by C. J. Duggan
I felt like I had never been kissed, or touched before now. That nothing up to this point in my life had compared to the feeling I had when I was with him. Adam edged me onto my back, his breaths as heavy as my own, resting between my thighs as he kissed me into a mind-numbing madness. My hands slid up his bare back, feeling the heat of his skin. I ached so intensely for him, his kisses robbing me of all my breath, all my thought, never more so than when he pushed against me, looking down at me, brushing the hair from my face as he ground his hips, creating the most delicious friction.
It’s not enough.
It would never be enough.
And just as my thoughts caused me to panic about the possible repercussions of what we were doing, all fear was wiped away the moment Adam slid his finger inside me, causing my breath to hitch in my throat, my thighs falling wider, welcoming the intrusion. Adam smiled against my mouth, adding a second finger, pumping in and out in a maddening rhythm. He watched me as if he was seeing me deeper than ever before, the way his eyes trailed over my exposed breasts with my top hitched up, and I swear he did have mind-reading abilities when he lowered his hot mouth over my nipple, drawing it between his teeth. I grabbed the back of his head, encouraging him to linger longer, to not stop the sweet assault of his mouth on my skin. I didn’t want him to ever stop, my hand reaching in the elastic of his boxers, encircling the hard length of him, feeling him pulse in my grasp; the heat of him made me wild and I started to voice my need.
“Adam, please.”
Adam’s fingers left me and I cried out in protest, feeling the emptiness. His hand encircled around my hold on him, guiding my rhythm.
“You want this?” His words were shaky against the lobe of my ear.
“Yes.” I nodded, pressing my lips together, still tasting him in my mouth.
“If we do this, there’s no going back.” His words were strangled, his throat swallowing as I quickened my rhythm.
I knew there was no going back, and I didn’t want to; damn the consequences, I wanted him inside me, I wanted the ultimate escape, the pleasure I knew only he could give.
And just as our eyes locked, it was as if something exchanged between us; we didn’t need the words to find the meaning, it was all there in all the things that settled between us unsaid, so tender, so certain. I was lost in the intensity of his stare, reconnecting only once he lowered his mouth down to mine and kissed me so tenderly I thought my heart couldn’t take it.
I bit my lip as I guided him inside me. I brushed the condom wrapper off the bed as I grabbed onto the sheets, twisting my hands in the linen as Adam started to move inside me, slowly at first. Pushing himself onto his hands, I moved up into him, looking down the length of our bodies, barely believing that this was real, that we were connected like this. Seeing him move in and out of me was the sexiest thing I had ever seen and I had seen him from every angle. Beside me, across from me as friends, but never like this, his body shadowing me in the lamp light, his muscles flexing under my hands, the broadness of his shoulders blocking out the ceiling as he pushed so deep inside me I let out a noise that shocked me, but I couldn’t help it, it felt so good, so right and I knew he felt it too because he told me, whispering wicked words of encouragement that built me closer to the brink of coming undone.
He laughed into my kiss, slowing down, torturing me like never before. “Wait, not yet.”
I was breathless, and desperate. “Stop talking dirty to me then.” I laughed.
Adam rolled on his back, taking me with him as I straddled him, with him still inside me.
“Never,” he breathed, and I was glad that was his answer.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Things were always different in the light of day. And as I lay there in my bed, Adam’s arm slung over me, spooning me, I could hear the deep, steady sounds of his breathing as he slept and it terrified me. I watched the light filter through the venetian blind, wishing the sun would just go away. I was awake a good four hours before I had to be up for work and with basically no sleep due to our marathon sexcapades last night, I’m sure I should have been feeling much worse than I did. I slowly lifted Adam’s arm, working to slide out from next to him as quietly as possible so as not to wake him. It wasn’t until I moved did I get the full weight of what really ailed me. Oh, how I ached, my hips, my back, in places I didn’t want to think about. We had certainly distracted ourselves last night, multiple times.
I slid my T-shirt over my head, slipped my boxers back on; the daytime also called for modesty. I tiptoed to my closet, picking out my clothes for work, impressed by my ability to do so as quietly as possible. Creeping towards the bedroom door I stilled, taking in the sleeping and very naked Adam in my bed causing strange feelings to stir in strange places.
Stop it, Ellie, it was a one-off, so just forget it.
I made my way to the bathroom, hooking up my clothes at the back of the door and beginning my daily ritual of brushing my teeth, again lost in my own thoughts as I remembered Adam’s hands in my hair last night as I slid down his beautiful toned body, taking him deep into my mouth. I blinked out of the daydream, thinking I had probably brushed off all the enamel from my teeth not paying attention.
I stepped into the shower, letting the delicious hot water fall over my aching body, turning around, letting the jets fall over my shoulders, massaging the knots in my back before tipping my head backwards and letting the stream wash over my hair: glorious.
