“Tessa?” Hearing her name roll off my lips seems foreign. Other than that one time I had mentioned my feelings I had for her to Sin, I haven’t spoken her name in seven years. I think the last time I said it, I was sitting next to her hospital bed, begging for her to wake up. I didn’t know that visit would be the last time I would see her.
Until now.
I try to regain my composure as I stand from my chair. Her eyes blink in rapid flutters like she’s trying to determine if I’m real or not. Without another thought, I move my ass and haul my girl into my arms. As soon as I feel my fingers weave through her hair, I’m fucking home.
“Fuck I missed you,” I say more for myself than for her.
When I don’t feel her wrap her arms around me in return, I know something isn’t right. Pulling back, she has a look of pure terror on her face. The pinkness of her cheeks is gone, and it looks as though she’s finding it hard to breathe. She retreats from my arms and takes a step back.
“Tessa? Hey…” When I step forward, she throws up her arms to stop me from coming any closer. What the fuck? Why the hell is she frightened of me?
She drops her hands when she’s confident that I’m not moving then she gets me a closed-lip smile, one that I don’t recognize. “Hi, Hawk.” The sound of her voice makes my stomach drop. There were so many things that I loved about Tessa Reese when we were younger, number one being her fucking voice…
“Don’t be a pansy ass, Hawk.” Sin picks up a rock from the empty lot and chucks it at my head, barely grazing my hat.
“Why the hell would I be a pansy ass? It’s called supporting friends. Besides, Sienna asked me to go with her. You think your dad is going to allow her to go without you or your brother? I mean, if you’re mad because Sienna asked me to go and not you, be my guest. Take your sister.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “Yeah, you’re funny. There’s no way I’d be caught dead in a place like that.”
“What place?”
Looking up I see Cut and Lick walking through the lot that runs between the clubhouse and the new shop that the MC has started to build.
“This motherfucker wants to go to a pansy ass choir competition,” Matthew says between laughter, sighing as he tries to catch his breath.
“I didn’t say I wanted to go. I said that Sienna asked me to go with her.”
“Why the hell would you tell her you’d go?” Lick asks.
“Fuck. Never mind. I thought I would take one for the team because we all know that Devin isn’t going to allow Sienna to go alone. I didn’t know Sin would make such a big deal about me going and not him.”
“Hell, I’d rather him go. I know Dad will make me go if no one else does,” Cut says.
“What’s all the fuss about?” Sienna asks as she comes walking up.
“Hawk wants to go watch Tessa sing tonight,” Sin tells her.
“Yeah, and why aren’t you going too? Aren’t you guys friends?” Sienna crosses her arms over her chest and gives her brother the death stare. When he doesn’t answer, she rolls her eyes and clears her throat. “I’m waiting, Matthew.”
“Shit Sienna, friend or not, there’s no way I’m sitting through that shit. You two go. Keep me out of it.” He throws his hand in the air before walking back towards his house.
“You don’t have to go, Hawk. I can ask one of the other guys. If no one wants to go, I’m sure my dad will make it happen.”
“No, it’s cool.”
“Jesus, kid. When the hell are you going to grow some balls?” Lick smacks me on the shoulder as him and Cut follow Sin back to the house.
They can make fun of me all they want, but there’s no way I’m missing the chance to hear her sing.
There are two times in my life when I remember crying. The first time was when I was six years old, and my father told me that my mother was never coming back. The second time was when I was fifteen, sitting in the auditorium and listening to Tessa. I thought hearing her laugh was my favorite sound. I was wrong.
It was her singing.
Tessa
“I’m going to leave you to it,” Martha says from behind me. She pats my shoulder, leaving us in the room with the click of the door.
Hawk drops his head and shoves his hands in his pockets. I stand still with my arms wrapped around me hoping like hell they’ll be able to protect me from whatever Hawk may throw at me. I’m sure he has questions, and he’s going to want answers. Answers that I’m not ready to give. Martha was right. Even though Hawk will always be more of an angel to me, a friend, it’s certain that him being here will only allow the demons that I’ve kept locked away to return.
