Try as he might, Cord couldn’t get Sarah out of his mind. He wondered how she’d been dealing with the realization that her father wouldn’t be returning the money or coming for her and Danny. He despised Jacob Caldwell most of all for that—choosing his ill-gotten gains over his own children. All Castle Mountain’s problems notwithstanding, could they possibly compare to the pain she was surely experiencing?
Rejection . . . Cord knew she must, at the very least, be feeling rejection at her father’s betrayal. That was an emotion he understood all too well. Did she feel a similar betrayal in his own actions of late, in his overt attempts to avoid her whenever possible?
At the consideration, guilt surged through him. Though he didn’t, in truth, owe her anything, Cord suddenly felt little better than Sarah’s own father.
Angrily, Cord swung his legs down from the desk. The ranch and its problems could go to blazes! He’d had all he could take of them. What really mattered, in this instant of white-hot clarity, was that he was a coward and had treated Sarah cruelly. He’d left her alone to bear her pain when he, of all people, should have understood what she was going through.
Further avoidance wasn’t fair to either of them. But what could he say? What did he really want? He didn’t want her to leave, that much he knew. But he also knew she’d been wrong when she said he was a good man. Most times, he didn’t feel all that good. But then, maybe he viewed life—and himself—too much through his father’s disapproving point of view.
Cord rose and strode from the library. This wasn’t about him or his perhaps overly critical self image right now, but about Sarah. Though his overtures might be rebuffed, he was going to at least try to talk with her about making some alternative plans for her and Danny’s future. It was long past time she see the reality of her situation, and do something about it.
“Emma,” Cord called to the older woman when he finally gave up trying to find Sarah in the house, and walked outside to where Emma worked at the clothesline, hanging wash out to dry. “Do you know where Sarah is?”
The housekeeper slowly turned, an auburn brow arching as she pulled two clothespins from between her teeth. “Sarah? And why on earth would you suddenly care? You’ve all but ignored that poor child of late.”
“Now, Emma,” he said, trying his most engaging smile on her, “it’s not as bad as all that. I’ve just been very busy—”
“That’s a bunch of hogwash, and you know it!” She advanced on him, her finger wagging in the air. “Save that for someone who doesn’t know you. Admit it. You’ve been selfish and thoughtless. At the very least, you owe Sarah an apology, and even then I’m not so sure she should accept it.”
Cord rolled his eyes and sighed. “Okay. Okay. I plead guilty. But I can’t beg her forgiveness if I can’t find her, can I? So, where is she?”
“Gone with Nicholas to the aspen meadow down by Ohio Creek. They’re having a picnic there.”
That bit of news stopped Cord in his tracks. Sarah’s with Nicholas?
“Well, it seems my brother hasn’t broken stride in my absence,” he muttered, a flush creeping up his neck and face.
“And why should he?” Emma settled her hands on her hips and glared up at him. “Nick’s kind to that sweet girl, and if she hadn’t had him to visit these past two weeks, I don’t know what she’d have done. They’ve gotten very close. And it’s done the both of them a world of good.”
“Yes, I imagine it has,” Cord said dryly. He opened his mouth to make a snide comment about his brother’s way with the ladies, then snapped it shut. He frowned.
“What is it? What’s the matter, Cord?”
“Did you say the aspen meadow down by the creek?”
Emma nodded. “Yes. What’s wrong with that?”
“Cal Jenkins and Hank Spivey spotted a rogue grizzly roaming that area a few days back. Didn’t anyone tell Nick?”
Her eyes grew wide. “Well, I don’t know. I hadn’t even heard myself.”
“Blast!” Cord turned and ran off toward the barn. “That’s all I need—Nick and Sarah out there with some killer grizzly!”
“Boy, what a great picnic, Mr. Nick.” Danny wiped his berry-stained mouth on the back of his shirtsleeve. “Miss Emma sure makes the best raspberry cobbler this side of the Rockies. I think I just might marry her when I grow up.”
