It was probably the biggest leap of faith I’d ever taken, but as the words came out, I realized I meant every single one of them, even as Jeno snorted and rolled his eyes at me in disbelief.
“You have no idea how thoughtless and cruel an addict can be. They don’t care about anything but their next fix. Don’t ever think he can love you more than he loves getting high. I made that mistake more than once.”
Salinger flinched and made a move like he was going to charge his younger brother. I put myself in his path once again, putting both my hands on his chest and forcing him to look directly in my eyes. I opened my mouth to argue that while I understood why Jeno was so defensive and harsh, he still needed to hear what Salinger had to say.
Salinger cut me off. “If you’d give me a minute to defend myself, I can prove that whatever you found wasn’t mine.”
Jeno made a noise of disbelief and swore.
Dark eyes searched mine, and even though he looked like he’d been through the wringer, he managed to give me a lopsided smile. “You believe me even without proof of my innocence?”
I gave him a wobbly grin back and reached up so I could lay my fingers on his battered cheek. “I trust you. Don’t make me regret it.”
He nodded and put his hand over mine as he glared at his brother. “I totally get why you’re ready and willing to think the worst of me. I deserve that reaction. But I swear, I didn’t do whatever it is you think I did. If you calm down and let me explain, I’ll prove to you that I really have changed and that I’m committed to being a better man.”
Jeno looked like he wanted to argue some more, but eventually, he exhaled a loud breath and, with obvious reluctance, muttered, “Okay. Prove it.”
It was such a pivotal moment—one with so much on the line.
More than one relationship was at stake. I didn’t want life to imitate art in this instance. I was really hoping Salinger didn’t end up rewriting his happy ending into one that was tragic.
Salinger
MY FIRST REACTION when Jeno came charging out of my room calling me all kinds of names was shock. I didn’t even block the first punch he threw at my face. I was bewildered by his behavior because I knew I hadn’t touched so much as a Tylenol in months, let alone anything that would have him flip out on me. I could see that my suitcase was open on the bed, and the lining, which was usually zipped shut, had been opened. Clearly, Jeno came across something inside that set him off. And it was obvious my brother still hadn’t healed from the wounds I’d left him with when I was at my worst. He took care of me so well and had been the one guiding me for so long, I tended to forget just how young and vulnerable he actually was.
It was instinct to hit back when he charged at me again, and by then, I was also angry he wouldn’t give me a chance to get a word in edgewise. He was in such a haze of anger; he wouldn’t even tell me what he found. He just wanted to pound my face in. As a result, we ended up exchanging blows and taking each other down to the ground. It was a good thing Maren showed up when she had. Otherwise, Jeno and I might have really injured one another.
Maren was holding an ice pack to my throbbing cheek while I scrolled through my phone, looking for the evidence I knew would clear my name. Jeno was sitting across the room on a big, built-in bench seat that was attached to one of the many floor-to-ceiling windows in the condo. He had his arms crossed over his chest and was stubbornly refusing to look in my direction. He wouldn’t even let Maren tend to his split lip or bleeding knuckles. He was being obstinate on purpose. All I could see was a hurt little kid, not the young man who had saved my life. It was startling to come face-to-face with the damage I’d done to someone who meant so much to me. I was never going to be able to make amends to him. The only way to right this kind of wrong was to make absolutely certain I didn’t do exactly what he was accusing me of. I had to live a good life and stay perpetually on the straight and narrow if I ever expected him to believe in me, rather than look to my history.
I fucked up a lot. I didn’t realize that I’d fucked him up in such a spectacular way as well. No wonder his mom hated my guts and wanted him as far away from me and my life as possible.
Speaking of his mom, I hovered my finger over one of the tiny video clips that were stored on the security app’s cloud. “Did your mom come over to the house before we left for Vancouver?”