The leather of his cut does nothing to hide the build of his body. His chest and arms are fuller than I remember. He only had one tattoo on the underside of his bicep, but now his other arm is covered in a full sleeve. If I were stronger, I’d take a step and run my fingers along the intricate designs. I still remember the way his skin felt under my touch. The way his skin would pebble with goosebumps as I ran my nails along the muscles of his chest. I’d ask him why he got each one, what does each of them mean. But I’m not that strong, so I’ll keep my distance.
Hawk looks lift his head slightly, bring his eyes up the rest of the way. A smile tugs at his lips, and I wish I could return one. I want to be happy to see him, but right now the only emotion that’s flowing through my body right now is fear.
“Wow. You look… You look good, Tessa. Beautiful, really.”
I close my eyes in protest. Beautiful. A word I’ve heard used several times to describe me, but it never meant anything. It never did really, unless it was being said by him. The joys of a childhood crush.
Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes seeing that his stance as change. He’s now standing at his full height, slightly taller than my own. His arms are crossed over his broad chest, mirroring my own posture. I know he’s waiting. I let out a forced laugh. “Not sure if I should believe you since I’m the definition of bone tired right now.”
I lift my hand to the messy knot on my head, fingering the hairs that are sticking out, this way and that. “My hair’s a mess.” I look down, taking in my uniform. “See my knees? Those smudges,” I point down, “are because every day I’m cleaning at least five wads of gum off the floors because people have no regard. Yep, I’m sure I look incredibly beautiful.”
He drops his arms, hooking his thumbs into the edge of his pockets. “Where have you been?”
“Here. I’ve been here.”
He takes a step towards me, but then he sees my shoulders draw up, he stops his movement and retreats back. He blows out a frustrated breath. “Why did you leave?” I shake my head, not wanting to say. “Seven years, Tessa.”
“I know how long, Hawk,” I snap. He doesn’t say anything, but his stare is unnerving. “I did what I had to do.”
“You thought you had to leave?”
“I knew I had to leave.”
“Why–”
When moaning starts coming from Rose, Hawk turns around and walks back to his mother. I use this time to make my exit. I wasn’t wrong for calling Bianca, but I was wrong for not telling her or Martha that I didn’t want to see him. Gripping the metal of the handle in my hand, I pull on it slowing, trying not to make a noise.
“Tessa?”
My shoulders tense at the sound of his voice. I look over my shoulder.
“Thank you for making the call.”
I nod without saying another word.
As soon as I reach the nurses’ station, I check the clock on the wall. Shit, I’m ten minutes late to pick up Sam.
“That didn’t last long,” Martha says as she enters the station, dropping a couple of files on the desk.
“How could you do that to me?” I hiss.
“Don’t take that tone with me, baby girl.”
“I wasn’t prepared for that.”
“We never are prepared for situations like that, now are we?” She pulls out the netted cha
ir from the desk and sits down. “You knew. You knew what you were doing when you made that phone call.”
“I was helping out an old friend.”
She raises her eyebrow and presses her lips together. “Are you sure about that? Because from what you’ve told me about Hawking and his mother, that wasn’t a reunion that needed to happen.”
I throw my hands up in the air, which only makes her laugh in return. “I don’t have time for this. I need to get Sam.”
“Give that boy a hug from his aunt Martha, baby.”
I don’t respond. I keep going, walking down the halls, past patients’ rooms, past Rose’s room, the need to stop and see him one more time is substantial, but I can’t. I can’t go there. I can’t bring my past into my present.
I’m just not strong enough.
Hawk
I don’t remember Tessa being that infuriating. I also don’t remember her being that skittish. That’s because she wasn’t. Not with me. Not with anyone.
