A Righteous Man

by Crownover, Jay

  “You know how I feel about Salinger. I don’t even know why you’re bringing him up. Today is supposed to be about leaving toxic men behind me.” I made a face at her when she frowned back at me.

  “Listen, Maren. I have it on good authority that Salinger and his new team are shopping a script around that is a game-changer. I know your instinct is going to be to tell me there’s no way in hell you would ever work with him again, but I’m telling you as your agent, you need to leave the past in the past and consider attaching yourself to this project before it gets off the ground. It’s an opportunity I don’t think you should pass up.” She pointed a finger at me and narrowed her eyes. “I was right about the reality show. I was right about the streaming site. I was right about the rom-com you were convinced was going to flop at the box office. I have a feeling about this project deep in my gut.”

  I gritted my teeth and curled my fingers into a fist on top of the table. I couldn’t believe she was honestly suggesting I work with Salinger Dolan again. She had to be out of her damn mind.

  “No. Not just no, but hell no. I’d rather crawl over broken glass naked than even think about getting involved with anything that has to do with him.” I kept my voice firm even as my heart started to race. Salinger still had that effect on me. Even though it’d been a decade since our paths had crossed, the memories and impact he’d left with me were unforgettable. I was scarred deep within my soul because of him.

  Lennon sighed heavily and reached for her wine glass. She finished what was left in one gulp and leaned toward me, her gaze intent. “I’ve only seen bits and pieces of the script, but when I tell you the starring role for the female lead was practically written for you, I really mean it. As your agent, I’m telling you not to be so quick to dismiss working with Salinger’s team. As your best friend, I’m telling you that it’s well past time you let go of what happened in the past. If you hold a grudge against everyone who is difficult to work with, you will alienate half of Hollywood. I’m not asking you to agree to a reading or an audition, I just want you to be open-minded enough to consider that Salinger has changed, and maybe he needs the kind of break you got.”

  I knocked a fist against the table and reminded her, “I only needed that break because of him. Did you forget that?”

  Whose side was she on anyway?

  “I didn’t forget. I also haven’t forgotten that he was just a teenager who had terrible people around him. It wasn’t Salinger who got you kicked off the show. It was the adults on his team who were willing to let him do whatever he wanted because it was easier to control him that way. As long as he made money for the right people, they were willing to ruin anyone who stood in the way of their profit. Did you forget that the reason you ended up in that mess was because you were trying to help him? You cared about what happened to him back then, and I don’t think your heart has changed that much since then. It’s still too soft and squishy if you ask me.”

  It was soft and squishy before Salinger Dolan forced me to wrap it in barbed wire to protect it from the realities of trying to make it in show business.

  “You’re asking the impossible, Lennon. There’s pretty much nothing I wouldn’t do for you, but not this. I just can’t.” My voice cracked and my fingers trembled slightly when I finally uncurled my fists.

  Finally, after a long, drawn-out silence, she dipped her chin down to acknowledge the line I wasn’t willing to cross. Her disappointment was palpable, and the celebration of losing the weight of one man who forever altered my life was replaced with the unease of remembering another, younger man who’d done the same.

  “Okay. I’ll put some calls out and see if there’s anything else in the works that might be a good fit. Don’t worry, you know I always have your back.”

  I wanted to believe her.

  After all, she’d been my ride or die when I had no one else. However, a little voice inside my head warned that when Salinger was involved, it made things—and people—horribly unpredictable. Lennon had never let me down, but this was the first time in our friendship where I felt like she didn’t understand me and was pushing me toward something I really didn’t want to do.

  Once again, I wanted to question everything I thought I knew, and it was all because of that stupid kid. I guess I couldn’t think of him that way anymore since he was grown, but regardless, it was still his fault.

  Salinger

  “HEY, GET UP. You have a video conference in forty-five minutes with a potential investor. It’d be good if you didn’t look like a zombie who partied all night when you talk to him.”