Nick laughed. “And I think she just might wait around for a boy as fine as you.” His glance scanned the grassy slopes that slid into the mountains. “You know, we really should bring Emma back a present for all the work she did for our picnic. Would you do me a big favor and pick her some flowers? Take Pedro with you.”
Danny jumped to his feet. “Sure thing, Mr. Nick.” He ran over to where Pedro lay leaning against one of the carriage wheels. “Hey, Pedro, come help me get some flowers for Miss Emma!”
Pedro sighed loudly, then slowly climbed to his feet. Sarah had to laugh at the pair as they headed toward the nearest hill, Danny running and leaping while his older companion plodded along far behind.
“I don’t think a walk right after such a big lunch is what Pedro had in mind, Nick,” she said, turning to her companion on the blanket. “Not to mention any wildflowers they’d find this time of year are sure to be dried and spent.”
He propped himself up on his elbows, a sheepish grin on his face. “I guess I’ve been caught red-handed, ma’am. It was the only way I could think of to have a few minutes of privacy with you.”
“Oh?” Sarah cocked her head. “And what’s the big secret you’ve been saving for my ears alone?”
Nick shrugged. “Nothing much, except to thank you for all you’ve done for us.”
Puzzlement filled her. “But I haven’t done anything. On the contrary. All Danny and I have done is take from you and your family since the very first day.”
“Oh, but you’re wrong, Sarah.” Nick’s hand briefly touched hers. “Our house hasn’t been so bright and happy since . . . well, for a long while now. Even Father seems more at ease.”
“I can’t take credit for that.” Sarah laughed. “Your father hardly gives me the time of day. Danny’s responsible for any of your father’s thawing toward us.”
“He’s really not such a bad person, once you get to know him.” Nick hesitated, then, as if deciding it was time to say more, gave a slight nod. “Father was never the same since our mother died bearing Cord, the day after I was shot. It almost destroyed him. He was so mad with grief, he didn’t know who to blame for Mother’s premature labor. And even though he finally remarried, to a kind and loving widow woman with two daughters, I suspect it was mainly to provide Cord and me with a mother, and her two daughters with a father. There wasn’t much else between them but simple courtesy and respect. A true marriage of convenience for the both of them, I reckon.”
“So time and another wife didn’t heal your father’s heart.”
Nick shook his head sadly. “Far from it. And Cord ended up bearing the brunt of our father’s irrational sorrow. It didn’t change much, either, as Cord grew up. Father got to the point where he couldn’t bear to have Cord around him. Both Emma and Father’s second wife, Martha, were given orders to take over Cord’s care and, in the doing, keep him as far away from Father as possible.”
“But how could that be?” Sarah asked, compassion for the boy Cord had been softening her voice. “They lived under the same roof. How could they not help but run into each other, even in a house this big?”
“Well, for one thing, we didn’t build this house for about the first five years, until the ranch started making good money. And Father was gone a lot in those early years, riding the range with his ranch hands, herding cattle, laying barbed wire, and all the other things needed to set up a successful cattle operation.” Nick levered to one elbow. “And when he was home, Father did his level best to ignore Cord. When that didn’t work, he turned on Cord, finding any and every excuse to criticize and humiliate him.
“Unfortunately, Cord seemed just as determin
ed to win Father’s love. He tried everything he could to please him, but the harder he tried, the worse it became. It was so sad, and near to broke the hearts of all of us, my stepmother and sisters included. We all tried to make it up to him. After a while, though, Cord took to pretending it didn’t matter. Yet, to this day, the hurt’s still there. I see it even now, beneath that cold, indifferent mask he always wears around Father.”
Nick glanced down. “I almost wish I hadn’t begged Cord to come back. Ultimately, the ranch may be saved, but what will it have cost Cord in the bargain? He’s already suffered enough to last a lifetime.”
Impulsively, Sarah took his hand. “I’d say you both, in your own ways, have suffered. It helps me understand your brother a little better, though. I’ll try to be more patient with him. If anyone deserves some understanding for his moods, he does!”
