Only some shark species, such as the Great White, must swim constantly to breathe.
OMENS
Can you tell a good omen from a bad one? Here’s a handy guide.
Good Omen: If ants have built a nest by your front door, you’ll be coming into money soon.
Bad Omen: If you hear the tapping of a deathwatch beetle, someone in your house is going to die within the year.
Good Omen: A bird flying through your house means important news is coming.
Bad Omen: But if that bird can’t get out, the news will be about the death of someone you know.
Good Omen: If the first butterfly you see in the New Year is white, good luck will be yours throughout the year.
Bad Omen: A black moth in your home means death will come calling within the year.
Good Omen: Wearing a jade ring on your little finger will bring you wealth. Men should wear the ring on their left hand. Women on their right.
Bad Omen: Wearing a ring on your thumb isn’t just a bad fashion statement; it will make you lose all your money and any chance of future success.
Good Omen: Having a bent or crooked little finger means you’re lucky with money.
Bad Omen: A white spot on the nail of your middle finger means you have an enemy.
Good Omen: If your right ear is ringing, someone is saying nice things about you.
Bad Omen: If your left ear is ringing, someone is trashing you.
Good Omen: It’s good luck if you make a rhyme by accident. If you make a wish before you say another word, it will come true.
Bad Omen: If you drop the comb while combing your hair, misfortune will visit you.
Good Omen: Finding a spider in the evening is good luck.
Bad Omen: Seeing a spider in the morning will bring bad luck for the rest of the day.
Good Omen: Got itchy feet? Pack your bags—you’re going on a trip.
Bad Omen: Start a trip on Friday and disappointment will follow wherever you go.
That’s not nice: In the 1300s, the word “nice” meant “lazy, lecherous, and strange.”
ARCADE IRE
Here’s a handful of the biggest controversies involving video games.
LOVE ON THE ROCKS
In 2009 Courtney Love, widow of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, licensed her husband’s image to Activision for use in its latest Guitar Hero music simulator game, Guitar Hero 5. She thought Cobain’s image would only be seen on-screen playing guitar along with the Nirvana songs in the game, but was shocked when she saw a YouTube clip of “Cobain” playing a song by the ’80s hair-metal band Bon Jovi—something Cobain would have loathed. Love sued Activision for misappropriating Cobain’s image. Activision CEO Dan Rosensweig responded in public, saying Love’s contract clearly permits the use of Cobain’s image, and that Love “happily cashed the check.” The suit is still pending.
NO WAY, JOSÉ
In April 2000, Jose Rabadan Pardo of Madrid murdered his parents and his sister with a katana, a Japanese sword. Afterward, police investigating the case suspected that Pardo’s crime may have been triggered by delusions stemming from round-the-clock video game play. Pardo, they said, believed that the video game Final Fantasy VIII was real and that he was a character in it—“Squall Leonhard,” a sword-toting mercenary on a mission of revenge. Just as Leonhard avenged his “enemies” in the game by killing them with a sword, so did Pardo in real life. But further investigation revealed that Pardo may have been faking his delusions to avoid prison. Evidence showed that he’d been planning the murders for two weeks, and that immediately after the killings, he dumped his bloody clothes far away from home, something a noble warrior in the feudal world of Final Fantasy (or a mentally ill person) probably wouldn’t do. He was sentenced to eight years in a Spanish psychiatric hospital…and was released in 2008.
Study: Only 50% of emergency-room personnel wash their hands during their shifts.
PLAYING DIRTY
Video games took off in 1982, with arcade and home consoles like Atari earning billions. The games were purchased and played primarily by children and teenagers, leading to a moral crusade over the negative effects of video games, namely that they were a waste of time and that video-game arcades attracted juvenile delinquents. So when a company called Mystique began releasing sexually explicit video games for the Atari 2600 home console in 1982, it generated even more negative attention. The most infamous was Custer’s Revenge, in which the player controlled a naked General George Custer as he dodged arrows while attempting to reach, and then rape, a nude Native American woman tied to a post. Custer’s Revenge drew outrage from numerous women’s and Native American groups and was banned in Oklahoma City (where there is a large Native American population). But it sold nearly 80,000 copies nationwide before Mystique finally bowed to pressure and pulled the game from stores. Mystique went on to release more potentially offensive games (including Bachelor Party and Philly Flasher), and then attempted to reap the benefits of the free publicity from the resulting controversy. It didn’t work—Mystique went out of business in 1983.
