It’s the one thing I’ve never really been able to see. Growing up, people always assumed we were twins and, if not, the fact that we were sisters could rarely be hidden. When we were young and roughly the same size, we could sometimes even pass for each other. But as we grew, so did the idea in my mind that we were totally different. Aside from the onyx hair and deep blue eyes, there wasn’t much that was the same. I’d always been curvier, Shannon a few inches taller. I was cute, but she was always beautiful. She hardly wore any make up but she always looked perfect. She was slender and graceful. I was mostly awkward and loud. We were nothing a like—not in my eyes. But to the rest of the world we were exactly the same.
I try hard not to cry, pressing my lips together and take a long, deep draw of air through my nose. This can’t be easy for him. None of it can. Shannon’s gone and I show up here, the spitting image of the girl he loves. The girl who’s never coming back. At least I’ve had the opportunity to process that fact in the real world. Even though I didn’t, I had the option to go to her funeral. Even though I don’t, I can visit her grave any time. And the second I return home, I’ll be able to see her reflected in Ray and Mariah every single day for the rest of my life. All Luke has are his memories.
“You heard.” His gruff voice startles me and I nod, even though he can’t see me. “Are you gonna do it?”
“I…yes. I guess I am.” He nods slowly and lets out a heavy sigh. “Why are you?” I ask.
His eyes flutter open and he fixes the gray depths on me. It’s the kind of scrutiny that would normally make me squirm but all I do is stare back, waiting for an explanation. But he doesn’t speak. So I continue.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s only another seven months, Luke. I don’t think you should do this.”
“I’m doing what I have to,” he finally says.
“Why?”
“Because I love her. I love them.”
“But…they need you.” A tear escapes down my cheek and I quickly swipe it away. “She’s…they already lost their mother, you can’t leave them too.”
“I’m not—that’s not what this is about.”
“Then what?” I sit forward, wishing I could reach out and shake him. “Why are you giving them up? Why are you giving up?”
“You wouldn’t understand,” he mutters.
“Try me.”
He sighs, rubbing his forehead. “You’ve had it good, Sheila. I think that’s why she chose you. Because you’ll know what to do. You’ll know how to keep them safe, to love them the right way, not to…screw them up.”
“Is that what you think? That you’re going to screw them up?”
“Our parents weren’t like yours. At the end of the day, the most important thing was how happy they were. They wouldn’t have given a damn if I walked out at seventeen and ran off with some band. They wouldn’t have tried to protect me from someone they thought was wrong for me. They didn’t shelter us at all. They threw us in the fucking lion’s den and I’ve got nothing to show for it.”
My mouth is suddenly dry and I lick my parched lips. “We don’t always end up like our parents,” I whisper. “Look at me.”
Luke laughs, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Your parents aren’t done with you yet, Sheila. That’s the thing. They probably never will be. Your dad’s the kind of guy who still looks out for you even though you haven’t been home in months. Your mom will still be there for you, no matter what kind of mistakes you make. Even if, despite her best efforts, you choose the wrong guy and he leaves you all alone to die.” He closes his eyes again, briefly. “She’s always gonna be there.”
My stomach clenches so tightly, I almost double over. “You—Luke it’s not your fault. You were never the wrong guy. Shannon loved you.”
“And I love her. I could try to do this on my own. I could try and fail, or I could make sure they have everything they need and are as far away from this train wreck as possible.”
I don’t even know how to respond. He’s clearly already made up his mind and it’s not like I came here to change it. I just needed to hear it for myself. Luke stares back at me, as though he’s expecting me to argue. He probably is. But I don’t. Part of me thinks he might even be right.
“Why didn’t you tell Ross?” I ask. “He’s been trying to fix everything. Do you even know what he’s done? He was going to take them in. He was trying to get temporary custody.”
Luke nods. “Your father told me. That’s the other reason I signed those papers. I just want him to move on with his life. To stop worrying about me. I never would have asked him about Ray if I thought it was going to lead to this.”
“He’s so angry, Luke. Really hurt. He thinks my family’s doing this. He thinks—”
“I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him everything. I just haven’t gotten a chance.”
“So that’s it?”
He nods again, then leans forward, resting his elbows on the ledge in front of him. “But I’d like to see him.”
“Who?”
“Ray. And Mariah someday. Just one more time.”
“Luke, I don’t think I can bring them here.”
He smiles an acknowledgement. “It was dumb of me to ask Ross to do that.” He shakes his head. “I meant when I get out. It doesn’t even have to be formal or anything. I’d rather your parents didn’t know. Even if we just bump into each other on the street or something. I just want a chance to say goodbye.”
I smile, craving to reach out to grab his hand. “Of course.” At least I know he hasn’t gone completely dark. He still cares for them and, if that’s all this is, who am I to judge? He says he wants what’s best for them and right now I’m inclined to believe that. More importantly, I’m going to do everything in my power to give into his and Shannon’s wishes.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Ross
I lean away from the thick glass barrier, my heart in my throat. After everything that went down last night, I avoided her like the plague. I’d been so angry I wanted to kick her out, so I locked myself in my office instead of risking a messy scene at home. And now this guy is telling me it was all for nothing.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I knew you’d try and talk me out of it.”