Nick chuckled. “Now don’t you go pitying him. That’d sting his pride more than anything I know of. Cord’s one of the strongest, most resilient men I’ve ever met. His leaving here years ago was the best thing he could’ve done. It gave him the chance to rebuild the self-esteem our father tried to destroy. And Cord succeeded. He has a successful law practice in New York City, and I hear he packs a pretty powerful wallop as a former boxer. No, don’t ever pity my brother. Save that for someone who really needs it.”
Sarah laughed. “Oh, I’d never dare pity the likes of Cord Wainwright! If anyone’s gotten more than her fill of his bullheaded pride, I sure have.” She paused, then sighed. “Hearing all that, about how Mr. Wainwright treated Cord as a boy . . . well, I have to admit I like your father even less now than I did before.”
Nick cocked his head. “You really care for my brother, don’t you, Angel?”
Her cheeks warmed. “He’s a good man, that’s all.”
“Well, I’ve always been rather partial to him.”
The memory of Nick’s story of how Cord had sent back all those books flooded Sarah. And that recollection led to yet another.
“That day we first met,” she began, drawn in spite of herself to mention it, “you said that books were your one escape from a reality you could barely endure. Until you found the Lord, I mean.”
“Yes, that’s true. Cord didn’t just buy me tales of history, travel, and high adventure, you know. He also, from time to time, sent me books of a more spiritual nature.” Nick chuckled. “That nearly shocked the socks off me, coming from my brother. He was never one to go to church, or even say his bedtime prayers.
“That said, though, I figured he had his reasons for sending me every book he did, so I read them all. And, after a while, I began to find my greatest comfort in the books he sent me about God. In fact, there was one particular book, about a certain holy man, which finally set me on the road back to the Lord. In it, this man said our life’s true work was to keep to the way of Jesus Christ—the way of love. That we must strive to advance in that journey each and every day, and persevere until the end.”
He smiled. “That’s what I endeavored—and still endeavor—to do. To take each day as a gift from God, as an opportunity to grow in love and service to others. Just one day at a time, and no more. And you know something? It worked. Every time I started to look back and mourn all that I could never do, or think of a future that will never be that of a normal man, I’d remind myself that I couldn’t do anything about what was over and done. And I sure couldn’t do anything about what hasn’t even happened. All I had control of was today and, even more importantly, the present moment. And God was in that present moment.”
Nick laughed. “When you think about it like that, you’ve got everything you need, don’t you? God and the wonderful awareness of Him and all He created. And that you’re loved, truly, deeply, and eternally loved.”
Listening to him, Sarah felt a crazy mix of elation and unease. How she wanted to experience what Nick described! Unconditional love, contentment with her life, and happiness to be just where she was and doing what she did at any given moment.
True, there were times when she could put the pain of the past behind her and block out her worries and fears. Hanging up freshly washed laundry on a breezy, sun-kissed day, or savoring a cup of tea while the fragrance of bread baking in the oven filled their small kitchen, was right up there with the soul-stirring sight of a beautiful sunset. All of them swelled her heart so chock-full of joy there wasn’t room for thought of what was to come or what had passed. In moments like those, all you could do was be right where you were, soaking it all in.
But to accept those times as gifts from God? No, Sarah fiercely thought. That wasn’t the God she had come to know.
Since her mother had died, God had been Someone who just took and never gave. He’d taken Danny’s health. He’d taken her father’s happiness, inexorably chipping away at everything, even his sanity. He’d taken Sarah’s peace of mind, leaving her with nearly constant worry over her family and how to take care of them, how to protect them, all the while forcing her into compromises that both confused her and tore at her heart.
The God she knew made life harder and more painful, not easier.
“You don’t believe any of this, do you, Angel?”
Nick’s words, tinged with compassion and a disturbing insight, wrenched Sarah from her troubled thoughts. “What?” She shook her head. “No, it’s not that. It’s just . . . It doesn’t matter. I’m happy to hear you’ve found a way to live your life that gives you peace. It’s a rare gift. A gift most people search for their whole lives and never find.”
“True enough.” He nodded sadly. “And yet that gift is there all the while, right in front of our noses, just waiting to be invited into our hearts and lives.”
