Now Until Forever

by Karen White-Owens

  “Well, there’s no point in me lying. I heard you talking to Adam.”

  Embarrassed, Ryan swiveled the chair away from Glo and faced the wall. Generally, people who eavesdropped pretended they didn’t know the details of the conversation they overheard. Peeved, Ryan glared at Glo, saying, “Who told you about us?”

  “Nobody. I listened at the door.” Without a speck of remorse, Glo added, “What happened?”

  Ryan waved away the question and said, “Nothing.” For a beat she sat silently, and then she said, “Something.” She wondered what was inciting her to confess all of this to Glo, a woman who had treated her cruelly. Maybe she needed to tell someone, and Glo was in the right place at the right time. Whatever the reason, Ryan started to talk. “There was a big upset at a baseball game, and Adam got into trouble. I found out later that it was over something the other kids said about me. Adam and Emily are great kids. I don’t want to see them caught in the middle of a lot of adult crap.”

  “What about Keir?”

  “What about him?”

  “Oh, come on, Ryan. He’s done everything within his power to make you happy. I can’t believe he’d let you walk away that easily.”

  An overwhelming sense of sadness and loss washed over Ryan. She wanted to cry her heart out for all that she’d never have again. But she refused to shed a tear in front of her boss.

  Ryan loved Keir so much. This was the second time she’d lost someone she truly loved. It didn’t get any easier. Actually, she felt as if she’d left her heart at Keir’s house. God! She rolled her eyes. That line sounded like dialogue from a soap opera.

  “Your concern for Keir’s children is commendable,” said Glo. She stood and approached Ryan’s desk, perching on the edge.

  “I’m not doing this for brownie points.” Ryan’s voice trembled. “This is damn hard.”

  Glo ran her manicured fingers through her hair, fluffing the blond locks. “I’m sure it is.”

  An uneasy silence followed. Wallowing in her own misery, Ryan ignored the older woman.

  “Honestly, I’m seeing you in a different way,” Glo stated.

  “How so?” Ryan inquired. Maybe focusing on something besides her own problems would make her feel better.

  “Over the last couple of months, I’ve accused you of a lot of things. For lack of a better term, I thought you were a gold digger. Within months of getting this job, you started dating the head of the studio. In my gut, I believed you were using Keir to further your career. And then Keir began to make changes on the set to accommodate you. That burned my ass.” Glo hissed between clenched teeth.

  Yeah, Ryan remembered all of that and more. Plus, how difficult it had been to work with Glo.

  “But that was only one of my issues,” Glo admitted softly. “Your presence threatened me. You did excellent work, and people liked you. I got really worried about my position.”

  Shaking her head, Ryan said, spacing the words evenly, “I don’t want your job. I like what I do. It’s satisfies my creative nature, and I can leave the rest of the studio crap to you.”

  “Thanks. I think.” Glo’s hand dropped to her side. Her tongue ran across her red painted lips. “I’m beginning to believe I might have misjudged you.”

  Ryan snorted. “What brought you to that decision?”

  “Your eyes are full of pain. And nobody in this business puts anyone ahead of their own needs.”

  Embarrassed, Ryan turned away. She didn’t want Glo’s sympathy. What happened between her and Keir was their business, and she could handle the fallout.

  “You love Keir. Don’t you?” asked Glo.

  Instead of a question, Glo had stated a fact. The lightbulb had finally switched on.

  “Yes.”

  “I would suggest you take a minute and think long and hard about your decision to split with him.”

  “I can’t let his kids take the hits for what we’ve done. Adam was protecting me. He shouldn’t be doing that. Emily and Adam deserve to be happy, to have a safe and comfortable childhood. Every child deserves that.”

  “You’re right. They do.”

  “They’ve already been through enough. Their parents are divorced, and now they’re shuttled from house to house. I won’t add more problems to their young lives.”

  “What about you?” Glo’s voice had an infinitely compassionate tone.

  Frowning, Ryan answered, “I don’t understand.”

