Two steps from the door, Sterling paused and looked at her. His wide emerald eyes stood out against the heavy black brows furrowed in sorrow. Evelyn met his gaze and thought of how ruggedly handsome he looked. Other women had always noticed him when they’d been together, and she wanted to tell him he would find someone who would love him, but she stopped herself. The words wouldn’t help because she knew as well as he that there was already a woman who loved him, but she wasn’t free to give that love anymore.
Her curls hung loose and the wind pushed them around the collar of her coat and across her face. She swiped a hair out of her eyes and opened her mouth to speak, but her tears betrayed her. She threw her arms around Sterling’s neck and buried her head on his shoulder. His arms enfolded her and she clung to him for a moment and then whispered, “Good-bye.”
She kissed his cheek and hurried up the steps, slipping in through the front door and closing it before the wind could steal the heat.
Chapter 21 ~ Together
December 2, 1945 ~ Jim
Harold trudged up the stairs and knocked once before pushing open the door to the spare room. Jim was kneeling by the bed with his head in his hands, and when he heard the hinges squeak, he wiped his eyes on the patchwork quilt before looking at his father-in-law.
“That young man down there—Sterling—he’s a good man.” Harold sank into the straight-backed chair and his joints popped as he did so. “A couple of days ago, he took me aside and asked permission to give Evelyn a diamond.”
Jim had started to rise from the floor, but he slumped back down and leaned against the bed frame, his arms resting on his knees.
Harold cleared his throat. “This beats any story I’ve ever dreamed up. You coming back here the day Sterling was going to propose to her.”
Jim’s head jerked up. “Today?”
Harold nodded. “He told me he wanted to ask her in front of Danny—make his birthday extra special.”
Jim groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. “I love her.”
“I know you do,” Harold said. “I’m not telling you this because of that. I’m telling you so maybe you can understand how many hearts are connected to your anguish.”
“Maybe it would’ve been better for her if I hadn’t come back.”
“Don’t whip yourself because the situation isn’t ideal,” Harold grumbled. “At least she wasn’t married yet. But really, that’s the least of yours and Evelyn’s problems.”
“What do you mean?” Jim clasped his hands together.
“Marie sent me up here. You know how women are mind readers.” Harold paused and chewed on his lower lip. “I’m sure there hasn’t been enough time for Evelyn to tell you everything.” He hesitated again, as if trying to gauge Jim’s reaction.
Jim twisted his wedding ring around and around. “She told me she loves Sterling.”
“Yes, she does, but that’s not what I’m getting at,” Harold replied. “Something happened to Evelyn a few months back—something bad.”
“What?” Suddenly Jim was on his feet. “Was she hurt?”
Harold wiped his nose with a wrinkled handkerchief. “It’s not my place to tell, but Marie wanted you to know that you must tread lightly with Evelyn. The poor thing’s been through so much. We’ve been worried sick about her, and if it wasn’t for Sterling, you might’ve come back to a shell of the woman you knew before.”
The air in the room felt heavy and Jim wiped his brow. “What happened?”
“It’s too much all at once.” Harold’s voice cracked with emotion. “You’re going to have to give her some time to tell you herself. It’s going to be hard because she doesn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it, but Marie thinks if you can be patient and give her a chance to tell you herself, it would help.”
Jim remembered how he felt when his memory had been blanketed in pain so severe he couldn’t remember who he was. The confusion, the frustration was sometimes overwhelming, and he felt some of that now as he tried to piece together what his father-in-law was telling him. That something bad had happened to his wife, so bad that she wasn’t the same person anymore. A thousand terrible situations ran through his head and morphed into a tornado of events attacking Evelyn.
In the silence, he considered the scenarios swirling in his mind. What could be so horrible as to shake Evelyn to her very core? He thought of her gentle nature, how she felt nervous when too much attention was placed on her, how she had acted the first time Jim had kissed her—the first time she’d ever been kissed.