He reached over and took her hand. “That’s all you have to do, Sarah. Just invite the Lord back into your heart and life. He wants that, you know. Wants it more than you can ever imagine.”
She pulled her hand free. She’d never meant for this conversation to turn to her. She just wanted to know more about Nick.
Or did she?
“Well, these days, I can’t really say what I want,” she said. “So much has happened of late to turn my world topsy-turvy, it’s all I can muster just to keep my head on straight. But I’m glad for you, Nick. Glad that you turned out the way you are, and that I finally got a chance to know you.”
“Just another one of God’s gifts, wouldn’t you say? A gift to the both of us.”
He looked up at her so earnestly she didn’t have the heart to contradict him. “Maybe,” Sarah replied instead, and glanced away.
They lapsed into a companionable silence then, each content with the other and the moment. A soft breeze caressed their faces before rising beyond them to swirl among the aspens. The bright autumn sunlight glinted off the leaves, sending shivering bursts of yellow-gold color along the meadow and high up into the dark green timberline. It was a peaceful, glorious time, but as with all things of wonder, the moment eventually passed.
“Help me to my wheelchair, would you?” Nick asked, shifting restlessly. “I’ve been lying down long enough. It’s time for a change of position.”
Sarah climbed to her knees to see if she could catch sight of the boys. “Shouldn’t we wait until Pedro gets back? I don’t know if I can manage you by myself.”
He took her hand and pulled himself upright. “Sure you can. It’s not all that hard. Just bring over the wheelchair. Then, if you hold it steady, I can pull myself up into it.”
“Now, that’s a feat I’d like to see.”
“Madam, you’ve no faith in me.” Nick sighed melodramatically. “I’ll have you know I can arm wrestle any man on the ranch, Cord included, and win every time.”
Sarah laughed. “Then I beg pardon for doubting you. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”
“We’ll see.” He motioned toward the wheelchair. “Time’s a-wastin’. Let’s get this sideshow on the road, or we’ll still be here at—”
A harsh growl from a nearby stand of
aspens cut Nick short. Sarah glanced in the direction he was gazing. A huge bear stood about a hundred feet behind them. Without taking his gaze off the grizzly, Nick reached over and grabbed her hand.
“Listen to me carefully,” he said, his voice low. “There’s a rifle beneath the carriage’s front seat. Can you use one?”
“Y-yes.”
He smiled. “Good, then head on over there—very slowly and carefully, before the horse spooks. That grizzly’s not going to wait on us much longer.”
Sarah climbed to her feet and, without a backward glance, started toward the carriage. As sedately as she moved, her action must have angered the bear. She heard him growl again, followed by a loud crashing of shrubbery. A swift glance over her shoulder confirmed what she feared.
He’s going after Nick! The realization added wings to her feet, yet the distance to the carriage seemed barely to lessen.
She fixed her gaze firmly on the vehicle and didn’t see the protruding root of a long-dead tree. It caught the trailing edge of her skirt, ensnared it, and jerked her to the ground. With a gasp of dismay, Sarah turned to tear the fabric free—and beheld the horrifying scene behind her.
The grizzly was charging Nick, his slavering jaws wide open, his long, deadly fangs gleaming. Nick lay there, defying him with only the small knife from their meal clasped in his hand.
“N-Nick,” Sarah whispered. She scrambled back to her feet and raced toward the carriage.
The rifle. I’ve got to get the rifle.
Yet, even as she reached the carriage, Sarah knew it was too late. She’d never be able to kill the bear before it reached Nick.
7
The horse, its head tied to a nearby tree, lurched wildly, throwing the carriage about in a crazed attempt to escape the bear. Sarah leaped into the front seat, groping beneath it for the rifle. For a horrible instant she thought it wasn’t there. Then her fingers touched cold metal.
Even as she flung herself from the carriage, Sarah cocked the rifle. It was still too late. The grizzly was already lowering himself toward Nick. She took aim but before she could pull the trigger, a shot rang out.
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