“Love you, Daddy.” She kissed his cheek and hurried inside.
She avoided the dining area and waved at Frank before entering the practice room. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw a different man playing her song.
He stood when she entered and held out his hand. “I’m Travis. Sterling couldn’t be here tonight.”
Evelyn shook his hand. He had light brown hair and a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. He looked to be barely twenty years old, or perhaps his boyish grin made him appear younger.
“Sterling mentioned that he might not make it.” Evelyn wasn’t sure how she felt. She had hoped for a chance to talk to Sterling, but his absence wouldn’t change her performance tonight.
“He asked me to give this to you.” Travis held out an envelope, and Evelyn recognized her name in Sterling’s handwriting on the front. She looked uncertainly at Travis, wondering if she should read the note right then.
“Uh, I’m going to get a drink and I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Travis cleared his throat and the grit on the floor crunched under his boots.
Evelyn smiled at the pink spots on his cheeks. “Thank you.” She hoped he could understand how grateful she was for the privacy he was obviously giving her to read Sterling’s letter. Her hands trembled as she opened the envelope and unfolded the note.
Evelyn,
I’m sorry I couldn’t be there tonight to play for you. I wasn’t sure how to tell you this, so I decided to write you a letter. I know this choice has been hard on you and I haven’t made it easier. I love you with all of my heart. You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever known. You are filled with so much goodness, and I want you to know that I’m a better man because I fell in love with you. You helped me live again. I wouldn’t know what it feels like to laugh if it hadn’t been for you. My heart came to life when you let me in.
Last week I said I’d never give you up. I’d fight for you till the day I die. But I thought a lot about that and worried about you and your heart. I believe that you should give Jim a real chance and the only way you can do that is if I step aside. You said you belonged with Jim once, and I think you won’t be happy unless you allow your heart to heal and see what is best for you. I don’t want you to worry about me anymore. I’ll be fine. We’re on to a new chapter of our lives now. I’m setting you free tonight. But I will always love you, and that’s why I’m letting you go.
With love,
Sterling
Evelyn reread the note twice and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She had always known that Sterling was a good man, but his unselfishness and sacrifice for her made it even more obvious. She carefully folded the letter and tucked the envelope into her purse. Her heart felt lighter because Sterling had accepted her decision before she’d even been able to tell him.
A part of her wished that he were here so that she could tell him good-bye in person, but she didn’t know if either of them was strong enough for that. Sterling had given her a gift, and she would accept it and take the opportunity he’d given her to love Jim again as she had before.
She heard Travis returning and took a deep breath. Rolling her shoulders back, she smiled. “I need your help. I’ve written a few more verses to the song tonight. They’re the same chords; I just need you to repeat them a few more times.” She had intended to sing the verses privately to Jim, but she knew that this was the right thing to do now that Sterling was gone.
“Wow, new verses. I’d love to hear them. Let’s run through it.”
She ducked her head. “I hope they’ll be okay.” She handed him a slip of paper. “I’ve written in the spots where you’ll need to repeat.”
He hummed a few lines while he looked at the notations she’d made. “Shall we start from the top?”
With a nod, Evelyn tapped her foot and began singing. She thought about the choice she had made, about the people it would hurt, the people it would heal. Her voice faltered for half a second, but she kept singing. That was life. Sometimes you miss a note, but you just keep on singing.
A few minutes before Evelyn took the stage, she scanned the crowd and smiled when she saw Jim and her parents. Her eyes continued to move across the room and she realized that she was looking for Sterling. A brief flash of pain crossed her heart before she straightened and stepped back toward Travis.
“Thanks again for accompanying me tonight,” she said.
“My pleasure. Sterling said that you had a beautiful voice and that—”
Evelyn tilted her head to listen but Travis’s words were drowned out by Frank announcing the entertainment for the evening. His voice boomed out over the audience, which LaRue had reported was standing room only. “We’re thrilled to have one of our own back with us tonight for a special encore presentation of a song that touched many hearts the first time Mrs. Patterson sang it.”
He adjusted his belt buckle and continued. “Many of you know that Evelyn’s husband died during the war, but some of you might not have heard yet that he has returned.”
Several gasps could be heard, and Frank beamed as he gathered the desired effect from his news. “I’ll let her tell you the rest.”
Evelyn shook her head at Travis. “I’ve got to sing first. I don’t want to talk about any of that now.”
Travis nodded and rubbed his thumb over the frets of his guitar. The lights dimmed, and she stepped onto the platform they had dubbed the stage at the Silver Lining. She gripped the microphone and promised herself she wouldn’t cry. With a nod, she cast her gaze toward the dining area and focused on Jim. Even in the dim light the azure color of his eyes was noticeable. He held his mouth in a tight line, and Evelyn breathed in and out as Travis began the introduction.
Evelyn prayed this version of the song might touch Jim’s heart—the same heart she had hurt—and help him understand how much she loved him.
The music lingered over two notes an octave apart and then she began to sing.
