“Is that why you’re always making stupid jokes at school?”
“Ouch,” he says, putting his hand to his heart. “You know, some people actually think I’m funny.”
“No they don’t.” I try to hold a straight face, but the corners of my mouth are fighting to turn up.
He just shakes his head and laughs. “Why do you always seem to have the upper hand with me?”
I raise my eyebrows and give him a smirk. “You didn’t answer the question.”
He looks down at his hands for a second, then back up at me. “Yeah, I guess that’s why,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I have to find some way to get noticed, next to the class Adonis.” He smiles half-heartedly, pretending it doesn’t really bother him.
“The way I see it,” I say with a smile, leaning my shoulder closer to his, “the comic relief is always the best part of the show anyway. Right?”
He laughs and slides a little closer to me on the step. My heart does a backflip. His eyes are bright in the moonlight and his smile is amazing. Nick seriously has nothing on him.
“That’s right! I mean, look at Bridesmaids. Melissa McCarthy makes that show. She’s awesome. I don’t even know who the lead actress is.”
“Yeah, exactly! I mean, they’re always the same person anyway. Incredibly good looking, but all insecure like they have no idea everyone loves them.”
“Ah, I hate that,” he groans.
“And kinda boring,” I add with a shrug.
“Very boring.” He leans forward, tipping his head closer to mine.
“I’d way rather hang out with the comic relief.” I smile up at him, my heart beating a mile a minute. I slide a little bit closer. Our shoulders are pressed together and it’s like touching one of those balls that makes your hair stand up. Everything feels electrified.
Our eyes lock on each other and I’m hoping, praying, that he’ll lean in and kiss me.
Lance is so close my fingers are trembling and I can’t even breathe. I’m tempted to close the distance between us myself. I lean a little bit closer, my heart racing.
“Hey, there you are.” Amber’s voice kills the moment and Lance flinches, jerking away from me. I turn toward Amber. Nick stands behind her, his arm around her waist, and all I can think is “go away!”
“The movie’s over,” Nick says.
“Oh, okay.” Lance scrambles to his feet. I quickly stand up, too, putting some space between me and him. I feel like we’ve been caught, even though we weren’t actually doing anything. Yet.
“I should probably get home,” Amber says, pouty faced. “My mom doesn’t want me to stay out too late; we have a family thing in the morning.”
“Okay.” I nod, but I’m so disappointed I want to cry. Things were just getting interesting here!
Nick kisses her on the cheek. “I’ll see you Monday,” he says into her ear. She grins and looks about ready to float away. I, on the other hand, feel weighted down. Sandbags are tied to my arms and legs, making it difficult to walk away. I so don’t want to leave yet.
Lance is rubbing the back of his neck and staring at his feet. His ears look red. He glances up at me as Amber drags me away.
Amber and I head down to the street. I glance back over my shoulder at Lance. He’s watching us walk away and he looks too cute for words, his hands in his pockets as he rocks on his feet. It takes all my strength not to actually whimper.
“I’ll see you later,” he calls out with a quick wave.
“Yeah.” I lamely nod back. Real smooth Mabel.
Amber links her arm in mine and practically skips down the street. “So, did you have fun?” she asks as soon as we’re out of earshot.
I look at her fixed-on grin and slightly messy hair. “Not as much fun as you,” I say, jabbing her in the side. She laughs and squeals. The rest of the walk back to my house is filled with her telling me all about what a great kisser Nick was, how soft his hair is, how good he smelled, how cute he is and a bunch of other stuff I couldn’t care less about. I smile and nod and try to act like I give a damn.
In the back of my head, I daydream about Lance.
Chapter Ten
I stand in the hallway at school and stare at Mabel. She’s at her locker with Amber, and they’re laughing about something. She’s wearing the red sweater she wore on our first date, and for some reason that makes me want to wrap my arms around her even more than normal.
