“Trucker?” Helen’s voice was sleepy. Sexy. God, he was in trouble! She’d reached out to him. Had called his name to assure herself things were good.
“Hi, baby,” he said, sitting on the side of the bed. He stroked her hair, smoothing it back from her face. “Go back to sleep. The little princess is fine. Warm and content.”
She reached up and circled his wrist with her small hand. “Will you stay with us tonight?” This startled Trucker. It must have shown on his face because she hastily released him and added. “You don’t have to. I - I just --”
He cut her off with a quick kiss. A firm but gentle pressing of his lips to hers. It was meant only to silence her, but the damage was done. It took everything in Trucker for him not to deepen his kiss. His lips tingled where they touched hers. She trembled beneath him but didn’t pull away, her hand tightening on his wrist. Trucker gritted his teeth and kept it light, but he had no idea how he managed.
Ending that kiss was one of the hardest things Trucker had ever done. He wanted this woman with everything in him, but not now. She was still healing from physical and psychological wounds he couldn’t fathom. Now, she needed tender care. Mama was right. He needed to be her rock. Not a boulder smashing into her life.
“Never be afraid to ask me for anything, Helen,” he said, placing his forehead against hers. “You need somethin’, I’m here for you.”
Wide-eyed, she placed trembling fingers to her lips. “You kissed me,” she whispered.
He grinned. “I did. I won’t do it again if you don’t want me to, but I wanted the privilege of doing it once. Didn’t want to risk you saying no.”
“I… OK,” Helen said. “Only…”
When she didn’t continue, Trucker gently asked, “Only what, baby?”
“Well, will you do it again?”
With a smile, he said, “It would be my sincerest pleasure.”
Her arms came around his neck as she tilted her face up to him. Lips parting, she welcomed him eagerly. Trucker grunted as she opened for him, sweeping his tongue inside to dance with hers wickedly. Whimpers escaped from Helen as he continued with languid strokes of his tongue against hers. When she subtly rocked her hips beside him, Trucker slid one hand down her hip to her thigh and back. She was clothed in yoga pants and a T-shirt, comfortable clothing for ease of movement and that didn’t aggravate her surgical site. It was that reminder alone that made Trucker keep his aggression in check. Everything male inside him was screaming at him to claim his woman. But he couldn’t. Not now. Soon, but not now.
He ended the kiss with a groan of despair. God, he wanted her! “Jesus,” he whispered. “What the fuck am I gonna do with you, baby?”
“Why’d you stop? You know I want you, too.” She sounded faintly hurt, out of breath and needy in her lust.
“Not because I wanted to stop,” he answered. Unable to resist, he trailed kisses down her neck to her shoulder. She shivered, and her fingers tightened in the hair at the nape of his neck. “Mama would have my hide if she found out I fucked you before she gave the OK.”
Helen blushed. He felt her skin heat as he continued to lick and nip at her neck, scraping his short beard over her delicate flesh. “You talk to her about your sex life?”
He chuckled. “Only because you’ve been through some pretty significant trauma, baby. If I didn’t wait to get her clearance, she’d beat me to a bloody pulp, and she should. I’m not taking any chances on hurting you.”
“What if I wanted you anyway?”
“God, Helen. Don’t fuckin’ tempt me. It’s hard enough as it is. You’re too important to me to risk it.”
“But --”
“I’ll talk to Mama tomorrow. If you think I’ll wait one second more than I have to, you’re fuckin’ crazy.”
She giggled, not loosening her hold on him. “You’re the crazy one.”
Trucker worked his lips around her neck to kiss her chin, then her nose. “I’ve never felt saner in my life, Helen.”
“Am I really important to you? I mean, you’ve made yourself important to me. I’ve never had a man treat me so good in my whole life. All I’ve done for you is bring trouble to your door.”
