Sky

by Ondine Sherman

  ‘Black,’ David dunks a biscuit in his tea. ‘That’s his surname.’

  ‘Adam Black.’ I say. It sounds strange. Which makes me sad because the name of a girl’s father shouldn’t be unfamiliar.

  Paula digs into the envelope and hands me a photograph, which is tattered around the edges. There he is, looking straight at me. His irises are chocolate brown, just like my left one. Mystery solved.

  ‘It was taken at a party,’ Paula says. ‘It was before the era of ten thousand selfies and that’s the only picture we have.’

  Adam’s arm is slung around Mum’s shoulder and they’re pulling faces at the camera. She’s sticking out her tongue and making bunny ears over his head, and he’s staring at the camera, cross-eyed and lips pursed comically like a fish. They look so young. Barely older than me. In the top right corner, I see Melody, back to the camera but her distinctive long red hair flowing down her shoulders.

  I study my father’s face. He is quite handsome. But he’s a stranger and I wouldn’t know him if we passed each other on the street. This doesn’t feel like I thought it would.

  ‘Here’s the thing,’ Paula says, ‘even your mum didn’t know the whole story. It’s just me and Melody.’

  ‘Melody?’ I say. How’s she involved with my father?

  ‘Your mum and Adam had a brief relationship, that much you know,’ she pauses, and I nod.

  ‘But what your mum didn’t know was Melody was also seeing him. I caught them red-handed, so to speak,’ she shakes her head sighing heavily. ‘I wish I could un-see that. And Melody kept it from your mum and swore me to secrecy. She promised she’d tell her eventually.’

  I am too stunned to speak so I wait for more.

  ‘When she moved in with you both, I told Melody that it had been eleven years and she had to tell your mum, it’s only right. But she didn’t have the balls,’ Paula continues, ‘and we had a huge fight.’

  ‘I remember,’ I say, thinking back to Paula’s muffled shouting in Melody’s bedroom while Mum was at work. I’d pressed my ear against the door but couldn’t hear well enough.

  ‘Your mum adored Melody, thought the sun shone out of her arse,’ Paula says.

  ‘So I was caught in the middle, loyal to your mum, but not wanting to ruin their friendship either. And, Melody was a good support for you both and helped with the rent.’

  So that explains why Paula and Melody don’t talk.

  ‘But what about my father?’ I ask, still confused.

  ‘Your mum told him about the pregnancy and he got scared, I suppose,’ Paula says. ‘Remember, they were only nineteen, a few years older than you. Babies.’

  ‘He told his friends it wasn’t his, your mum had many boyfriends and who knows who….’ her voice trails off.

  She continues. ‘Your mum was a gorgeous outgoing “social butterfly”.’ She does the quote mark thing with her fingers, ‘but, and with a capital B, she was 100 per cent sure Adam was the father. And I believe her. Rumours spread around campus and Adam left in a hurry to go back to the United States.’

  ‘What do you mean back?’

  ‘He’s American, he was an international student.’

  ‘Oh.’ Mind blown again.

  ‘He left, not wanting the responsibility, and your mum was furious. Understandably. No one could even say his name around her or she’d scream. Literally.’

  ‘So, Adam accused Mum of sleeping around while he was cheating with Melody?’ My voice sounds strained; my chest feels tight.

  ‘Eleanor and Adam weren’t officially going out,’ Paula reminds me. ‘Everything was so casual. It all just ended up a huge mess.’

  ‘And I’m the big messy result,’ I say.

  ‘You’re the gift,’ Paula pulls me in for a hug. I rest my head on her shoulder for a moment. Just to catch my breath.

  ‘So he did know he was the father, my father?’ I wipe my eyes.

  ‘Yes, Adam and your mum wrote to each other once when you were a baby,’ Paula indicates the envelope in my hands.

  I pull out the piece of paper. I haven’t even watched Mum’s video yet, and here I am reading a letter from my lame salmon-fishing father.

  His handwriting is messy, but the note is short. I scan it quickly, scared of what I’ll find. But it’s a big nothing. He says he’s too young, wants to see the world, and blah blah blah. Something about a cheque.

  ‘He sent money?’ I stuff the letter back into the envelope.