I am determined to ask her out. She’s all I’ve been able to think about for days; the feel of her arm leaning against me, her face getting closer and closer to mine, the smell of lilacs.
“All right, you gonna go through with it?” Nick walks up behind me and asks for the millionth time.
“Yes.”
“Liar.” He shakes his head and looks at me like I’m a huge disappointment. “You know you’re going to chicken out again. You should have just kissed her.”
“I didn’t chicken out. You and Amber interrupted us,” I snap at him. My body is too tense, I feel about ready to burst. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to relax. “I was going to ask her out, I just didn’t get a chance.”
“Uh huh,” he says, rolling his eyes.
“Just shut up, all right?” I bark at him, every muscle in my body tightening again. He laughs. He knows how nervous I am and, because he’s a sick and twisted ass, he’s totally enjoying it.
“Well, I’m heading over there. You see, I actually have a girlfriend, and she’s waiting for me,” he says, pointing at Amber and looking smug as hell. “You can stand here like a loser, or you can find your balls and ask Maybie out. It’s up to you.” He turns around and starts to head toward the girls. I run my hands through my hair, take a deep breath, and jog after him.
In the six seconds it takes to reach Mabel’s locker I ask her out in my head over and over again. You want to go out to dinner Friday night? I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me? No, that sounds lame. I was wondering if you’d want to go out some time? No, not “some time.” Be specific. Hey, you want to go out Friday night?
Crap, we’re here.
***
On Monday morning, Amber and I are talking at my locker when Nick and Lance walk up. Just the sight of him gives me a warm gooey feeling and I start to smile.
“Hey,” Nick says. To Amber of course. His eyes are fixed on her and I swear I could fall through the floor right now and he wouldn’t notice. Of course, neither would she.
I don’t care. I’m focused on Lance.
“Hey,” Amber says back, all sweetly. After that stunning bout of conversation they walk off together toward their next class, her hand in his back pocket.
“And that’s why they need comic relief,” I say to Lance, who is still standing beside me.
“Yeah, no kidding.” He laughs a little at our private joke, but he’s looking down the hall at them. “I guess they won’t need us for any more double dates, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess not.” The muscles around my heart tighten up; my stomach is one giant knot. Is he going to ask me out?
He’s still watching Nick and Amber. Or maybe just Amber.
“Guys like Nick always get the girl,” he says with a sigh.
And there it is.
Of course Amber was ‘the girl.’ She’s always ‘the girl.’
I feel like I’m going to throw up. Suddenly I wish I could crawl into my locker and disappear. It was always about her. Aphrodite. I feel so stupid. I should have known better. Hadn’t I learned that lesson after Mike?
I can’t believe I thought he was going to kiss me the other night when really he was just lamenting about not being the one kissing Amber. And there I was, leaning into him like an idiot. Thank God Amber interrupted before I did something really embarrassing. Like kiss him.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I say softly. I can barely get the words out. My throat starts to close up and pressure builds behind my eyes. I slam my locker shut. “I gotta get going.�
� I can’t believe I actually talked myself into thinking it was me he liked, when all signs pointed to her. Again.
“Oh yeah, um, okay,” he says, turning back to look at me. He looks all flustered. Well, there’s no way he’s as embarrassed as I am. I can’t believe I actually thought someone might notice me with the Queen of Hearts standing so close by.
I basically run down the hall, clutching my books to my chest. I slip into the girls’ bathroom and head straight for the closest stall. I shut and lock the door, then spin to lean against it. It’s cold against my back and a chill spreads through my arms and my legs. I take a deep breath as the bell rings. My eyes fill with tears, but I wipe them before they can fall.
It’s the scene you don’t see in the movies. The camera is still on the lead, starry-eyed and happy. No one really cares what happens to the best friend, as long as the heroine gets her man.