  I grunted as a Converse-clad foot kicked my ass through the comforter wrapped around me. I actually looked more like a mummy than a zombie at the moment, but I didn’t think my younger brother would appreciate the joke. His patience, where I was concerned, was paper-thin. Not that I could blame him. He’d always had to act like the older sibling. He’d been taking care of me—instead of the other way around—ever since my dad married his mom when we were teenagers. The marriage had come and gone quicker than a good rain in California, but the bond I built with my once-scrawny, mouthy stepbrother had proven to be unbreakable.

  I groaned and rolled away from his swinging foot. “I don’t party at all anymore, let alone past midnight.”

  But I didn’t sleep well. Insomnia was an old friend. A holdover from the days I put so much poison in my body; I either slept for a week straight or stayed awake for a ridiculous amount of time until I collapsed. Now that I was clean, my days and nights tended to be reversed, which proved tricky while trying to do business like a normal person. My erratic sleeping patterns did me zero favors when it came to proving I’d honestly gotten my shit together and valued the life and talent I’d been given.

  I didn’t only keep Jeno around because he woke me up when needed. I kept him close because he was the one person in my life who consistently held me accountable. He wasn’t scared of me or what I could do to him. He could be a huge jerk and a total badass. He might be younger than me by a handful of years, but he’d mercilessly kicked my ass on more than one occasion when I deserved it. He was the one who dragged me, kicking and screaming, to rehab time and time again and refused to give up on me each time I failed to get clean. At some point when I’d fired or alienated every single person around me, he’d become more than a brother and caregiver. He held the shreds of my career together when I was too fucked up to realize my life was unraveling. He was more than just a manager and a handler. He was my confidant. My sobriety coach. My common sense. The ultimate truth-teller in my very small inner circle.

  He was the only person I had in my life who had loved me unconditionally in my darkest days.

  It wasn’t an exaggeration when I said I would die for the kid. Fortunately, I realized before it was too late that it was far better to live for him instead. It was highly questionable if I would have survived to see twenty-six if it hadn’t been for his persistence and dogged determination.

  He was also the CEO of the new production company I was trying to get off the ground, so it was no surprise he wanted me to get my shit together sooner rather than later when it came to schmoozing potential money men. I might be the face and name that would get things off the ground, but it was Jeno’s head for numbers and calm rationale when it came to making solid business decisions that would propel us forward.

  “Give me ten more minutes. I didn’t fall asleep until ten this morning. My brain feels like it’s filled with marshmallows.” There were lots of pitfalls that came with being an addict. I couldn’t take sleeping aids because of the chance I would get hooked or end up using them as a crutch. I was really, really careful about what I put in my body these days.

  “Fine. Ten minutes. Or you can get up now, and I’ll you that I finally heard back from Lennon Carter. Whichever you prefer.” I could hear the smirk in his voice because he knew exactly which one I was going to choose.

  I tossed off the expensive comforter and sat up in the middle of the be
d. All traces of grogginess and exhaustion disappeared as I focused on the good-looking kid who was now bouncing playfully on the edge of the mattress.

  It didn’t matter how old he got, how much money he made, or the weight of his responsibilities, Jeno still looked like the quintessential California skater-boy. His black hair was a little too long and hung in his bright blue eyes. He was tan year-round, and most of his visible skin was covered in a collage of tattoos. He didn’t own a single designer clothing label, preferring baggy shorts, logo t-shirts, and his ever-present Chucks. You would never know his mother was an former international supermodel, or that he was the beloved stepbrother of a superstar, by looking at him. I often envied how he managed to stay true to who he was, regardless of what was thrown at him.

  “What did she say? Did she talk to Maren? Did she agree to at least look at the script?” I dragged a hand down my face and tried to keep the anxiety and anticipation out of my voice.

  While Jeno had been the person who stuck by me the longest and put the most work in, I’d never forgotten that there was someone else who had given a shit about what happened to me back in the day. Her concern cost her everything, but it imprinted her on parts of me that were buried so deep they were one of the few pieces of my heart and soul my addiction hadn’t managed to destroy.