There’s an angel on my shoulder.
There’s an angel by my side.
And it leads me and it guides me
through the trials in my life.
There’s an angel by the river,
where you left me with good-bye.
There’s an angel, you’re that angel,
I can feel you in my heart.
And I wonder as I wander
through the forest that I’ve made,
full of trees that grow with sorrow
on the steps that I must take.
But I cannot understand it,
life without my angel dear.
I’ll keep walking through the forest,
wishing that you were near.
The audience cheered when she reached for the high notes of the chorus and then hushed as the words of the song brought meaning to the night. Evelyn’s eyes found Jim’s and she continued singing.
Because you’re my angel.
And I can feel it in my heart.
Oh my angel, you’re my angel.
Guide me back into your life.
I’ll keep hoping as I’m walking
on this path that I must take.
Over rivers and without you,
remembering all of my mistakes.
How I wish that I could write you
all the dreams within my heart.
Oh my angel, please forgive me
if I haven’t played my part.
She noticed Jim sit up straighter in his chair when she began singing the chorus a second time. Early that morning, Evelyn had written a bridge into the song, these words were the most important she would sing tonight. She closed her eyes, took a whisper-quiet breath, then looked at Jim as she sang.
ʼCause I know that you’re my angel.
And I know you’re by my side.
But I had to be a fool,
and I had to have my pride.
But you have to take me back,
back into your heart.
Oh my angel, dear angel,
we can make another start.
Now you must walk through this forest
full of trees that sorrow grew.
Looking for the love we lost.
I’m just hoping that you knew.
Oh, I love you, my angel.
I still need you, my angel.
I’ll be waiting in this forest.
I’ll be waiting for you.
The cheers and applause were immediate as the last note faded away. Evelyn didn’t pay attention to the ladies dabbing their eyes with lace hankies or the men nodding approval. She watched Jim. The transformation of his face as he recognized what she had sung—to him—set his eyes aglow. He stood, hesitated for a moment, and then walked toward the stage.
Reaching out his hand, he whispered, “Forgive me.”
Her fingers curled around his, and she allowed Jim to pull her from the stage and into his arms. The crowd erupted into excited cheers and melodramatic sighs.
“Evelyn, I love you so much. I’m crazy for you. Will you forgive me?”
“Yes, Jim. I love you, too.”
He lowered his lips to hers and she kissed him, allowing him complete access to her heart. From now on her heart would beat in devotion to his.
When Jim set her down, she brushed out the folds of her skirt and looked toward the stage. Travis sat there with a smile, basking in the applause. She scanned the room, feeling an uncomfortable tenseness in her heart. She felt Sterling’s absence. Blinking rapidly, Evelyn hugged Jim again to hide the few tears seeping from beneath her mascara-laden lashes.
Sterling was no longer waiting for her to come to him. The full impact of the words from his letter reverberated in her head. “We’re on to a new chapter of our lives now. I’m setting you free tonight. But I will always love you, and that’s why I’m letting you go.”
A part of her wanted to run out of the Silver Lining, find Sterling, and tell him she still loved him, that she was sorry, she had changed her mind. But then she heard Jim murmur in her ear, “You’ve just made me the luckiest man in this room. We’re going to have a family again.” He laughed and spun her around.
As he twirled her, she let the emotions spin out and forced herself to smile and remember the sound of the wind that morning when she made the decision to stay with Jim.
~*~
Sterling stood in a darkened corner of the room watching Evelyn and Jim embrace. After their practice a few days ago, he could see that Evelyn was on the verge of making a decision. He believed that she would choose Jim, but a part of him had hoped he was wrong—that she wouldn’t accept the letter. If she had come to him, then he would know the true feelings of her heart, but it was better this way. He did love her and he loved Danny and that’s why he had let her go.
He slipped out before anyone noticed him, going out the side door where he’d walked in just before Evelyn started singing. Straightening his shoulders, he looked back once at the Silver Lining, knowing he would probably never return.
The sun sank low on the horizon as he walked toward his empty home. The verses Evelyn had added were painful and poignant, and Sterling recognized how much effort it had taken for her to sing them to Jim. He wondered if a part of her heart would keep his memory alive. How many years would it take for his feelings of anguish to fade?
One foot in front of the other, the right leg heavier than the left, that was how he had made it from his home to the Silver Lining. If he concentrated on the pink and purple streaks of sunlight filtering through the clouds, maybe he could make it home in one piece. His love for Evelyn was true, and his devotion to life’s happiness needed the same commitment. He was determined to live, to love, and to dance again.
Chapter 33 ~ After the Song
December 1945 ~ Evelyn
Evelyn sang a few more songs, and Travis performed as well. The evening was a success, and everyone wanted to talk to Evelyn and Jim to offer congratulations. After the performance, they mingled in the crowd until Evelyn’s voice felt tired from all the talking.
“Is it okay if I walk you home tonight?” Jim asked her.
“I would love that.”
