by Megan Smith
I get to the block that my apartment is on and lose my footing when I spot Brian leaning against his car. I fall back on my ass and not gracefully, I might add. I lay back, embarrassed that I’ve fallen while I wait for the pain in my ass to subside. Or maybe the pain in my ass won’t go away because I know he’s headed my way, this isn’t a friendly visit based on his posture.
I hear the snow crunching before Brian appears above me with rage etched on his face. He’s pissed, I can tell from the way he’s just standing there and not asking if I’m okay.
“Don’t worry I’ll help myself up.” I mumble to myself and get to my feet.
Brian grabs a hold of my upper arm, harder than he needs to. “Where were you?”
“I had a job interview.”
I start walking towards his car with him close on my heels. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to.”
“Was?”
I sigh. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to get the job or not. I didn’t want to look like a failure to you if I didn’t.”
Brian is my longtime boyfriend. Well, really, I wouldn’t even call him my boyfriend. I hate him but I can’t get rid of him. After a few months of dating he became abusive. I came to realize that it’s because he was high as a fucking kite. He promised he wouldn’t do it again and he didn’t, for about a year. In that year things with us turned, and went down a good road, until he got mixed up with the wrong crowd our freshman year of college and things plummeted quickly; but in that year Brian was the perfect caring boyfriend. He knew about my life, my shitty mother and my cute as a button sister. We didn’t have any money, never did. One night, Brian came over and found out we didn’t have any heat in the dead of winter; a few hours later it was turned on. Brian said he didn’t have anything to do with it but who else would have paid it? He also never let me or my sister walk to school; he took us everywhere we needed to go. A few times while I was at an away soccer game I came home to a fridge full of food when there was nothing before I left.
“You didn’t have any intention of telling me, Layla. I was going to pick you up today but couldn’t get out of work. If I had picked you up you wouldn’t have been going to your interview. Care to explain that?”
Shit, he had me. If he didn’t text me I was going to make up an excuse why I had to stay at school or go out with Jaylinn so that I could go. “I was going to ask you when you picked me up.” I stuttered trying to back pedal.
He shakes his head and squeezes my arm hard once more before letting go. “You’re fucking lying to me, Layla, you know I hate that.”
I hold my arm to alleviate some of the throbbing pain, side stepping him so I have a clear path to my front door; I’m just praying it’s unlocked. “Brian, I’m not lying. You know how I am; I forget everything.”
He laughs bitterly. “Not when it comes to needing money to keep a roof over your heads or when you need money for food, or even when you need me to pick up your sister.”
I look back towards the apartment hoping Mom picked up Fallon from school today. I didn’t get a call from the school so I’m praying she did. “Brian you know someone has to be the fucking adult around here. I can’t depend on my mom for anything. I can’t forget when it comes to Fallon; she’s six and can’t take care of herself.”
“Fallon, Fallon, Fallon. That’s all you ever care about. I’m the one who helps pay your electric and half the time your rent but all you care about is your sister. For once I’d like for you to worry about me. Ask me how my day has fucking been. Ask me how work was. Ask me how school was.” Brian yells.
“Are you pissed because I didn’t tell you about the interview or are you pissed because I don’t pay enough attention to you?” I seethe, pissed that everything is always about him. He never asks me any of those things either!
He bangs his fist on the roof of his car and it makes me jump. “All of it, Layla. All. Of. It.”
We stand there, staring at each other for a few long minutes. I don’t know what he wants me to say. I can’t change the outcome of my life because if I fucking could I would. I wouldn’t be living in this hell hole of an apartment where every morning when I leave to take Fallon to school we have to step over the piles of puke from some drunken bastard who can’t hold his liquor and got kicked out of the bar. I wouldn’t have to worry about where we are going to get money for food, about making sure Fallon has shoes on her feet or clothes on her back. I wouldn’t have to worry about my mom paying our bills. I’m twenty-one years old and for once I’d like to wake up in the morning without a damn dark cloud hanging over my head. I want to be a kid for one freaking minute instead of the adult.