My moment of peace was soon interrupted by the bathroom door swinging abruptly open. And let me tell you, when you are used to living alone it is a rather unnerving, shocking experience. But not as shocking as Adam wandering into the bathroom, stark naked, grinning from ear to ear as he opened the glass shower door and stepped inside. I had instinctively covered my nakedness with my loofah and hands, staring wide-eyed at him, trying my hardest to keep my eyes above his waist.
“Um, excuse me, can I help you?” I asked.
“Why so bashful? I’ve seen it all before.” Adam winked as he grabbed the soap and started washing circles over his chest.
“Well, just make yourself at home then,” I said, throwing my hands up in defeat. Adam’s eyes drifted down, taking in my very nakedness. I could see something very familiar in that look, it was the same look I had seen last night. My stomach twisted in excitement recognising it, mainly because it was a look I had convinced myself that I would never see again. A one-night stand to pass the time in the city, a pity fuck to help him forget the realities of life. That come daytime he would do what most men do. Peck on the cheek, this was fun, see ya later, have a great life. And yet here he was, sure, using my shower probably before saying see ya later and hitting the road; still, the familiarity of that look excited me. Even more so when Adam closed the distance between us, turning me around; I placed my hands on the tiles, wondering what he was doing, feeling my breathing become erratic already until I felt the glide of soap wash over my shoulders. I closed my eyes, once again delighting in the feel of my tender muscles being worked over, this time by Adam’s touch. I could have cried, relieved that there was no awkward morning silence, or stuttered goodbyes; well, not just yet. Instead Adam explored my body as if it were a familiar landscape, almost as though he had memorised it from last night. Touching me in all the right places where he knew I would let out the sounds of approval; he was so bloody good. And in the biggest shower in the smallest bathroom in the southern hemisphere Adam turned me around and pressed me back against the tiles, kissing me under the water, lifting me up and wrapping my legs around him, the cold tiles brushing against my shoulders, but it wasn’t that sensation that had shivers running down my spine; nope, that was all Adam.
***
In the light of day, the sky was blue and the air was fresh so early in the morning. I sat opposite Adam in one of the trendy little cafés on Main Street, given the luxury of being able to stare at Adam openly behind my sunglasses. He studied the menu intently, the same crease pinched between his brows
in deep concentration. I bloody loved that crease. I half expected Adam at any moment to get all serious and say, “Hey, about last night.” I had braced myself for it every step of the way from my front door, all the way down the street to my favourite café, but it hadn’t come just yet. And I didn’t know what was worse. Was he going to leave after breakfast and head back to Onslow, with a see ya at Christmas time? I hadn’t exactly planned to head back on weekends; I mean, why would I? What had changed? Okay, so we had had sex, lots and lots of sex, but what did that make us? Friends with benefits? At least things had not been awkward between us, Adam had seen to that.
“You know when you come to the city you can come stay if you want.” Adam’s eyes flicked up from his menu. I had regretted it as soon as I had said it.
“I mean, you know, when you’re in town … for your mum,” I clarified.
Oh God, I didn’t want to seem forward, I didn’t want to sound like I was putting pressure on him to come here, I was just trying to be nice, thoughtful.
I had to clear that up. I didn’t want him to think that I was going to be all Fatal Attraction now just because we had had sex; I mean, I wasn’t really that kind of girl, despite all the loony declarations of love on every other page of my diary when I was young. Things were different now.
“I mean, I probably won’t be in Onslow much, so if you’re in town I would love to catch up with you and your mum, or if Chris is in town he can always drop in with ya mum; we have great coffee here in the city,” I said saluting him and taking a sip, praying it would shut me up from my incessant blabbering.
Oh, help.
Adam reached out for my hand, instantly calming me over such a small gesture as he gave it a squeeze.
“It’s all good, Ellie,” he said, giving me a wink before flipping on his shades. “Well, I better head back, you sure you don’t want a lift to work?”
“Back? But you haven’t even ordered breakfast!” I said in dismay.
Adam scratched the back of his head. “Nah, it’s okay. I’ll grab something on the way out.”
I knew he had to leave eventually, but the abruptness of his departure had me panicking.
“Well, are you due to come back to Maitland anytime soon? For your mum, I mean.”
Adam glanced down the street, as if thinking for a moment. “It’s Chris’s turn next time, and then Mum has a bit of a break between treatments.”
“Oh, okay,” I said lowly, feeling the ebb of disappointment. “Well, say hi to your mum for me, do you think I could send her some flowers, you know as a get well soon?”
Adam smiled, leaning down and kissing me on top of my head in that familiar, friendly way he always did.
“I think she would like that.”
And before I could think of another thing to say to stall him, to keep him from leaving, Adam bumped me playfully on the chin. “See ya, Parker.”
“Bye,” I said. I watched him walk away until his figure was dissolved into the footpath traffic and I was left alone with my cold cup of coffee and my thoughts.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
One thing was clear.