The way she recoiled from my touch was like a fucking knife through the heart. She had to have known that I would come when she called Bianca. It shouldn’t have been a surprise for me to be here, but when that nurse brought her in, and she saw it was me, it was like she saw a fucking ghost. No, scratch that, it was like she was reliving a fucking nightmare.
Seven fucking years and not a word from her.
It took everything I had not to grab her and hold her until the old Tessa came back to me because I’m damn sure the woman standing in this room only moments ago is not the same Tessa I grew up with. Did the attack change her that much? Who the hell knows if that’s the only issue? It’s been seven fucking years. Anything could have happened in that time. Just because my life hasn’t changed much doesn’t mean that hers hasn’t.
I rub my hand down my face out of frustration, growling. “Fucking shit.” It took everything I had to turn my back on her and see what was happening with Rose. The look on Tessa’s face, how she snapped at me, I knew she was only seconds away from bolting, so I gave her the easy out. Something I don’t plan to make a habit of.
My body jerks awake when the door opens, casting a sliver of light to shine in my eyes. Blinking, I watch as the nurse from before enters the room. “I figured it would take you more time to run that girl from this building. I underestimated you.”
I lean back in the chair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She gives me a small laugh shaking her head as she comes further into the room. “Sure, you don’t. Tessa has worked here going on four years now. I’ve been close to her going on the same amount of time. I know who you are, Hawk. I know a lot. Tessa, she’s been through a world of hurt.”
She looks out the window, I can tell her mind starts to drift. I want to ask her what she’s thinking about but I know she won’t tell me, especially if her thoughts have to do with Tessa. This lady gives off the same vibe Bianca does, protective, and there’s no way she’s going to tell me anything I want to know.
She grunts and turns to look at me. “People tend to have skeletons in their closets. Things they’re ashamed of. Things they have a hard time letting go of.”
“No disrespect, ma’am, but I’ve known Tessa my entire life. I think I know what she keeps in her closet.”
“Boy, just because you know what’s between her legs doesn’t mean you know what she keeps hidden, and let me tell you, it ain’t pretty.”
I have no idea what to make of that statement, but it doesn’t help the urge to leave this room and charge the halls looking for Tessa so she can give me those answers.
She walks around to the opposite side of the bed, smoothing out Rose’s hair and flipping the covers back to check on her catheter bag. “It took courage for her to make that phone call. To get word that she knows where your mama is. She ain’t hiding anymore because of that.”
“There wasn’t any reason for her to hide in the first place.”
“Oh, sweet boy, that’s where you’re wrong.”
My patience is getting weak. She’s talking in circles, and that’s something I’m not used to dealing with. “Then tell me,” I whisper harshly.
“That’s not going to happen. Not my story to tell.”
“Then why even hint that there’s something there if you aren’t going to tell me?”
She laughs again. “Because, Hawking, from what I know of you, you need the hints. From what I’ve heard, something can be right there under your nose, and you wouldn’t see it. I’m telling you, boy, so you can open your eyes and see.”
She picks up my mother’s chart, scribbles down a few things and walks out of the room. Without another thought, I bolt from my chair and follow her.
“Where can I find her?”
When she turns around, she’s smiling. “Now that, my boy, I can tell you.”
Tessa
Thursdays are always busy for a weeknight. It might be the two for one that we offer or the fact that people want to celebrate that it’s Friday eve. Either way, tips are always great, and the extra money that I make during this shift helps out with the things that we need that go above our household bills.
“A guy is asking about you,” Pam, one of the waitresses, tells me when she comes up to grab her drink order.
“Oh yeah?” I ask as I shake one of the mix drinks that are on her ticket. It’s not new to have guys ask about me. At first, it was hard, knowing that I was being looked at. When I first started, I was serving tables, but after the second time I had a customer grab me, and I completely shut down, Croy and Shae knew that they needed to change it up. Since then I’ve been behind the bar where it’s safe.