  ‘A cheque. Huge, in fact. Enough for a deposit on a house, really.’ Paula sighs, ‘But your mum refused to cash it. Shortly after, you moved apartments and she kept her phone number unlisted. Who knows if he tried, but she didn’t want any more contact.’

  ‘Well, at least now I know,’ I say, ‘that he doesn’t give a shit about me.’

  David puts his hand on mine. ‘It’s nothing to do with rejecting you.’

  ‘That was a long time ago, fifteen years,’ Paula says. ‘He could be different now. Maybe we can try. I could find his address and write to him, let him know …’

  ‘No!’ I say, ‘He doesn’t deserve it. Doesn’t deserve me.’

  I excuse myself to go to my room.

  I take out the video camera. It’s time. I lie down, Bella spoons my legs.

  This day has been insane. Crazy. Off the Richter. And now this …

  I press play.

  Her voice. Just to hear her voice. I’d forgotten how it sounded.

  ‘I love you, Sky,’ she says, ‘and I’m so sorry, I’m so desperately sorry I’m not with you anymore. I am always and will always watch over you.’ I start to cry. I want to reach into the screen and touch her face. Feel her skin. If only I could be transported inside the camera to hug her, to lie together in her big bed watching something stupid on TV, safe and loved … I press pause.

  I grab a roll of toilet paper and dry my eyes and cheeks. I blow my nose and press play again.

  ‘Here’s some advice, Sunshine,’ she says to the camera. ‘I know it’s a bit cheesy, but give it a try, okay?’ I nod back at her. ‘These are the principles I’ve always tried to follow and now you’re nearly a grown woman, it’s your turn.’

  ‘When you don’t know what to do,’ Mum’s gaze is so direct I figure she must have practised this a hundred times. ‘Remember who you are. Our values of loving kindness. Surround yourself with good people. People who love you for you.

  ‘When you don’t know what to do,’ Mum says. ‘Trust your heart, my love. It will never lead you astray.

  ‘But most importantly, don’t let the world dent your spirit, Sky. There’s good people and bad out there. And you will have good times and the toughest hardships. But keep your spirit strong. You are full of compassion and wonder. You are and have always been strong, creative and wise beyond your years.

  ‘When you don’t know what to do, stay true to yourself. Okay, Sunshine? I love you so much.’

  The video ends and my mind races as I think of her words. ‘Stay true to myself.’

  What is true? I know I must stand up for Chirp, because it’s what I believe in. And popularity? I was obsessed. Now it seems ridiculous when there are so many good people in my life, like Lucy, Oliver, Paula and David.

  Bella snores as I play the video, over and over again.

  When I finally finish, the toilet roll is empty and the sadness in my heart is no longer bitter, just sad.

  I curl up with Bella and with my hand wrapped around the white pebble and whisper, ‘I miss you, Mum.’

  Chapter 21

  ‘Well done, Sky,’ Mr Peterson beams. ‘You’ve won the competition and have been selected to present your Celebrating Agriculture project, excelling after only a few months at our school. Impressive. Please come up.’

  I squeeze behind Lucy who whispers ‘congratulations!’ and make my way to the front of the class. A pang of pride makes me smile. I did a good job, I know. My graphs, packed with facts and figures, were designed to impress. But now I’ve seen the truth abou
t what goes on behind closed doors I can’t stand by what I wrote. I know, though, that I have an opportunity to expose what is going on.

  Facing the class, Oliver smiles encouragingly, Lucy gives me a thumbs up and Jules waves then checks to see if Marissa sees. But Marissa and Kristy are too busy whispering to notice.

  I stood in this same spot on my first day of school, desperate for popularity. But now I’m a bundle of mixed emotions. I smile at Jules and then look at Marissa and remember her horrid words, ‘Orphan hippy. Monkey ears. Tomato face.’ But maybe if she was prepared to change her dad’s farm or at least hear me out respectfully, I could let that all go.

  ‘Outstanding report on the chicken industry,’ Mr Peterson shakes my hand, making Mum’s Indian bracelets jangle.

  ‘And what a detailed interview with Stevenson’s Family Farm,’ Mr Peterson continues. ‘Marissa, it is very good of your dad to help out. Please thank him on behalf of the school.’

  Marissa and Kristy abruptly stop whispering and turn to stare at me, with daggers. A rubber band hits me and Andrew, Marissa and Kristy start laughing. Not surprising now I know Andrew’s into Marissa. Jules is keeping her head down, at least.