Finally, Brian breaks the silence. “I’m outta here.”
I fold my arms across my body and watch as Brian gets into his car and drives off. I look up to the sky; it’s dark and gloomy, just like always.
“Layla,” Fallon yells when I open the door. “Layla!”
I smile at the sound of her cheerful little voice. She doesn’t even realize how much we’re struggling. I take the steps two at a time and Fallon, with her crazy blonde curly hair, launches herself into my arms.
“Hey, squirt.”
She giggles as I set her back down on the ground; she grabs my hand and pulls me into the kitchen. My mother is standing at the stove, cigarette in her mouth, stirring a pot of who the hell knows what. I once thought my mom was the most beautiful mom on the planet. Much like myself and Fallon have now, mom had long blonde hair, stunning blue eyes, although I got my green eyes from my dad, small petite frame and a tiny little dimple on her left cheek when she smiles. There is no denying that the three of us are related. Now she’s the opposite. She’s washed out making her look double her thirty-seven years of age. Her long blonde hair is now stringy and always ratty looking. Her once stunning eyes are now lined with wrinkles and constant bags under them from all the partying she does. While she’s still petite, she lost a lot of weight so her clothes always hang from her thin frame.
Fallon jumps all around. “Mom’s cooking. Can you help me with my homework?”
I set my things down on the kitchen table and glance over at my mom. I wonder how much she’s had to drink today. I know it couldn’t have been a lot because she picked Fallon up at school and now she’s cooking. That hardly ever happens now-a-days.
“Chicken noodle soup.” My mom says without sparing me a glance. “And grilled cheese.” She points with the spatula. “Do you want one?”
“Um, sure.” I’d like to ask for her to hold the ash from her cigarette but think better of it. The more that Fallon sees our mom being a mom the better. “So what do you need help with?” I turn my attention to my little sister.
“Reading.”
A grin spreads across my face at her excitement. She loves reading, well trying to anyway, and loves being read to. That probably has a little something to do with me reading to her every night since she was little. It is how I use to get her to fall asleep while our mom was fighting with her current piece of shit boyfriend outside of our room every night.
So while my mom made us dinner we sat at the table and did her homework. When dinner was done mom sat a plate down in front of us and then left us to eat by ourselves. About an hour later she comes out of her room dressed up. She grabs her purse and jacket and yells over her shoulder on the way out. “Don’t wait up.”
Fallon rests her head on the table and sighs. All I can do is shake my head. The least she could have done was called out an ‘I love you’. We’re used to the whole leaving thing now but it doesn’t ever seem to get any easier for Fallon.
I glance to the clock on the stove, see it’s late and am reminded that it’s almost Fallon’s bedtime.
I ruffle her hair. “Come on, squirt. You need a bath and you need to get ready for bed.”
We clean up her homework and put everything back in her book bag. She grabs a towel from the linen closet in the hallway and I go to start her bath water. I watch my
sister, the one who was so excited to see me when I got home, walk around with her head down. It makes my heart hurt for her. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing by trying to make our mom look like a better person than she is. Maybe I should stop and let her see how she really is, maybe then she wouldn’t be hurt by all this bullshit that we deal with on a daily basis, but then she looks at me with those pretty blue eyes and I know that I’m doing the best thing for her, sooner or later she’ll realize our mom is a piece of trash that the trash men wouldn’t even take.
We both run our routine. She takes a bath and I help with rinsing her hair. I get her pj’s out and she dresses. I pull back her covers and she climbs in bed. I cover her up and she hugs me tight.
“What book will it be tonight?”
“Are You My Mother?” Fallon says with a cheesy smile. “Pleaseeeeee.”
“You got it.”
When I finish the book I set it on the floor with the stack of other ones. I lean down and kiss Fallon’s forehead.