  “You’ve suffered, too. Your husband died in a tragic and totally unnecessary accident.” Glo stood, with her hands on her hips. “What do you deserve? Haven’t you earned a shot at happiness?”

  “I can’t put myself before Keir’s children. That wouldn’t be right.”

  “Where did you get that idea?”

  “My mother. And she backed up those words with action.”

  Glo folded her arms across her chest. “Maybe your mother did. But, this is your life. You don’t have any kids.”

  “Keir does.”

  “You don’t have to sacrifice your life. I assume your mother was talking about your family.”

  “Of course,” Ryan responded cautiously, uncertain where Glo was headed with this train of thought.

  “You don’t owe Keir’s children anything.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “I don’t believe that. Think back. Did your mother save your family or every child in the neighborhood?”

  “My family.”

  “Exactly. Here’s my take on the situation. In theory, your mother’s right. Children should always come first. But, we’re talking about your future with a man you love. I don’t think your mother would have approved of the way you’ve handle this thing with Keir. Above all else, I’m sure she wanted you to be happy.” Stopping in front of the younger woman, Glo continued, “Here’s the big question. What do you really want, Ryan?”

  “Keir,” Ryan said confidently.

  “Then go for it.”

  “How can I? I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

  “What you’re doing now is hurting everyone. You, Keir, and his kids. It’s time to put an end to it.”

  Shaking her head, Ryan admitted, “I don’t know.”

  “Well, I do,” Glo stated. “Have you considered how being with Keir enhances the kids’ and your lives? All of your experiences with your mother are things you can pass on to Adam and Emily. Leaving them is not the only way you can make them happy. Matter of fact, Adam sounded pretty upset.”

  Ryan studied her boss, dissecting her comments. Glo was making sense.

  “Keir has always been one of my favorite people to work for,” Glo continued. “And because I’ve been with him so long, I worry about him. Even though he’s this tough businessman, he’s a good guy at heart.” Glo moved around the small space, pacing their cubbyhole. “I felt as if you were coming between us. I also suspected, eventually you’d hurt him.”

  “I just wanted to do my job. Meeting Keir was not on my agenda. But I did. And I’m glad I did. Keir refused to let me ignore him.”

  “I can see that now,” Glo admitted.

  Ryan studied the older woman, with sadness in her heart. “It’s done now. Let it go.”

  “No. I don’t think I will. I need to say this. Because I care so much for Keir, I was very protective of him. The breakup of his marriage devastated him. He’d been through so much. I didn’t want to see him hurt a second time. After that one chick lost her mind, I felt compelled to protect him from predators. You were new here, and Keir tried to hide the gleam of admiration in his eyes but failed miserably. I can see that he loves you. What are you going to do about it?”

  “I’m going to figure out a way to get him back.”

  “Now you’re talking.” Glo gave Ryan’s shoulder a quick pat of approval.

  Chapter 34

  With her feet tucked under her body, Ryan lounged on the sofa, with the remote in one hand, waiting for American Idol to come on. After a dinner consisting of a Wendy’s chicken salad and a
small Frosty, she needed a little time to wind down and relax.

  The day’s events had been brutal. Adam’s visit and Glo’s about face had amazed and shocked Ryan. Glo’s questions remained in the forefront of her thoughts, swirling around as she searched for the right answers.

  What if she’d made her decision too hastily? Had she thrown away the best thing to happen to her since Galen died?

  Groaning, Ryan dismissed all thoughts of Keir and his children. Instead, she channel surfed, looking for something to occupy her troubled mind and give her brain five minutes of peace.

  She switched to the Fox network. American Idol flashed on the screen, and she sat up straighter, giving all of her attention to her favorite program.

  Twenty minutes later, she hit the mute button and tossed the remote on the coffee table. Tonight, neither the show nor its contestants held her attention. Simon’s comments had seemed snippy rather then humorous.

  Ryan stretched out on the sofa and shut her eyes, debating whether she wanted to call it a night and go to bed. The doorbell rang throughout the house.