Chapter Eleven
I haven’t seen Mabel in a couple days. I mean, I’ve seen her in English class, sort of. She sits behind me. It’s hard to find a way to turn around and look at her without it being totally obvious I’m looking at her. We’re studying Shakespeare and, as lame as this sounds, I actually find myself enjoying the sonnets. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day,” makes me think of that afternoon in the park with Mabel, the way the sunlight hit her face and made her skin glow.
If I said any of this to Nick he’d slap me and tell me to quit being such a girl. But I can’t stop thinking about her.
But then, every day, as soon as class is over, she vanishes. She makes it out that door at warp speed.
I catch glimpses of her in the hall, always in a hurry, her dark hair trailing behind her. I was starting to worry that she might be avoiding me, but I know I’m just psyching myself out.
No more excuses. Today I am asking her out before I lose my nerve again.
The moment the bell rings I bolt to the door and reach it before she does.
“Hey Maybie,” I say as she tries to dart by me.
“Hi,” she says, barely slowing. I fall into step beside her and walk with her to her locker. I take a deep breath and push the words out before I can change my mind.
“Hey, you want to go out Saturday night?” Now that it’s out there, I feel like I might throw up.
She turns and looks up at me like I’m crazy. My pulse speeds up even more and I glance at the floor. Glance at her. She still hasn’t answered. Time has slowed down to extend my misery.
“Really?” she asks, sounding skeptical.
“Um, yeah. Maybe we could see if Amber and Nick want to come along,” I add quickly, hoping it will make the whole thing sound a bit more appealing. Instead her face darkens and she purses her lips.
“Ya know what, Lance?” she asks, dropping her books into her locker with a loud “clunk.” “I think maybe we should just leave Amber and Nick alone. They seem to be doing just fine. You were right. We’re secondary characters. It’s time for us to disappear.” She slams her locker shut, then spins around and storms off.
I stare after her, my heart in my shoes. What did I do? How the hell did I screw this up so completely?
***
For the next two weeks I ignore Amber and the guys. Avoiding Amber proves to be easy enough; she’s totally wrapped up in her new, perfect boyfriend. Every once in a while she stops by my locker for a couple minutes, usually to tell me about something Nick did or said that was “so stinkin’ cute!” Yeah, adorable.
Lance is more difficult at first. He seems to be everywhere. Twice on Monday I see him lingering by my locker. Both times I go straight to my next class without getting the stuff I needed for it and end up getting yelled at by my teachers. Crappy, but better than having to face him.
But he must have finally taken the hint. Now he avoids me, too.
The real problem is English class.
English is a class I normally don’t mind, but it’s the one class I have with Lance and it sucks. Thank God he sits two rows in front of me. So when I find myself staring at him, which is far too often, at least I don’t have to worry about him noticing.
My eyes roam over his broad shoulders and the curve of his neck when the teacher calls his name.
“Lance, why don’t you come up here and read this part,” Mrs. Sandberg says. We’ve been studying Shakespeare, and every once in a while she makes someone get up and read out loud. She says Shakespeare was meant to be performed, experienced, not just read from a book in a classroom. Most of the class can’t stand her.
Lance walks up to the front of the classroom holding Romeo and Juliet. I’ve been daydreaming and have no idea what part we’re on.
“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun.” His eyes stay glued to the page as he reads the beginning of the balcony scene. His voice is soft. I watch the way his lips move as he speaks. “It is my lady, O, it is my love!”
“No, no, no,” Mrs. Sandberg interrupts him. He stops and looks up at her. “This is the moment when he sees Juliet, his love! You can’t say it to a book.” She starts to survey the class. “Perhaps we need someone else to come up, too. Someone to play off of.” Her eyes stop on me.
No no no no no! Please don’t make me go up there.
“Mabel, why don’t you come up and read the part of Juliet?”
What can I say? I can’t, if I do I might burst into flames. I slowly stand up and stare at my feet as I walk to the front of the room to stand beside Lance. I grip my book like it’s a life preserver.
