***
Chad’s gone. I keep replaying our goodbye over in my head. I should’ve kissed him. I have to repeatedly remind myself we can’t be together. He’s condescending and way too serious. We’re going to be living two hours apart, for the foreseeable future anyway, and besides that, he’ll always be Ebbodine’s. To me anyway. I should’ve asked him to stay with me. I tell myself to shut up. I was planning on going to see Tate, but with the stupid voice inside my head, I really shouldn’t. I’d never hear the end of it.
I don’t really want to be alone though either.
As I make my way down to The Crypt, I keep telling myself, Don’t think about Chad, don’t think about Chad, which, of course, only makes me think about Chad and how I should’ve kissed him weeks ago.
‘Weeks ago? Did something happen between you two?’ Tate sounds giddy, like he has just discovered the biggest piece of juicy gossip.
Damn, just how far is your telepathy range? I’m not even at The Crypt yet.
‘It’s not my fault your thoughts are loud, and you narrate nearly everything you do. Which is totally weird by the way. But you so need to tell me what happened with Chad.’
Nothing happened. I thought for a moment that something might have happened, but it didn’t. Can we drop it now?
‘No. Hurry up and get your butt in here, young lady.’
“I’m here,” I say as I reach his cell door moments later.
He just looks at me and sighs. “And why was I not told of this almost event that might have happened, when it happened, but didn’t?”
“Do you even understand what you just said?”
“Not really, but tell me!”
I groan. He’s way too excited about this. “We both pretended like it never happened,” I say. “Wait, are you telling me you never heard it from me? You know, up here?” I point to my head.
“No.”
“That actually surprises me.” I smile. Maybe I’m getting better at this blocking out thing, but then again, it’s not like I’ve thought much about it when we’ve been down here.
Our conversations more consist of ways we could help people on the outside once we’re agents or me listening to Tate and Chad’s ramblings of how the Institute works and how it’d be so much better if someone other than Brookfield was in charge. Someone who wants equal rights. This place should be a voluntary centre for those who want or need the help. I’d tune out a lot. I just didn’t see the point in fantasising about what this place could be, when we can’t do anything ourselves to try to change what it is now. It’s our job to just put up with it.
I’d find myself thinking about Dad a lot during those conversations though. A lot of the things Chad and Tate would say reminded me so much of him, sometimes I could even hear Dad in their voices.
It’s funny, growing up in a world where you feel so alone, you wonder if there’s anyone else out there feeling exactly the way you do. I came here and found two. They understand me because they’ve been in the same situation as I have been. Well, maybe not the exact same, after all I was forever protecting my brother, not myself. I wonder if it would’ve been the same if I’d known I was Defective all along.
Tate sighs. “I don’t understand why you two aren’t together.”
“There are plenty of reasons, one being that we’re both out on assignments. I don’t know when we’ll even see each other again, we’ve just got to the stage of being really good friends, I wouldn’t want to jeopardise that, and the other big reason—if he truly liked me, I’m sure he would’ve made a move by now. He’s had plenty of chances.”
I think to all of the lunchtime sessions in my room, our hands all over each other while he taught me self-defence, practicing my ability to borrow his power, I think of “the incident”—falling on the bed and him gently brushing my hair out of my face.
I look at Tate, wide-eyed. “You just heard all of that, didn’t you.” I sigh, and he laughs. “My point is, if we were really into each other, something would’ve happened already.”
“If you say so,” he says with a smile.
“Ugh, you sound just like my brother.”
“I just think your reasons for not being with him don’t really hold up. You’re just scared because of what happened with Drew. Don’t get me wrong, I’d have trust issues too after something like that, but I can tell you without any uncertainty, Chad’s on the right side. He’s one of the good guys, he’s actually the best guy I know.”
“Isn’t that just a little bit biased coming from his cousin? And speaking of Drew, I should go. I was supposed to meet him fifteen minutes ago to go over our case again.”
“Hang on, you’re paired with him?” Tate asks, shocked.
“Oh, yeah. I don’t know how I forgot to tell you, it’s an absolute nightmare.”
“You’ve probably been too busy thinking about Chad.”
I sigh, “Okay, now I really am going.”
I walk my way over to Agent Headquarters and meet Drew, only half an hour late. I’d blame it on getting lost, but I actually know my way around here pretty well now. It’s funny, I finally memorise where I have to go and I’m being sent away. I’ll probably get lost again when I come back.
“Sorry, sweetheart, I got a bit held up,” I say sarcastically.
“At least you’re able to joke about it this morning.”
“Well, it’s hard to take something seriously when it’s an absolute joke.”
“You’re going to have to when we’re out there. We have to trust each other to watch one another’s backs.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Don’t you worry, I can be professional. As far as trust goes, I couldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you, but I can promise you that I’ll do my job while I’m out there.” Maybe not to the extent they expect, but enough for them to not take notice of me.
“And yet, you’re angry at me for just doing my job professionally.” He stares at me with a puzzled look on his face.
I sigh. “Okay, if you really want to do this, let’s do it. I’m not angry at you for doing your job, and I think we can both agree you didn’t exactly do it in the most professional way; I’m pretty sure ‘don’t have an intimate relationship with a target’ is one of the first things I learned in my training. Putting that aside, you arranged my arrest on a hunch, and it was only lucky for me that you were right or I’d be rotting away in a cell downstairs for something I wasn’t even guilty of. Just like everyone else down there. You sat by and watched me get beaten and tortured for days, and then when I wouldn’t get back together with you—gee, I can’t imagine why—you tell everyone that I’m a slut and I left you for Tate … or was it Chad? I don’t know. I can’t keep up with the rumours anymore. So please tell me, how can I ever trust you again?”
Drew hangs his head. “I’ll admit, I got in way over my head with you,” he says dejectedly. “You have to understand that I’ve lived the majority of my life here. I’d never felt the way you made me feel before, I didn’t know what to do. I was torn between doing what I was supposed to and doing what I wanted to. I know I did wrong, I don’t know how many more times I can apologise. I just hope that we can at least be civil seeing as we’re going to be spending the next however long together on this assignment. Do you think you can do that?”
I look around the room, I look at the walls and at the floor, and I look anywhere but at Drew. I know he’s telling the truth, I can sense it, but can I forget what he’s done and be civil? Can I work alongside him without constantly fighting with him?
“I’m not expecting you to forgive me today or even tomorrow, I’m just hoping that you’ll be able to put your feelings aside for a while so we don’t have to keep having the same argument over and over again. I don’t need to be reminded of what I’ve done, I’ll never be able to forget it. It lost me the only girl I have ever truly lo—”
“Don’t even finish that sentence.” Sighing, I avert my eyes from his. “Okay, here’s the deal: I
can be civil, I can pretend I don’t hate you, and I should even be able to pretend that I’m your wife, but you can’t talk like that … ever. Okay?” The last thing I want is to get confusing feelings about him right now. I can’t be sucked in by his words. He blew his chance, and I’m not going down that path again.
He nods. “It’s because of him, isn’t it? Actually, don’t answer that. You have a deal.”
The Institute Page 51