After they’d said hello to Ugenia, Mildred took out a brand-new pair of shoes she’d just bought and went to place them on the table so Lara could see them.
‘No! That’s bad luck!’ cried Ugenia as she lunged forward and grabbed the shoes from Lara’s mother, who then lost her balance and knocked the salt shaker that was on the table on to the floor, showering salt everywhere.
Ugenia knelt down and frantically scooped a handful of salt over her left shoulder. Lara was right behind her, and the salt shot straight into her eyes.
Lara began to howl wildly and crashed into a mirror hanging on the wall. The mirror fell down and immediately shattered on the floor.
Ugenia gasped in horror and quickly grabbed a piece of mirror and ran into the garden, desperate to bury it in the mud.
‘What on earth is going on?’ yelled Lara’s father as he stormed after Ugenia.
Ugenia’s luck was certainly changing. It was getting WORSE!
‘I’m so sorry, Mr Slater, I’m just doing a Hadoo Hanuka Hoola Hoola ritual to make things better!’ exclaimed Ugenia, still busily continuing to dig a hole in a flower-bed so that she could bury a piece of mirror.
Suddenly Duncan removed his helmet and revealed a very shiny bald head.
Ugenia stared at the stinging nettles at the back of the flower-bed – and then at Duncan’s bald head.
‘Desperation!’ cried Ugenia as she quickly grabbed a large leaf off a plant, wrapped it round her hand for protection and snatched a clump of stinging nettles.
Lara and Mildred watched out of the window in horror as, quick as a flash, Ugenia leaped up and rubbed the nettles on Duncan’s head.
‘Aaaaaaaagh!’ screamed Duncan. ‘What are you doing, you crazy girl!’
‘It’s meant to bring good luck!’ cried Ugenia.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Duncan, through gritted teeth and with a very sore head, ‘but I think it’s best for everyone if you take your luck and go!’
Lara and Mildred glared at Ugenia in disbelief.
Ugenia hung her head in shame as she left Lara’s house. The I Should Be so Lucky Hadoo Hanuka Hoola Hoola charm book obviously didn’t work. In fact, it had definitely made things even worse.
Ugenia had taken the book out of her backpack and was just about to throw it in the bin when she realized that her red bike, which she’d left by the fountain in the front garden, was missing.
‘Nooo!’ cried Ugenia, who couldn’t face knocking on the Slaters’ front door ever again.
Ugenia stormed back across the green to 13 Cromer Road, without avoiding any of the cracks in the pavement. She had decided that this lucky charm thing was a load of rubbish and that there was only one thing to do – go back to bed until Friday the thirteenth was over, and before it could bring her any more bad luck.
Ugenia knocked on the front door. Granny Betty opened it, gave Ugenia a quick hug and immediately rushed back to the kitchen. Ugenia followed Granny Betty who seemed very preoccupied with her cooking.
‘Gran, where are Mum and Dad? Shouldn’t they be back by now?’ asked Ugenia.
‘Ah, they’re a little bit busy today – they’ll be home later. Would you like a sandwich?’ Granny Betty asked, looking carefully at Ugenia. ‘Are you OK, dear?’
‘I’m OK, I’m just not hungry,’ mumbled Ugenia. But the truth was that she felt awful. Absolutely everything had gone wrong – and she hadn’t even told Granny Betty yet that she’d lost the silver lucky charm bracelet that she’d only just been given.
Ugenia felt extremely glum as she trudged upstairs. This definitely had to be the worst birthday in the history of the world. There had been no birthday congratulations, no presents, no cards, no party, no cake, no candles – and definitely no puppy.
Even though it was a warm summer’s day and only six o’clock in the evening, Ugenia climbed into bed and pulled the covers over her head. She lay there in misery, trying to wish away this Friday-the-thirteenth birthday disaster as fast as possible.
Suddenly Ugenia heard a rustling.
She peered over the duvet and held her breath. There on the sill outside her open window were two magpies. Ugenia tried to ignore them as she had decided not to believe in all that good-luck rubbish. But she couldn’t help trying to remember what Granny Betty had said. ‘What do two magpies mean? One for sorrow, two for joy,’ whispered Ugenia.