  Jeno sighed heavily and lifted a dark eyebrow in my direction. “Take a breath, dude. It’d be nice if you got this excited about the business we need to take care of today.”

  I knew he was just giving me shit, so I reached out and smacked him on the shoulder.

  I was a lot paler than he was, and a lot less bulked-up, but I think I’d caught up to him in terms of the available skin I’d covered in ink. Both my arms were tattooed from shoulder to wrist, and I even had a bold, geometric design that covered the front of my neck. It was one of those decisions I made without really thinking about the ramifications when my mind was altered. I knew I wanted to keep acting, but my options would be severely limited the more I modified my appearance. I’d had “all-American” good looks when I was just starting out and into my teens. Now, I definitely had an edgier, angsty vibe that wasn’t unappealing, but it meant I wasn’t going to get cast for the easy, plentiful vanilla roles that had built my crumbled empire.

  “Stop messing around. What did Lennon say?” I’d honestly been shocked that Maren’s agent had been willing to talk to me when I told her I specifically wanted Maren for the lead role in my project. I’d written the script a year ago when I was finally serious about my sobriety and realized I would die if I didn’t make some real changes to the way I was living. It wasn’t until I was one-hundred-percent clean and clear-headed that I realized I’d pretty much written the role for the woman from my past whom I couldn’t forget.

  Maren Copeland was the only person I could see as the lead. She was the only one I wanted.

  I knew she didn’t want anything to do with me. She’d gone out of her way to avoid me all these years, but if anyone could make the impossible happen, I believed it was Jeno. He got Lennon to speak with me, and he convinced the high-powered agent that Maren should at least consider looking at the project regardless of my attachment to it.

  Jeno shook his head, sending his black hair swishing into his eyes. “Maren stonewalled her. She gave the idea a hard pass and told Lennon not to bring it up again. As her agent, Lennon wants her to look at the script. As her friend, she wants us to fuck right off and leave Maren alone. I know you’re set on her, but if we can’t get a foot in the door...” he trailed off and shrugged a strong shoulder, “we need a backup plan. Otherwise, all the work we’ve already put in is going to be wasted.”

  I sighed and flopped back on the bed with my arms thrown to the sides. I blinked at the ceiling and tried to push the disappointment I felt to the back of my mind. I didn’t want to get discouraged, because when I got down, the urge to fall back on bad habits got the strongest.

  “She still hates me.”

  I kind of figured. But hearing it for a fact stung. So much time had passed. We’d both lived through so much, I’d not-so-secretly hoped she was willing to forgive and forget.

  Jeno snorted and reached out and threw a pair of discarded track pants in my direction. “Can you blame her? You have three minutes left to sulk, then you need to put your ass in gear and get ready for the Zoom meeting. I don’t care if you wear pants, but you better look presentable from the waist up.”

  He climbed off the bed and stood by the side with his arms crossed over his broad chest, and I wiggled into the pants.

  “Do you think if I apologized to her in person and showed her I’m not a spoiled kid anymore, she might have a change of heart?” I knew I was reaching, but I was desperate. A lot was riding on the success of my first project since I’d gotten my life together. But it was hard for me to keep up the enthusiasm when I considered doing it without Maren.

  “I think if you try and see her, she’s going to get a damn restraining order. You really fucked up her life when you were younger, Salinger. She struggled a lot because she tried to do right by you when no one else would. I think you tend to forget just how badly you hurt her.”

  He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know, but it still sucked to hear. “Maybe I can just bump into her somewhere, so it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to corner her. That might be my best shot to get her to talk to me without having her run away or call the cops on me.”

  Jeno swore under his breath and reached out to grab one of the pillows so he could swing it at my face full force. “Stop. You’re one step away from being a stalker.”

  I grunted and tossed the pillow back at him. “It wouldn’t work anyway. She’s not on social media at all. I have no idea where she goes or who she spends time with. She’s been really private since she filed for divorce from her dirtbag ex.”

