by Gwyneth Rees
I nodded. I could have lied but I thought he might have news. ‘Have you found my mum?’
‘Not yet, but we’re working on it.’ He looked at Abby. ‘And this is …?’ Abby told him and he said, ‘Come on then. Get in the car both of you. You’re soaked.’ He opened the back door of the police car for us
‘I know where she went,’ I said, not moving. ‘She went to see this lady called Kate in London. There’s a B & B here that has her address.’
‘We’re dealing with that. You shouldn’t have run off like that, mate. Your dad’s really worried about you. When he couldn’t get you on the phone again, he told us to look for you here.’
‘I’m not going home until I find her address,’ I said.
‘If you get in the car, we’ll have a look together. OK?’
So Abby and I climbed into the back of the car. We soon spotted number 30. It had Mariner’s Cottage painted on a little sign above the front door. ‘That’s it!’ I shouted, nearly leaping off my seat. ‘That’s it! That’s the one!’ And I only realised how much I was shaking when Abby put her hand on my shoulder.
The police took over after that and, while they worked to locate Mum, I had to wait at the police station. They phoned Dad to tell him I was safe and one of the officers spoke to him for several minutes in private before coming through to fetch me so that I could speak to him too.
‘Dad, we found out where Mum went,’ I said as soon as I was given the phone. ‘The police in London are going to find her. But they say she might have to go to hospital.’
‘I know,’ Dad said. ‘They’ve just told me that.’
‘But Mum hates hospitals, Dad. She’ll freak out if she has to go back to one.’
‘They’ll look after her in hospital, Daniel. She’ll be safe there. There’s no need to be scared about that.’ He sounded like he thought there was something else to be scared about, but before I could ask him he was saying, ‘I’ve phoned the school and spoken to the deputy head. I’ve explained to him why your mother and you weren’t in school today. And I’ve booked the earliest flight home that I can. Hopefully I should get back the day after next. Until I get there, do you think Sally’s mother would look after you?’
‘I’m not staying at Sally’s!’
‘Daniel, there’s nowhere else.’ Dad sounded stressed. ‘Uncle Robert would take too long to get there and –’
‘There’s Abby’s,’ I blurted out. Abby was still with me at the police station. The police had called Susie, who’d said it was OK for her to stay and keep me company for a bit. ‘Her sister looks after her. Please can I stay with her, Dad? Then I won’t have to tell everything to Sally’s mum. She’s really gossipy,’ I added quickly. (I didn’t have a clue if Sally’s mum was gossipy or not, but I knew that saying that might just swing it with Dad, because he really hates strangers knowing about Mum’s illness.)
‘Well –’
‘Abby says her sister won’t mind. You can ask her yourself. Abby’s got her work number, so you can phone her and speak to her. Please, Dad?’
‘Well …’ Dad still sounded unsure. ‘The social worker will be there soon. Let’s see what they think.’ The police had already explained that they had phoned the duty social worker because they had to do that when children didn’t have an adult there to look after them. The social worker would help sort out where Martha and I could stay until Dad got back. Assuming they found Martha before Dad got back …
‘Dad, everything’s going to be all right, isn’t it?’ I asked him, hearing my voice tremble slightly. Lots of ridiculous, scary thoughts had been going through my head since Mum and Martha had left the house this morning. Any second now Dad was going to confirm just how ridiculous they were.
Dad paused for longer than I’d expected him to. ‘The police are doing everything they can, Daniel. They’ll let us know as soon as they find them.’
Which didn’t answer my question. ‘Yes, but –’
‘Daniel, I’ll be there with you just as soon as I can,’ Dad interrupted me. His voice sounded trembly too, all of a sudden. ‘Put the police officer on again now, there’s a good boy.’
I had a big lump in my throat as I handed the phone over. I knew the answer to my question now, even though Dad hadn’t given it to me. The truth was that Dad didn’t know if everything was going to be all right any more than I did.
