by M. G. Morgan
Chapter Four
I woke cold and cramped on a sofa in Matt's private room in the hospital. The machine bleeped softly telling me his heart was still beating. Cringing I unfolded myself from the couch and stretched. My body felt as though I had just gone ten rounds with a professional boxer. I missed my bed. But for some reason I hadn't been able to leave him.
"You're awake." His voice caught me unawares and I jumped.
"So are you? How do you feel?"
"Like I just had my stomach pumped, whilst being run over with a truck."
I laughed and ran my hands back through my dark hair. "It's just all fun and games when you're a rock star."
He laughed a little and then cringed, his face taking on a sheepish look. "About last night..."
I cut him off, lifting my hand in an attempt to silence him. "You don't need to tell me anything. All that matters is getting you better."
"Yeah, so I can go back out there and do it all again." His voice was filled with despair.
I scrubbed my face with my hands before standing and making my way to the edge of the bed.
"If you're so unhappy, then why do it?"
He laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound. It was purely bitter. "No choice. I signed a contract. Ain't no getting out of that. Not until I've served my time."
"If the contract is that bad, then why did you sign it? It doesn't make any sense?"
Matt laughed again and shrugged. "Nope. What does it matter anyway?"
His cool dismissal made me angry and I stood a little straighter. "Well you need to get rid of the girls who do drugs. There is nothing smart about that. Alcohol is bad enough. But drugs are something else. You need to stop."
A dark look crossed his face before it was gone. He smiled up at me, "You jealous of the girl last night, Kitty Kat?"
A blush crept up my cheeks as I remembered how I had found them. Him completely naked and her, almost naked. Jealous was not the word I'd have used.
"Embarrassed is a better way to look at it. I was embarrassed to have you as a client last night. If that's how you conduct your business then I think you need to find someone else to work with."
He straightened up in the bed and threw his legs over the edge and onto the floor.
"I'll do whatever I want! You're not my mother or my keeper. If I want to get drunk and naked with every girl in this good forsaken pit then I will."
I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment before continuing. "I don't care what you do. But I won't be put in the position I found myself in last night. Not again. Not ever."
I turned and moved to the door but his words stopped me dead.
"What happened to you? You had so much ambition? You were going to be a doctor or something like that, if I remember the yearbook. Every teacher loved you when I was there... What changed? What happened to make you little more than a personal slave to the rich and spoilt? How did you fall so far, Kat?"
With my hand on the door handle I stood there frozen. My heart beat raced in my chest and part of me wondered if he could hear it. I didn't hear him move across the floor but when his hands grabbed me I jumped. He spun me around, I stared up into his earnest brown eyes and swallowed hard. My heart thundered and my head felt light, as though I might fall at any moment. He pressed me back against the door. My body trapped between his and the cool white finish of the faux wood.
Panic clawed at my chest, making it difficult to breathe. I was trapped. He had me pinned. I couldn't escape. No escape. Just like before. Just like back then.
I struggled but Matt held me a little tighter. He was speaking but his words meant nothing to me. I couldn't hear anything above the wail of terror that welled up within me. I was trapped and there was no getting away. It was happening all over again.
I pressed my hands against his chest and sent him sprawling away from me. It took me a few seconds to realise the terrified screams were coming from me. The look on Matt's face haunted me as I fled down the hall. Horror, fear and something else. Something that told me he knew. He knew why I was the way I was. Why I spent my time being so utterly terrified. And why I had built a strong impenetrable wall around myself to protect me. A wall that he had somehow gotten through.
Chapter Five
Lying on my bed back in the apartment I tried to block the memories that Matt's embrace had made surface earlier. Nothing had happened, I didn't need to worry. There was simply no way Matt would know what was wrong with me. He probably just thought I was psycho crazy.
Most girls in my position would have thrown themselves at him. They'd have done anything to get him to touch them the way he had touched me. But what did it mean? Why did he keep doing it? As far as I was concerned it didn't make much sense. I was nothing. A nobody. He had no reason to be acting this way towards me.
"It's been all over the news you know?" Maggie's voice drifted in to me from the lounge.
"What is?" I called back. When she didn't answer my curiosity go the better of me. Standing I pulled my cardigan tight around myself and made my way out into the main living area of the small apartment.
She was perched on the edge of the couch, her eyes glued to the television screen. I glanced past her and caught sight of the Monkey House from the night before. The flashing light of the ambulance lit up the screen every few seconds. And then suddenly it was the image of Matt being carried out by the paramedics. I hurried out behind them, my head down as I climbed into the back of the ambulance.
The reporters voice came on, informing me that Matt had been discharged from the hospital this lunchtime after being treated for collapse due to exhaustion. I scoffed and stood, making my way into the kitchen. My phone buzzed in my pocket once more. That's all it had done. Ring non-stop. Brody's voice mails were gradually becoming more and more irritated. I knew I'd have to call him back soon. But he could wait a little longer. He was the one who had given me Matt as a client. He should have known better.
A loud knock on the door had both me and Maggie looking at one another. She shrugged and went back to watching the television, indicating that she wasn't expecting anyone. I was the only one in demand today.
