it, Una?” I asked.
“Come,” she urged. We rushed to the front foyer, the polished wooden floor shone dully in the low illumination from other rooms. “Leave the lights off,” Una said in a low voice.
The doorbell rang at the same time. In front, under the nightlight, stood Elizabeth, Kurt, and Andy. I knew exactly what beatings looked like. I’d seen them plenty of times before; dished-out mostly by the bullies at Carling Street to the younger boys or any foster kid who resisted them. I had no need to ask what had happened to Kurt and Andy.
“What is it? ” Sally said in a rush. “Are you sick?”
“Shush,” Una said and gave Andy a quick hug. “Come in,” she said and closed the door behind them. Kurt was pinching his nostrils together, probably to stop the bleeding, but he looked straight at me.
“This is your fault,” he said in a high-pitched voice.
“Shush,” Una repeated. “Enough blame has been assigned already, Kurt. You were the oldest.” She rubbed his head and patted Elizabeth on the shoulders.
“Come upstairs and we’ll stop the bleeding.” She glanced toward the kitchen. “Mary?”
“Up here,” Mary called from upstairs. “I’m getting the rooms started.
“I can do that,” Una mumbled to herself. “Upstairs,” she added with a sigh, pushing us gently ahead.
When Elizabeth saw Mary she began to sob. They hugged and left to Mary’s office. We huddled in the bathroom and Una cleaned up and bandaged the boys. Andy talked while Una worked. “Mom and Dad are going to break up,” he said with tears. “Mom said she’d leave if he hit us anymore, and he did. We deserved it for listening to Christian. Daddy was screaming at mommy. He told her to leave and said that she wasn’t a good mom, that she would never get us because she had no money and drank all the time.”
“Sometimes,” Una said, kindly, “mommies and daddies say things that they don’t really mean. They become angry and don’t apologize until they cool down.”
This incident would effect my behavior for a long time. Not only because I’d caused it, but because I saw that families were organisms and could be destroyed. After Kurt and Andy were cleaned, Una gathered us all up and we played Monopoly, the game I had received from Lloyd. Una won. After the four of us had been sent to bed, I snuck down the hall and knocked on Kurt’s room.
“What?” he whispered.
“It’s just me,” I said and let myself in. He was already in bed with the covers pulled up to his neck. I couldn’t even make out the bruises on his face. He might have been crying. The lights were off and I couldn’t tell for sure.
“I came to say sorry,” I whispered. “I hope tomorrow everything will be better.” He said nothing and I left, knocking next on Una’s door.
“Come in, my full-grown child,” she said softly.
How she knew it was me, I’d no idea. I think she was expecting me.
She was dressed in a long bright red-cloth nightgown and sat on the edge of her bed. The bedroom itself was nearly twice the size of mine. It had an office under a huge bay window, a dressing area, two walk-in closets, and a bathroom like mine. It held a huge bed with brilliant green and red floral patterns on the pillows and comforter. This was matched with framed pictures of red rose bushes, lawns glistening in the crimson dawn, and lakes under a red moon.
In all, there were six pictures on the walls. Three corresponding green carpets, one in the office, one at the bed, and one at the entrance, gave the room a friendly soothing effect. I sat beside her and held her hand.
“Una, why would Bert hit his sons like that? I mean, why wouldn’t Stan hit me? I’m the one who deserved it.”
“Bert did it to make sure they don’t pay attention to you anymore. You caused some grief in their household today. You were on your own for a number of years and learned the way of the streets, but Sally, Andy, and Kurt, know nothing of that. You can think on both sides and make a choice. If they’re on the wrong side, everybody panics. Do you see?” I did and nodded. “Bert has a bad temper,” she continued, “and believes in discipline, but tonight he went over the line. He is afraid for his sons and for his family. Fear sometimes drives men to behave such a way to bring about the very thing they were trying to prevent. Do you remember the story of my little Peewee?” I nodded again. “It’s like that. They didn’t want to kill him only to use him, but they killed him anyway. Do you see?” I did and nodded for the third time. “For sometime, the boys’ mom and dad have been at odds. Something is driving them apart, and this, I think, added to it.”