JOE LIEBERMAN, ZOMBIE KILLER
Connecticut senator Joe Lieberman has frequently spoken out against violent pop culture that he finds offensive and believes is harmful to young audiences. He once called for sweeping censorship of the Internet, and he supported Tipper Gore’s mid-1980s crusade to label music. In 2005 he publicly criticized the Xbox game Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse. He called it “cannibalistic,” with the capacity to “harm the entirety of American youth.” He may have been a little off base. With all of the violent video games on the market (Grand Theft Auto, Metal Gear Solid, Halo, for example), Lieberman decided to go after one that was fairly tame. Stubbs wasn’t a gorefest—it was a comic adventure set in the 1950s, featuring a bumbling zombie who isn’t very good at hunting for brains. Further, the kids that Lieberman claimed would be corrupted by the game couldn’t even buy it. The game had a rating of “M,” meaning gamers under the age of 17 couldn’t buy or rent it. Before Lieberman decried it, Stubbs was just another video game. Thanks to Lieberman’s rant, it became “controversial” (which probably helped sales).
There are more than 120 Boy Scout merit badges (including one for dentistry).
PILOT (T)ERROR
When you’re on a plane, do you wonder about the “professional” sitting in the cockpit? Is he a suicidal nut? A war criminal? Is he even a real pilot? If you never wondered before, you will after you read these.
HIGH ANXIETY
“Imagine your adrenaline is being excited by the roar of the 747 engines as you thunder down the runway. Just after lift-off, there’s a sudden hush from those massive engines. Your heart is in your mouth, pumping as it had never done before.” Those are the opening lines from a book called One Obsession, Two Obsession, Three Obsession, Four, written by a former Qantas Airlines pilot named Bryan Griffin. Hired in 1966, the Australian pilot developed a compulsive urge to crash a plane, and it grew worse and worse as the years passed. A few times he even had to grab his own hand to keep it from shutting off the engines. “It’s like it wasn’t even my arm,” he said. In 1979 Griffin finally informed his bosses of his urges but, amazingly, they cleared him to fly. Then a psychiatrist diagnosed him with severe obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, and depression. But still, Qantas cleared him to fly. Fortunately for passengers, in 1982 Griffin quit. He spent the next 28 years working odd jobs, seeing psychiatrists, writing his book, and filing lawsuits against Qantas. In 2010 a judge finally ruled that airline officials had “exacerbated” Griffin’s condition by continuing to let him fly and awarded him $160,000 for loss of earnings, medical expenses, and legal costs.
ON-THE-JOB TRAINING
A Boeing 737 carrying 101 passengers was about to take off in Amsterdam in March 2010 when police boarded and walked into the cockpit. A few minutes later, they returned with the pilot in handcuffs and took him off the plane. When a passenger asked a flight attendant what was going on, he responded, “He w
asn’t a real pilot, but we have one coming on to replace him.” Technically, the 41-year-old man (name not released) was a pilot, but he was certified to fly only very small planes. Thirteen years earlier, he had meticulously falsified his pilot’s license so it said he could operate passenger jets as well. He then logged more than 10,000 flying hours with several airlines, never having earned a valid license. Dutch police said the man, from Sweden, actually seemed relieved when they finally caught him: He tore off his flying stripes and handed them to the officers.
Price of adult admission to Disneyland in 1955: $1. In 2010: $76.