And then one of the magpies hopped through the window with something shiny and silver in its mouth. It plopped Granny Betty’s silver lucky charm bracelet with the many different delicate things hanging from it, including a silver elephant, a miniature cat, a feather, a little car and a tiny silver daisy on to her bookshelf and then flew out through the window again.
Ugenia sat bolt upright in excitement. She leaped out of bed and snatched up the lucky charm bracelet.
Excitedly she ran downstairs and into the living room.
‘SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’ shouted all Ugenia’s family and friends.
Ugenia gasped in delight as her mum and dad, Uncle Harry, Rudy, Bronte, Crazy Trevor and toothless Mrs Flitt – with almost half Ugenia’s class – began singing happy birthday to her, and Granny Betty brought in a beautiful big chocolate cake (which it turned out she’d been making all day).
Ugenia closed her eyes and, as she made her wish, thought how Granny Betty had said that you make your own luck.
‘Happy birthday, Ugenia,’ said Mum, beaming and giving her a big hug.
‘Happy birthday, sweetheart,’ said Dad. ‘We’re so sorry it all went wrong for you today. We wanted to give you a big surprise and we’ve been busy all day trying to get you the perfect puppy, but we haven’t had any luck finding just the right one. We’ve got some other things for you though!’ And he stood aside, revealing a mountain of cards and presents in the corner of the room.
Ugenia started ripping the presents open. Among other things there were roller skates, new boots, a cool MP3 player, a brand-new and luminous yellow rucksack to replace her battered old one, chocolate – and her very own silver lucky charm bracelet!
‘I am truly very lucky to have great family and friends like you!’ Ugenia said, and she smiled with gratitude and went round to give everyone a hug.
Suddenly there was a knock at the front door and in came Lara Slater and her father, Duncan.
‘Hi, Ugenia,’ said Lara, ‘we’ve come to return your bike. My little brother had borrowed it without asking. Sorry about that.’
‘Wow, thanks,’ Ugenia said, smiling gratefully.
‘And there’s one other thing,’ Duncan added. ‘I realize now that you were upset when you were round at our house earlier, and that’s why things went a bit awry. Lara told me what a bad day you were having and, since it’s your birthday, I had a word with your mum and dad and they said it was OK . . . so we’ve organized something that’s hopefully going to make this an extra-special birthday after all . . .’
And there, hiding behind Duncan’s leg, was a scruffy little puppy with a rather long and licky tongue.
‘I got him a week ago at the dog pound,’ Duncan said. ‘I rather fell in love with him and he’s had a bit of bad luck himself. Sadly, though, we just can’t keep him, because we’ve discovered that Mildred’s allergic to dog hair, so we’re going to get Lara and her brother a hamster instead.’
Lara grinned at Ugenia.
‘I’m going to call him Lucky,’ Ugenia said proudly.
‘Happy birthday, Ugenia – meet your new dog, Lucky!’ said her mum.
‘My birthday wish – it came true! Now I really feel lucky!’ beamed Ugenia as she bounced up and down like a basketball player who’s swallowed a pack of batteries. Then she knelt on the floor and gently gave Lucky a big hug.
‘Hello, Lucky, welcome to the Lavender family. This has turned out to be the luckiest Friday-the-thirteenth birthday ever!’
Ugenia was just about to take Lucky out into the garden when something outside the window caught her attention. She began counting . . .<
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‘Er, Granny Betty . . . what do nineteen magpies mean?’ asked Ugenia.
It was a warm summer’s morning. A tepid breeze trickled through Ugenia’s bedroom window, gently whispering that it was time to get up.
Ugenia dozed and smiled cosily as she snuggled under her duvet – until her new puppy, Misfit, jumped on to the bed and reminded her with a huge slobbery lick that it really was time to get up.
Misfit had a rather long tongue that was too big for his mouth and he had originally been called Lucky, but had already turned out to be a little bit mischievous – especially when he accidentally did a poo in her dad’s shoe or outside his office, which made Professor Lavender very cross. Ugenia was convinced the only reason Misfit did things like that was because he sensed that her dad didn’t really like him.
Professor Lavender was more into dinosaurs than dogs.
Misfit loved Ugenia and Ugenia loved Misfit – except when he woke her up with his really stinky breath and a big slobbery lick as if to say, ‘I really need to go outside for a pee.’