“Luke…” He can’t be serious. He can’t give up that easily. Why is he giving up everything? Why is he rolling over? “Is it because you’re sad? I get it, bro. But you can’t sit there rotting away. It’s only another eight months.”
“Seven,” he corrects me and I smile.
“See? You’ll be out soon and you can do what she wanted. Be the best dad she wanted you to be. Just like she asked.”
My brother shakes his head and stares down at the table. “This is the right thing to do.”
“They’re taking your kids. If they take those kids you’ll probably never see them again. They hated you before you landed your ass here. Remember that? Remember how those people treated you?”
“It’s what I want. I agreed. I signed it already. It’s done.”
I let out a humorless chuckle. “Did she know about this? Sheila?”
“I doubt it. You said she was gone, right? Her parents’ lawyer came to see me on Monday. Said they were proceeding with the adoption. She didn’t know, Ross. If she knew, none of this would be happening.”
“What do you mean?”
“I read the agreement from front to back. Every clause, every loophole, they had a court appointed family lawyer explain it all. I asked her to send you a copy. Read it. You’ll understand what I mean.”
“You sure you want to do this man?”
“I’m sure I want to do whatever it takes to give them the life they deserve.”
“They deserve you.”
“No, Ross. They don’t. I’m a college drop-out. Once I get out of here I’ll be an ex-con. I’ll be just like him. I can’t do that to them. I can’t make them grow up the way I did. With everyone pointing and staring.”
“So move away. Take them to the ranch.”
“And then what? Go back to school? Get a job? Dad left us money but not enough to last a lifetime. I can’t live off that Trust Fund forever. I can’t provide for two kids without a back up plan. You think anyone’s going to hire me once I get out of here? They’re better off.”
“Bull shit. This isn’t you , Luke. This isn’t what she’d want you to do and you know it.”
“Shannon isn’t here. She doesn’t see what I see. Their future is better with her family. They’ll be loved, cared for, respected. That’s all that matters.”
“What about your family? What about me?”
Luke smiles. “That’s pretty cool what you were planning. I almost want to agree to it, scrap this whole thing.”
“Then let’s! We can fight this. Get joint custody, at least.”
“I don’t want to fight, Ross. This was never about fighting.”
“S—so you’re just going to walk away from your kids and never look back?”
“They’re young. They’ll never know I left. They’ll be happier without me.”
“And what about you? Will you be happy? I know you love them. I know this is killing you. It’s killing me. I bonded with that little girl, man and I’ve barely gotten a chance to know her.”
“Just because you love something doesn’t mean you have to do what’s right for you. Sometimes you have to make a sacrifice. All in the name of love. I guess that’s what I’m doing.”
None of this feels right. But I can’t argue with him. I want to, but I won’t. He’s thought about it. Agonized over it even. And if this is the conclusion he’s come to then it must be the right one. For him. And for them.
“What do you want me to do?” I ask quietly.
“All I need you to do is take care of the other stuff. I hoped I’d get a chance to see him. But I always knew it was a long shot. Just make sure you get that stuff signed over to them. My Trust, the ranch. All of it. I want to make sure they never need a thing.”
I nod.
“And Ross?”
“Yeah?”
“I think maybe you should stay away too. For now. At least until they’re old enough to understand.”
“Sure, bro. Whatever you say.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Sheila
The scent of coffee stirs me awake and I stretch my legs in front of me. It takes me a moment before I come to my senses. Once I do, I realize the door to my room is open, and someone is clanging dishes around downstairs. I crawl out of bed quickly. He’s back. The thing is after almost two days of waiting, I’m not sure what to say. Obviously he knows I’m awake, he’s been in here. He hasn’t woken me up and kicked me out, so he’s clearly over his little tantrum. But he’s caught me off guard now. I’m not even sure how to approach him. After everything Dave said, I feel like an asshole. The way I got on his case about not paying the bills, how I accused him of using me. All the efforts I’ve put into proving I care have just blown up in my face.
He must hate me right now. He must feel completely betrayed. I need to put his mind at ease. I need him to know, once and for all, how I feel and figure out where we go from here. After talking to Luke, I’m more comfortable with the idea of being a mother to my niece and nephew and if Ross wants to be a part of their lives, there’s no way I’m going to stop him.
I linger in bed a little while longer, imagining a future I never considered before. Me, Ross and those kids. It seems crazy—the two of us settling down like that so soon, but why not? Shannon chose me and Ross chose them. At least he would have if everyone hadn’t been standing in his way. Maybe this is the way things were meant to be all along. Maybe we could do it together. I sit up, smoothing my hair into a ponytail, then swing my legs over the bed.
I’m going to tell him today. I’m going to get to what was interrupted the other night. I’m going to make things right.
I throw on a robe and make my way to the kitchen, stopping at the foot of the stairs. I glance in the foyer mirror, to check my reflection. Satisfied, I keep going. But when I get there, I freeze.