Trucker thought about it awhile. Why did he feel so strongly for her? Was it that she was a damsel in distress? No. He flatly rejected that notion because he’d always believed his woman needed to be strong. He wanted her to rely on him, but with ExFil and the runs he did for Bones, any woman in his life had to understand his life wasn’t pretty. He had no idea what kind of life Helen had before all this happened to her, but he thought it was pretty normal.
“There’s something inside you, Helen. You’re vulnerable, but resolved. You’re a survivor. You showed that by making it this far and not allowing anyone to kill you or your child.”
“I’m not sure I really had anything to do with that. If Carol hadn’t come along, there wouldn’t have been much I could have done about it.”
“Maybe not, but you fought. Cheetah told us you were fightin’ with all you had in you, considerin’ you were so far into your pregnancy.”
She sighed. “Are you guys really going to kill Levi and his friend?”
“We are. Since the hit is inside our territory, Cain excluded me from the operation, so I’ll be stayin’ here with you. Torpedo is leadin’ the group. They’re all restin’ up right now. Should be leavin’ to take care of that motherfucker in about eight hours or so.”
“I don’t want anyone hurt on my account. I want Levi dead more than just about anything, and I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I know I could never live with myself if someone from Bones was hurt because of this.”
“Don’t worry your pretty head about that, baby. Sometimes things go wrong. No matter how much you prepare for a mission, the situation is always fluid. You have to adapt. This group is the best there is at adapting. Ain’t sayin’ it won’t happen, but I can tell you that, if it does, no one here will begrudge it.”
“How can you say that? I don’t want anyone harmed because of me!”
“Honey, we’re not just an MC. Every one of us belongs to Cain’s paramilitary outfit, ExFil. Every one of us has risked our lives for trivial things people believe to be important. Protecting one of our own, a mother and her child, is more important than anything we’ve ever been hired to take on. You’re worth it.”
Without another word, Helen sat up and reached for him. She slid her arms around him and hugged him fiercely. Her slight body trembled as she clung to him. “Thank you so much, Trucker. I need to thank everyone here. You’ve all been so good to me. I’ve never felt more accepted and more like I matter than I have while here. Mama, Carol, Pops, everyone. Most especially you. You’ve been with me every single second you could, and I want you to know I appreciate it.”
“You’re very welcome, baby.” He kissed her again, this time lingering softly, but not stoking the fire he knew was smoldering inside them both.
“So, you’ll stay with me tonight?”
Trucker laughed. “Honey, wild horses couldn’t drag me away. Scoot over.”
She did, and Trucker slid in beside her. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, Helen cuddled into his side, resting her head on his chest. Trucker wrapped both his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. It wasn’t long before she drifted off.
Helen’s breaths, deep and even, feathered over Trucker’s chest. Nothing had ever felt so right. His woman. In his arms. Next to them in the little bassinette lay her child. His child. In his heart he’d already laid a claim to that little girl, and he’d always think of her as his.
A couple of hours passed before he heard the little princess start stirring. The child was nothing if not punctual. Every three hours, on the dot, she woke, dictating it was time to eat. Helen hadn’t moved after she’d dozed off, indicating she had to be exhausted.
Before the baby could create her usual ruckus, Trucker slipped from the bed, covering Helen and kissing her temple. He picked u
p the child as she squirmed, trying to wake herself to eat. He snagged a couple of diapers and a blanket before leaving to go to the kitchen. Helen kept chilled and frozen milk ready for use when she couldn’t breastfeed.
Trucker held the child in one arm while preparing a bottle in the other, setting it down in warm water to heat it while he changed the baby. All the while, he talked to her. Yeah, it was baby talk, but it kept the child from fussing too much until he could get her bottle ready.
Once she was changed and the bottle heated to the perfect temperature, Trucker took the child back to Helen’s room. He sat in the chair and fed her, talking softly to her the whole time. Once she finished, he put her on his shoulder and patted her back gently until she gave a very unladylike and very impressive burp. He praised her, rubbing her back with gentle circles of his big palm.