  “That isn’t a bad thing. It’s better to keep some things to yourself. Get through the meetings we have scheduled for today, and we can look for another way to approach Maren. I know how important it is to you to have her at least see the script, and I do agree that she deserves a sincere apology from you now that you can actually feel remorse.” He lifted his chin in a slightly arrogant manner. His confidence level didn’t fit with his young age. “We’ll figure it out. We always do.”

  I grunted my agreement and hauled myself upright once again. I waved off my brother and assured him I’d be up and ready in time. I dragged a hand down my tired face and tried to shake the fog loose from my mind. It was hard to focus considering the lack of sleep, but for some reason, every minute I spent with Maren Copeland was burned into my brain.

  I barely knew who she was before I agreed to do our show. When we met, I thought she was so strange, like an alien from another planet. She was so proper, so polite, so pure. I couldn’t understand how someone could be like her in real life and yet be successful in show business. I loved to irritate her and push every button she had. It was my favorite thing in the whole world to get under her skin and get her riled up. The only reason she busted me doing all sorts of bad things with her makeup artist back in the day was because I wanted her to. I had no idea I was taking things too far back then. I couldn’t see the edge of the cliff I was about to fall over.

  Maren was the only one who reached out a hand to stop the free fall.

  I wished every single day that I’d been smart enough to grab it.

  I’d ruined her life when all she wanted to do was save mine. Only I’d been too immature and self-indulgent to see it at the time.

  I owed her more than amends when it came right down to it. The only humanity I had, the only compassion I retained when I sank into a deep, endless darkness, was the little bit she showed me before I ruined her life.

  Maren

  I SET DOWN my iPad on the table in front of me and looked out at the ocean. The place I’d bought on the beach in Malibu was drastically smaller than the home where I’d lived with my ex in Bel Air, but it cost close to the same. I pref
erred the view here. And the company.

  When I lived with Erik, I was surrounded by a silent staff that was there to take care of my every need. At first, it was impressive and made me feel like I finally hit my stride as someone who’d arrived in the industry. Even when I was on television every week, I’d lived simply on the advice of my manager and agent. They told me it wasn’t wise to blow through everything I made while I was young and impressionable, so I listened. It wasn’t until I was kicked off the long-running drama that I realized they didn’t want me to spend all my money because they took more of it than they were entitled to.

  When I was living with my ex, it didn’t take long for the constant flow of staff to feel invasive and over the top. I was a simple girl from New Mexico. I came from a single-parent home. I spent a lot of time alone when I was growing up because my dad often worked more than one job to keep food on the table and a roof over my head. He’d always emphasized that you appreciate what you had when you were forced to work hard for it, and while my career was anything but smooth sailing, I couldn’t justify being waited on hand and foot every single day. But my ex was a giant man-baby and couldn’t handle the smallest task on his own. I’d tried to teach him the basics but gave up out of sheer frustration when he made it clear he had no interest in being self-sufficient.

  The beach house was quiet, serene, and I only had someone come in and clean for me when I got really busy or was away on location for long periods of time. It was the one piece of property that was mine outright and had nothing to do with my ex or my failed marriage. It was the one thing I owned that I refused to compromise on when my divorce turned ugly. My ex wasn’t going to get even the smallest piece of my sanctuary when I needed it most.

  For the last few weeks, I’d been holed up here reading through different scripts and project proposals. There’d been a flood of them for consideration when Lennon put out the signal that I was ready to get back to work. There was everything from television shows to big blockbuster movies. There was an offer to host a talk show and more than one variety program proposal. There was a little bit of everything, but none of it was catching my attention or felt like the right fit for my life at the moment. I wanted something that reached deep and gave me an outlet for all the tumultuous emotions I’d been wading through for the last few years. I wanted to sink my teeth into something impactful and show how I’d grown as an actress, and as a woman, over the years.