Jeno grunted his response, refusing to turn to look at me. Maren cocked her head in a curious tilt and frowned at me. She probably knew bringing up his mother when he was already heated wasn’t a good idea, but I didn’t have a choice. She was the key to this entire debacle, and I wasn’t even surprised. I gave Maren what I hoped was a reassuring smile and put my phone down on the table between us.
I didn’t have words to describe how elated I felt when she declared she believed in my innocence without proof. I thought for sure she would side with Jeno, and I’d be guilty until I could prove my innocence beyond a shadow of a doubt. Nothing prepared me for the rush of relief that almost took me to the floor when she said she trusted me. The only other time I’d felt so strongly was when she tried to keep me from making all the wrong choices when I was younger. How she always managed to find something inside of me worth saving, I would never know, but it explained why she was the only woman I loved completely since before I even knew what love felt like.
I tapped on the video clip, and the footage filled the screen of my phone. For the first few minutes, it looked like Toren was walking into my bedroom to drop something off. All in all, not suspicious because she liked to do Jeno’s laundry for him, and he and I often shared clothes. She tossed a leather jacket on my bed and turned around like she was going to leave.
“You have a security camera in your room?” Maren pulled a face and pointed at the phone. “I’m glad I never stayed at your place. We’d end up with a sex tape that would probably get leaked by the security company.”
I chuckled, and then immediately hissed out a sound of pain through my teeth. My cheek was killing me, and my jaw was hella sore. Jeno hadn’t pulled those punches. “I just had it installed. I only turn it on when I’m not at the house. I had to up the security measures after that kiss went viral, and the news of us working together again went public. Reporters and paparazzi were crawling all over my neighborhood. Plus, I knew Jeno’s mom was extra pissed about being banned from coming in and out of the house when he wasn’t around. I put cameras in every single room of the house, as well as the garage, just to be on the safe side. I had a feeling she was going through my stuff, looking for a stash or something she could use to convince Jeno to move out and quit working with me.” I hit pause on the video right as it showed Toren coming back into the frame, this time holding the very suitcase that Jeno had torn apart and turned inside out to find whatever was hidden inside the lining. “I didn’t think she would stoop so low as to plant something on me, though. I underestimated how much she despises me. And I overestimated Jeno’s faith in me.”
Maren moved my hand and hit play on the video. It showed Toren opening the suitcase, unzipping the lining, and dropping a couple small packets of something inside before closing it all up and taking the suitcase back out of frame.
“Do you really expect me to believe my mother went out and got drugs from somewhere just to frame you? How would she even know which suitcase you were going to use? How could she know I was going to look under the lining? If that’s your proof, it’s pretty weak, Salinger.” Jeno grumbled the words, but his arms dropped from where they were locked around his torso and he was finally looking at me.
Maren pointed at my phone and looked at my brother with a frown. “You need to watch the video. Who knows if what she put in the suitcase is really narcotics or not, but it looks real to me.”
“You installed more cameras and didn’t tell me? So, all this time you haven’t trusted me fully either?” Jeno scowled and put a hand over his pocket, where I was pretty sure he put the stash before charging at me. “All I’ve ever done is clean up
after you. I can’t believe you went behind my back and didn’t tell me you were changing the security at the house. I’m telling you, my mom wouldn’t do that. She might not like you, but she wouldn’t do something that might get you killed. She knows how out of control you are when you’re using. She knows I would never be able to forgive her if she did something like that to you.” Instead of sounding angry, he was starting to sound scared and desperate.
“I trust you with my life. I don’t trust Toren as far as I can throw her. You forget, before she was my enemy, she was my stepmother. She used to go through my stuff when we all lived under the same roof. She was constantly trying to stir the pot between my dad and me. She wouldn’t listen when I told her repeatedly that man couldn’t care less about me if he tried. This is nothing new.” I sighed and tapped on the video so I could attach it to an email and send it to his phone, so he could see what went down for himself. “You never answered my question. Was your mom at our house sometime before we left?”
