by Ella M. Kaye
“Fillan? I’m sorry. I’m sure you didn’t expect me to call so soon but you see I’ve messed up big time and...”
“Emma.” He smiled to himself as he wandered the lines of parked cars. “Lovely to hear from you.”
“No, it’s not. I mean it won’t be. I’m sitting in front of my house. Yes, I live close to the store. Anyway, if you’re still there... Are you, by any chance?”
“I am. Looking for my rental since I have forgotten where I parked.”
She chuckled. “Aisle 6. By the shopping cart collector. Not a safe place to park, by the way.”
“Well thank you. I am...”
“Don’t thank me yet. Any chance you could grab bananas and drop them off here? I’ll pay you for them, of course. I was distracted and forgot and she will have a royal conniption in the morning if she doesn’t have one and I’m too tired to deal with it and too tired to go back and if I had anyone else at all to ask, I would, but I don’t, really and...”
“Tell me your address and how to get there.” No one else to ask? He groaned inwardly at the thought and listened to the address and directions and promised to be right there. No one else to ask? How could anyone in such a populated area have no one to ask for help with such a big job? Around his part of Galway, he could call any of his near neighbors and some not so near and get help for whatever he needed. And they knew he would do the same, and had often enough.
He saw the questioning look from the same lad who had rung him up the first time, said he forgot something in case he couldn’t tell, and wished him a lovely day. The lad rolled his eyes in return. Fillan nearly took his wish back. He had no time to bother with it.
Pulling in front of a house small as his own but with other houses nearly identical pushed nearly right up against it on both sides and hardly any grass at all in the little space between house and sidewalk, Fillan frowned. Was it the right one? The number matched.
He made his way up to the door that needed new varnish over warped wood steps that needed stripped of peeling horrible gray paint, and knocked softly. Patty didn’t like noise. He didn’t want to startle the child.
Starting to wonder again if it was the right place, he took a couple of steps backward and the door opened to a mighty ruckus inside and Emma’s exasperated face peeking through the crack.
“Hi. You’re a saint. Truly.” She shoved hair out of her face that had fallen, or been pulled from her ponytail that had been neat only moments before.
“Everything alright? Do y’ need help at all?” He offered the plastic sack of bananas along with a couple of other things he had thrown in as a peace offering.
“Thank you. More than I can say.” She pulled a ten dollar bill from her pocket. “Will this cover your trouble?”
“I won’t take it. Put it right back in your pocket. Do y’ need help?” He flinched at a loud bang.
“She’s upset. I have to go. I’m sorry...”
“Can I come in?”
“No, she’s... You’re a stranger...” At another bang, she looked back. “Patty, stop that now.”
“Sounds like it will not do harm at this point. Am I wrong?”
“I don’t know. She’ll stop.”
Fillan stepped closer. “Let me come in. I will not take advantage. I promise you. I only want to help.”
“Why?” Her eyes moistened but her face remained strong, resolved.
“That is what we do in Ireland, in my part of it, in the least.”
“Really? Maybe I should move there.” She shook her head. “Sorry, just a bad morning.”
“Let me try to help, Emma. What will it hurt?”
She hesitated ... and small arms wrapped around her arm, yanking at her. “Patty stop. Okay, I’m coming, sweetie. Look, I have your bananas.” She started to pull them out but her arm was yanked harder. “Ouch, Patty. Stop. You’re hurting me...”
Fillan didn’t wait longer for an invitation. He pressed into the house, brushing Emma’s skin on the way, but it was enough to make the girl let go and back up, shaking her head hard as she looked at the floor.
“Fillan, she can’t...” Emma went to her, stroked her head. “Okay, sweetie. Remember, you just saw him at the store. This is Fillan. Can you say hi? Just lift your head up for a moment to tell him hello. He’s ... a friend. Okay? Calm down, sweetie. It’s fine.”
A friend. Something about the way she’d changed from “my teacher” to “a friend” made him want to stay in Provincetown far past the end of summer. As the girl calmed, he carefully closed the door behind him and remained still otherwise.
“That a girl.” Emma stroked Patty’s hair and calmed her voice. “Thank you. Can Fillan come in and sit with us? We can share our ice cream with him since he brought your bananas. Okay?”