CHAPTER 12
The social worker who came to see me at the police station knew Susie and Abby already, and she seemed to think pretty highly of Susie. She told Dad that when she spoke to him on the phone.
Abby had already rung Susie, who’d agreed to look after me, so Dad phoned her and must have decided he trusted her, because pretty soon it was all arranged. Susie even got away early from work so she could come and collect us straight away from the police station. I was still really worried about Mum and Martha, but the police promised to come and tell us as soon as they knew anything and while we in the kitchen having tea, a police car pulled up outside. They told us that the police in London had found Mum and Martha at Kate’s house. They were both safe and Mum had been taken to hospital. Martha was being brought back here.
I had this funny reaction when I heard. I couldn’t seem to feel anything at first – nothing like you’d imagine I’d feel, anyway. It was as if my brain wasn’t connected to the rest of me or something, because I was hearing Mum and Martha were safe, and believing that they were, only my heart didn’t feel any different at all. I smiled and all that, because people were watching me, but it wasn’t until a good ten minutes later, when I was on my own in the bathroom, that it seemed to finally sink in. Mum and Martha hadn’t died or had a car crash or any of the other things that had been going through my head all day until now. They were both safe and it wasn’t just up to me to look after them any more. And that’s when I felt like crying and laughing both at the same time.
Later, the social worker dropped off Martha. I wanted to give my little sister a massive hug, but I didn’t want to scare her by letting her know how worried I’d been, so instead I just said ‘Hi’. I had lots of questions to ask her but I held back from asking them until I’d taken her upstairs to show her where she was going to sleep. It turned out she didn’t have much to tell me. At Kate’s house she’d been sent upstairs to play with Sophie while Mum talked to Kate, and soon after that the police had come and been very kind to her while they explained that Mum wasn’t well and needed to go and see a doctor in the hospital. Martha started asking me loads of questions then, about what was wrong with Mum, and when she would be coming home, and when we were going to get to see her again. I couldn’t answer most of them, but fortunately she got sidetracked by suddenly remembering something else.
‘Sophie gave me this,’ she said. She handed me a photograph of Kate and Mum and the two babies, but where the babies didn’t have knitted jackets and bonnets on.
I stared at it.
The baby Mum was holding – the baby that was supposed to be Martha – had dark hair. Dark hair. Kate’s baby was the one with fair hair. Unless … I turned the photo over to look at what was written on the back. It was just possible that Mum was holding Kate’s baby in the picture and vice versa. But on the back, written quite clearly, Kate had put, Me with Sophie, and Isobel with Martha, four days old.
I turned the picture back over and stared from it to my sister.
‘What’s wrong?’ Martha asked.
* * *
I hid the photograph that evening. I didn’t want anyone else knowing about this. Not until I’d had a chance to ask Dad about it.
‘The babies were swapped,’ Mum had said, and nobody had believed her. Even I hadn’t believed her. But what if she was right?
I couldn’t get to sleep that night for thinking about it. Abby was sharing Susie’s bed tonight, while Martha slept in her bed and I had a camp bed on the floor next to her. I wished I could tell Abby what was on my mind, but I knew that I couldn’t.
I tried to stop feelin
g so scared but it was difficult. I mean, I had a dad who was on his way home to me right now, and a mum who was great when she was well. So I don’t know why I felt like my whole world was falling apart. Except that I also had a sister who might not be my sister.
I climbed out of my bed and into Martha’s. There was no teddy to evict this time because he was still at home. Susie had promised we could go and fetch him tomorrow. I buried my face in Martha’s silky blonde hair and took a deep breath. Maybe if I tried I could breathe her in so that nobody would ever be able to take her away from me.
* * *
The next morning I told Susie I didn’t want to go to school. I didn’t see how either Mum or I could ever go back there again. I thought I’d end up having an argument with Susie about it, but I was wrong. She sent Abby to school and took Martha because she actually wanted to go, but then she said I could come to work with her today if I liked.
