Brandon’s voice beside pulls me away from staring at the man who has been driving me wild. I’m pleased for the distraction and listen in. “You have a crush on Caden,” he teases.
Shit. I was wrong. It is not a good distraction.
I look around, frantic, hoping that no one heard. “Shhh,” I say with urgency.
His eyes widen like he’s just won the lottery. “It’s true,” he laughs.
“Is not,” I snap back like some teenage girl.
“Why don’t you just kiss him?” he giggles.
I look around once again and slide down in my chair so he can hear my whispers. “I can’t kiss him,” I admit.
“Why?”
I search out Cole and point towards him. “See that guy?” I question before looking over at Brandon to see his nod. “That’s my brother. He’s also Caden’s best friend.”
“Ahhhh,” Brandon says a little too loudly which draws the attention of Katia and Susan. “But you want to kiss him, don’t you?”
I roll my eyes before pushing myself back up in my chair. I let out a sigh. “I don’t know,” I say before looking back at Caden to see his curious eyes on us.
The conversation comes to an end and we sit patiently as we wait. Brandon taps his foot on the ground as the excitement is almost too much for him to handle. I laugh to myself thinking how the second he faces Caden, he’ll pretend like he’s too cool to be here, but secretly pissing himself with happiness.
“Why don’t you go and warm up,” I say as I point over to the floor area where he can do some stretches.
His eyes follow the movement before turning back to me. “Really?” he questions.
“Yeah, of course,” I laugh.
With that, he flies out of his spot and makes his way over to the floor area and instantly drops down to the ground. He puts himself through a few stretches, though, to be honest, I’m not really sure what he’s doing as he’s completely making it all up. I consider going over there and showing him a few things when Caden finishes up and makes his way over to Brandon.
Caden watches him as he approaches and smirks to himself as he takes him in. I study the look on his face and it’s like there’s an odd affection for him and I wonder if Caden has a soft spot for the kid, just like I do.
As Caden reaches him, Brandon jumps to his feet, and to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he saluted him. I mean, the kid is stoked to see him.
Caden ushers Brandon away and gets started on their session. I watch as Caden goes through all the ups and downs of creating a perfect kick. He explains which part of the body that should be connecting with your target and what part of your body you want to draw your power from.
Brandon nods along and sucks up every ounce of information Caden is giving him, and there’s no doubt in my mind that if Brandon keeps up this level of enthusiasm, he’ll make it far in the MMA world.
I spend the next hour chatting with Susan. She tells me about her work and then goes on to ask my advice about a few particular children she’s been struggling with, and to tell the truth, the fact that someone is asking for my professional advice and completely eating it up, hell, even making notes, makes me feel extremely valued as a therapist.
Before I know it, the hour is up and Caden is bringing Brandon back to us. He’s hardly even hit the foyer before he’s already spewing out every detail of his session with Caden. It’s hard not to smile at his enthusiasm, but I absolutely adore it, so I ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ at all the right times.
Having Brandon around with his great big smile has me forgetting that Caden is standing right beside me and I cherish these few moments of peace as I know the second he leaves, I’m back to the real world where my hearts been aching.
Katia eventually leads Brandon out the door with Susan right behind them, but Brandon pulls back and practically barrels right into me. He brings up his hands and cups them around his mouth before leaning in to whisper in my ear.
My eyebrows furrow as I strain to hear him. “I told Caden you want to kiss him,” he says.
Crap. My eyes flick across to Caden who watches us with an amused grin and it’s clear he knows exactly what Brandon has just said. I mean, I guess it’s only fair. I make him talk about his feelings and come to terms with the way things are, so I guess it’s only fair of him to force me to do the same.
I cringe before turning back to Brandon. “Thanks,” I groan. “Now, get out of here. Katia’s waiting for you.”
He hurries along and I turn to Caden. “See you later,” I say before stepping towards the door.
I’m stopped with a warm hand at my elbow. “Wait,” he murmurs. I turn back to him and the haunted look in his eyes has me searching across the room for Cole’s whereabouts. He’s far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to hear a single word spoken here, so I look back at Caden. “I, um… I’m going to tell him tonight,” he says as a warning.
Damn.
I let out a breath as my heart shatters for my brother. This is going to kill him. I can’t help but watch Cole as he packs away some weights that have been left out. From this moment on, I know our relationship will never be the same. He will still love me fiercely, but he’ll always doubt me. He’ll always wonder if I’m being truthful and that fact alone has a tear escaping my eyes. I nod to Caden and give him a tight smile. “Thanks,” I say before turning to the door and leaving Rebels Advocate behind.
Chapter 14
Caden
I feel sick.
I sit in a booth at The Dark Room with Cole. He thinks we’re here letting off steam and having a good time. If only he knew I was a backstabbing prick who’s been fucking his baby sister.
This moment has been circling my mind for the past year and I feel like fucking scum that it’s taken me this long to come clean. He’s my best friend and I owe him so much more than that. Imogen is his baby sister and he loves her more than life itself. He would do anything for her, including protecting her from men like me.
