Dr. Jai walked around his desk and pulled a familiar leather flask out of his drawer. “This isn’t mine, doctor. Would you like to reverse your plea?”
“Where did you get that?” Brian asked, incriminating himself more with every syllable.
“Do you really need to ask that?”
“Dr. Richards?”
“Yes.”
Brian slumped in his chair, wanting to disappear. “May I ask who reported me?”
“I won’t feed you specific names for vengeance, Doctor. But I will tell you that everyone on your floor has concurred with the opinion of the report.”
“Everyone?” Brian’s mind flashed to Danielle and Sheila.
“Yes, everyone.”
Brian’s temples pulsed. He didn’t speak; he only looked at his hands. “You told me to go to therapy. I thought that was going to be enough.”
“I hadn’t finished reading the report when I ordered you to go, but we’ll see.” He stood. “It is almost ten. I have an appointment, too. So, if you’ll excuse me.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I think under the circumstances, Doctor, you might want to go home for the day.”
“Yes, sir.” Dejected, Brian stood and trudged back to his floor. How could Danielle and Sheila turn on him? Especially Danielle.
He buzzed Sheila.
“Yes, sir?”
“You’re done for the day. Go home.”
“It’s only ten.”
Brian set the phone back in its cradle and extended his arms. He was vanquished. He needed a drink.
****
Ray picked up the phone and dialed the Manifold house.
Rhonda answered on the first ring.
“Rhonda? This is Ray. Is Brian there?”
“No, I thought he was at work.”
“He left around ten.” Ray looked at the clock on the wall. It read 5:00 PM. “Do you have any idea where he would go?”
“What’s going on, Ray?”
“He had a pretty bad day, and I want to make sure he’s OK. Do you know where he might be?”
“You have to ask?”
“Understood,” he said, and then added, “Look, I’ll find him and call you later.”
“Thank you, Ray. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
****
Brian sat at Wally’s Watering Hole. He was joined by a Vietnam vet who proudly conveyed over a dozen village stories before Brian was drunk. He hardly heard the vet’s final story. Brian’s mind was focused on the amber liquid he held in his hand.
Wally had just declared it his last.
In reverent ceremony, Brian brought the glass to his lips, pushed the drink down his throat and swallowed. His head swam in a sea of colors. “Are you sure I can’t have another?” Brian asked the heavy muscle behind the counter.
“Goodnight, Brian,” the bartender said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Brian nodded like a bobble-head doll and plummeted off his stool.
Wally looked over the bar while wiping a glass with a rag. “You OK, man?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Brian said and pushed up. “I’ve got another bottle in my pocket.”
“Do yourself a favor. Go home and sleep it off.”
“What are you, my mother? Do yourself a favor and don’t tell me what to do, Wally.” Brian pulled a brown paper bag from his pocket, and held it up high. “There is one thing left in my life that I can control and that is how much I drink.”
Wally came around from behind the counter and helped Brian to the door. “No, man. I think the drink controls you.”
Brian stepped back and took a swing at Wally’s head. He hit air and fell at the bartender’s feet.
“Come on, man. Don’t start being a mean drunk. I won’t be able to let you back in my bar again.” Wally led Brian out the door.
“That’s fine,” Brian spat. “Cause there’s twenty more on this block alone.”
“All right, Brian. Sit here,” Wally said, setting Brian down on a bus stop bench just outside. “Take the bus. Don’t even think about driving home. OK?”
“Yeah, sure.”
Wally shook his head and entered the dim building.
Brian peered down the block. The streets were wet and empty. A single amber light marked the yellow condo door in the distance. Krissy. He wanted to see her. A friend. He needed a friend. He stood up, but then sat back down. What am I thinking? He stared at the yellow door. It was like a beacon in the water.
She was probably in there alone, crying about losing Jake.
He had to comfort her. After all, he was her doctor. He stood back up, head swimming. He stepped into the street just in time to dodge a beat up pickup truck.
That was close! What am I doing?
He pushed back up and swaggered to the door. Leaning against the door jamb, he rapped with the back of his hand.
Nothing.
He lifted his hand to knock again when he heard the knob turn.
“Can I help you?” an elderly Hispanic man said from behind the chained door.
Brian blinked to focus. “I’m looking for Krissy Stephens.”
“No Krissy lives here,” he said and closed the door.
Brian looked around.
The yellow door was the only one that faced the street.
He was sure that she had said she lived there.
Confused, Brian moved back to the bus stop and his view of the yellow door.
18
Ray drove futilely for hours. He’d stopped at almost every bar around their neighborhood and had decided to give up, when he remembered Brian’s fascination with San Diego’s Gaslamp district.
Finally, around midnight, Ray spotted Brian at a bus stop nursing a bottle in a brown paper bag. Ray pulled his car to the curb and got out.
Brian glanced up, but quickly looked away.
Ray eased himself onto the seat next to Brian.
“Ah, my best friend. Come to pour salt in my wound?”
“Do you see yourself?” Ray asked. “You’re one step away from skid row, my friend.”