My mind flicks to Hawk from earlier today. The way he looked at me when I pulled from his grasp. How broken up he sounded when I teased up in his arms.
“Tessa? You okay?”
My eyes meet Pam’s. “Yeah, why?” She points to the drink that I’m still shaking. I give her a smile. “Oops, sorry.” I open the shaker, pouring the blue liquid into the sugar-rimmed glass.
“Anyway, what do you want me to do about that guy over there?” She twists her body towards where the guy must be. My gaze follows where I think she’s looking and my stomach drops.
Phil Jansen.
He’s staring at me. He brings his beer into the air as he gives me a wink, and an uneasy feeling crawls across my skin. Anxiety rolls through my body. I need to leave. My throat goes dry as I feel my heart pulsing in my neck. My eyes dart around the bar, looking for Croy. He’s not on the floor. He must be in the office.
“Tessa?”
I pull my gaze from Phil and back to Pam. Her voice sounds miles away. My mind is foggy, I can’t think clear thoughts.
I’m stronger than this.
Blinking my eyes, I take a few deep breaths, slowing my heart rate. One, two, three, I count to myself. Another breath, one, two three. I feel my mind start to clear. The panicky feeling weakens. I lick my lips, clearing my throat.
“Sorry about that.” I shake my head, “A lot on my mind.”
Her eyes search mine, and her brows furrow. “You sure it’s nothing more?”
“Yeah, sorry. He knows I don’t date. There’s nothing more to say to him.”
“All right, sure.”
She takes the drinks from the bar and places them on her tray. When she turns her back, my gaze sweeps the room. The dance floor is packed. Multi-colored lights flicker along the dancing bodies. Couples stand close to each while they talk to others near the brick pillars. The tables to the far right are packed with people eating, drinking and laughing. As I continue to scan the area, I pass Phil who is still watching me. I make sure I don’t react. I don’t want him to know that he’s getting to me.
“Hey, T. You good?” Croy comes up behind me as I’m cracking caps from the bottles of beer.
“Yeah, why do you ask?” It’s been two hours since Pam came up to me and she hasn’t said anything more about it. He’s still there, though, sitting in the corne
r.
“Just checking. It’s been hella busy tonight, and you’ve been slammed.”
I bend over, grabbing another bottle from the trough of ice. “Yeah, well, it would be nice if you were back here helping.”
He laughs. “I know you got this.” He passes me, ripping a ticket from the food server. “I’ll go see if this is ready in the back and take it out to the table. I think Julie’s swapped with the extended happy hour eats tonight.”
She’s packed every Thursday night with the happy hour eats. It’s nothing new. But hey, it’s not my business, so it’s not my place to say that maybe we should have another body or two on staff tonight.
“You do what you need to do,” I say as I pull the handle on the draft beer. “Like you said, I got this.” I cut him a glare, and all he does is throw his head back and laugh before he ducks under the bar and head towards the kitchen.
“Tessa?” My heart drops at his voice. I finish topping a drink with a couple of cherries before I address Phil. He’s sitting in the only vacant seat at the bar.
I force a smile. “Hey, Phil.”
“Busy night.”
“It always is.” I give him another forced smile, and then I keep myself busy, filling drinks as the tickets pop up. Taking dirty glasses, I push them over the scrubbers, glancing up at the red digital clock that’s hanging in the corner of the bar. One more hour until I’m off.
“Can I get another, Tessa?” Phil lifts his glass up. During some point in the night, he went from beer to mixed drinks.
“Sure, what are you drinking?”
“A Tight Snatch.”
I nod and pull out the vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice, and cranberry juice. When I place the glass on the matt, he stands.
“A double, please.”
I give another nod without making eye contact and pull out a larger glass. Once I’m satisfied with the drink, I place it on a napkin and push it towards Phil. As soon as I pull my hand away from the glass, he grabs my wrist.
Hawk_Devil's Fury Book 3 Page 6