Letting out a sigh I padded to the door and tugged it open. Matt stood on the other side. His face was pale and I could see the bandage on his arm from the I.V line. He smiled at me, a sort of lopsided grin and pulled a small bunch of flowers out from behind his back.
"I'm sorry they're not better. But let's just say that with everyone after me, I didn't have the chance to go to a proper florist."
Folding my arms across my chest I scowled at him. "What do you want? I thought we agreed you needed to work with someone else?"
He dropped his gaze and stared at the floor. The toe of his boot scuffing against the old worn carpet.
"Look can I come in? The longer I stand out here, the more chance I have of being seen... And then the circus follows."
I shrugged and moved letting him make his way into the living area. Maggie turned and stared. Her mouth dropping open as she realised who was standing in the living room.
"Maggie, this is Matt, Matt this is my flat mate Maggie." I did the introductions as Maggie continued to stare.
"I... I... Know." Was all she could manage as she continued to look at him as though he had simply fallen out of the sky.
Matt gave her his most winning smile. A smile I had seen him pull in interviews and the smile he had used on Stephanie in the office when she nearly fell over herself flirting with him.
"Lovely to meet you, Maggie."
Maggie grinned and fled the room. It made me giggle. She reminded me of the way the high school girls used to behave when a guy flirted with them. Or when one of them had been asked to some big dance. There would always be lots of jumping up and down, squealing and sighs. I'd never personally understood it.
"Do you want tea?" I asked as Matt wandered around the living room taking in the bookshelves groaning with textbooks.
"Yeah, please, two sugars and
only a little milk." He turned and watched the television report silently for a few moments before following me out into the kitchen.
"Have you seen that?" He gestured to the TV. and I nodded as I switched the kettle on and grabbed the milk.
"Exhaustion... The lies they make up. But then I suppose it sounds better than the truth." Matt traced the marks on the counter silently for a few minutes.
I watched him, carefully taking in the tired look around his eyes and the way his shoulders seemed hunched. Normally he was so confident. But now? Now he was different. For a second it reminded me of the vulnerability I had seen in him the night before.
"You looked good on the report. Lots of people wanted to know who you were..." He spoke almost absentmindedly as I pushed the full cup of steaming liquid across the counter to him.
I laughed a little as I poured milk into my own cup. "I bet they did. Any woman seen with you is instantly branded as one of your harem."
"I didn't sleep with her you know."
I almost dropped the carton of milk. His words catching me completely off guard.
He turned his brown eyes on me. There was no facade, simply him. "I didn't sleep with that girl last night. I was barely fit to function you saw that. There was no way I could have slept with her even if I'd wanted to."
"You don't need to tell me... I'm not your mother or your keeper, remember?"
He smiled at me. "I know that. I'm glad you're not, it'd be a little weird. But I do have to tell you... I think you need to know... I'm not quite who they make me out to be you know?"
"I know the media lies. But I know they get the seed of a story from somewhere. So maybe what they're saying is not entirely true but there is some part of that always is true."
Matt nodded and took a gulp of the tea. He spluttered as the hot water burned his tongue. "Shit that is hot."
"Boiling water usually is."
He shot me a nasty look and stuck his tongue out at me before replacing the cup back on the counter.
"So you're here for a reason?"
"Yeah. I don't want anyone else working with me. When I heard you were working with Brody's firm I almost didn't believe it. You had so many ambitions..."
I opened my mouth to give him a sharp retort but he lifted his hands in surrender. "But what you chose to do with your life is up to you. Not my business. But when I saw you there yesterday... I don't know... For the first time I actually felt a little hope. That maybe I wasn't too far gone. And then last night..." He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "You saved my life you know?" He opened his eyes again and stared up at me.
"No... I didn't know that."
"Yeah. Docs told me if you hadn't insisted on bringing me in. I'd have either lost too much blood or alcohol poisoning..."
I lifted my own cup, a slight tremor running through me as I thought about Matt lying on the couch, his body cold. Dead. It was a sobering thought. If I had done things differently, if I'd listened to the manager...
"But you're not, you're fine now."
"Yeah, just need to take a few days off apparently. Not that that is likely to happen. Full scale tour coming up."
"You need to look after yourself. You can't let them push you into something you're not fit to do. No matter what the contract says."
Matt nodded thoughtfully and sipped the tea.
"I don't want to work with anyone else... No one but you... Kitty Kat..." The nickname he had given me sent shivers down my spine. The way he said it. Almost made me believe that he felt something for me. I wasn't sure if it was real or if it was just the way he could speak. There was after all something in his voice. There had to be, otherwise people wouldn't listen to him sing. Not the way they did. His voice could do things to you... If you let it.
"I don't think it's a good idea. I'm no good at this, Matt. I'll make mistakes and one of those mistakes could cost you big time... I can't take that risk."
He stood and moved around the counter until he was standing directly in front of me. I swallowed hard and lifted my gaze until I was left staring up into his face.
"It's not your risk."
"What?" Confusion swamped me as I stared up into his rich brown eyes.