  ‘Andrew, you had your last warning ten minutes ago. Principal’s office,’ Mr Peterson points to the door. ‘Now!’ Andrew swivels back to blow a kiss to Marissa. And Marissa, to my shock, smiles and catches it. She likes him back? Are they together? That means I’m free to like Oliver. I’ll text Jules to confirm later.

  ‘Now where’s that cheque …’ Mr Peterson shuffles through the towers of papers on his desk. Again, I remember my first day, when Mr Peterson couldn’t find my file and forgot that Mum had died and asked me all those questions … it’s been less than three months, but feels like a lifetime.

  ‘And Sky …’ he finally finds the envelope. ‘Remember that good public speaking engages the audience.’

  Oliver gives me a cheeky smile because he’s helping me prepare my presentation and we know our teacher won’t have to worry about my speech being boring.

  Mr Peterson notices a raised hand from the back, ‘Yes, Marissa’.

  Marissa sing-songs, ‘I would like to remind Sky that everyone will be watching her. Everyone. And we care what she says,’ Marissa shoots me a look that is so dirty it makes me want to scrub myself clean. ‘Just so she knows.’

  Mr Peterson looks confused but nods in agreement. ‘Of course. Sky is representing the school, I’m sure she’ll do a stellar job.’

  I sit down.

  My phone lights up with a message. It’s WildRider. I feel Oliver’s eyes on me.

  ‘Oliver wants me to ask you if you want to go to the gala,’ he writes.

  Oh My God!

  ‘With him or you?’ I smile as I reply, just to be cheeky.

  ‘Both of us.’ He sends a winky face back.

  ‘You only want to go with me ‘cause I’m now a competition-winning brainiac,’ I smile as I send it.

  Me. Oliver. Gala. Wow. But, I have to double-check something. I know Oliver doesn’t like Marissa, and Andrew is into her. But does Marissa feel the same?

  I quickly text Jules. ‘What’s happening with Marissa and Andrew; are they going out?’

  ‘They’re official. They can’t stop making out. So gross.’ She adds a winking face, too.

  ‘What about Oliver?’ I ask. I need to know that’s totally over.

  ‘M says Andrew’s more fun and Oliver’s too straight. Guess she changed her mind.’

  ‘Thanks, Jules.’

  Jules writes back, ‘Sky, careful. M is crazy-angry so watch what you say at the Town Hall.’

  The final bell rings, and everyone gathers in the hallways squealing ‘last week of school!’ and comparing plans for summer. I spot Oliver and give him a huge smile, which translates as ‘Yes! Damn sure I’ll go with you!’

  But mixed up with the happiness, I’m freaking. Can I, should I really do what Oliver and I talked about? Expose Chirp to the entire school?

  I find Lucy. For the plan to work, she has to be a part of it.

  We sit by our newly planted saplings as I tell her everything: sneaking into the farm, taking Chirp and the drama with Marissa’s father.

  ‘Dad and I thought your Chirp story seemed unlikely,’ Lucy laughs. ‘But wow. You really just went in and took her? That’s brave.’

  ‘I don’t think I’ve been brave,’ I say, ‘but now I want to try to be. To speak up for chickens and how terribly they’re treated. Will you help?’

  ‘Yes!’ Lucy fist punches the air. She’s silly, but sweet as.

  ‘Okay, I need you to help me and Oliver get Chirp into the Town Hall,’ I say.

  ‘Oliver?’ she smiles.

  ‘Yeah, he’s been super helpful,’ I say.

  ‘He’s a catch,’ Lucy says, ‘Go for it, Sky!’

  We both have a little giggle and I’m feeling like a little girl again, all excited and nervous, and it’s nice.

  ‘We have this plan. All you have to do is …’

  I tell Lucy all about it.

  When I finish, she’s silent.

  ‘So,’ I prompt, ‘You in?’

  ‘Let me think,’ Lucy says, playing with the dirt around her legs.

  I’m shocked; I was positive she would help. But then I remember how rude I’ve been to her. She’s looked after Chirp like she’s her own, tried to help me since my first day and always cared about my feelings. I haven’t done the same for her.

  Now I’m expecting her to risk getting into big trouble just to help me.

  ‘I know I’ve been self-centred lately,’ I say, ‘well, not just lately.’