Alarm courses through me as I back up. “What do you think you’re doing?” I glance frantically around for something to defend myself with.
“Getting a cup of coffee,” the woman leaning over the counter responds. “Would you like one?”
“Get out,” I warn. “Or I’ll call the police.”
She smirks. “This is my house, sweetheart. If there’s anyone who should be calling the cops, it’s me. Not that they’d come.”
“You’re…”
“Elodie Black: Matriarch. No need to exchange pleasantries. I know exactly who you are.”
“Ellie,” I whisper. “I thought…”
“Been out of the slammer for six weeks now.”
I gaze back at her, recognition suddenly kicking in. “You were at the club that day. Outside on the sidewalk. I thought you weren’t from around here. You said—”
“You assumed. I let you. Didn’t want you to go blabbing to my son.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Visiting.”
“Ross isn’t home. And Luke’s—”
“In jail. I heard. Visited him the other day. I have to say I thought it’d be the other way around. Your boyfriend’s not as straight and narrow as you think.”
“What’s that supposed mean?”
“If you don’t know, you don’t want to. Trust me.”
The way she says it, the way she talks about him like he’s worthless, not her own flesh and blood, not her son, brings my conversation with Luke to the surface. And it makes my blood boil. She really doesn’t seem to give a damn.
Ellie frowns, then shakes her head. “No—I…that wasn’t what I meant.” She holds her head in the palm of her hand and takes a few breaths, letting them out with force. When she looks back up at me, it’s like she’s wearing a mask. The challenging gaze is replace by a softer one—almost as if she’s confused.
“Are you okay?” I don’t know why I care, especially after the things she just said. She’s proving to be just as awful as I always imagined.
“Just a little headache. It’ll pass.” She squeezes her eyes shut again and sucks in a sharp breath. “Eventually.”
“Why didn’t you tell him you got out?” I ask. She couldn’t have told him. Ross would have said something.
“Didn’t think he’d care. Haven’t seen either of my son’s in almost ten years. Their mother goes to jail and they never come to visit. Not that I can blame them.” She clucks her tongue, then takes a sip of her coffee before glancing around the room, pointedly. “At least the house is still standing.”
“Why are you here?”
“It’s time for you to go.” Her steady gaze is fixed on me and I shift on my feet.
“Excuse me?”
“You should pack your bags and leave.” There isn’t much emotion in her voice. It’s almost like she’s reading the words from a script someone wrote for her. But in another split second her expression morphs, her mouth curving slightly downward, her eyes dim. “I know what the world thinks of me. I feel it in the way they all look at me. I was a terrible mother. I cared more about making my husband happy than caring for my kids. I cared more about keeping him on a leash than being sure my boys had the things they needed.” She shakes her head, resting her coffee cup on the counter. “Not anymore. My son’s just like me,” she continues. “His brother, just like his father. Their father always had the best of intentions. Everything he did was for his family after all. But there came a point when we had enough and he still thought we needed more. A house, a restaurant, money. None of it was enough, he just kept going and going…until he landed himself in jail. Until he landed us both in jail.”
I’m gazing back at her unsure of where the conversation is going. Wishing she could get to the point. Her words don’t sit right with me. The fact that she’s here at all doesn’t seem right. But it isn’t that I�
�m afraid of her, I might even be a little bit enthralled. She’s Ross’s mother. I’ve only ever heard stories—and not even real stories, just quips about how she ruined their lives. So I just keep listening.
“I’d do anything for my family. And when I realized what my husband had done, the things he made Ross do, I wanted him put away. For life. I wanted him to pay.”
My heart skips a beat. “What did he make Ross do?”
“He’s like me, that one. He’d do anything. He’d lie, cheat, steal, just to make sure his family was okay. Which is why I know that unless he has a good enough reason to leave, he’ll stay right here in Lewiston and throw away the opportunity of a lifetime. Again.”
“What are you talking about? What opportunity?”
She picks up one of the bottles of rum off the counter, cracks it open and pours into her coffee. “Do you know what it’s like to walk down the streets and have the people you once called your friends, your neighbors, watch you with contempt? To cross to the other side, usher their children away. Or worse, regard you with indifference? All because you loved too much. You cared just a little bit too much for the wrong man.” She takes a swig from the bottle before capping it and resting it heavily on the counter. “I’ve seen you two together.” Her gray eyes find mine again. “You’re the kind of girl who could ruin that man.”
My body flashes hot, then cold. “I…” What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Picking up the coffee pot, she pours another cup and hands it to me. I reluctantly take it.
“I’m confused,” I say quietly and she smiles in response.
As tired as her eyes look, as gray-streaked and frazzled as her hair is, she’s still pretty. Probably stunning once upon a time. She raps long, natural fingernails across the counter, in an unnerving staccato. “I know.” She sips her coffee. “I almost don’t want to say this. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, the way you gaze back, like you’ll find the answers to everything in his eyes. But you won’t. Either will he.” She reaches a hand out to brush my shoulder. “You should be home with your family. Especially now. He should be free to live his life. Finally.”
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