253
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He’ll withdraw funding from the Centre if they don’t shape up. People do not understand that it’s not his job to do good works, but to promote Sum Total. The Centre seems ashamed of being sponsored. ST’s logo is hidden away on the lower corner of one window; ST’s health leaflets are not given precedence in displays. There’s nothing that says: Sum Total paid for this.
He’ll tell them straight. Either ST’s event contractor takes over the design and stock control of the Centre or he’ll demand compensation.
It’s not as if there aren’t plenty of venues. That very nice girl he met from the Florence Nightingale Museum, for example. Now, she had her head screwed on. She knew exactly what was wanted. Corporate entertainment facilities with priority booking for sponsors; a permanent exhibition of ST’s role in health care, a constant flow of visiting health professionals plus students just entering the insurance market…
What if the Museum were a better deal? This would be the time to cut the Centre off.
He gets off one stop early at Waterloo, and looks up her mobile number. Warrington, that’s it. He dials.
A far better bet. Easy on the eye as well.
Her phone seems to be switched off.
Car 6 map
Contents
216
MR SAM CRUZA
Outward appearance
New York taxi driver? Translucent, polished complexion. Wild black hair, little moustache, clean but worn clothes, grubby shoulder bag full of uniform slices of paper. Smiles to himself, cupping his hand around the left side of his face.
Inside information
New York taxi driver. Came to London for some fun, plus he needed to duck out of a drugs rap. Some guys he knew got caught. Now he sells The Big Issue and shares with some Americans he met coming over. He eats their food and does not replace it.
He’s got all these women dancing, man. They think he’s from all over: Arabia, Turkey, Romania, places he’s just seen on a map. He tells them all kinds of stuff.
On Charing Cross, he saw every one of them go past in the train windows. So he went into this car, and one of them was here too. So he’s sitting low-down at this end of the carriage.
What he is doing or thinking
He’s not really ready to introduce all those ladies to each other just yet.
He wants the rich businesswoman most, only ’cause she’s the coldest piece of ass. Beverly is sentimental—but she’ll be good for cash. The spent old broad who says she’s Matisse’s grand-daughter, she keeps saying she’s poor, but who knows—maybe she’ll give him a painting. Anita is dangerous. She’s smart; she could turn on him. Sam’s a little afraid of Anita. Her, he would like to hurt.
All in all, it’s probably best just to cruise on down to the Elephant.
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Contents
217
MS ANTHEA DOBBS
Outward appearance
Tinted, straw-like hair, black knitted shawl, billowing printed brown dress and scuffed brown boots. Beautifully made up. Sits with small personal organizer, but is not looking at it. Very suddenly, she stands up to exit at Waterloo.
Inside information
Partner of Joy Harvey in Lambeth Council’s information surgery. Regards herself as the more technical side of the partnership. On her way to Wasteco at the Elephant and Castle.
What she is doing or thinking
She looks at the silent people around her and remembers the tube strike of 1989. Everyone walked to work. It was summer, and London was suddenly a festival of people. There should have been banners. The streets, instead of being deserted, bustled. Even the evenings were better: the shadows long, the sun golden. People said what the hell, and went to the pub. They walked in chains with hands on each other’s necks. Pretty girls in halter necks, large bouncy men with Jewish hats. You saw faces everywhere, and the message of those faces over time was this: we are for the most part hard-working, decent, pleasant people.
She has read recently of an alarming fall in numbers of people volunteering for charities. It is not due to overwork, since it is busy people who have continued to volunteer. The reason, the article claimed, is habitual isolation. It breeds mistrust and cynicism.
She almost thinks there should be a two-year moratorium on cars, tubes, TV. She suddenly yearns to be out on the streets and abruptly decides to walk to the Elephant from Waterloo.
Car 6 map
Contents
For Your Reading Ease and Comfort
PASSENGER MAP
Car No 7
THIS MAP SHOWS YOU
WHO is in the car
WHERE they are sitting and
WHAT are their interests and concerns
218. ANTON ENZER
the dance
253. ANNE FRANK
is that all there is?
219. HALET ÖZGEN
Öz Ev
252. HAROLD POTTLUK
one final question
220. URSULA GUSTAFFSON
Amsterdam
251. SUSAN WHEEN
Clean and Jerk
221. EMILY JENKINS
flowers
250. HARRY RUNCIMAN
paging Mr Pickwick
222. VACLAV HORACEK
Yellow Submarine
249. CHUNG MAE
party favours
223. DIONNE BUTLER
everybody!
248. ELISABETTA SOBEL
the birds
DOORS
DOORS
224. LOUISA BALBROUGH
Valkyries?