"It's not your risk. It's mine. That's as long as we're still talking about my career..."
I nodded and swallowed again, harder this time. He lifted his hand and trailed his fingers softly against my jaw line.
"Of course we're talking about your career... What else would we be talking about?"
"I don't know, Kitty Kat, maybe the spark between us... That's a risk for us both..."
He lowered his face and pressed his mouth gently against mine. His hands cupping my cheeks as he brushed his lips across mine. It was feather light, almost as though he was afraid that if he pushed me too far I might break... That he might break me.
The kiss deepened as I pushed my body against his. I couldn't help it. I wasn't even sure why I did it. It was as though I had no control over myself, that whatever I had tasted in his kiss ignited a passion within me. A passion that until now had remained dormant.
His arms wrapped around me pulling me in tight. His tongue flickered across my lips seeking entry and with a sigh I opened to him. Let him in as he lifted me and pushed me up against the counter. His hands pressing into my ass as he held me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he hoisted me higher, perching me on the edge of the counter top.
The sound of the cups hitting the floor was the only thing that pulled me back. Stopped me from letting Matt strip there in the kitchen. I pushed him away, just a little. Just enough to put some breathing space between us. But it was there in his eyes. The same passion I had felt within was there in his gaze as he watched me.
Glancing over Matt's shoulder I caught sight of Maggie standing in the doorway. The look on her face said it all. Shock with a good dose of jealousy. I pushed Matt a little harder and hopped down onto the floor.
"Am, we were. Am..." I couldn't finish the sentence. What was I supposed to say? Just yesterday I hadn't wanted anything to do with Matt. And today I was destroying kitchen ware and practically begging him to take me on the counter. What had happened to me? Was I really that desperate?
"No it's fine... I get it..." Maggie answered, her eyes turning to longing as she stared at Matt. "I was just hoping he could sign this for me?" She moved forward, a c.d. clutched in her fingers.
Matt grinned and held out his hand taking the proffered disc. "No problem, Maggie." He took the pen she held and scribbled across the plastic case. Signing his name with a flourish.
When he gave it back, I watched as Maggie practically melted into the floor. She stared at him and the c.d. before running from the kitchen with a whoop. I laughed a little as I watched her go, covering my mouth with my hands to try and hold the laughter in.
Matt shot me a disapproving look. "You mean you've never been someone's fan?" He asked as I tried to get my laughter under control.
I shook my head and swallowed back my smile. "No, not really. I've found idolising people just leads to them letting you down."
Matt brushed his fingers against my cheek once more. "What happened to make you so cynical?"
"Cynical?" I shrugged away from his touch and moved around the counter, bending to pick up the broken pieces of cup. "I'm cynical? When did you become such a wide eyed optimist? I certainly never saw it in you when we were school."
Matt had bent down beside me. The moment I mentioned high school he stiffened. His shoulders hunching a little more and he refused to meet my gaze.
"That's not what I meant. I'm just wondering why you think everyone is going to let you down all the time."
"Because they usually do..."
"Has Maggie? Or even Brody?"
I shrugged and grabbed the final chunk of mug before straightening up and dumping it in the bin.
"No not as such... But they're different." I was getting frustrated. I had no idea what my own feelings were anymore where this man wa
s concerned and it frightened the hell out of me. Just being near him fried my senses. Dulled them to the point of me wanting him to press me back against the counter again, and kiss me like he had before I'd pushed him away.
"Well then, not everyone will let you down..."
I shrugged and turned away from him. But he was there again before I had the chance to completely turn my back on him. His hands on my hips as he spun me to face him. I could feel his hot breath fanning down across my cheeks as he towered over me. But held me softly and he didn't push me against the counter.
"Why are you so afraid of me? What is it you think I'm going to do?"
I shook my head and a small tear crept down my cheek. I lifted my hand to brush it away, but Matt beat me to it. His fingers catching the tear and holding it on the tip of his finger.
"I'm not afraid of you... I'm..."
"Afraid of what you might feel? Of what might happen if you let me in?"
I nodded and it was all Matt needed. He kissed me again. But this time it was practically chaste. Just a soft press of his lips on mine, before he pulled away.
"You don't need to be afraid of me... Or of what you feel..."
"I don't want to be..."
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. It stood on end and I couldn't help but giggle a little. He smiled at me and brushed my cheek once more. But I was already ahead of him. I stepped back, just out of his reach.
"It's getting late. If you want you can sleep on the couch."
The smile faded slowly from his face. "Yeah, I don't fancy searching for a hotel to sleep in tonight... Not when it's this late."
I moved to the hall and pulled some spare blankets and pillows from the tiny storage closet at the end. Dragging them back into the living room I proceeded to set them up. Matt's hand on mine halted my progress.
"I'll do it. You head to bed."
Gulping I nodded and practically ran from the room. Closing my bedroom door I leaned back against it and let out a shaky breath. Just simply being near him was far too much temptation. He was like a living breathing sin, and I wanted him. It frightened the hell out of me. But I wanted him. Wanted him like no one else.