Bile rose in his throat and realization overshadowed the tornado in his mind. Jim looked at Harold, and he nodded.
“Don’t push her too much. Her heart barely started beating again—it’s a fragile time.”
“I’ll do my best,” Jim said. “Thank you, and thank Marie.” He turned toward the window. “It’s been a half hour, do you think they’re still out there?”
Harold opened his mouth to answer, but stopped when the door slammed shut downstairs. Jim straightened and took a step toward the hallway, and then he stopped. “Tell her I’d love to see Danny when she’s ready.”
With a nod, Harold gripped the chair and stood.
~*~
Evelyn pulled off her coat and hung it on the peg. The birthday present Sterling had brought sat by the door, and she had to swallow hard to keep the tears at bay. She picked up the gift and set it behind her mother’s potted plant. She would wait to give the gift to Danny. Sterling should be able to at least see the joy on Danny’s face when he ripped off the wrapping paper.
Light footsteps sounded behind her and she turned to see Marie coming from the kitchen. “Danny’s been asking for Sterling. I guess he won’t be coming inside?”
She hugged her mother and Evelyn tried to hold onto the courage she’d mustered to speak to Sterling, but it was already diminishing like a breath of warm air in a winter storm. “No, he thought it would be best to wait.” Evelyn smoothed out her dress. “Is Jim . . . ?”
“He’s upstairs, your father’s talking to him.”
“Oh, he is?” She cocked an ear toward the staircase as she heard a door close.
“How did Sterling take it?” Marie said.
Evelyn shook her head. “He was going to ask me to marry him. Mama, he had a ring.” She swallowed, struggling to push back the hysteria in her voice.
“Shh, it’ll work out all right,” Marie soothed.
Evelyn peered at her mother underneath lashes heavy with tears. “You knew?”
Marie pursed her lips. “He asked your father for permission last week. I think that’s what your dad wanted to talk to Jim about—maybe help him understand what you’re facing.”
The room felt as if it were pressing against her lungs, sucking the breath right out of her. The lights blinked and her head spun. Evelyn moaned and sank to the floor as her father came down the stairs. A hard surface cracked against her skull and somewhere recognition whispered that she hadn’t caught herself, but the hardwood floor had.
Closing her eyes against the overhead light, Evelyn wished for the darkness to overtake her mind, to erase the confusion of the present, to spiral her back to only a few hours before when the day looked bright and full of hope. Voices in the background seemed like a dream and she fell deeper into the blackness, happy to dream.
Evelyn was spiraling through the darkness, and then Sterling was there holding her, whispering to her, and stroking her hair. Something cool and damp covered her forehead and she registered the sensation of being lifted. Sterling. He was so strong, the way he held her close to his chest, his heartbeat drumming against her cheek.
“Please, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to be with you. I love you so much.”
His voice carried through the darkness and she concentrated on his words, the agony in his voice. There was something different about his voice; it sounded deeper, almost rumbling in his chest as he spoke. She felt something splash against her cheek. Ste
rling was crying. She had hurt him, but why? Then with a start she remembered the ring, Sterling’s car, his kiss.
“Evelyn, honey, wake up.”
Her eyelids fluttered and at first glance, she wondered what Sterling had done to his midnight curls. But no, it wasn’t Sterling. It was another man with short dark hair and blue eyes so piercing—eyes from another dream. Another drop of moisture fell on her brow and she felt the tender touch of a hand wiping away the wetness.
Opening her eyes had never been so difficult, her eyelids felt weighted down with desperation—or maybe that was her heart. Something was wrong. Sterling was hurt because of her, and where was Danny?
“Danny,” she said, but it came out like a dry wisp of wind.
“He’s in the kitchen, but let’s get some color into your face before I go get him.”
That voice was her mother’s. Evelyn felt the arms around her tense and hold her closer. She opened her eyes and focused on the man holding her. “Jim.”