“That’s my girl. That one came from waaaay down, didn’t it? Feel better now?” The child cooed before settling to sleep. Trucker chuckled.
“Is she hungry?” Helen propped herself up on an elbow, obviously not completely awake yet.
“She’s fine, honey. I got her took care of.”
“You did?”
“Hey. I’m a whiz at taking care of my girls.” He laid the baby in her bed gently before going back to her mother. “You need rest if you’re going to heal, so I admit my motives may have been a little selfish.”
Helen giggled. “You’re so bad.”
“Maybe, but I think you like me bad. Besides, I think the princess over there likes me, too.”
“She’s too little to know what she likes.” Helen reached for him as he climbed into bed beside her. Once settled, she looked up at him with a beautiful, soft smile. “Thank you, Trucker. For everything.”
“Nothin’ to thank me for.” He settled beside Helen, pulling her close. “I’m glad I could help. Thanks for letting me help with the little one.” He kissed her forehead. “Which, by the way, you decided on a name for her yet?”
Helen didn’t look at him, only shrugged. “Not yet. I’ll come up with something soon.”
Trucker was silent for a moment, the real reason she hadn’t named her daughter hitting him like a hammer to an anvil. “You’re afraid to name her until Levi’s threat is gone. Aren’t you?” He spoke quietly, gently. The last thing he wanted to do was bungle this after that first day in Mama’s clinic.
To his complete and utter horror, Helen dissolved into tears.
Chapter Five
“I want in, Cain.”
Cain didn’t look up from where he was going over their plan of attack one last time. “You know I can’t allow that. Too close to home for it to be personal. He comes back to the clubhouse, have at him. Otherwise, you’re off this.”
“I can’t stay here and do nothing. She needs me to be there with you.”
“She needs you to be the last line of defense between her and Bunny Girl.”
“Cain, she’s afraid to name the child because Levi’s still out there. I can’t stand seeing her cry over this!”
“It will all be over soon. If it helps, be there with Data when it goes down. He’ll have eyes and ears on us at all times.”
“If it were Angel, would you sit it out willingly?”
Cain finally stopped what he was doing and gave his brother a hard look. “I’m president of this club, Trucker. I get you. I do. But we’ve had too many close calls here lately. It’s bad enough I’m getting the club involved when one of those fuckers we’re getting ready to off was on our property. Redding’s henchman might not be in the sheriff’s department, but if the bastards are missed, the real police will come knocking if they backtrack ‘em. I’m doin’ it because it’s the right thing to do. That woman and her child will never be safe until this is done. Now, I’m askin’ you to respect me in this. Be with your woman. Take her mind off this, ‘cause I know it’s all she’s thinkin’ about right now. Play with her child. Solidify your place in her life, because there is no question in my mind you’re the man for her.”
Trucker laced his fingers behind his neck, head down as he tried to stem his frustration. “When do you guys leave?”
Cain didn’t answer for a long moment. “Not sure. We’re still planning. I’m going through several different scenarios to see which poses the least risk with the maximum chance of success. I don’t want anything leading back to us.”
Trucker took a deep breath. “Fine. I’m sorry. You understand where I’m coming from?”
“I do. If I were in your shoes, I’d sure as hell want fuckin’ payback. But I have to protect everyone involved. That includes your woman. And you.” He punched Trucker’s shoulder firmly. “You get me?”
“I do.”
“Then please, Trucker. Stay here with your woman.”
Cain never said “please” in regard to an order. You followed his orders or you were out. The fact that he did this time told Trucker the man truly understood how he felt. It was that knowledge more than anything that gave him the strength to sit this one out.