STOP DRAGGING YOUR TAIL AROUND
Prior to takeoff in Wellington, New Zealand, in 2001, the first officer of a Singapore-bound 747 entered the plane’s weight into the flight computer, and the captain confirmed the numbers. Unfortunately, the first officer’s estimate was short by 110 tons. When the 747 attempted to lift off with nearly 400 people aboard, it was traveling much too slowly. The nose lifted off the ground, but the rest of the aircraft did not, causing the tail to drag on the runway for 1,600 feet. By the time the plane became airborne, the tail was engulfed in flames. The pilots made a hasty turnaround and landed safely. The investigation revealed some disturbing facts: The pilot had little experience flying 747s and was accustomed to taking off at much slower speeds; the first officer also had little experience in 747s; and the third pilot, who did have experience and should have noticed, had been distracted by an argument with the ground crew over whether the plane was carrying enough fuel. All three pilots were reprimanded.
THE SCENIC ROUTE
Forty-five minutes into their flight, the 40 passengers aboard Hawaii’s go! Mokulele Airlines jet became concerned when they looked out and saw only ocean. The September 2008 flight from Honolulu to Hilo should have already landed. Air Traffic Control was wondering the same thing: They’d radioed the two pilots, Scott Oltman and Dillon Shipley, but received no response. Finally, after nearly 20 minutes and a dozen calls, Shipley answered, “Yeah, we’re here. Switching off auto-pilot and turning around for final approach.” The plane landed safely, but during questioning both pilots admitted to having fallen asleep. Their licenses were suspended; they were later fired by the airline.
First 100% synthetic material ever created: Bakelite, a plastic invented in 1907.
THE UNFRIENDLY SKIES
An Argentina-born Dutch pilot named Julio Poch, 57, was arrested moments before his Transavia flight was set to take off from Spain in 2009. His past, it seemed, had finally caught up with him…because he bragged about it. In the 1980s, Poch had served in Argentina’s military dictatorship and, according to the Argentinian Human Rights Secretariat in 2007, “he boasted of having been a pilot of the aircraft that threw live prisoners into the sea after the military coup.” According to his colleagues, Poch was unrepentant, explaining, “It was war.” He was extradited to Argentina and charged with 950 crimes against humanity. (After an eight-hour delay, the flight took off with a new crew; the passengers were never told why the pilot was led away in handcuffs.)
BRB
Only a few hundred feet from touching down in Singapore in May 2010, an Australian Jetstar Airbus carrying 167 passengers was forced to abort the landing and circle the airport for another attempt. Why did the plane have to abort? Because the landing gear wasn’t down. Why wasn’t the landing gear down? Because the pilot whose job it was to pull the landing gear lever was distracted. Why was he distracted? According to SkyNews, he was sending a text message on his cell phone. The plane landed safely and the pilot was suspended pending an investigation. OMG!
THE LAW SURE DID KETCHUP WITH HER
Officials and patrons at the Ada County Library in Boise, Idaho, were perplexed by a bizarre series of crimes in 2009 and 2010: Someone was dumping ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and even syrup into the book drop box. After dozens of books had been damaged, police staked out the drop box and busted Joy L. Cassidy, 74, with a jar of mayonnaise in her car. Her motive is still unknown, but police did say that she was mentally competent enough to stand trial. (We assume they’ll throw the book at her.)
Journalist slang: A fluff or filler news piece is called “bubble wrap.”
THE NANNY STATE QUIZ
The British government has been accused of filling their law books with nitpicky regulations covering the details of everything from public safety to energy consumption. Result: a legal system that critics say treats its citizens like babies unable to think or care for themselves without help from the government, hence the nickname “the Nanny State.” How much truth is there to the charge? Take this quiz and find out. (Answers on page 537.)
1. On orders from the British government, between 2007 and 2009 local governments (“councils”) spent £1.65 million ($2.5 million) addressing which of the following threats to public safety:
a) Unsafe tire pressure. The money was spent issuing tire gauges to “traffic wardens” (meter maids) to enable them to check tire pressure on parked cars and issue tickets to “at-risk offenders.”
b) Wobbly tombstones. As many as a million tombstones in cemeteries all over the U.K. were subjected to a device called a “topple tester” to see if they were in danger of falling over. Unsafe grave markers were strapped and propped up with stakes, then flagged with large yellow stickers to warn mourners of the danger.
c) “Dangerously hot” beverages. The money was used to develop a cup lid that seals shut when a beverage is too hot. Fine for not using the “locking lid” while driving: £50 (about $78).