The cloud cover held back the freezing temperatures so the walk felt refreshing. The frosty air cleared Evelyn’s head, and she focused on this moment with Jim that had been granted to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder as they strolled down the snow-encrusted sidewalk.
“Jim, I’m sorry about earlier. I hope you understand why I didn’t want you to come to the practice.”
“Of course. I apologize for being ornery.”
Evelyn adjusted her scarf and slowed her pace. “It shouldn’t have taken me this long to say this, but I’m so thankful God brought you back to me.”
Jim chuckled. “For a while there, I thought maybe I had died and gone to the other place.”
“I’m sorry.”
He stopped and pulled her close to him. “No more apologies. Just as long as I know you love me, it’s enough.”
“I never stopped loving you, Jim.”
His breath hung in frosty mists around her and she parted her lips. With some hesitation, Jim closed the distance between them and kissed her. He pulled back and grinned. “I love you.”
As they neared the house, the wind picked up and brightened her cheeks with the chill of December. She hummed a bit of the song she had sung for Jim, releasing it on the breeze so all the world would know her heart’s devotion. Perhaps she hoped that the next time she heard the song of the wind it would serve as a reminder of this bittersweet night when Evelyn Patterson gave her heart to Jim for safekeeping. Maybe it could give her strength to push back the ever-present doubt that tried to creep into her corner of happiness.
She warmed her hands by the fire while Jim fed the hungry flames a few more logs. Marie and Harold had claimed exhaustion, but Evelyn knew her mother wanted to steer clear of the new lovebirds, making sure their fragile hearts had time to reconnect.
As she ascended the stairs with Jim close at her heels, she thought how the time they would spend together from here on out would provide a cushion for love on the mend. Both of their hearts had been broken, although the fissures in Jim’s might spread wider than she would ever know. Their marriage would never be the way it was when Jim left for the war, but Evelyn wouldn’t begrudge that.
She tucked the blanket around Danny and touched his warm back, feeling the vibrations of his breath. Rewinding the past would mean missing out on the past two joyous years of her son’s life. She had to hope that their hearts would only be stronger now. Like the trees out in the yard that had constantly pushed back against the force of the wind to stay upright for so many years. Evelyn hoped the problems of the past would provide immunity for their love in the future.
“It was a wonderful night,” Jim whispered.
He turned to go to the spare bedroom and she grabbed his hand.
“I want you to stay with me,” she said.
“Are you sure?”
It was apparent how much he wanted to be near her. Evelyn nodded and pulled him toward her bedroom. Jim hesitated and then followed. They stood in silence for a moment, and she noticed the color in Jim’s cheeks. It reminded her of how she used to tease him for blushing so easily.
“My things are in the other room, shall I get them?” Jim rubbed his foot back and forth on the edge of the rug, looking at her earnestly.
“You can put them in the bureau—left side.” She motioned to the six drawers filled with her belongings. “I’ll change while you get your things.”
There, his cheeks reddened again, and she smiled. He was trying so hard to hide his desire, part of her wanted to hold him, but she knew it would make things more difficult. Instead, she brushed her fingertips along his hand as she passed him. She opened the second drawer of the bureau and pulled out a soft cotton nightgown in a light shade of pink. She turned and stopped when she saw the intensity in Jim’s eyes.
“I remember that nightgown,” he said, and now it was her turn
to blush. Of course he would remember since his mother had given Evelyn the fabric a few weeks before she had died. Jim’s sister didn’t want to haul her mother’s sewing machine to Ohio and so she let Evelyn have it. Evelyn had been thrilled, and the nightgown had been the very first thing she’d made on the fancy Singer treadle.
“I’ve made most of Danny’s clothes. Mother’s been teaching me so I can make some more things for myself.”
His Adam’s apple rose and fell before he spoke. “I remember. There were so many times I tried to remember even the smallest things, and then I would. I’d remember something like that nightgown but not be able to connect, not understand why I remembered it.”
She twisted a ruffle of the nightgown in her hands and stood up straighter. “I wish you didn’t have to go through that.”
He stepped closer to her and put his hands on her arms. “I wish the same for you.” He kissed her forehead and she rested her cheek on his chest.
“Are you still worried?” he murmured.
“I’m afraid, but I want to be with you.” She bit her lip. “I hope you haven’t run out of patience yet, because it may take some time before I can get rid of my fears.”
He rubbed her back in slow circles. “I’m just happy to be with you. I learned patience in the war. As a prisoner, one false start could mean your life.” He hugged her. “I’ll go get my things.”
She changed quickly and tried to quiet the tremors inside. In the bathroom, she ran her hands under the warm water and splashed her face several times. After she finished brushing her teeth, she returned to her room. She felt anxious and so she tidied up her dresser and pulled back the quilt on the bed.
When the floorboard in the hall creaked, she whirled around and faced the door, sinking onto the edge of the bed as the knob turned. Jim filled the door frame and Evelyn recalled the first time she’d compared her average five-foot-five-inch build to his six-foot-two-inch height.
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