Again, my brother lapsed into a steely silence, but I could see a muscle in his cheek twitch. Eventually, he met my gaze and quietly admitted, “She was there. We went out for lunch and she said she wanted to help me pack since this was the first time I would be on set with you for such a long time. I kept an eye on her the whole time she was there since you were at Maren’s, and I knew you didn’t want her wandering around the house. She asked about the leather jacket, if I wanted to take it or not. I told her it was yours, and she offered to drop it in your room. She did ask if it was something you would pack, and I told her I had no idea. She was gone longer than she should’ve been, but I didn’t think anything of it at the time.”
I swore under my breath as Maren reached out the hand that wasn’t holding the bag of ice to my face to cover one of my clenched fists. “She was probably going to put whatever she had in the coat, but figured it was better to go for the suitcase because you absolutely had to travel with that.”
Jeno sucked in a breath as he stared at his phone. He went pale as he watched the video.
“If the video isn’t enough, I’ll do a drug test right now. I’ll even do it in front of Maren to show how serious I am.” I closed my eyes and let my head fall forward until my forehead touched Maren’s. Almost instantly, some of the jagged pieces of my heart that were shredding my insides felt a little softer. It would be a hot minute before I stopped bleeding pain. “We went through customs. Not to mention the airport. Do you have any idea how wrong things could’ve gone if they pulled my luggage and went through it before you got the chance?”
Maren squeezed my hand even tighter. I felt her exhale against my lips as she shuddered slightly. “Thank goodness that didn’t happen.”
We both jumped a minute later when Jeno’s phone went flying through the air and landed on the floor with a clatter so loud there was no way the screen could survive. “You would’ve gone to jail. The movie would crash and burn. And Maren would be caught in the crossfire once again. She would’ve ruined so many lives.” Jeno shoved his hands through his dark hair and pulled at the inky strands. He was ashen and looked close to throwing up. “I’m so sorry, Salinger.” He inhaled a sharp breath that could be heard across the room. He lowered his head, and I realized he was fighting back tears. “I reacted without thinking. I never believed my mom had it in for you as bad as you said. It’s hard to trust what you say because you used to lie about everything. I’m supposed to be helping you get better, and I almost hurt you worse than you ever hurt yourself.”
I shared a look with Maren before getting up and walking across the messy condo so I could stand in front of my distraught brother. I put a hand on the top of his head and let out a long, slow breath.
“Jeno,” There was so much to say, it was hard to sort it all out. “You didn’t do anything. None of this has anything to do with you. I wouldn’t have anything if it wasn’t for you. I might not even be here right now if you hadn’t fought so hard for me. I asked too much of you when you’re really just a kid. It isn’t your job to be responsible for me. I should be the one taking care of you. I’m your big brother.”
His wide shoulder shook slightly, and Maren got up and quietly walked out of the room, giving us privacy and space. She really was the best, and once I had things sorted with Jeno, I was going to tell her exactly how I felt about her and let her know I couldn’t do casual anymore. I needed to know she wasn’t going to walk away from me, and I needed her to know I wasn’t going to give her a reason to doubt me. I would never take the fact that she trusted me for granted. That was almost as good as her loving me.
“I should’ve listened. When you told me my mom was up to no good, and before I accused you of using again. I was just so angry when I saw those packets. You almost died, Salinger. I can’t watch you destroy yourself again. Not without destroying myself.” There was no more hiding the fact that he was upset enough to cry. His big shoulders shook, and he wouldn’t lift his head. I pulled him up and into a hug.
I pounded on his broad back with a hand while looking up at the ceiling. I felt a bit teary myself, but for once, I needed to be the one who held it together for the both of us. “You’re worried about me. You’re worried about your mom. The truth is, you should be worrying about yourself. I know I talked you into starting this production company with me, and you agreed because you didn’t want me getting in over my head when I was fresh out of rehab… and your mom is pressuring from the other side to go to school, but do you even know what it is you want to do, Jeno? You’ve been so busy watching out for me and trying to appease her, I don’t think you’ve lived your own life in years. Your mom and I are adults. We’re accountable for our actions, or at least we should be. I think you need to take a break, get away from everything and everyone for a minute, and get some perspective. I’m not going to fall apart on you. And your mom?” I shook my head. “She needs more help than you can give her. She’s not only ruining your life, but she’s making the kind of choices that will ruin hers.”