“Evelyn, are you okay?” He caressed her face and moved the washcloth from her forehead. “You scared me.” Jim pulled her close to his heart. “I can’t lose you.”
And Evelyn knew she was no longer dreaming, the nightmare of this reality pressed down on her senses. She turned her face toward Jim’s chest and remembered the simple times when her heart beat for one man and one man alone.
Jim Patterson was the greatest man she’d ever known, until she’d opened her heart to Sterling Dennison. Now Jim was back and Sterling was gone. She had traded an old sorrow for a fresh, searing pain and the only thing she could do was concentrate on keeping the air inside her lungs.
“Mama,” Danny cried.
“Be careful, little guy,” Harold said as Danny ran past.
The clomp-clomp of his feet caught Evelyn’s attention. There was one thing that held no struggle for her heart, and that was Danny. She moved to rise, but Jim’s arms were still wrapped around her.
“Easy. Don’t sit up too fast.” Even his whisper reverberated in the stillness of the room. Danny stopped when he heard Jim speak, and his eyes assessed his mother so near this other man.
Evelyn thought of the past few months, of how many times she had to dig deep to find the strength to face one more day. Now was the time to gather her courage and show her son that life was fair and full of love, even if she didn’t believe it herself. She glanced at Jim and nodded. He lifted her carefully to a sitting position but kept his arm around her.
“Mama?” Danny’s question hung in the stillness.
“Mama’s okay. I just fell down.” She reached her arms out for Danny and he crossed the distance and snuggled against his mother. Evelyn kissed the top of his head and he squirmed and peered at Jim with the same crystal-blue eyes of his father. She smiled when she noticed Jim make the same connection.
“Danny, do you know who this man is?”
Danny shook his head and looked away. Evelyn rubbed his back and Danny clutched her dress. She leaned back against Jim, about to speak, but then the force of the moment landed on her chest. This was her family, and it was the first time they’d ever been together. A shiver of unexpected joy ran through her—the dream she had held onto so tight at first that her mother feared it would destroy her, had come to fruition.
“This is Jim Patterson and he’s your daddy.”
Again those blue eyes were searching from beneath a shadow of dark lashes, trying to comprehend what he heard.
“Sweetheart, Daddy got lost and it took him a long time to find us. Now he’s here and he wants to say hello to you.”
Jim coughed and leaned forward. “Hello, Danny. I’m so happy I could be here for your birthday, and I’m going to be here tomorrow, too.”
Danny stared at Jim again and held up two fingers. “Boy. Two.”
Jim laughed and held out his index finger, touching each of Danny’s fingers. “One, two. You are a big boy.”
His eyes sparkled with moisture as he looked at his son. “I still can’t believe I’m a father. I have a son.” Putting his arm around Evelyn, he pulled her and Danny close to him. “We’re a family.”
Marie sniffled and Harold handed her his handkerchief. “This is wonderful,” she said.
Evelyn took Jim’s hand and uncurled his fingers, then she placed Danny’s hand against his father’s. Danny wriggled his fingers and folded his arms, still in awe of the man holding his mother.
“Do you know the song Mommy sings to you at night?”
Danny nodded.
“This man—Daddy—gave me that song. He gave that song to me because he loves me so much.”
She glanced at Jim and smiled. “When Daddy was lost, I wanted to find him, but I didn’t know how. So I wrote words to the song to help me find him. And today he found me, and he found you.”
She began to sing and the worry fled from Danny’s eyes. He relaxed against his mother and as she rocked him, his eyelids fluttered. The grandfather clock chimed fifteen minutes past seven.
“He’s had a very busy day,” Marie whispered. “He missed his nap for the party.”
With a questioning glance, Jim moved to take his sleeping son from Evelyn. She nodded and shifted Danny’s weight into her husband’s arms. Then she rose and followed him noiselessly up the stairs.