  She doesn’t answer. I continue on, ‘I’m not just saying this because I need you to do something. I’ve been mean, and there’s no excuse.’

  ‘If we’re being honest,’ Lucy says, ‘I don’t even know if you’re my friend or not. You’re hot and cold.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to be, I do want to be friends.’

  ‘You want to be Marissa’s friend and Kristy’s and Jules’s friend and you think I’m some dork who bakes cupcakes and …’

  ‘No!’ I protest.

  ‘Really?’ she says, raising her eyebrows.

  I think of how I avoided Lucy whenever I was with Marissa and the girls. I’ve made her feel less-than, second-best, terrible.

  ‘I’m really sorry. You’re right, but not about the dork thing,’ I say putting my hands into the earth too and scooping some up. ‘It’s embarrassing, I just really wanted to be popular, for once. I had this bad experience at my last school, my friend abandoned me to join this cooler group and she made me feel …’ I swallow. ‘Anyway, I was left alone and …’ my voice trails off. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ The soil flows through my fingers.

  It’s suddenly clear.

  ‘Now I’m doing the same to you, aren’t I?’ I say, partly to myself. ‘I’m shallow. Just a stupid, desperate, attention-seeking …’ my voice trails off.

  My eyes sting. How could I have been so stupid? Now I’ve lost my only decent and kind girlfriend. Mum would be ashamed of me. And rightly so.

  ‘You don’t have to get carried away,’ Lucy says, surprising me again. ‘It’s okay, I’ve been the new girl a tonne of times. I know the feeling of wanting to belong. But now I don’t care so much. I just look for people who I actually like. It’s much better that way.’

  ‘That’s smart,’ I say.

  ‘But you should have trusted me sooner,’ she says, ‘and not been such a dick.’

  ‘I know,’ I say, happily surprised to see her standing up for herself.

  ‘So how about it?’ I turn to face her. ‘Friends?’

  ‘Friends,’ she smiles back, and I can tell she’s sincere. I’m feeling really lucky to have her and ashamed at myself for not realising it before.

  ‘Hey, don’t worry about the Town Hall thing,’ I take a breath. ‘It’s totally fine. We’re still friends, no matter.’

  ‘Actually,’ Lucy says, �
��It sounds exciting – I’m in. Can’t wait.’

  ‘Thanks!’ I say.

  ‘And Lucy …’ I want to show her how much she means to me. I don’t know if Oliver will be okay with it, but I’m willing to take the risk.

  ‘… I’ll go the gala with you.’ I quickly add, ‘I mean, only if you want to and aren’t already going with someone. That was really dumb and rude of me to assume you aren’t going with someone and …’

  She hugs me, which I take as a yes. Paula, Dave, Oliver and now Lucy. They all have my back, after all.

  I take the bus home, exhausted from my emotional roller-coaster of a day to find Paula experimenting with vegan snacks from her new cook book. She’s bought ingredients from Oliver’s mum’s health-food store in town and insists I taste test them.

  I nibble happily at bite-size portions of veggie burgers and tofu dogs as Oliver, Lucy and I text back and forth discussing strategy and equipment for my speech. I’ll tell Oliver about Lucy and I going to the gala together later. For now, I need to focus on Chirp and making sure this presentation will make a wave.

  I ask Lucy if I can speak to her father, Mark. I want his advice if Chirp will be too stressed out in public, I’m not willing to sacrifice her health for the sake of the speech. Mark is helpful and kind, giving me ideas to keep Chirp calm and safe. I feed these ideas to Oliver who is drawing up plans for a special sling I can wear to hide Chirp until the moment I reveal her on stage. He will buy the materials tomorrow with the money from my prize winnings. David overhears my planning and wants to help too, insists. I check with Oliver, who suggests it would be super helpful if David picks him up to go to the hardware store. Then they can both build the sling in our garage rather than the workshop at school as planned.

  It will be faster and less suspicious.

  Chapter 22

  Today is Presentation Day. It sounds crazy, but I’ve written my mum’s name on my tummy to give me courage. I rub my gurgling stomach as the car turns towards the Town Hall where I see hordes of students with parents and grandparents, hair clean and brushed and uniforms ironed, smiling for pictures on the steps.

  David and Paula drop me at the back of the building where I’m supposed to line up with the other presenters.