by C. J. Duggan
“Yeah, here we go, all right.”
“Don’t start giving me the bullshit lectures on age and fucking responsibility,” Adam snapped. It made me flinch; it was so unexpected, so fraught with anger I didn’t recognise him.
“Oh, yeah, you’re a real hero aren’t you, Adam? One bloody trip to …”
“Shut up,” he warned. I would have shrunk away and begged for forgiveness if he spoke to me like that.
Chris’s eyes flicked from Adam to me and back, breathing out a laugh. “You haven’t told her.”
“Chris, I swear to God,” Adam gritted.
“That’s all right, stick your head in the sand, have water fights in your undies and write yourself off tonight, go for it. Just don’t come to me with your crocodile tears when it all turns to shit.”
“It’s not going to turn to shit!” Adam yelled.
There were a few times when you felt as if the Henderson boys might come to blows: this was one of those times. Suddenly my see-through nightie seemed like the least of my problems right now.
“Hey, come on, Adam,” I said, tugging at his arm. “Damsel in distress here.” I was trying to lighten the mood, break the tension a little. It took a long moment for Adam to break away from the death stare he locked with his brother, but he slowly turned to me, almost like he had forgotten I had even been there. I had no idea what they were talking about, obviously something Adam had been keeping from me, something he didn’t want me to know. I wasn’t exactly in the position to challenge him right now; I had to push down any potential hurt feelings I might have had and just really get these two away from each other.
I smiled, pulling at his arm while still managing to cover myself with some semblance of modesty. “Come on, let’s go,” I urged.
Adam’s head turned to Chris, ready to give him the last word, but thankfully he was gone.
***
Adam slammed his bedroom door behind him, making his way down the hall, stopping only to open the linen cardboard. He had gotten dressed in record speed shoving a towel blindly at me as he passed me back down the hall. The remnants of anger were still palpable; this was definitely not something that was predictable in him, not something I recognised. Adam was never one to hold a grudge, but more than that, he wasn’t one to take it out on me. I quickly juggled the towel into position, wrapping it around me.
“Hey, where you going?” I called after him.
“I’m heading out with Ringer to help Sean set up out at the lake house.”
I had a moment of envisioning the Onslow Boys in aprons carrying out trays of devilled eggs and bite-sized sausage rolls to a trestle table and quickly had to wipe the vision from my mind out of fear of cracking up.
“Do you need any help?”
Adam paused at the staircase; he was thinking of how to respond, like he was warring with what to say. Now he really was worrying me.
I made my way up to him, standing to his side, taking in the grim lines of his troubled face.
“I promise not to indecently expose myself in public this time.”
And there it was: a ghost of a smile formed in the corner of his mouth, one that went as quickly as it appeared. Something was definitely up, something he was keeping from me. I started to feel my insides twist at the thought of what it might be. Was it about Megsy? Someone else? The thoughts in my head were racing as fast as my heart.
Come on, look at me, Adam; look at me with those eyes that I know, the kind, sparkling eyes I could recognise.
But all I got was a glance and a sad smile. “We’ll be right. See you tonight?” He playfully tapped me on the chin with his knuckles as he headed down the stairs.
“Um, yeah, sure, okay,” I said, mainly to myself, watching on as Adam made his way down the stairs and disappeared from view. We had gone from laughing, joking to cold and distant.
I didn’t know what was going on, but I sure as hell was going to find out.
***
I sat in the beer garden under a canopy of shadowy evergreen trees sheltering me from the afternoon sun. Rubbing my hands anxiously along my thighs, my attention shifted between the main glass sliding door into the garden and the side entrance, trying to anticipate which one Tammy would appear through. What had begun as a simple luncheon to vent out my high school-esque crush became wanting to get Tammy aside for a whole other reason, to delve into what the hell was happening with Adam and Chris.
What was he keeping from me?
My mind was a million miles away, thinking about the heated death stares between the brothers. What had made them so angry with one another? Lost in my troubled thoughts, something caught my attention, my focus lifting to a hand waving in front of my face.
OH FUCK!
My eyes were wide with horror. I sat, stunned into speechlessness, as there, right before me, stood Toby Morrison, one of two people I was meant to be hiding from this weekend.
Sprung!
“What are you doing here?” He breathed out a laugh, genuinely surprised to see me. My cover was well and truly blown; I wanted the ground to open up and for me to sink deep into the earth. I could just hear the Onslow Boys now:
You had one job to do, Ellie. One. Job. Hide!
As I sat there like a stunned mullet, in that very moment Adam, Ringer, and Sean were probably slaving away at the lake house to get tonight’s ultimate surprise of the century ready, all for me to cock it up in one fell swoop.
Toby must have read it all over my face, the sheer terror of seeing him, of all people. All humour slipped away as his dark brows knitted together in concern.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, intently studying my face, waiting for my reaction.
I swallowed, summoned all my courage, praying to the universe to give me an answer of some kind that would simply explain everything in a way that would prevent him spilling the news to Tess that I was back in town before tonight.
Think, Ellie, think!