After they closed the door to Danny’s room, they stood in the hallway, the amber glow of the hall lamp casting shadows across Jim’s face. Evelyn could feel so many unspoken words travel between them and when Jim leaned toward her, she didn’t back away even though her instinct was to do so. She propelled herself forward into his arms with the same roots of strength that had kept her walking through each day for the past two years and nine months.
Jim held her, but he didn’t kiss her.
“Your voice is beautiful. The words—that song—it was wonderful.”
She looked at him, remembering that her father had talked to him while she sat in Sterling’s car. How much had he disclosed? She scrutinized Jim’s face. He didn’t know, and Evelyn trusted her father wouldn’t have told him. It would be up to her, that’s what her mother had hinted earlier.
But Jim was nervous; she could feel the beads of sweat forming on the underside of his hands, warming her forearms. He sensed something was wrong, or maybe knew something was, but the horror of the details was far from his mind.
He didn’t know. She inhaled, realizing she’d been holding her breath.
“Why don’t we go polish off some more cake and ice cream?” Evelyn suggested. “I’m sure my parents are ready to burst with questions.”
Jim laughed and Evelyn felt a thrill at the familiarity of that sound. It had been so long, but she remembered the cadence of his voice, the music of his laugh.
“This is about the strangest homecoming I could’ve imagined, but I’m so grateful to be here.”
The cake and ice cream were delicious and everyone seemed to be conscious of not talking with their mouths full. Marie tried her best to steer the conversation away from awkward topics and Harold asked Jim a few more questions about being a prisoner of war. Jim held Evelyn’s hand and rubbed her wedding band with his thumb. The cake kept lodging in her throat against the tears that lurked just under the surface.
The lulls in the conversation left several moments of silent chewing as everyone skirted around the man named Sterling Dennison.
“I’m sure Jim is tired,” Evelyn said. “I know I am. Maybe we can talk more tomorrow.”
“Of course,” Marie said a little too brightly.
“It’s good to have you back, Son,” Harold said.
“Thank you for taking care of Evelyn and my son.” Jim’s voice cracked and he left the kitchen with Evelyn close behind.
At the top of the stairs, Jim leaned against the wall and rubbed his hands over his face. “Your dad told me that Sterling was going to ask you to marry him. Evelyn, I’m sorry I couldn’t have made it here sooner. Why did I have to lose my memory?” He clenched his jaw, and Evelyn saw a frac
tion of the turmoil he faced.
“I don’t understand why half the things that happen in life do, but I believe we gain something from every experience.” She tilted her head to look at Jim’s face.
“I keep hearing the words to your song.”
“Our song,” Evelyn said.
Jim smiled. “Our song. But I keep thinking about those words—there’s an angel on my shoulder. Did you believe those words?”
Their eyes met and Evelyn shivered as the hairs on her arms stood on end. “Of course. I felt you with me. That’s why it was so hard for me to move on.”
“I’d like to hear you sing it again.”
“You’ll have the chance. I’m scheduled to sing at the Silver Lining two weeks from now.”
Jim clasped her hands. “That’s wonderful. And I’ll be there to listen.”
She ducked her head. “It was part of a deal I made with Sterling a while back.” Jim dropped her hands. “I promised him I’d get back on stage and sing again.”
“Oh, you’ve sung there before?”
She took his hand and held it between both of hers. “Yes, that’s how I met Sterling. He helped me arrange the music and he played his guitar while I sang.”
Jim shook his head and pursed his lips. “It’s hard for me, but I know Sterling is important to you. So I’m going to be grateful you’ve chosen me and try to understand what’s happening with your heart.”
“Thank you, Jim.” She covered her heart with her hand. “It’s difficult for me, too. I don’t understand yet—there’re so many different emotions—but I’m trying.”
“Good night.” He opened his mouth to say more, then clamped it shut. With a nod, he entered the spare bedroom. Evelyn’s heart plummeted as he hesitated just outside the doorway. He wanted to be with her, but she couldn’t go there right now. Not until she’d had time to straighten things out and help him understand what she was going through.
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