Susie worked in a little shop that sold antique furniture. ‘Now, Daniel, just don’t touch anything, OK?’ Susie said when we got there.
I promised I wouldn’t, but I knew it was going to be difficult.
At lunch-time I was absent-mindedly fiddling with one of the drawers in this posh antique desk when a lady came into the shop who reminded me of Mum. She had long dark hair and very striking eyes and she was plump in a nice curvy sort of way. I suddenly wanted to see Mum really badly, or at least know how she was.
I asked Susie if we could phone the hospital. Mum had just been transferred to the local psychiatric hospital so that Dr White could look after her on his ward. I kept trying to forget how I’d promised Mum she’d never have to be a patient there, no matter what.
‘I don’t know if they’ll let us speak to her, but we can ring the ward and see how she is,’ Susie replied. She rang the hospital and asked what ward Mum was on. ‘OK, so can you put me through to Elizabeth Ward, please?’
‘Elizabeth Ward?’ I felt my eyes start to prick. ‘I don’t want to phone just now,’ I said, running out of the shop.
Susie joined me outside a few minutes later. She was holding my coat. ‘Put this on or you’ll catch cold.’
‘Dad says you catch cold through germs, not through cold weather,’ I grunted dismissively.
‘Is that right? Well, maybe there are some germs about just waiting to pounce on a nice shivery person like you,’ Susie replied firmly. ‘Put it on.’
I did as I was told. I’m used to doing as I’m told, I guess. Even now, when I really didn’t feel like doing anything that anyone else asked me to do, here I was being my usual obedient self.
Susie told me that she’d spoken to the ward manager and found out that Mum was having a nice long sleep at the moment.
‘She hasn’t slept properly in ages,’ I mumbled.
‘That’s good then, isn’t it?’
‘I can’t see what’s good about Mum being on a ward full of mental patients!’ I snapped. As she looked at me like she felt sorry for me I got angrier still. ‘You must be used to that with your mum, mustn’t you?’
Susie looked surprised but kept her voice steady. ‘I’ve visited my mother on a psychiatric ward, yes.’ She seemed about to say something else on the topic, but must have changed her mind. ‘Come on. I’m allowed to close up the shop for half an hour. Let’s go and get some lunch.’
‘I don’t want any lunch!’
She ignored that. ‘Come on. Do up your coat. You look cold.’ When I just shrugged like I didn’t care she started doing up the buttons on my coat for me as if I was two years old instead of twelve. The thing was I just stood there like a two-year-old letting her. It was weird but it actually felt quite comforting to be treated like a little kid who wasn’t in charge of anything, not even the doing up of their own buttons. It was much better than being expected to know what to do all the time as if you were an adult. I looked up at Susie’s face then, suddenly not feeling angry with her any more, as I realised that she probably knew exactly how I felt.
I spent one more day at the shop and Martha spent one more day at school before Dad finally arrived home. I was counting the hours the whole time, working out how much longer it was going to be until I saw him.
As soon as the doorbell rang on Thursday evening, Martha and I raced to the door.
‘Daddy!’ Martha screamed as she charged into his arms.
‘Daddy!’ I blurted too before I could stop myself, but I didn’t care if I sounded like a baby, I was just so glad to have him back.
Martha was cuddling Dad, looking happier than I’d seen her in ages, as if now that Dad had walked in through the door all our troubles had magically vanished into thin air.
Only I wasn’t so sure that they had.
We took Dad through to the living room. Susie and Abby went to make a pot of tea in the kitchen while Martha and I sat next to Dad on the sofa. Martha was asking questions non-stop, and I found myself noticing all the things about Dad again that I’d already spent years noticing, especially his hands. Like the way the veins on the backs of his hands stand out and make a V shape. And how he has a mole on his left wrist just below his watch strap. There were other things that were different though. His face was thinner and his hair looked like it had more grey bits in it than I remembered from before. He hadn’t shaved and he had dark circles under his eyes. It was only later that I thought about how bad he must be feeling, with his mother dying and then this happening to Mum. Not to mention the jet lag. Right then though, I was only thinking about how I felt.
