She doesn’t say anything. All she does is smile.
“You’re okay with that?”
“Of course.” She cups my face with her hand. “You are such a good mother, you know that? I know all of this is still new. But, sweetie, you’re doing a phenomenal job. And with school and the new job. I’ve never been more proud.”
There’s no point in trying to stop the tears from spilling over. And when Mom pulls me in for a hug, rubbing and patting my back, I allow the silent sobs to over take me. It’s the one thing that hasn’t changed in my life. I’m still very sad most of the time. Only now I don’t bother to stifle it, or substitute it for anything else. I just let myself grief. I just let it all go.
Ross
“Mind if we make a stop?”
I glance over at my brother. I still can’t get over how much he’s changed. His shaggy hair completely buzzed off, the permanent furrow of his brow, and the way he stares absently through you instead of looking at you. And then there’s his size. I’ll never be able to tease him about being scrawny again.
“Sure, where to?”
Luke crosses bulging arms over his chest and stretches his legs in front of him. “Washington,” he grunts, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.
More of a road trip than a pit stop. But, shit. Why the hell didn’t I think of that?
“Oh, uh, yeah. Of course, bro. Maybe you want to stop by a flower shop first?”
“Sure.”
We drive in silence the entire way to the florist. Luke opts to stay in the car, while I head inside. After picking out the most elaborate wreath I can find, I tote it back outside and set it in the back seat.
Luke laughs when he sees it.
“What?” I ask.
“Over compensating much?”
I shrug. “Figured you’d want to make up for lost time.”
He nods, his expression going dark again. “You’re probably right.” He turns his head, jabbing me in the arm. “Speaking of lost time, how’s Sheila?”
I shrug. “Good. I talk to her once in a while. She came to visit me over the summer. Stayed for a weekend.” I grin. “It was a really good weekend.”
Luke chuckles. “So you two are still on?”
“As much as we can be. We talk on the phone, I come to town when I can.”
“You seeing her this time around?”
I shake my head. “Doubt it. It’s been a while since we’ve connected. Guess she’s busy with…life.”
Luke nods, turning his head to hide a smirk.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he says too quickly. “You ever come here before? Shannon’s grave?”
I shake my head. “Guess maybe I should have. Always felt kind of odd though. I didn’t know her all that well and during the time Sheila spent with me she wouldn’t set foot in a cemetery.”
I glance back out the windshield and my mood plummets. It was bad enough coming back home, knowing I’d have to deal with Mom at the house, but knowing I probably won’t see or hear from Sheila just makes it worse. It’s been two months and not a word. And I’m kicking myself for it, because I never said the words that matter. I never told her how I really felt. That I love her.
Luke leans back in his seat, closing his eyes and propping his feet up on the dash. We’ve barely said anything to each other since I picked him up at the jail three hours ago. Which is ironic, because when he was behind bars, there was always something I couldn’t wait to tell or ask him. Now that he’s right here in living color, I’ve got nothing to say.
By the time we arrive at our destination, I’ve almost suffocated in the silence. We get out of the car, but as I move to follow him, he stops me.
“Think I can find a gravestone on my own, bro. Besides, this isn’t exactly a sharing moment.”
I nod. “Okay. Just—I’ll be in the car.”
I watch him make his way across the little cemetery, pausing in front of each marker until he finally comes to a full stop. He crouches down, propping the wreath up against the stone, then splays his hand across the front of it. All I can do is stare, wishing I could go over there and comfort him. Say anything to make him smile like he used to. But if I didn’t know it before, I know it now, my brother no longer needs me. In fact, I’m pretty sure he could teach me a thing or two at this point. I drop my gaze, the emotions I’ve been pushing away for the past several months coming back in a rush.
There’s a tap on the window and I look up, ready to let my brother back inside. “That was quick, I…” But it isn’t Luke on the other side of the glass. It’s Sheila.
I swing open the door and she hops in, closing the cold November air behind her.
“Hey,” she smiles, then leans over to peck me on the cheek.
I can’t even speak, I’m so shocked.
“Luke called,” she explains. “I told him the second he got out to let me know, that I’d bring Ray to see him.” She nods toward the graveyard and I regard my brother, crouched in front of kid no bigger than a shrub. He’s bundled up in green full-bodied snow suit, scarf and toque, looking like he’ll topple over any second. “I didn’t know you were in town,” she continues.
“I just picked him up. From the jail.”
“You didn’t call.”
“I didn’t think…”
“What?” Her fingers entwine with mine and she squeezes my hand. “That I’d want to see you? Are you kidding?”
I clear my throat, unable to look anywhere but her pretty face. “How are you?”
“Better now. And you?”
“Not bad. Can’t complain.” I squeeze her hand back. “Well, except for this one thing. I met this girl a while back. I used to kick her ass at Crazy Eights once in a while.” She laughs. “We were friends first, then we got closer. Then we were more than friends and I fell pretty hard. But we had to part ways. Life duties and all.” Sheila nods. “I haven’t heard from her in a while. Nine weeks to be exact.”
“I’m sure she had a good reason,” she says with a casual shrug.
“That’s what I keep telling myself.” I take her other hand and tug her a little closer. “Thing is I never really told her how I felt. I think she knows, but you can’t ever be sure, you know?”
“How do you feel?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her.”
She smiles then slightly shakes her head. “I don’t want you to wait for me, Ross. It wouldn’t be right.”
“It wouldn’t be wrong either.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch. I’ve just been thinking. My life is complicated, but yours doesn’t have to be. Don’t you want to settle down, raise a family? You’re not getting any younger.” She winks.