‘Aargh, Misfit, get off!’ cried Ugenia now as she leaped off the bed and ran to the bathroom. ‘I’m sorry, Misfit, you’ll have to wait. I’ll let you out in the garden in a minute.’
Ugenia was feeling quite perky – everything in her life was running smoothly. She was getting on fine with her friends Rudy, Crazy Trevor and Bronte, and school was going relatively well. In general everything was pretty pleasant – Ugenia had nothing in particular to complain about.
She slipped on her jeans, ate some nicely buttered toast and said goodbye to Granny Betty, who was in charge that morning since both Ugenia’s parents were already at work. Then she slung her new luminous yellow rucksack over her shoulders, jumped on her red bike and headed for Boxmore Hill School.
Everything’s just great – there are no problems, no tricky situations, no missions impossible to do. My life is going peacefully and smoothly for a change, thought Ugenia as she entered the school, parked her bike and went into her classroom.
As Ugenia entered the room, Rudy, Bronte, Crazy Trevor and the rest of the class seemed to be buzzing in deep conversation.
Ugenia couldn’t help notice that there was a charge of excitement in the air. Hmm, what’s going on? And why don’t I know about it? thought Ugenia. She was just about to ask someone what was up, when suddenly a screwed-up piece of paper landed on her desk.
Ugenia unfolded it. It said:
Ugenia stared at the words ‘There are trophies to be won!’
‘Hey, Ugenia, have you seen the flyer for the Olympics?’ asked Bronte.
‘I’m gonna try out for the obstacle race,’ said Rudy.
‘The egg and spoon would be very nice,’ said Bronte.
‘The long jump sounds all right,’ said Crazy Trevor.
‘What are you gonna do, Ugenia?’ asked Rudy.
Ugenia thought again for a split second about the words ‘there are trophies to be won’ and was just about to jump in with a gush of excitement about wanting to win one, but then hesitated . . . What exactly am I good at? she wondered.
‘We could all do the relay race!’ said Rudy.
‘Very nice,’ said Bronte.
‘Yeah, all right,’ said Crazy Trevor.
‘Er, maybe,’ said Ugenia.
‘What do you mean maybe?’ cried Rudy. He was puzzled because Ugenia normally loved a challenge.
‘Er, I’m not really sure which event is my thing, to be honest,’ said Ugenia. ‘I’ll have a think about it.’
‘Well, don’t take too long. The trials start tomorrow and if you want to take part then you have to show up!’
So Ugenia went through the day with her mates as usual and tried to ignore the constant chit-chat about the Olympics, the finals of which would take place on the last Monday of term. Ugenia was just getting used to the feeling of not having any mission-impossible problems to solve or any challenges to work for, and she didn’t feel like taking on any new ones right now.
After school Ugenia went round to Granny Betty’s house. Not only was Granny Betty 101 years old, she was also amazing at giving good advice. Ugenia went straight round to the back garden, where Granny Betty just so happened to be tightrope walking on the washing line, holding a broom to balance.
‘Hello there, Ugenia! How was your day?’ beamed Granny Betty.
‘OK, I guess. Well, actually, if I really think about it, I feel a bit anxious,’ said Ugenia.
‘What’s wrong?’
Ugenia told Granny Betty all about the Boxmore Hill School Olympics and how she didn’t think she would participate, especially since she wasn’t really very good at anything athletic. And besides, she always managed to get herself in a bit of a pickle every time a new challenge came along.
‘Quite honestly, Gran, although the thought of winning a trophy is spectacular, what if I don’t win anything? It will be just a big waste of time and I’ll be one big loser,’ Ugenia said softly.
‘Follow me’ said Granny Betty as she hopped down from the washing line and walked to the green wooden tool-shed at the bottom of the garden.
The tool-shed was used as a carpenter’s workshop by Granny Betty’s late husband (Ugenia’s great-grandad), Freddy Lavender. The shed still contained a few rusty old garden tools among the dusty cobwebs.
Granny Betty weaved her way between the lawn mower, a large rusty saw and a rickety old bike that had flat tyres, towards a glass cabinet that was hiding at the back of the shed. The glass was a bit murky, so you couldn’t exactly see what was in there, except that it was something shiny.