  Frowning, she opened her eyes. Her feet hit the floor, and she stood. Who in the heck would drop by without calling first on a work night? Ryan strolled to the front door and called, “Who is it?”

  “Keir.”

  Her whole body started to shake, and her knees refused to support her. She leaned against the wall. Ohmigod! Keir was the last person she expected to drop by tonight or any other night. What did he want? “Just a moment.”

  Ryan glanced down at her ratty sweats and shrugged. At this point there wasn’t much she could do about her wardrobe choice. But Ryan took a second to smooth her hair into place with her hands.

  As she unlocked the door, she chanted silently, stay calm; be pleasant. Keir probably wanted to thank her for bringing Adam to his office. The little voice in her head warned her against expecting anything more. Yeah. That’s why he’d taken the time to stop by, to talk about Adam.

  She flung open the door and hungrily ate him up with her eyes. He looked handsome, dressed in a khaki sweatshirt and denims. White sneakers peeked from under his jeans. At that moment she realized how much she missed him. Although Ryan had told Glo she would find a way to get him back, she hadn’t formulated a plan yet.

  After a moment Ryan shook herself, realizing Keir still stood on her doorstep, waiting for an invitation. Feeling foolish, she played with the neck of her top. “Hi,” she said.

  “Hey,” Keir muttered back. “I know it’s a little late, but can I come in? I need to talk with you.”

  “Sure.” She stepped away from the door and ushered him inside the house.

  “Thanks.” Keir followed her through the hallway and into the living room. He sank into the chair next to the sofa. Ryan returned to her position on the sofa, patting her hands on her thighs as she waited for Keir to say something.

  Keir studied the muted television screen for a moment. “American Idol?”

  Ryan nodded. “It’s not holding my attention tonight.”

  “I understand. I have days like that.”

  The silence that followed quickly got on Ryan’s nerves, and she found she couldn’t keep still. “Is Adam okay?”

  He nodded. “Properly chastised by me and his mother.”

  “Good.” She chuckled nervously as she straightened her top. “Finding him in my office shocked me.”

  “I can understand that. Finding you and him outside my door threw me for a loop,” he replied. “Thanks for bringing Adam back to me. I appreciate that.”

  “Of course, I brought him to you. That’s where he belonged. How did the princess take the incident?”

  Smiling, he answered, “Well, you know Emily. She trailed after him, giving Adam plenty of grief. The only thing that saved him was the no entry without permission rule Shannon imposed on each kid’s bedroom.”

  Ryan laughed. “Adam should go ahead and let Emily have her say. She’ll save it up for later, and he’ll still have to listen.”

  “That’s for sure.”

  They laughed together. The sound filled the room with warmth but quickly died to a second awkward silence.

  Ryan reached for the remote and pumped up the volume on the television. For the next ten minutes, they sat watching American Idol. Although the contestants were talented, her mind refused to stay focused on the show. She found herself enjoying the tantalizing fragrance of Keir’s cologne and the way his sweatshirt hinted at his broad shoulders and tight muscles.

  Finally, at the commercial break, Keir came to a decision. He rose from the chair and moved around the coffee table, dropping into the empty place next to her, and took the remote from her hand.

  Nervously clearing his throat, Keir said, “Adam and I talked for a while after you left. My son is very perceptive, and he gave me some interesting information.” Keir chuckled a bit and then continued. “The boy took me down a peg or two or three or four.”

  Ryan shifted on the sofa, tucking her feet under her and facing Keir. “What did he say?”

  “He reminded me of something I’ve been preaching to him.” He reached over and took her hand. Ryan let out a soft gasp as her heart rate instantly accelerated. “Before the school year ended, we made a pact. If Adam agreed to go to the summer school enrichment program, I’d work with him on his baseball game so that he could try out for the team. We practiced a couple days a week, and he did his best in summer school. Adam worked really hard in school and on the baseball field, and his hard work paid off with a position on the team and improvement in his math scores.”