After taking several deep breaths and walking around the clubhouse a few times to find some kind of calm, Trucker went back inside. He found Helen with her daughter in the common room. Suzie, one of the teenagers who’d “adopted” the club back in the summer, was holding the baby while Helen showed her how to give the girl a bottle. Stunner sat in a nearby chair, his body firmly between Suzie and any entrance to the room. For once, he didn’t sport glitter or any other kind of coloring to his hair and beard. After the incident at Christmas, Suzie had stopped decorating the big man. Whether it was her own choosing or because of what Pig had said to her before Stunner had beaten him to a bloody pulp, Trucker didn’t know. The only thing he knew for sure was the incident in question had changed Suzie. She threw herself into schoolwork and pestered Data constantly for lessons on the computer, not that the other man minded. Through it all, Stunner remained at her side, guarding her.
Trucker couldn’t help but grin. Helen looked right at home with her arm around Suzie as she encouraged the teenager. He met Stunner’s eye, and the other man gave a curt nod as if to say, “All’s well.”
After that, Trucker wasn’t sure exactly what to do. Normally, he’d be planning with his brothers, but club policy with shit like this was the less anyone not involved knows, the better. He’d sure as shit listen in when they hit the place, but he wouldn’t be part of actually setting things up. Battle planning wasn’t his best asset. He was the weapons man. The one who could fix anything. He knew what the team would need and had already prepared the chase vehicle. He’d checked and rechecked everything, making the team as ready as they could be.
Deciding he needed some physical activity, he went out the back to the gym. They’d set up equipment in a barn next to the clubhouse. It was cold this time of year, but had everything he needed for a vigorous workout.
Deciding the heavy bag would be perfect for this situation, he wrapped his hands and began pounding away his frustration. Not being part of this felt like letting Helen down. Made him feel like less of a man. He had no problem letting his brothers help, but he hated being out of the ride completely. Sure, he could sit with Data in his command center with all the readouts from body cams and the audio, but he knew Cain didn’t really want him there. He wanted him out of it in case things went to shit. Even though his relationship with Helen was still new and unknown by anyone outside the club, he couldn’t imagine Helen being cooped up in the clubhouse for the rest of her life. And there was a matter of the baby. At some point, there would have to be a birth certificate. Even with Mama fudging the actual date of birth, the child would still be a trail leading back to Levi, should something happen that Bones was unable to make him disappear completely.
So here he was. Beating the fuck out of the heavy bag until sweat poured down his body and his hands ached despite the padding.
“Trucker?”
Fuck. Helen’s soft voice penetrated his concentration. No matter what he was doing or how much he w
as concentrating on anything, that woman could pierce through to capture his attention. Normally, he’d welcome her presence. She soothed him as much as she inflamed him. Not tonight. Not when his club was riding into danger on his woman’s behalf and wouldn’t let him join.
“Not now, Helen.” He continued to pound the bag mercilessly, grunting with each hit or kick.
She was silent for a long while. So long Trucker thought she’d gone. He knew better, but he’d hoped. Helen needed to heal, not be here with him in this state. If she were whole, he’d lose himself in her body, if she’d have him. He thought she might, but now wasn’t the time.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Fuck. She sounded forlorn. Hurt. Trucker stopped and hugged the bag, leaning his weight into it slightly. “No, baby. It’s not you.” His lungs were heavy with his exertion. It felt good, but not as fulfilling as he’d hoped.
“Oh. I -- I misunderstood last night. I thought we were going to try… I don’t know, something together.”
“No. You didn’t misunderstand.”
“What is it then?”
He went back to punching the bag, albeit with less vigor. No reason to terrify the woman. “Nothing. I just need --” punch, punch, “some time alone.” Punch, kick, punch, punch.
Again, he thought she’d left, but then he felt her soft palm on his bare skin, curling around his shoulder. Trucker’s first instinct was to shrug her off, but he couldn’t. He craved her touch any way he could get it. Gradually, he stopped, still breathing hard. Turning to face her wasn’t even an option. She’d see right through him, see the need he knew was shining in his eyes. Not only would it be an inappropriate time for her, it would be purely selfish on his part. Though he wanted to resist her, when she urged him to face her, he couldn’t.
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