“Love you, Layla.”
“Love you, Fallon.”
I turn the light out on my way out to the kitchen. The sink is full of dishes, the trash is spilling over and there are clothes all over the small living room. Taking a deep breath I blow it out and start with tackling the trash. Once everything is done I’m exhausted and don’t even have the energy to do my own homework. I’ll just have to wake up early and finish it after I take Fallon to school.
I take a quick shower since there is barely any hot water left after the little we used for Fallon’s bath and doing the dishes. I change into shorts and a t-shirt and climb into the bed across from my sister. We share the little bedroom that is big enough for two twin-size beds and a dresser. Mom has the bigger bedroom of the two which I really wish she would give to us since my clothes are in the closet in the hallway because there is no room in here.
Fallon calls in a groggy voice. “Layla,”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry I’m sad.”
My eyes close as the pain from her words take over. She has nothing in the world to be sorry for. She didn’t ask for this mess of a life just like I didn’t. “Don’t be sorry, kiddo. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.”
“Are you sad?”
“Sometimes.”
She’s quiet for a few minutes and I think she’s gone to sleep. “Layla?”
I chuckle. “Yeah?”
“Can I sleep with you?”
I scoot over and lift my covers for her. “Come on.”
She jumps from her bed to mine and burrows herself in my blankets that are thread bare. I run my fingers through her damp hair and hum Lullabye to her. Her body relaxes and she’s snoring softly in no time.
“I’m going to get us out of this shithole, squirt. I just need a little more time.” I promise to her before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep myself.
Eli
It’s Saturday, the grand opening for Fierce. Cooper and I have hired a full staff and everyone is on hand tonight. Cooper was able to line us up with a great DJ, too. I’ve been working on a few advertising campaigns and I even hired a few college kids to pass out flyers around campus to draw in a crowd for tonight.
Cooper and I agreed to meet up at the club at five to make sure everything is set up and ready to go for tonight. The staff just arrived at seven dressed in uniform, black pants for the winter with electric blue tops. They are running over the list of things we asked them to do to get ready for the crowd. The bouncers, dressed in black pants with coordinating black polos with the word ‘Bouncer’ emblazoned in electric blue across the back, are walking around getting familiar with all the exits and going over the plans if anything were to go down.
While everyone is doing what needs to be done, and with only a few minutes before we open the doors, I decide to go and check in with Cooper. I knock on his office door before opening it. “You ready for this?”
He smiles. “Let’s do it.”
We walk down the hall towards Eric, the DJ, who is up in his booth. I clap Eric on his shoulder and he removes his headphones. “You ready?”
Eric tips his head. “Hell yeah!”
“Start it up then.” Cooper hollers.
Eric put his headphones back on and the music fills the once silent club. The bartenders and waitresses start cheering. The energy is through the roof.
I spot Layla talking to another one of the bartenders. When she notices me she smiles and waves. I wink back and follow Cooper over to the bouncers. Layla and the other bartenders came in for a few hours Thursday and Friday for some training on how we would like things run around here. I think the girls we hired are going to work out well.
Right at nine we give the bouncers the okay to open the doors. They check IDs as they let each customer in to the club. Tonight is an “eighteen to party, twenty-one to drink” night. Not all the nights will be like this but we wanted to draw in a big crowd for the grand opening. Cooper and I welcome everyone as they walk in. Before we know it, people are wandering upstairs and Cooper goes to walk around up there, while I do the same down here. We both thought it was important to show our faces for the first few openings, especially for Cooper since he has baseball the majority of the time and that’ll take him away from the club a lot.
I mix and mingle for a while keeping an eye on things making sure everything is going nice and smooth. My eyes also keep wandering over towards Layla. I barely know the girl but there is something about her that draws me to her, wanting to protect her. I know I’m crazy because what could a girl like that need me to protect her from? She’s been around bars and drunks for a little while so she has to know how to take care of herself if things get out of hand, but still something is nagging at me. She’s also easy on the eyes with that fucking body of hers and has a great personality too.