The girl glanced up at him quick and looked back at the floor.
“That’s as good as you’ll get as an acceptance.” Emma gave him a tired, forced grin. “Come on in. Keep a little distance from her. She doesn’t like to be crowded. Please, excuse how the place looks. I haven’t had energy to do anything with it. No one ever comes here, so...”
“I did not come to see your house. I came to see you.”
“And I’m as much a mess as my house. Or more. Sorry.” She pulled her hair down only long enough to straighten it with her fingers and put it back up.
Carefully staying on the side away from Patty, when she wasn’t looking, Fillan brushed Emma’s face with his fingertips. “Stop worrying. And stop apologizing. You are fine as you are.”
“If you’re looking for... I know you said you just want to hang out, but really...”
“If things were different, Emma, I might be looking for...” He stopped purposely and gave her a grin. “But all things considered, I am glad to only hang out when you are able.”
“Because of...” She glanced over at Patty. “You can say it. Not like I’m not used to it. Even my closest friends, or I should say my formerly closest friends, are too busy now. They don’t know how to deal with it, or they choose not to try. I do understand.”
“Shame on them. You deserve better from your friends and there is no reason you should have to understand that kind of selfishness. I meant because I am only here till summer’s end and it would be unfair to you.” He stroked her face again and stepped back. “Where are the bowls, Emma? For the ice cream.”
Chapter 7
Emma woke with a start. The first thing she saw was the small television turned almost too low to hear. The next thing she saw was Fillan, coming from the hallway, the hall that led to the bedrooms.
She jumped up and headed to find Patty.
He caught her shoulders. “She is back in bed. All is well. I was trying not to wake you.”
“What? What time is it?”
“Just after four a.m. I am sorry. I fell asleep just after you did, so I imagine.”
Fell asleep. With him in the house? With Patty... “I have to check on her.” She brushed past him. What had she done? Brought a man she hardly knew into her home with her niece there, her non-verbal niece. She was insane. She’d truly lost it.
But they’d actually gotten along well, Fillan and Patty, and...
With her heart throbbing until her chest hurt, Emma went in quietly and touched Patty’s head. She looked asleep. Calm. As peaceful as she ever did. She never looked fully peaceful as most children when they slept and Emma was always disturbed by that. Couldn’t the girl even have that much? A peaceful unworried sleep?
Her body started to unclench as she stroked Patty’s hair. Such a beautiful child. Her child. She was. She needed to just move her in and help her have a more normal life than back and forth between her house and her grandparents’ house.
Was she ready for that?
With a sigh, she straightened and stretched her shoulders and went back out to ... to Fillan, relaxed on the couch, eyeing her in the room’s light glow. He’d stayed all night. Most all night. Just hanging out with them. No more. Letting Patt
y get used to him. Keeping distance. From Patty. And from her. She’d felt no threat, to either of them.
She went and sat next to him. Maybe too close, but it was comforting. “Sorry. I ... was just startled. No one’s been here since...”
“Since when?” Fillan shifted, turned more to face her, added more distance. “Do you want to talk now that we can? She was paying attention to everything we said. I could see she was. I hope I was careful enough.”
“You were wonderful with her, and yes, she does. Most don’t realize it. They treat her like she’s ... well, she is disabled in a way, but in some ways she’s an incredibly normal kid and smart. She is smart. She understands things.”
“Yes, but I think you’re avoiding my question.” He took her hand and caressed her fingers. “Since when, Emma?”
She hesitated. But what did it matter? “Since my husband left. Well, since I got the papers in the mail and packed up and left him.”
“Papers?”
“Divorce papers. Irreconcilable differences, it stated. Meaning he wanted me to desert my family, my niece who needs me, and put him first. I guess that’s fair to ask. He was my husband, after all, but he never once put me first so I didn’t think it was unreasonable to... Anyway, he couldn’t deal with it. He wanted to start having children and I... Helen was already diagnosed by then and I knew I would have Patty full time and she’s such a handful at times so I was afraid to get pregnant and have to fight with her and then have a newborn and ... and how would she deal with that? Maybe okay but I don’t know and she’s big enough now...” Emma stopped and took a deep breath. “Well, that was nearly two years ago. I hadn’t even been married two years. Pathetic, huh?”