And just as I summoned enough functioning to have my mouth gape a little, stammering through a reply, I was saved by the opening of the side glass door of the hotel, where Tammy appeared like a shining beacon of light that would prevent me from plunging into the rock face of certain doom.
“Hey, Toby!” She beamed, making her way over to him with a playful hip and shoulder, her perky ponytail swinging, like it always did. If Tammy was worried about my blown cover she certainly wasn’t showing it.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, all light-hearted; it seemed like an innocent enough question.
“Just grabbing some lunch. Where is everyone?”
My panicked eyes flicked to Tammy, who still remained calm and unwavering. Toby must have thought I was an utter freak, going by my inability to even construct a coherent sentence.
“At Sean’s,” Tammy responded without even blinking.
Was she insane? If I had blown everything by Toby seeing me then she had as good as laid breadcrumbs for a starving bird.
“Okay, I might head out there.”
“No!” I all but shouted, causing Tammy and Toby’s heads to swing around comically fast.
“I mean, you can’t, you, um, have to have lunch, it’s a really important part of the day.”
Oh God, lame much, Ellie?
Now Tammy was looking at me like I was some crazed bag lady.
“I’m not skipping lunch, I’ll head out after. What’s on the menu?” Toby asked Tammy who was still way too casual.
How was I supposed to put a stop to this? Faint? Drug him? Throw myself across the bonnet of his car? I would do whatever it took to keep this a secret, unlike Tammy, who was damn well useless in a crisis.
“You know that you’re going to look at the menu and order a pot and a parmi anyway, right?” Tammy mused.
“Well, yeah, that’s true,” Toby conceded.
Tammy laughed. “I’ll go put your order in.”
Wait, what? She was leaving me? Abandoning me to be with Toby alone to face the myriad of que
stions about what I was doing here.
He would be suspicious straight away. There would be no way of me being here without Tess not knowing and therefore him not knowing; it just wasn’t possible.
Tammy paused halfway through the sliding door, “Oh, Ellie, by the way, Toby knows,” she said, a huge smile spread across her face as she winked at Toby.
“Knows?”
“I know.”
I tried to grab Tammy’s attention but she was long gone toward the kitchen. I was going to kill her.
I shifted uneasily in my chair. Was this a case of entrapment? “Know what, exactly?” I asked innocently.
Toby dragged out the chair next to me. “The very same reason you’re here, I’m sure.” He sat down, stretching out his legs, still clad in his navy work pants that were covered in grease and oil, the burden all mechanics must bear.
“For a pot and parmi?”
“Well, that, no doubt, and a certain surprise engagement party.”
I should have visibly sagged in relief that he knew, that I didn’t have to worry about keeping up the façade and be on anyone’s shit list for being discovered by one of the guests of honour. I blamed my sceptical heart. Was it common knowledge that Toby knew?
“H-how…”
“Do I know?”
“Ah, yeah.”
“Sean has always had this inability to keep secrets from me.” Toby linked his hands behind his head, stretching and yawning. “Plus, it was kind of my idea.”
“Wait, the party?”
“Initially, I mentioned it ages ago and then when Sean said he and Amy were going to throw us an engagement party I jumped at it. Tess has been driving herself mad stressing about work and the thought of planning the engagement, so I’ve kind of taken the initiative.” Toby looked proud.
There was a sudden heaviness in my heart. My best friend had been struggling, stressed beyond belief and I hadn’t even noticed. I was too busy worrying about my own ridiculous problems.
“Well, at least I don’t have to stress about you blowing my cover,” I said, playfully nudging Toby’s foot.
“No chance, you’re my wild card. Tess hasn’t a clue you’re around and I want to keep it that way. She’ll probably be more excited about seeing you than the actual surprise party itself.”
I smiled, taking in the underlying level of stress Toby was emitting as he rubbed at the stubble of his jawline. He looked as though he had had a few sleepless nights to boot.
“You’re a good man, Toby Morrison, Tess is going to love it.”
“I hope so, otherwise there might not be a wedding,” he joked.
“It’s Tess, not me. I’m the diva of the group, remember?”
“Actually, I always kind of pegged Adam as the diva.”
“Well, clearly.” I smiled, thinking how completely and utterly true that was. I had a moment of weakness as I looked at Toby, thinking maybe I could ask him about what was going on with Adam, but in the same instance I shook the thought from my mind with how completely neurotic I was being about a brotherly blow out. Maybe I had simply removed myself from the drama of Onslow from being away for a few months. I had even thought it best not to broach the subject with Tammy, which was just as well, seeing as our intimate girls’ luncheon had now officially been gate-crashed by Toby.
Chapter Fifteen
Late in the afternoon the hotel was abuzz with excitement as the reality neared of the pending top-secret engagement party. This was it, this was the real deal. No dress rehearsal: this was the weekend of all weekends. And Sean had thought of everything, with the aid of some impressive accomplices, beginning with Tess’s mum who had taken Tess out of town for the day to minimise potential interference. It was like a grand-scale black ops mission. There were buses that had been hired from the local RSL club to escort people out to the lake house, a house band, caterers (not Tess’s parents) were all lined up, as well as fireworks.