I was a danger to the dental profession. Dr Lauren, my boss, had been concerned about me all day.
“You really don’t look well, Ellie, I think you should go home, go to bed,” he said, his kind grey eyes looking at me, his mouth twisted in concern. I felt like an utter fraud. Little did he know that the reason I had hit a wall by midday was because I had been shagged within an inch of my life.
“Thanks, Dr Lauren, I might just go home and take it easy.”
“Good idea.”
I felt terrible, not only from the lack of sleep, but for the fact my reasoning was too mortifying to be truthful about.
I was going to hell with all the lies I had been telling lately.
I gathered my things from the back-room cupboard where all the staff members’ personal belongings were stored, slinking my way out to reception, seeing Sheila swinging back and forth on her chair, her head set permanently affixed to her.
“You off then?” She beamed; her spikey dark hair was always streaked with a different colour. Today she chose red.
“Yeah, I’m not feeling too well.” Trying my best sullen pout.
“Big weekend, huh? How was the engagement party?”
I glanced back down the hall, hoping that Sheila’s voice hadn’t carried to Dr Lauren’s office.
“Yeah, it was all right,” I said lowly.
Sheila leant forward in her chair, lowering her voice. “Did you get on it?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
I could actually for once answer truthfully, because as far as the engagement party went I hadn’t actually drunk at all; it was a fact that still shocked me.
“Nope, I just must be coming down with something,” I lied. I couldn’t be truthful for too long, it seemed.
“Oh, that’s a shame, because guess who has been begging me to get you to call him?”
My eyes narrowed at the phone log that lay out in front of her. Had Adam phoned while I was busy working? My heart rate spiked at the very thought; maybe he was sticking around for lunch? Or maybe he was letting me know he had arrived back safely.
But wouldn’t he have rung my phone?
I played Sheila’s guessing game anyway. “Who?” I asked, fearing to hope.
Sheila smiled. “Rory Franklin.”
The shock must have been evident all over my face.
“Excuse me?”
“Ugh, I ran into him on the weekend and he hassled the shit out of me to get you to call him. He said he felt like shit and hadn’t been able to get you out of his head, blah-blah-blah.”
“Was he drunk?”
“Sober as a judge.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t think so,” I said, hooking my handbag over my shoulder.
“Oh, come on, Ellie, everyone deserves a second chance, it doesn’t even have to be dinner, maybe just a casual lunch or something.”
“Sorry, luv, guess this is just one heart that has to remain broken. See you tomorrow.”
And with that I left work early, wondering why you only ever heard from all the people you never, ever wanted to.
***
After committing a semblance of neatness in my flat, clearing out takeaway containers and dumping the last of the stale popcorn in the bin, I somehow managed enough energy to strip my bed, put on fresh sheets and simply face plant onto the mattress for the rest of the afternoon. I knew I was seriously screwing with my clock by doing so and that after my nanna nap I would probably be awake all night, but for now I really just needed to sleep, and to not check my mobile every two minutes wondering why Adam hadn’t messaged me.
I wondered if Adam was taking a nap too, something I seriously doubted. If there was one thing that came from him joining the army, it was that he had incredible stamina. He was probably going for a run or something, making my efforts seem pretty deplorable.
The sun had long gone down before I was woken up by the painfully loud ringing of my Nokia. At first I was disorientated by the darkness, not fully aware of where I was or how I had got here; had what happened been a dream? I had a split second of thinking as much and it made me feel ill, and then of course I remembered.
Nope, it was very real. Surreal, but real.
The phone lit up the darkness, vibrating and shifting across my bedside. I dived on it, wanting to put an end to the assault on my senses.
“Hello?” I croaked. Rolling onto my back and waiting for the voice to speak on the other end, it took a minute before the silence was actually broken.
“Did I wake you?”
I sat up straight in bed, pulling the phone away from my ear to look at the screen, and sure enough I wasn’t hallucinating. “Tess?”
“What, were you expecting Megsy?” Tess joked. It was a good sign to hear the lightness in her voice.
“Oh God, no,” I said, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“Listen,” we both said at
the exact same time, that had us both laughing.
“You go,” Tess said.
“Listen, I’m sorry, I should have told you about the whole Adam thing, I was just, I don’t know, in denial, I guess.”
“I’m sorry too, I am the last person that should be lecturing anyone from keeping secrets, and Adam told me about last night.”
“WHAT?”
He did what?
“He said that he told you about his mum.”
My shoulders physically slumped. “Oh, yeah.”
That!
I threw myself onto my back, relief washing over me.
“Which is so good, everything out on the table now. No more secrets.”
I grimaced, hearing Tess’s words.
Yeah, no more secrets.
“Yeah, um, about that,” I said.
“Whaaat? Please don’t tell me that Sean and Amy have organised a surprise wedding; that’s where I do draw the line.”
I laughed, not putting it completely past them. “No, this is a whole other kind of crazy.”