Fuck. What the hell have I got myself into?
Seeing her today was one of the hardest things I’ve ever suffered through. I broke my leg and shattered my ankle when I was fifteen and I’d happily take that pain over the feeling I had today. I knew it would suck, but man, it was horrendous.
She walked into Rebels with this terrified look on her face and I knew it was because she was anxious to see me, though, she shouldn’t have been. It’s not like we had a nasty break up, we’re just two people who were sleeping together and decided to stop, but that doesn’t explain why I was anxious too.
All I know is she looked like the fucking sun coming in through my doors. I wanted to go to her. I wanted to tell her that we were fools for stopping. I wanted to tell her that I’d risk my friendship with Cole just to be with her again. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. She’s already made up her mind. She doesn’t want to keep doing our fucked up little dance and I respect her decision, no matter how hard it is.
Maybe after a few months, or maybe a year, we could work on regaining the relationship we had before we started sleeping together. The easy carefree one where she’d treat me like her big brother and I’d protect her as though she were my own flesh and blood.
Jesus. That’s a load a shit. I’ve never treated her as though she were my family. She was always more than that.
Since the day we started sleeping together, I’ve been asking myself why. Why am I doing this? Why am I risking my friendship with Cole? Why does it feel so good with her? Then in the past two days, why does my chest ache? Why can’t I stop thinking about her? Why do I feel as though I’ve made the biggest fucking mistake of my life?
I know exactly why.
I’ve been in love with Imogen Lewis since I was fucking thirteen years old.
I knew it the day I first laid eyes on her and I fucking know it now. I watched her grow and each day I would wait patiently for my turn, but I never said a word. We were just kids then and I knew that one day I’d have my chance.
Well… I fucking had it and I blew it. I let her think it was nothing. I let her think it was just sex to me. I gave her what she wanted and hoped that maybe one day she’d come around.
Fuck, I wish I could have seen this coming so I could have done something about it before it was too late. I should have been honest with Cole years ago. I should have told him that I was in love with his little sister and maybe he would have been thrilled, maybe he would have beat me to a pulp, but at least then he would have been ok with it when she was ready.
If only I had just a little bit more time. I feel like she was starting to come around like her feelings were starting to develop into something more. Hell, I know she has to like me on some level, otherwise, she wouldn’t be crawling into my bed half the time.
At the beginning it was purely just sex with no emotion, well, no emotion on her side. She’d smile, I’d get her off, and she’d leave. Even without the emotion, it was fucking incredible. Then after a few weeks, she’d stay for a bit and we’d chat. I’d order dinner and we’d chill out. She started kissing me after that, you know, the flirty fun sort, not the passionate, I would die without you sort.
But then, over the past few weeks, the sex started to change. She would find my hands and hold onto me like she couldn’t get close enough. She’d text me randomly throughout the day and I fucking loved it. Then came the other night where we had that connection. It was her way of saying goodbye, but deep down, we both know the connection was there and I find myself still holding onto it.
I feel as though she was nearly ready to admit that her feelings have grown and that she was nearly ready for something, but it’s happened at exactly the wrong time. Cole is going to have the shits and it’s going to hold her back from starting anything with me ever again. My fucking chances are ruined.
I’ll go back to being the fucking manwhore I used to be. Wasting away while I wait for something that’s never going to happen. I’ll be having mediocre sex as nothing could ever compare to the way it felt with her. I can just see it now. Girl after girl coming and going while I watch over Imogen from a distance. She’ll get a little older and eventually find someone who will love her the way I want to, she’ll have babies and they’ll call me Uncle Caden.
Fuck me. I’m pathetic.
Cole returns from the bar and puts a beer down in front of me, instantly drawing me out of my tortured mind. “Thanks,” I grunt over the sound of the busy club as I pick it up and practically swallow the whole thing.
“Whoa,” Cole says. “Slow the fuck down. Are you trying to write yourself off?”
Fuck yes. The same way I have the last two nights. I ignore his question, but apparently, it doesn’t matter as he launches into a rundown of his sessions from today.
I try my best to give him my undivided attention and not think about his sister but it’s fucking hard. I have no doubt that had Rylee not figured it out, I’d be deep inside her right now.
We talk about Xander’s fight and he tells me some bullshit about Rylee trying to convince him to do a charity fight, but he’s apparently still on the fence about it as he thinks it would make him appear as some old retired has been.
I laugh it off but my nerves are fucking shot and the laughter doesn’t come from deep within as it usually would. I let out a sigh as I realize I’m just stalling for time. I have to get this shit over with. I turn to him and prepare myself for a moment of pure devastation that I’ll never forget. “So, I’ve be-”
“I need a refill,” he calls over the sound of the club, cutting me off while trying to get up out of the booth.
“I’ll go,” I tell him with a sigh. What are a few more minutes?
I grab his empty glass and head over to the bar where Rylee is busily serving some customers. She spots me and heads over to get us some more drinks. “How’s it going?” she asks with a pointed look.
“I’m doing it now,” I inform her.