2. In 2008 the West Sussex County Council in southern England proposed a £20 fine for which of the following offenses:
a) Leaving your engine running while stuck in traffic.
b) Drying underwear on washlines within 150 ft. of a school.
c) Cursing within earshot of public officials or the Queen.
3. In 2007 the British government made which of the following changes to the criminal justice system:
a) Persons convicted of soccer hooliganism must attend mandatory “sports fan etiquette and anger control” courses.
b) Instead of arresting shoplifters, police now issue £80 ($125) “penalty notices,” similar to parking tickets, for thefts under £200 ($312). They do not appear on the thief’s criminal record.
During the 1930s, speed typing was a popular competitive “sport.”
c) Motorists with five speeding offenses in a two-year period must have a speed-limiting device called a “speed guv” (short for “governor”) installed in their vehicle “to prevent repeat offenses.”
4. The public pool owned by the Hackney (East London) Council is closed to swimmers whenever which of the following occurs:
a) It rains—the pool is closed when it becomes “too wet to swim.”
b) A swimmer is seen entering the pool without showering first.
c) 45 minutes have elapsed since the last urine test. (The pool is closed for 15 minutes every hour and tested for the presence of urine; if the pool is found to be pee-free, swimmers may re-enter.)
5. At least 2.6 million British households have had a microchip installed in which of the following items by their local government councils:
a) TVs, to supervise the viewing habits of families with children.
b) Washing machines, to monitor which households waste water.
c) Trash cans, to monitor how much garbage people throw away.
6. In 2008 the British government caused a public uproar when it made plans to publish which of the following:
a) The income of every citizen in the United Kingdom (to discourage tax fraud).
b) The names of every citizen treated for a sexually transmitted disease within the past ten years (enabling people to find out whether their partners are infected).
c) Guidelines for the safe consumption of alcohol by children.
7. In 2009 the British government launched a pilot program to pay British citizens to do which of the following:
a) Turn off the
TV and read a book. Reward: £1 ($1.50) for every hour spent reading a book on the “approved reading list.”
b) Lose weight. The fattest Britons who lose the most weight (and keep it off for six months) receive up to £425 ($665).
c) Pick up after their dogs. Dog owners are paid £1 for each pound of poop they turn in to the local animal control office. (Title of the program: P3—“One Pound per Pound at the Pound”).
First movie Steven Spielberg ever saw: The Greatest Show on Earth, at age 4.
MMM…WORDS
The Simpsons has been on the air for more than 20 years, and in that time the show’s writers have invented dozens of words (some of which have actually made it into common usage). Here’s a sampling.
MEH: An expression of indifference, first uttered by Lisa when Homer wanted to take the family to a Legoland-like theme park.
YOINK: In a 1993 episode, Homer yanks a wad of money right out of Marge’s hand and says “yoink” as he does so. It’s since been said by other characters when they’re stealing something, and has become part of the vernacular—half slang for “stealing,” half sound effect.
KWIJIBO: To wrap up a game of Scrabble, Bart puts all his letters on the game board to form the imaginary word kwijibo, which he defines as “a big, dumb, balding North American ape with no chin and a short temper” (i.e., Homer).
ZAZZ: Lisa is told by a TV producer that Bart, unlike her, has plenty of “zazz,” which means flair and charisma.
SMARCH: In a 1995 episode, Springfield Elementary receives misprinted calendars that include an extra month called Smarch. (Smarch is almost always included in Simpsons calendars.)
EMBIGGENS: Springfield town founder Jebediah Springfield coined the town’s motto, “A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.”
CROMULENT: Lisa questions whether the founder of Springfield ever really said the town motto, especially the made-up sounding embiggens, but is reassured by her teacher that embiggens is a “perfectly cromulent word.”
Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader@ Page 38