247. LISA SINDERSLY
to tell the truth?
225. HENRY GIDDING
the right order
246. SYLVIA KAYE
her daughter’s face
226. GEMMA CARTY
just a minute
245. MAB MAHANCHANDRA
Superman
227. ELSPETH WORLIDGE
Dunroamin’
244. SUSAN REECE
important kitchens
228. BECKY PATTERSON
mice cream
243. MARINA PENSBURY
a sympathetic ear
229. NANCY KRESS
attack of the jam jars
242. HOKIKO McTAVISH
possessing a home
DOORS
DOORS
230. GRAHAM WADDLE
taking care of Stanley
241. MARY SHERRATT
The People of the Book
231. THOMAS MILEY
helping hands
240. STUART COWE
Dear Diary
232. PETER MORSE
Hallelujah!
239. CHERL JONES
my beautiful nose
233. MALIK BEGUM
laundry service
238. CHARLES WRIGHT
pleasing Paule
234. PAUL HENRY
unsavoury pies
237. BILL HAVERS
personal chemistry
235. TRISTAN SAWYER
it’s good to talk
236. JULIE GLUCK
still life
NO EXIT
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Since 1995, Canadians have known that the universe is a binary-based system. The 256 binary digits of the ascii code are an accurate Mandelbrot reflection of the universe.
The ascii code can also be used to direct you to the 253 character that reflects your situation. Say you are a sixteen-year-old boy, troubled by acne.
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Say this was the result:
Value of digit
128
64
32
16
8
4
2
1
Digit on or off
0
0
0
1
1
1
0
0
Add 16+8+4. Your 253 character is 28, Flora McCardie. In what way does a prim, elderly lady resemble an acne-scarred youth?
Consider: Flora is troubled by sex, by loneliness. Could not loneliness and sexual anxiety be the cause of your acne? In which case, the oracle is clear. You must find your number 27, Danni Jarret.
The significant other digits
If you cast all zeros: go to The End of the Line. Cast again, for 4, 2, and 1 to find the car that best describes your fate.
If you cast 254: go to Another One Along in a Minute, and cast again.
If you get 255: cast again until you get the number of a 253 footnote.
253—who will you be today?
218
M. ANTON ENZER
Outward appearance
Rail-thin young man, clear complexion, shock of black hair, outdoor overcoat, black suit. Stares at a white card.
Inside information
Returning to France for his father’s funeral.
At the age of seventy, Anton’s mother asked his father for a divorce. The shock triggered a stroke. When Anton’s mother learned that her husband might die soon, and that she had been written out of his will, she tried to declare him insane.
Anton persuaded his father to sign a statement that he was content with his treatment. Anton used this to block his mother’s attempts to re-examine his father with her own tame doctors. The divorce and the will went through.
His father married one of his graduate students, a dull woman Anton thought would take care of him. She waited until his will was changed again, and then declared him incompetent. Morose, confused, his father died in care, leaving both Anton and his mother disinherited.
What he is doing or thinking
The invitation invites contributions to an Alzheimers charity. Anton’s stepmother is implying that her husband died of Alzheimers. His father was bitter and acerbic, but deserved better.
An old lady, some drunk, asks Anton to dance. He waves her away. She starts to sing. A black woman joins her, and demands, ‘Everybody!’
Why the hell not? Anton stands up and bows. ‘May I have this dance?’ The old woman’s face crinkles into a smile. They waltz up the aisle and Anton decides: he does not approve of this funeral. He will not go. He dances on past Waterloo.
Car 7 map
Contents
219
MISS HALET ÖZGEN
Outward appearance
Sophia Loren? Strong-featured young woman in black business dress.
Inside information
Turkish business graduate working, like her father, for Beetlehide shipping. Just back from enforced return to Istanbul. Beetlehide have twice tried to get Halet a work permit. They have just re-advertised her job, tailoring it for a Turkish speaker. It is her last chance.
What she is doing or thinking
She cannot go back to Turkey. In Istanbul, she went to a friend’s party, head uncovered in Western evening dress. Their car was repeatedly rammed by a rented jeep driven by a man with a beard. Another car eased between them and they escaped down an off-ramp.
A week later, she was in a taxi that was stopped by police. Using the polite plural form of you she asked what the taxi driver had done wrong. ‘You are on the side of the guilty!’ the policeman said, using the singular. ‘Are you my father or a relative?’ she replied, insulted. He grabbed her wrist, flung her to the ground. She woke up sobbing in the back of another driver’s cab. The driver said, ‘You cannot be Turkish, to help a taxi driver.’