“Is that how you start with all your patients? If so, I hope they get their money back.”
“You’re not my patient, Brian. You’re my colleague. And you need help.”
“I’m fine,” Brian slurred. “I’m just having a little nightcap before I have to go home and face the stiff in my bed.”
Ray stared at Brian. “You and Rhonda need to talk. Look at what this mess has done to you.”
“I’m fine. Just fine.”
“No, you’re not fine! Stop saying you’re fine! You’re anything but fine!” Ray took a breath to calm himself. “The guilt of your past is killing you. You either talk this out or you’re going to hit rock bottom.”
Brian toasted the air and laughed cynically. “Already there, my friend. Already there.”
“So, you admit you need help?”
“No, I agree I’ve hit rock bottom.” Brian took another swig from the bottle. “I’m all alone in this world now, and thanks to you, the one thing I had left is gone, too.” Brian wiped his face.
“Thanks to me?” Ray wrapped his arm around the back of the bench.
“You and that stupid report. Now everyone is trying to bury me.”
“Who’s trying to bury you?”
“All the people I trusted the most.” He glared at Ray. “Especially you.” Brian took another drink. “Not that I’ve trusted you for quite some time.”
Ray placed his hand on Brian’s shoulder. “I’m here to help you. I know you don’t believe that, but it couldn’t be more true.”
Brian flung Ray’s hand off. “I don’t need your help! What I need is my life back to the way it was.”
“Let’s talk about your daughter, Brian.”
Brian fell off the seat and hit his head against a metal trashcan.
Ray caught his breath.
Unfazed, Brian pushed himself up. “You leave her out of this.”
&n
bsp; Ray reached a hand down to Brian, but he batted it away. “Look, Brian, you need to talk about what happened.”
“No, I don’t. The only thing I have to do is take care of me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get home.” Brian stumbled toward his vehicle.
Ray’s heart felt heavy. He reached out and firmly grasped Brian’s arm. “I can’t let you drive home.”
Brian spat on the sidewalk, just missing Ray’s designer oxford shoes. “You can’t stop me, Ray.”
“I will, if you make me. Now, give me your keys.”
“No!” Brian jammed his hands into his pockets and looked away.
“Please.” Ray pleaded. “Don’t do this.”
“Why not?”
Ray forced Brian to look him in the eye. “Because bad things happen when you drink.”
Brian stared at Ray for a moment, and then buckled to the ground sobbing.
Ray couldn’t hold back any longer. He knelt by his broken friend and allowed the tears to flow.
Brian wept bitterly for a good five minutes.
Ray held his friend and prayed for a miracle.
Finally, Brian seemed to calm down.
Ray helped him to his feet. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”
****
“Have you figured it out yet?” hissed the beast.
Brian blinked. He lay on the floor of his living room floor covered in blood. Brian looked around the house. The darkness made it hard to see clearly. He rubbed his body for wounds, but found none.
“Have you figured it out yet?”
Brian stood. Blood poured from his hands. His face went white. He grabbed the afghan on the couch to stop the blood. He stubbed his toe on the coffee table and cursed aloud.
“You’ll never make it.”
Brian groaned. “Stop playing with me. Tell me what you want.”
The creature laughed. “It isn’t what I want. It’s what controls you that draws me. Your sin has all the power.”
“My sin?”
“Do you deny your part in this story?”
“What story?” Brian staggered through the house like a blind man. He couldn’t remember his place being this dark before. He felt hot air on the back of his neck and the sound of deep breathing. Brian turned his head slowly to the right and found his face only inches from the beast’s mouth. Brian’s stomach churned as the dragon-like face opened. He squeezed his eyes shut, ready to be swallowed. “Please, just leave me alone,” Brian pleaded.
“I’m afraid that isn’t possible. You’ve given me reign, and I rather enjoy it.”
Brian opened his eyes.
The beast licked its razor-sharp fangs and smiled an eerie grin. “We’ll be spending lots of time together.”
“What are you?”
“A smart doctor, like you. I thought you would have figured that out by now.”
Brian wiped perspiration from his face.
The creature circled Brian, its talons grating his clothes. “I’m an evil spirit. A demon.”
Brian stepped back. “You’re merely a mirage. A nauseating dream. Satan is only a myth.”
The creature inched closer. “I’m more genuine than most other things in your life.”
“I don’t believe in you.” Brian continued to back up, his heart pulsating through his ribs. He placed his hands behind his back to make sure he didn’t run into anything.
“What’s to believe in, Brian? Belief is what you see.”
“No! Faith is things unseen, and I don’t believe in you. You’re only a nightmare.”
The demon reached out his long claw, almost scratching Brian’s face. “No, you pathetic little man. I’m indisputably, genuinely, unadulterated, without a doubt—REAL.”
19
Danielle opened her eyes. Her heart raced, but the light from the street eased her mind. She glanced at the clock by her bed. 4:00 AM. Something stirred her spirit again. The need to pray overwhelmed her. But for whom?
She tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but Holy Spirit would not let her. Silently she prayed for an hour. When she finally felt a sense of peace, she got up, showered and dressed for work. It was still an hour before she usually went in, but what else did she have to do? I’ll get coffee on the way.
Danielle opened the outside door and breathed deep. The early morning air felt intoxicating. She closed the door.
In the distance, a small shaft of light marked the horizon.
Anticipation of a new day. She hoped that included Ray. Making him mad was not what she wanted. Maybe her advice wasn’t what he needed. Right or wrong, he’d counted on her being a friend. She sighed, silently praying for another chance.
Traffic was sparse, and Danielle made it to work in record time. She parked, and then noticed one other car. Dr. Manifold’s. A part of her wanted to turn around and go home. To be in the office with only him seemed like a bad plan.
Someone knocked on her window and she jumped.
Bernie stood outside with his hands on his hips.
Danielle opened the door and stepped out. “Good morning, Bernie.”
“Here a little early, miss?”
She nodded and popped her trunk. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“Well, you’ll have to go around through emergency. I have my orders to keep the main door closed for another hour.”
Danielle stared at the guard. His military posture clearly said he wasn’t kidding. “Fine. Thanks for your help.”
Bernie nodded and retreated to his booth.
Having Bernie here made her a little more at ease. Danielle headed to the ER, and cut over to her side of the building. The halls were eerie quiet, and many of the lights were still off. She flipped them on as she walked. Her heart pulsed. As she approached Brian’s door, she thought about going in and talking to him. Maybe if she was able to turn him around, Ray would forgive her.
She reached for the knob, but heard Brian say something. He wasn’t alone.
****
Brian tossed back a glass of bourbon, before turning to address his daughter.
“Lara,” Brian said. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be on your way to school?”
Lara hugged him. “I wanted to remind you about the function at my school tonight.”
Brian had forgotten. He nodded. “Yes, yes, of course. I’ll be there.”
“Dad, can we talk?”
Brian gave her a weak smile and pointed to the couch. “Sure, what’s up?”
Lara walked to the couch, and Brian joined her.
“Daddy, please try to fix things with Mom. I’m really scared.”
“That’s what you came here for? Look, we’ve been over this a thousand times,” he said. “It’s not that simple.” Brian shifted his gaze away. She seemed so sad, and he knew nothing he would say would make her feel better.
“Dad, I know I’ve messed things up. Look, I see both of you every day. And she’s getting better and you’re getting worse. If you would just talk to her… “
“Can we change the subject?” Brian stood and walked to the window.
“You won’t be able to rely on me forever.”
Brian turned back to her. “What are you talking about? You’re just a kid.” He walked back to where she sat and bent down. “I don’t rely on you, I just love being around you. Is that a crime?”
Lara kissed him on the cheek. “I gotta go.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Bye, Daddy. I love you.”
Lara crossed the room, waved, and disappeared behind the door.
Brian walked back to his desk and pulled the bottle back out of the drawer. He didn’t take the time to fill a cup; he unscrewed the lid and took a swig.
You’re not going to make it.
He tried to replace the lid, but his hand shook. Brian reached in his drawer and pulled out a gun he’d purchased for protection. He held it up in the light. It appeared mighty in his hand. He rubbed the barrel again
st his cheek and squeezed his eyes shut. He pulled the hammer back.
The phone rang.
Brian rocketed out of his chair. The gun dropped from his hand and rattled on the desk. He stared at the phone, unsure if he should answer it. He wiped the sweat from his palms and slowly lifted the receiver to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Brian?” Ray asked.
“Oh…hi.”
“Are you free for lunch today?”
Brian rolled his eyes. “No, I have plans. Maybe some other time.”
“OK. Some other time.”
Brian placed the receiver back on the hook and finished off his drink. He uncocked the gun, stuck the weapon in his pocket, turned off his lamp and headed for the door.
Something stopped him. He couldn’t risk being caught. Brian pulled the gun out of his jacket pocket and placed it in the desk drawer. Soon he would use it, but first he would keep his promise to his daughter.
****
After a day at the bar, Brian made his way through traffic, keeping an eye on the digital display on his dashboard. As usual, he was running late. He just hoped he didn’t miss anything important. With Rhonda’s condition, he knew that Lara needed him more than ever.
The light turned green, and Brian pulled into the Madison Middle School parking lot. He struggled to find a space, but finally found one on the back side of the school.
This was the first time he’d been on the campus since he was in the eighth grade. Back then, it had been a junior high school. He looked around at the mint green buildings and marveled at how much bigger they seemed then.
Brian followed the red signs pointing to the gymnasium. Inside were tables filled with cardboard displays, test tubes, mini volcanoes, and plant experiments.
Parents talked with teachers and students mingled by the far wall.
Brian searched for Lara. He didn’t see her hanging out with the students, so he decided to find someone who could direct him to her homeroom teacher.
“You look lost,” a woman said from behind him.
He turned around. “Um, yes. I am trying to find my daughter.”
“Maybe I can help you. I’m Mrs. McGrath, the principal here at Madison Middle. What grade is your daughter in?”
Dark Cognitions Page 12