Dad sat drinking tea and talking politely to Susie for twenty minutes or so. Then he thanked her for looking after us, and I was just getting ready to go upstairs to collect my stuff, when Dad asked if Susie would do him one more favour. He wanted to go straight up to the hospital to see Mum and he wondered if we could stay on at Susie’s place while he did that. Susie said that was fine.
I didn’t think it was fine. I mean, of course he had to see Mum. I just didn’t see why he had to do it right now, that was all, when we’d only just got him back again.
‘Dad, they’ve put Mum on this horrible ward up at the hospital,’ I warned him as he got to his feet. ‘I don’t think she should be there.’
‘Well Dr White is a good psychiatrist, Daniel, and he thinks that’s where she needs to be for now.’
‘But now you’re back why can’t you look after her at home?’ I said. ‘You’re a doctor too.’
Dad gave me a strange sort of look. ‘I’ve spoken to Dr White and she’s not well enough to come home yet, Daniel. It’s your mum’s safety that matters most at the moment, not her surroundings.’
I scowled. ‘I don’t see how safe she is surrounded by a whole load of mad people. But go and see for yourself if you don’t believe me.’
‘Daniel … Mum’s getting the best possible care –’
‘How do you know? You haven’t been here, have you? You’ve been in New Zealand!’
Dad looked taken aback. ‘Daniel –’
‘Daddy, I don’t want you to go,’ Martha interrupted, trying to pull him back down beside her on the sofa again.
‘Mummy needs me to go and see her, sweetheart,’ he told her gently.
Martha started to cry.
‘I’ll be back soon, Martha, I promise.’
Suddenly I felt really angry ‘Don’t say that to her!’ I shouted, jumping up from the sofa to plant myself between him and the door. ‘Tell her exactly what time you’re going to be back! Exactly!’
I stopped yelling abruptly. Everyone was staring at me.
CHAPTER 13
That night Dad came into my bedroom as I was getting ready for bed. ‘How are you doing, kiddo?’ Calling me ‘kiddo’ had been a bit of a joke between us a year or so back. Mum hated it and said that both Dad and I were watching too many American movies.
‘I’m OK.’ I felt sort of achy inside all of a sudden as if, now that he was back, it was really hitting me how much I had missed him while he was away. ‘Dad … is Aunt Helen angry
with us?’
‘Angry? Of course not!’ For a moment I thought he was going to feign surprise that I should even think that, but he must have thought better of it. After all, he knows I’m not stupid. ‘Actually, she’s feeling guilty for not telling me you phoned. And I think she had something to do with my phone not making it to the hospital with me the day Grandma died.’
I nodded to show that didn’t really surprise me. I took a deep breath. ‘What about you, Dad? Are you angry with us?’
He frowned. ‘Why would I be angry?’
‘Because you had to come back. You missed Grandma’s funeral.’
‘Don’t be silly, Daniel. My place is here with you. Besides, the important thing for me was being with Grandma before she died. Although I even wonder if that was worth it now …’ His voice quavered slightly.
I looked at him. His face was all saggy and his eyes were red. He looked like he was the one who was sick. I felt bad about possibly upsetting him even more but I didn’t have a choice. I had to ask him about Martha.
I swallowed. ‘Dad …’ I had to ask him this, even though I was almost too scared to hear the answer. ‘Is there other stuff you and Mum haven’t told me? Stuff about Martha?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I found this.’ But just as I was about to show him the photograph I hadn’t dared show anyone else until now, Martha’s voice came from the other room.
‘Daddy!’ She sounded scared, as if she’d just had a bad dream.
‘I’m coming, sweetheart!’ Dad called out. He looked at me with tired eyes. ‘We’ll talk tomorrow Daniel.’
‘But, Dad –’
‘It’s too late now. Put out your light and get some sleep.’
I got into bed and switched off the light, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get to sleep easily that night.