I catch a lock of her hair between my fingers. “Been there, done that.”
“That’s different,” she says quietly. “Luke was almost fully grown when you started looking out for him. Don’t you want love? Marriage? Babies?”
“Do you?”
“I think I’m at capacity in the baby department. But we’re not talking about me.”
I cup her face between my hands and brush my lips across hers. “That’s the thing. When we’re talking about me, you’re never too far from the conversation.”
“Ross, I just don’t want you to—”
I stop her with kiss. And I don’t hold back. I want her to remember it, to taste it on the tip of her tongue every day until the day we find ourselves right back here. And we will, I know we will.
“I love you,” I say, my lips still bumping against hers. I kiss her again, then pull back, looking into her eyes. “Now’s not the right time. But someday it will be. This isn’t over, Blue. Not by a long shot.”
Luke Black picks up the pieces in Black Rose, coming June 2014!
Acknowledgements
Writing a book is like raising a child. There are rarely times you can do it without help, and when you don’t have the help you often wish you did. These books are my babies (no offense
to my real babies!). Every word and every experience is as personal as if I were there myself. And none of them would be able to be shared with readers if it weren’t for the following people:
Tirzah Price. It’s no secret I won’t publish a book without her looking at it first. This one especially. This girl kicked my ass when it came to edits and I’m so glad she did! She helped me bring out parts of the characters I couldn’t connect with before. She helped me turn a book I considered “meh” to a story that I now love. Thank you, girly :)
Debra @ Book Enthusiast Promotions. Thank you so much for all your hard work putting together the cover reveal and the tour! I can’t wait to work with you again :)
All the bloggers who participated in the Cover Reveal and Blog Tour, thank you for taking the time to help me promote my book! I’d especially like to thank Leah @ New Adult Addiction, Mary @ Salon Reads and Ria @ A Bookish Escape for their overwhelming support with the first book. I truly felt special after reading your words and connecting with you. Responses like that from readers are what authors dream of!
To Jennifer Fischetto for being that listening ear. I know I can always count on you for a good conversation and stellar advice!
And to all the readers who trucked along despite the not so happy ending in the first book. Thank you for trusting me and for taking the time to read something new. It only gets happier from here on out ;)
At last but NEVER EVER least. Thank you to my real babies for supporting me in my everyday life as Mom, Breadwinner and wannabe Rockstar Writer. Without your encouragement and understanding this would never be.
About the Author
F.X. Scully loves romance, but she doesn't write your typical Happily Ever After. Because let's face it, in the real world, it can sometimes take a lot of angst and pain before you get there. And some of us never do. But since most of us pick up books to escape the real world, her stories don't lack hot boyfriends and sexy encounters. Neither will she leave you completely heart broken, sobbing into a tub of ice cream. Rest assured you'll be on a roller coaster, but you'll be glad you went along for the ride.
F.X. is the author of TWO THOUSAND 3 (November 2013), BECAUSE OF LUKE (February 2014), BLACKOUT (April 2014) and BLACK ROSE (June 30).
More Books by F.X. Scully
Because of Luke
(Book One of the Lewiston Blues/Black Family Saga)
Music, love and sibling rivalry...all Because of Luke.
Three years ago, Shannon was a wild child. Parties, boys. You name it, she did it. But she's changed and the only way to truly turn things around is to finish college and hop on a plane to...anywhere else. Until an unexpected encounter throws her off track.
Sheila's always covered for her big sister. Now it's her turn. But her rebellious plans don't include small-town fun. She's got her eye on something better: a group of budding rock stars and a summer-long tour.
In the middle of the sisters lands Luke, a determined college student who's pretty sure he just met his soulmate. But loyalty to his big brother means leaving her behind to go on a three-month tour with his band. Desperate to get over the girl, he soon becomes entranced with the groupie who's come along for the ride only to find he'll have to make a tough choice--and not without breaking some hearts along the way.
Two Thousand 3: a comatose memoir
AN AMAZON BEST SELLER IN HUMOROUS EROTICA!
"Christmas Carol in a Chick Lit"
"..a great and unique read...!"
"A quick and easy read that will keep you engaged the whole way through!"
If you could do it all again: What would you change? Who would you choose?
Reese Clarke is sports agent extraordinaire. With an impressive client list, she's on the fast track to becoming partner at her Seattle-based agency and is engaged to the first-round draft pick, and the agency's bread and butter, Neil Baxter.
Then everything comes crashing down.
Neil cheats on her.
She has a bitter reunion with a sexy ex.
And she gets hit by a car
All in the same damn day.
When she wakes up, twelve years in the past, she doesn't know how she got there, or how to get out. Confusion grows to pleasure, then quickly spirals to anger as Reese struggles to find her way back home. All the while being forced to relive her greatest love affairs--one ex at a time. But older and wiser Reese soon realizes she's been given a break. A chance to do things differently this time around.
An opportunity to track down the one who got away.
Join Reese on her journey down memory lane in this steamy fictional memoir that will make you question what you might change about your love life, if you had the chance.
Join the Scully Street Team!
Did you enjoy this book? Are you itching to spread the word? Are you looking forward to more from F.X. Scully?
Join the Scully Street Team for exclusive access to ARCs, member giveaways, first look at covers and word about new releases. Add your name to the mailing list today. Just email [email protected] and place “Scully Street Team” in the subject line.
Blackout (Lewiston Blues Series/Black Family Saga Book 2) Page 27