“Shit,” she grunts as she looks back over my shoulder. I turn around to follow her gaze and find Cole in our booth looking down at his phone.
“Yeah,” I agree with a sigh.
Rylee places the drinks back down on the bar and I go to take them as Cami walks down to meet us. “What’s going on?” she questions as she studies me. “You look like someone’s just died.”
“I feel that way,” I scoff as I turn around and head back down to Cole.
I glance up to find Cole on his feet, standing in front of the booth holding his phone up beside him. “What the fuck is this?” he roars as he waves the phone before me.
I narrow my eyes in confusion as I try to work out what the fuck is going on when I realize it’s actually my phone he holds in his hand.
I don’t know how, but he knows. He found out himself rather than by me telling him which is so much worse. Now it looks as though I had no intention of telling him like I was willing to keep it from him for the rest of time.
“Fuck,” I grunt as I place the drinks down.
“You got a fucking message just now and I was going to ignore it until I saw Imogen’s name come across the screen. It got me thinking, why the fuck is my little sister texting my best friend? So, I opened it and you know what I found?” he yells. “You’ve been fucking my little sister, you fucking prink,” he roars, before launching the phone at me and getting up in my face. He hasn’t hit me yet and judging by the fights we’ve had in the past, he’s still hoping he’s wrong even though he’s seen the evidence for himself.
I hold my hands up in surrender. “I was going to tell you,” I say, sounding like biggest fucking scum bag on the planet.
“My fucking baby sister,” he says in utter disbelief.
I don’t know what to say. I’ve thought of this moment a million times, yet right here at the moment, I’ve got nothing.
“I fucking trusted you,” he yells before shoving me hard. I fall back a step into the crowd and he moves forward with me. “You’re supposed to be my fucking best friend. She’s only a kid.”
He stands there for a moment and from the rapid rise and fall of his shoulders, he’s trying his hardest to calm himself, but there’s a raging storm behind his eyes and I’ve only just uncovered the surface.
I see Rylee from across the dance floor, standing motionless behind the bar with wide eyes and I have no doubt that in just a matter of moment’s she’ll be right here, and I’m thankful for that. I’m willing to take anything Cole needs to send my way, but without Rylee here, I could be leaving in a body bag.
Needing to say something, I say the only thing that could possibly carry any sort of weight right now. I let out a breath and let him see right down into my soul. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head, not giving a shit about my apology. “You’re fucking sorry,” he scoffs. “How long?”
“Huh?”
“How fucking long, Caden? How long have you been fucking my sister behind my back?”
Shit.
“Since April,” I tell him. The slightest relief comes over his eyes and I have no doubt he thinks it’s the April that’s just been, but I have to be up front and honest. “Of last year.”
“Fuck,” he yells.
I don’t even see him rear back. His fist slams into my jaw and my whole body is thrown backward with the force of his punch. My head spins and I blink open my eyes to find myself on the sticky floor of the dance floor with Cole holding me down. He sits over my chest with his hands fisted into the front of my shirt. “You fucking bastard,” he roars over the sound of the music before slamming me back into the ground.
I know I should be fighting him off but I don’t dare. He needs this and I deserve it.
Girls scream and scatter as they try to get away from us while the men in the club just continue on, not giving a shit about the two guys in the middle of the dance room floor. Though, if we’re here long enough, we’ll get the dickheads who’ll try to join in.
His fist slams into me again and a breath of air escapes my lungs. “Fucking
do something,” Cole yells.
I’ve been in enough fights with him to know he wants me to fight back as he morally can’t keep going against someone who won’t defend themselves, but I simply can’t do it. I shake my head. “No. I betrayed you.”
“Do it,” he demands before his jaw clenches and his fist comes down again.
“Mother fucker,” I groan. That one fucking hurt. He gets a shot at my rib and if I was standing I know I’d be doubled over by now.
“Stop,” Rylee’s voice pierces through the crowd.
“Get back, Rylee,” Cole warns her.
“No,” she demands as she tries her best to get way too close to us, making it too hard for Cole to attempt to hit me again without hurting her in the process. “If you want to beat the shit out of him, that’s fine. Just don’t do it in my fucking club.”
His jaw clenches again and I see the desire to knock me the fuck out, and I don’t blame him. He fists his hands back in the material of my shirt and slams me down once again. “You better stay the fuck away from her.”
I nod my head and he eventually gets off me. Rylee leads him away and I’m left lying on the ground, wishing I wasn’t such a fucking prick.
With his weight off my chest, I take in a deep breath and find myself being hauled to my feet by Cami. She barely has enough strength to lift my arm let alone get me to my feet, so I help her out.
She leads me out the back of the bar and out the back door where the staff takes their smoke breaks. She sits me down before ducking back inside. She appears a moment later with my lost phone and hands me an ice-pack and a bottle of water.
“Thanks,” I grunt as I run my hand across my ribs.
She sits before me and studies me. “What the hell was that all about?” she finally asks.
I let out a sigh. “I’ve been sleeping with Imogen for just over a year now and Cole just found out.”
Caden: Rebels Advocate (Book 2) Page 10