The next day she was followed home by catcalling men. They hated her loose hair, her clothes, her manner. They wanted her back in purdah. Halet needs that work permit.
An old crazy lady is singing, ‘Is that all there is?’ Halet likes the song; there is something Turkish about its mournfulness. A black lady starts to sing it too. Suddenly everyone is dancing.
Including Halet.
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Contents
220
MISS URSULA GUSTAFFSON
Outward appearance
About eighteen, blonde, heavy faced. Tan corduroys, black shoulder bag. Looking at a London A-Z.
Inside information
Swedish visitor from the town of Ostersund. Missing the first week of college to visit an English boy she met in Amsterdam.
What she is doing or thinking
Amsterdam had been the best thing in her life. She met Chris in a café; they just started talking. He was handsome, outgoing. He took her to a church where a German conductor was recording the King’s College choir in a piece by Bach. The conductor smiled so kindly. He really liked Chris. She thought Chris must be part of the choir. ‘No, I just met him,’ Chris said, not explaining further. Together, they watched this beautiful music being recorded.
She fell in love with him. They visited the Rijksmuseum, they ate meals, they talked and when they said goodbye at Amsterdam station, he waved, she wept. She wrote and told him she was coming.
‘Would you like to dance?’ an old lady asks her, in a European accent. Ursula shakes her head. She sees herself when old.
Chris never answered her letters. He may have moved. He may not want her to come. A sense of feeling foolish or betrayed rises as she gets closer to Lambeth North.
Now the old women gets everyone singing. Ursula isn’t singing. A young man gallantly asks the lady to dance. Suddenly there is a party.
Oh well, thinks Ursula, take what you can. Grateful, awkward, she stands up and traces patterns of dancing in the air alone.
Car 7 map
Contents
221
MRS EMILY JENKINS
Outward appearance
Mid-thirties, old-fashioned long hair in sweeping curls, blue jumper and slacks, navy blue coat, flowers by her bag. The flowers are brown at the edges. Writing in a card with great deliberation.
Inside information
Housewife. There still are some. Her husband is the manager of a Renault dealership. Going to St Thomas’ Hospital to visit her sister. Her sister is dying, but doesn’t know it.
What she is doing or thinking
It’s taken Emily all the way from Harrow to write the card.
My dearest Rhona
Wishing you all the best, my darling, on your 28th birthday. I hope you have an absolutely fab day and year. It can only be better than the last one!
She wants to write, I remember you as my pretty little sister. I remember taking you to see Starlight Express, and your eyes going big and round. I drove you up to university and I was so proud of you, Clever Clogs. Emily wants to write: Mum and Dad still live in the ’60s; I don’t like my husband; you’re the only one I can rely on, Pet.
She had to buy the flowers at the station in a hurry. They’re dying too.
‘Would you like to dance?’ an old lady asks someone. And someone agrees. The gentleman opposite takes out a bottle of whisky.
‘I’d love some,’ says Emily. The whisky is harsh and warm in her throat. Somehow Emily goes past Waterloo. She gets out at Lambeth North, laughing with the old man. She looks at the flowers.
And they’re fresh.
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Contents
222
MR VACLAV HORACEK
Outward appearance
Healthy old hippy? A cloud of tangled honey hair and beard, rumpled pink cheeks. Ochre trousers, a natty polka-dot cravat, a grin of crazed enthusiasm. A plastic bag full of cloth and string.
Inside information
Czech theatre producer going to the Old Vic to force them to interview him. He is the director of a puppet version of Yellow Submarine. It was a big hit, only the second Be
atles show in Prague. It had wonderful songs, a tourist audience, and Vaclav’s papier-mâché creations.
What he is doing or thinking
The British don’t like the Beatles. No one is interested at all at all in Yellow Submarine. They keep talking about this thing copyright. It is very frustrating.
An old woman comes up to him, hunched and small and smiling. ‘Would you like to dance?’ She is desperate woman. You get them also in Prague station. If he wasn’t also desperate Vaclav would give her money. But Vaclav can only afford one meal a day.
The old woman starts to sing and someone else says to all join. Then a young man starts to dance with her. Ah! This is why Vaclav dreamed for years of coming to London.
Vaclav pulls out his puppet of John Lennon dressed as Sergeant Pepper. He makes Lennon totter and starts to sing…‘Pah, pah, pah…’
That is not a Beatles song he is singing. He has to think. It’s ‘Papageno’ from The Magic Flute. That is no copyright. Vaclav’s pitch changes.
A puppet Magic Flute starring the Beatles and Charlie Chaplin?
Lennon dances.
Car 7 map