The bar where Layla is working is packed but I’ve noticed the same guy sitting in the same spot since the doors opened.
I walk over to the other side of the bar from her. “Hey, Eli, you need me to get you anything?” Cary, another bartender asks me.
I smile but keep my eyes on Layla. “Just a water, please.”
“Coming right up.”
Layla leans over the bar towards the guy who’s been sitting there all night. I watch as she grimaces from whatever he is saying to her. Her eyes find mine and she slowly stands back up. The guy says something to her again and she looks away from me. Her facial expression changes and she seems pissed off. Just as I’m about to walk over I spot Jackson and Chloe, Cooper’s brother and sister-in-law, walking in. Perfect timing.
I head over to them. “What’s up, man?” I ask holding a hand out to Jackson.
“What’s up?” Jackson says taking my hand.
I lean over and kiss Chloe on the cheek. “Looking beautiful as always.”
Jackson chuckles knowing I’m just being polite because I’ve only met Chloe two or three times so I really have no idea if she always looks beautiful.
“Cooper is working upstairs. I’ll grab one of the bartenders to show you up there.”
Jackson looks like he is going to protest but I give him a look and he backs off.
I take a few steps toward Layla. “Can you please show Cooper’s brother where to find him?”
Layla nods but quickly glances toward the guy who doesn’t take his eyes off of her the whole time she walks around to where I’m standing with Jackson and Chloe.
“Hey, Chloe, nice to see you again.”
“Hey, I didn’t realize you were working here.” Chloe says in surprise.
“Yeah, I was just hired…” Layla’s voice fades as she walks off.
A stool opens next to the guy watching Layla so I take the seat. He hasn’t really done anything that warrants me to say something to him. So I just sit and see if he’ll say anything to me. Even if he doesn’t at least I know where he is while Layla is gone.
Layla returns a few minutes later and goes back to work filling d
rink orders. A little while later, still in the same spot, my jaw about hits the floor. I see Jaylinn walk in with her brother Hunter and his wife MacKenzie, who also happens to be Cooper’s sister. Jaylinn looks stunning in this little black dress that she’s wearing. Her normally straight sporty ponytail is replaced with curls that are cascading down her back. Her blue eyes pop with the dark make-up she’s wearing and those bright red lips that you can’t miss are going to knock Coop on his ass. She’s on her way to throwing Cooper his curveball, that’s for damn sure.
One of the bouncers point in my direction and when Jaylinn sees me her face lights up. Hunter and MacKenzie follow her over. I stand making it obvious that I’m checking her out. Jaylinn does a little turn and bashfully asks, “Too much?”
“Damn, girl.” Layla yells from behind me. “Where the hell did you come from and where are you hiding Jay?”
Jaylinn looks past me and smiles at Layla. Her smile fades though and I’m not sure why but I don’t like it. I grab her hand pulling her closer to me. “Not too much at all.”
“Thanks.” She says running her other hand down her dress.
A throat clears behind Jaylinn. “You remember my brother Hunter and Cooper’s sister MacKenzie, right?”
I hold out a hand to Hunter. “Nice to see you again.”
He takes my hand. “You too.”
I know better, with the stories I’ve heard from Cooper and Mason about not to mess with MacKenzie so instead I keep things platonic. “It’s nice to see you, too. Your brother is upstairs.” I glance to Jaylinn waiting for her to speak up and say she’ll show them up there but she doesn’t say anything although her eyes say it all, she doesn’t want to see Cooper.
Knowing I have to do the right thing I motion towards the stairs. “Follow me and I’ll show you where he is.” When we reach the stairs I allow MacKenzie and Hunter to go first followed by Jaylinn. Just before we get to the top I place a hand on Jaylinn’s hip, she turns to face me. “Remember what tonight is about. It’s the curveball he never saw coming.”