Granny Betty reached up to a mouldy jug on the shelf above the cabinet and tipped out a curly silver key. Ugenia held her breath in anticipation as Granny Betty put the key in the lock of the cabinet.
‘These belonged to your great-grandfather, Freddy Lavender,’ said Granny Betty as she opened the cabinet door and revealed a large photo of Ugenia’s great-grandad. He had a beaming smile on his face. The photo was surrounded by dozens of different gleaming trophies of all shapes and sizes. They were displayed like a beautiful shrine on shelves lined with velvet.
‘Wow, that’s amazing,’ said Ugenia as she stared awestruck at the sparkling silver cups and statues, which were all engraved with Freddy Lavender’s name. ‘What are they all for?’ she asked.
‘All sorts, Ugenia. Your great-grandfather was a jack of all trades. Once he put his mind to something, he could turn his hand to anything. Now let me see – there’s the Champion Golfer of Boxmore award, the Hole in One trophy, the Old Timers’ Swimming Club championship, boxing, darts, bowling, the Most Original Rose at the Boxmore Flower Show, ballroom dancing, best Victoria sponge-cake, biggest leek, fly fishing and the Champion Pie Eater medal (forty in under a minute) and of course there was his running too,’ gushed Granny Betty, who suddenly drifted off a bit as she began daydreaming about her late husband, who she still loved very much.
‘It’s very impressive. He sounds like he was good at everything,’ said Ugenia wistfully.
‘On the contrary, Ugenia, he really wasn’t brilliant at everything, but he always tried his best, and he had this motto – carpe diem.’
‘Carpe diem? What does that mean?’
‘It’s Latin, which is a very ancient language. It means seize the day – in other words, grab your opportunities. A bit like your school is doing with its Olympics.’
Ugenia stared at the trophies and the picture of her great-grandfather, Freddy Lavender, who had a white moustache and twinkling grey eyes.
Then suddenly, like a thunderbolt of lightning, Ugenia had a brainwave. ‘Inspirational!’ she cried. ‘Carpe diem! I’m gonna seize the day! Gran, can I use your phone? I have to call Rudy!’
‘Sure,’ said Granny Betty, smiling. She was delighted Ugenia had decided to go for it.
Back inside the house, Ugenia grabbed the phone and quickly punched in Rudy’s number.
‘Hello, Rudy, it’s Ugenia. You can count on m
e. I’m in! I’ll be there for the trials tomorrow.’
After lunch the next day, the Boxmore Hill School Olympics practice events began. The mood on the playing field was electric as Mrs Flitt blew her whistle.
Ugenia felt awful whenever she saw Mrs Flitt. Last week Ugenia had accidentally whacked the rounders ball very hard and it had knocked out Mrs Flitt’s two front teeth. Although she wasn’t angry at Ugenia, Mrs Flitt now had two false teeth, which made her speak with an odd lisp, and every time Ugenia saw her she remembered what had happened.
Rudy, Bronte, Crazy Trevor and Ugenia got ready to show Mrs Flitt how fast they were and what events they were intending to go in for on the big day. It would take all afternoon to get through all the races, and Mrs Flitt would then decide who would be in the final event and have a chance to win a trophy.
Rudy was a very fast runner and very nimble, and he won his obstacle race with ease. Crazy Trevor did an almighty leap into the sandpit in the long jump, and Bronte held her egg and spoon magnificently, taking them all through into the final races that would take place at the end of term.
Ugenia, however, was not so fortunate. She entered the hundred-metre sprint and came second to last out of twenty people, and she tripped over during the long jump and dropped her egg in the egg-and-spoon race.
There was one final event, which was the relay race. It involved four people in each team. Each person would have to run fifty metres and then pass on the baton to their team mate, until all four people had run.
As Mrs Flitt said, ‘On your marks, get set, go!’ Bronte ran like the wind and then quickly passed the baton to Crazy Trevor, who ran faster than he’d ever run before.
Crazy Trevor then passed the baton on to Rudy, who ran as fast as a bionic steam train until he was way ahead of everyone else. Rudy swiftly handed the baton to Ugenia, who now had a huge head start over the other teams as Rudy had been so fast.
Ugenia Lavender and the Burning Pants Page 4