I couldn’t help but feel a little in awe of all the excitement and the lengths everyone was going to in order to make the party the best it could be. How could I have possibly snubbed my town for suffering from small-town syndrome with such deeply touching displays of camaraderie? I couldn’t help but feel pangs of jealousy at how lucky Tess was and could only hope someday I would be as happy as her.
I leant back, resting my elbows on top of the picnic table, sunglasses saving me from the glare of the afternoon sun as I sipped on my coke and took great pleasure in watching Adam helping Chris load up his van with slabs of beer. There was something very rewarding about watching hot boys sweat it out; it was certainly a lot more appealing than them threatening to kill one another. They worked with silent determination, mainly because they were under the pump to keep the goods cold and stacked onto ice. I felt kind of ridiculous making such a big deal about this morning’s interaction. I tried not to think about the fact Adam was keeping something from me; ignorance really was bliss.
Adam had come back from the lake house throwing me a cheeky wink and a grin like the Adam of old. I merely saluted him with my drink and felt the edge of giddiness somersault in my tummy having spotted him making his way across the drive.
The very same feeling that now returned in this instance of seeing him make his way over to me now. Lifting up the edge of his T-shirt and wiping his brow and exposing the taut, tanned skin underneath. I had never been more grateful in that moment to be wearing sunnies as I let my eyes linger.
Without a word Adam stood before me, momentarily blocking the sun and taking my Coke from my grasp and taking a big thirsty swig as he moved to sit next to me, smacking his lips together in appreciation as he passed me back my drink.
Don’t think about the fact that his lips have been on my drink. His gorgeous, kissable…
“Thanks.”
“All done?”
“Pretty much. You should see Sean’s place, it’s like the circus has come to town.”
I raised my brows, thinking of scary clowns and popcorn; surely not.
“Don’t look so horrified, it’s a classy affair. No clowns.”
I laughed. “Always reading my mind.”
“Ah, yes, but can you read my mind?”
“I like to think so.”
“Okay, what am I thinking now then?” Adam mirrored my pose, resting his elbows on the picnic table.
“You’re thinking, how drunk am I going to get Ellie tonight, and I can’t wait to tear up the dance floor with her with our mad skills.”
Adam broke out into a brilliant grin; it was by far one of my most favourite features. It was the kind of smile that was contagious, the kind that lifted your spirits.
“Well, that’s a given. That’s the aim at every party, so I wouldn’t call it actual mind reading.”
“Okay, so let me try again,” I said, twisting around to face him directly, lifting up my sunnies and studying his face intently, like I was some kind of psychic trying to tell his fortune.
Adam looked at me expectantly, waiting with great interest on what I could possibly say. It was a moment that had begun with great confidence and an air of fun, but when I looked at Adam, really looked at him, his deep dark eyes that locked with mine, slightly creased with a glimmer of humour, I found it very difficult to think or to hurry in any way. I didn’t want to break away from his stare, to come back to reality.
“You’re thinking,” I started, pausing so as to slow down time a little. “You’re thinking …” I repeated, struggling to concentrate, even more so when Adam’s smile returned at seeing me struggle to form the words. It was a smile that switched something on inside me, a new steely determination to take this more seriously. The typical pull and push of our personalities: the more he pushed the more determined I became.
He leaned into me, smirking an incredibly infuriating smirk. “Well?”
“Just hang on a minute, your skull is thick and very hard to penetrate.”
“Admit it, I’m a vault and you can’t crack it.”
; “Oh, please, you are nothing if not predictable, Adam Henderson.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Then.” Adam slid across the bench until his shoulder touched mine, folding his arms across his chest. “What. Am. I. Thinking?”
I didn’t know what he was thinking, because all I could think about was the feel of his skin against mine, the absolute burn of him touching me. I had felt it a million times before. There’s never been any real feeling of personal space with us, we just were, existed with an invisible string that connected us, or a rubber band that if you allowed too much friction we would undoubtedly come springing back to one another. The only difference now was every touch, every smile, every glimpse meant something to me. It fed the desire in me for more, a dangerous feeling fuelled by the boy who breathed in and out in the same rhythm as me, I swear it. We were the same—a connection that no one could deny with all the jokes and snide couple comments—but the truth was, we belonged to one another. Two misfits floating from scene to scene, doing shots, tearing up dance floors, fighting each other’s battles and picking up the pieces. I may not have had an actual clue to pinpoint what he was thinking in that very moment, but I knew enough to know that he was the boy, and he belonged to me.
Seconds, hell, maybe even minutes passed; I couldn’t be sure with my wandering thoughts, but I opted for just whatever came to mind.
“You’re thinking, I hope I don’t get splinters in my arse,” I said, eyeing the sun-beaten picnic bench he had just slid across.
Adam burst out laughing; it was so loud and sudden I flinched.
“Yep, that is exactly what I was thinking. You nailed it.”
“Really?” I asked, astonished I actually got it right.
“No!” He laughed.
I threw my hands up. “Fine, you win. What are you thinking?”
Adam’s laughter died down. His composure seemed somewhat sober as he reconnected with my eyes again, but the crooked little curve to his mouth remained as he shook his head.
“I’ll never tell.”