“Now turn to each other and begin again,” Mrs. Sandberg says.
I’m really starting to hate her.
“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks,” Lance says again, still speaking to the page. Then suddenly he looks up at me. “Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief.”
The poor moon. I know how she feels.
His eyes are so blue. My heart feels like it is being pulled right out of my chest, like some sort of magnetic force is tugging it toward him so strongly I might just tip over.
“It is my lady, O, it is my love.” His eyes are still locked on mine. They’re dark blue pools I could dive right into.
“O that she knew she were,” he says softly and I swear his cheeks get a little pink. He takes this extra-long pause that goes forever, or maybe it just seems that way to me because I’ve stopped breathing.
“Ay me,” I say Juliet’s line with a sigh. Someone in the back row coughs and things return to normal. The magnet is turned off; I’m able to pull my gaze away from his face and fill my lungs with air again. I feel my cheeks get hot. I carefully avoid eye contact with him as we finish reading the scene.
The bell rings and I sprint out of the room at a speed a cheetah would envy.
I try to shake him out of my head. It’s all so crazy. A month ago I barely registered his existence, except to roll my eyes at some stupid joke. Now he’s all I can think about. The way his eyes crinkle up when he smiles. His dimples. The fact that he understood what it feels like to always be in someone else’s shadow, to feel like a secondary character in your own life. The way that he made that feeling go away, if only for a moment. The look on his face and the sound of his laugh when we sat together on his front steps. It echoes in my head. I’m so pathetic.
Chapter Twelve
I dump my dark blue messenger bag into my locker with a “thump” and half my things come falling out. I don’t even care. I scoop a lip gloss tube off the floor, toss it in and slam the locker door shut. I’m grumpy and whiny to the point I’m even annoying myself. There are posters all over the halls for some stupid dance. Amber and all the other girls talking about dresses and jewelry and high heels, have not helped my mood.
I see one of the posters as I run from English class and am tempted to rip it right off the wall. Bitter much?
On the upside, at least no one has really had to deal with me. I’ve become pretty good at avoiding all hum
an contact. The fact that no one seems to mind makes it even worse though. The closest thing I’ve had to a conversation with Amber lately is a Facebook tag. She thanked me and Lance via status update for helping her and Nick get together.
No problem, Amber. That’s what I’m here for, after all. The job of a secondary character is to help the heroine. And the heroine always gets her man.
All it cost me was a bruised ego and a few weeks of having to go into hiding.
Blech. I know I’m being over-dramatic and it’s all so stupid. A few weeks ago everything was fine. And it’s Lance. Obnoxious, loud-mouthed, thinks-he’s-so-hilarious (except maybe he kind of is), sweet, helpful, adorable Lance. Oh God, how did this happen?
When I get home after school I drop my crap in the entryway and bolt for my room. I shut the door and have my finger on the button to my stereo when I hear Sophie’s voice outside my door.
“Will you read to me?” she asks, and I can hear her tapping a book against my door.
“Not. Right. Now,” I say as nicely as I can.
“Will you play Mario Kart with me?”
“Not now.” My jaw tightens. I take a deep breath and try to stay calm. It’s not like she’s trying to annoy me.
“How about Just Dance?” Her voice is chipper, despite the first two rejections, and I can’t hold in my irritation anymore.
“No! Leave me alone,” I snap.
There’s silence on the other side of the door. No footsteps. She’s still standing there.
“You’re grumpy!” she finally yells back before stomping off down the hall.
Sorry, Sophs. Yes, yes I am. I hit the button on the stereo and lay down on my bed, hoping the music will drown out the rest of the day.
***
I’m not sure what the hell went wrong, but I’ve decided I’m not giving up just yet. Something about the way Mabel looked at me in English class made me think maybe, just maybe, I still have a shot. It may only be wishful thinking. Okay, it’s probably just wishful thinking, but I don’t care.
Secondary Characters Page 5