“Is it her drinking?” I asked. Una shrugged. “Is she seeing another man?” I asked further.
Una gave me a steady look. “What do you know of such things?”
I knew at once I’d struck the truth and that Bert and Elizabeth were going to be separated soon.
“When a husband or wife are untrue,” I continued, “does it mean the marriage is going to end?” To my surprise Una shrugged. “Will Kurt and Andy move then?” I asked further.
“If they divorce, likely, yes, but not necessarily. Bert could possibly get custody, but in that case he might not let them see you again.”
I felt frustrated by the events of the day and asked Una about The Third Law of Life, the one kids hate the most.
The third law states that no exacting rules exist, that everyone has a different opinion, that there are exceptions to every rule, and that the way for a person to behave, even a kid, is a vague and treacherous path.
“Is there no place in the world where somebody knows all the answers to the questions,” I asked in desperation, “and where there is just one set of rules?”
“We’re human beings and weren’t meant to have indubitable knowledge. It is the Lord’s domain. He knows that whenever we think we have absolute knowledge, we don’t take it and enforce it upon ourselves to be better, but instead try to force it upon others. Often in life, you must pray for guidance and then take your best guess.”
Now this might well be the truth, but to a kid looking at this seeming chaotic world, this answer will never satisfy. It directly interferes and contradicts The Fourth Law of Life. Kids’ least objectionable law.
The Fourth Law states, Every law is absolute, and if it isn’t absolute, then it isn’t really an important law.
You can see why kids hate the third law so much. I yawned and rose ready to go. Una rubbed her hand through my hair.
“No more stealing. Some sins are best left unpunished if only done once. You’re a brave chap, but I fear the world has taken you from one reality and put you onto another.”
“What does that mean?”
She hugg
ed me.
“It means you know too much about too little and know too little about too much. Go to bed.” She slapped me on the bum, and once inside my bedroom, I crawled into my closet, where I had built a bunker with warplanes and toy soldiers and slept through past one o’clock and right into the early morning. The Korean Communists hunted me all night.
Chapter Six
Near the time that I turned thirteen, I started to realized that as a Tappet, I could live two lives, one inside the family and one outside. On the inside, I’d to be on my guard to blend into their visionary aspirations of supplying the world with its wants. I had concluded that they were kind of super-noble capitalists with shades of tenderhearted democracy. To do this, I’d to over-achieve in school, a thing which wasn’t so difficult, and be competent in extracurricular activities and excel at one or two things, but to never fail any single challenge. If I saw failure coming, I would get out of it on some pretext.
I piloted a Cessna expertly, and as Stan had promised, would easily gain my private pilot’s license when I was of age. To Stan, this signaled that I truly belonged in the family. He would have never admitted that, but I knew it in my heart. Unlike Sally, I’d no grace for the art of diving, and every time I left the springboard, I had to be completely focused just to go in head first. On other things, I did better, but didn’t excel. I discerned generally, that I could never be myself among the Tappets except for maybe with Una. I became a stoic in this issue. I’d no blood claim to them and their gifts were mine only tenuously. I don’t know why I felt the way I did. I’d no concrete reasons to believe it. It may have even been an unfair judgment. Perhaps I was poisoned by my time in the orphanages.
On the outside of the family, when there were no Tappets around, I sometimes could be myself. My humor was raw and worldly, and I received a lot of attention and laughs, especially from the boys my age. These opportunities occurred in such places as at school when Sally wasn’t there, traveling with the basketball team, Saturday afternoons with the hardball league, or whatever other chances existed for me to be myself without a Tappet around. If you scratched the veneer and saw through to me, it was evident at once that I was a rough and ready street kid, but when somebody said, “Oh, that Tappet. It must be nice.” For me, at first, it was.
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