Jeno pulled away and rubbed the heels of his palms hard into his eyes. When our gazes locked, his eyes were watery and red-rimmed. He sighed, and I could feel the weight of it. “What are you going to do about my mom?” I hated how scared he sounded. It annoyed me to no end; he was still ready to put her well-being before his own.
He was a good son.
A good brother.
And the best friend I could ask for.
I couldn’t let him end up like me. I cleared my throat and shrugged. “I’m going to talk to her. I’m going to let her know she needs to stay out of my life, or I’m going to make things very uncomfortable for her. I’m not going to hurt her because that would hurt you, and that’s the last thing in the world I want to do.”
Jeno swore and straightened up, squaring his shoulders and visibly pulling himself together. He lifted a finger to poke at his split lip and flinched at the contact. “No. I’ll talk to her. I’m going to head back to LA in the morning. If you’re sure you’ll be okay up here without me for a little bit, I think you’re right that I need some time off and away from everything. I can’t believe I hit you. I’m so mad. At myself. At my mom.” Our eyes met, and there was no mistaking the sadness in his. “And at you. I didn’t realize how much anger I had simmering under the surface until tonight. I need to figure out a better way to deal with it. I don’t want to be someone who’s dangerous to be around.”
I placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a little shake. I forced a weak smile and told him truthfully, “I’ll never see you as anyone other than my baby brother.”
Maren
WHILE SALINGER WAS in the other room talking to Jeno, I started cleaning up the mess strewn about his bedroom. Jeno really left no corner unturned when he tossed the room looking for a stash. It was a testament to how much he wanted to make sure his brother stayed clean and showed just how little he trusted Salinger. I couldn’t blame him for being overly cautious considering Salinger’s past behavior. However, since I’d
also had to learn to forgive and move on from the damage Salinger brought into my life, I hoped Jeno could too. Since he’d been by his brother’s side through better and worse, he should recognize how much Salinger had changed before anyone else. But maybe the personal growth and self-awareness were still too new for him to take at face value. And the truth was, there was no hard guarantee that Salinger would stay on top of his bad behaviors indefinitely. Especially if he didn’t have a strong support system to hold him accountable.
It was a lot to hold onto the distrust that came from trying to love an addict. The sense of betrayal and disappointment was so heavy, it made it difficult to carry anything else in your heart. I was sure that Jeno was tired from bearing the weight of it all for so long.
It wasn’t a surprise that he’d immediately jumped to conclusions, and it wasn’t shocking that Salinger’s heart had broken into pieces when he was forced to face his younger brother’s honest emotions. His understanding and disappointment were clear in his dark eyes. For once, everything he was thinking and feeling was blatantly obvious in the normally unreadable depths.
His heart was in his eyes when I told him I trusted him. It wasn’t a confession of love or of undying devotion, but it might as well have been. I’d never had anyone look at me with so much hope and appreciation before. It was enough to take my breath and make me realize exactly how invested I was in his well-being. Before, I wanted to save him from himself since he was so young and so clearly out of control. Now, I was impressed that he had developed the tools to save himself, as well as protect others.
Again, I realized what a good man he had grown into, and he was still so young, there was no telling how much more he might grow and evolve. I wanted to stick around and see for myself exactly where he might be a year or two from now. Watching him become a better man bit by bit was the total opposite of witnessing my marriage go up in flames. I’d already witnessed Salinger’s low point, so it seemed like there was nowhere else for him to go but up. Having been dragged down by him before, there was no denying it was so much better to rise with him.
A Righteous Man Page 19