  Nodding, Ryan waited for the meat of the story. She didn’t know where Keir planned to go with this, but she let him continue without interruption.

  “Today, after our talk about his unauthorized escape from summer school, he asked me some direct questions that made me take a closer look at myself.”

  “Like what?” she asked softly.

  Eyes focused on her, Keir whispered, “Did I love you? Why had I let you go without a fight?”

  Ryan’s mouth went dry, and her heart raced like an overheating engine. Her eyes remained glued on Keir’s face. “Why did you?”

  “I told him that I didn’t have a choice.” Keir lowered his lids over his eyes. “You wanted to leave me. That wasn’t completely true. In my arrogance, I believed all you needed was a little time, and then you’d come back to me.”

  Voice quivering, Ryan asked, “And now?”

  “I’m the one coming back to you. I need you in my life. I’m here to persuade you to come back to me, to us. Be part of the family that we’ve created.”

  Keir had offered her an opportunity to correct her previous mistake. This second chance wouldn’t slip through her fingers.

  “Adam asked me why I didn’t go after you,” Keir continued. He focused on their linked hands. “Try to talk to you and make you understand. Then he reminded me of something I’ve been saying to him all summer.”

  “What was that?”

  Keir lifted his head. Ryan saw the pain their separation had caused. Her heart went out to him. She fought the urge to draw him into her arms.

  Keir lingered over her hand, kissing the palm. “Anything worth having is worth fighting for.”

  “Am I?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Ryan stretched out a hand and cupped the side of his face. She’d missed him so much. Hunger flared intense and all-consuming. An answering need started in the pit of her belly and surged through her blood.

  “We’ve got to talk about my kids,” said Keir.

  She nodded.

  “Mrs. Mitchell, you are dead wrong if you believe leaving them was the right thing to do. We’re a family. Adam’s and Emily’s lives are intertwined with yours. They miss you and need your reassuring presence and love as much as they need mine and their mother’s. We all need you. You make us whole.”

  Ryan shut her eyes, seeing Adam’s troubled face. She heard his voice quiver as he apologized for so
mething that wasn’t his fault.

  “You can’t control what other people think or do,” Keir continued. “Our job is to provide a secure, loving environment where our kids will feel safe. I want us to have a place where they feel comfortable enough to tell us anything. As long as we communicate, we can work out any problem.”

  Amazed, Ryan studied the man sitting next to her. Glo was right. Ryan didn’t have to give up everything to care for the kids.

  “There will always be Malcolms and Lakeishas,” Keir added. “They always have something to say. But, that type of scum only gains power when we let their comments take on meaning. If we stick together, keep them out of our lives, we’ll be fine. Actually, we’ll be more than fine.”

  Keir cleared his throat, then continued. “Here’s the deal. I love you, and I want you in my life. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get you back. Tell me what you want.”

  “You.”

  A deep growl of satisfaction rose from Keir’s throat. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”

  Carpe Diem. Seize the day. She didn’t plan to mess up again.

  “I love you, Ryan.”

  “Keir, I love you.”

  Grinning broadly, Keir admitted, “That’s what I needed to hear. I want us to be together. Not just today or tomorrow. For the rest of our lives. We can make things work between us. Are you willing to take the leap of faith with me?”

  “I think so.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “No thinking. I want you to be sure, be positive. We’re not going back down this road again.”

  “Yes. I’m willing to take the risk.”

  “All right. Now we’re getting somewhere.” Keir slipped off the sofa and got down on one knee and reached inside his pant pocket and removed a velvet ring box. He opened the box. “Ryan Angelique Mitchell, will you marry me?”

  Gasping softly, she touched the white-gold band with a single pear-shaped diamond. With tears falling down her cheeks, Ryan threw her arms around Keir, holding him close, kissing him with all the love in her heart.

  “Absolutely!”

  Breaking the kiss, Ryan muttered the word again against his lips, “Absolutely.”

  Keir held her away from him by her shoulders. “Is that a yes?” he asked.