“It is. Yes. On his part, it is. He promised you better or worse, did he not?”
She let out an absurd snicker. “He meant it from my side, not from his. I was an idiot. Too naive. But he was really sweet to me. Before we got married. Not so much after when I wouldn’t stop working to just be his wife and hang on his arm at his functions, and then when I wouldn’t desert my family. Anyway, that’s the story. What’s yours? Anyone important in your history?”
“Aye there was. Until I came here.”
“You were married, too?”
“Nae, I was not married. I do not intend to marry, either. She knew that from the start. Decided I was too boring – never mind mum could tell you horror stories of how not boring I was – and took off somewhere with a note to say maybe she would be back and maybe she would not.” He shrugged. “I thought, as I was leaving Ireland, I would hang here for a while and sort my thoughts and decide whether to take her back when she returns, which she will, I am sure.”
Emma nodded. He was only in the States trying to cure a heartache. And then he would go home. “So you figure you’ll know by the end of the summer?”
He gave her a soft grin and leaned forward. “I know already. I do not care if she comes back. I do not want her. I deserve better.” He touched her face. “And so do you.” With that, he stood. “And I should go. Your neighbors will talk already. I am sorry. I did not mean to stay.”
“I don’t care.” She heard herself say it and realized she actually meant it. She didn’t care. She stood beside him. “They don’t talk to me. They’ve never offered help. One of them even called the police when Patty was having one of her fits and wouldn’t get in the car to go home because she didn’t want to go home. Why should I care what any of them think?”
“Because you are a school teacher? It doesn’t matter?”
She swallowed hard. “Well, I’m single. You’re not one of my students or co-workers, and you’re far from too young or too old for me. I can’t imagine why it should. I’m allowed to date. Not that this is...”
“Can I stay, then? I do mean here on the couch. You can go on to bed and get some sleep and I will listen for her. Sleep in, Emma. Things don’t seem so hard when you’re not so tired, from what I have found.”
“Maybe true, but she’ll be up in an hour or two and she’ll want breakfast...”
“I can manage it.”
“No, actually, you can’t. It has to be the right thing and it has to be on the plate right and the dishes have to be set in the right places. They thought maybe she just had OCD when she was younger, and then they thought she was bipolar because of her sudden outbursts. It’s all a guessing game. I do what I’ve figured out works best and leave the guessing to everyone else. But anyway, I have to get up with her, so...”
“So you should be off to bed.” He leaned in and kissed her head. “Goodnight, Emma. I will be here if you need anything.”
For a moment, a flicker of a thought of something she needed he could probably do, and probably fairly well, taunted her. He was ... well maintained, physically, and fairly cute and ... and she hardly knew him. With a light nod, she headed away. And stopped. He was settling onto the couch, with a throw pillow under his head. “Let me at least get you a real pillow and blanket. I’ll be right back.” She heard him say he didn’t need it, but she couldn’t have a guest stay without at least somewhat proper accommodations.
Returning, she handed him the only extra pillow she had, from her own bed. He stuck his nose against it and grinned. “Smells like you.”
“Sorry. I might have a fresh pillow case. I’m behind on laundry, too. Story of my life, really. Let me check...”
He grasped her hand. “Don’t you dare change it. I like that it smells of you.” Raising her hand to kiss her fingers, he inched closer. “Thank you. Do sleep well, Emma. I look forward to breakfast with you, and if you can, I’ll take you both to lunch in return. Will that work for Patty?”
“Maybe. You don’t need to.” She stopped when he stepped closer. And she met his lips. Four in the morning, Emma. You need to sleep. And you need to stop this right now.
He stopped it instead. “You kiss nice. Go to sleep now.” With a grin, he backed away and settled on the couch, his head on her pillow, the blanket only half tossed over half of him.
Again, she started away, paused, and went back. He looked up at her when she stood in front of him, trying hard to decide what she was trying to do, what she wanted. She was tired. Her brain was hazy. And still...
He moved the blanket, scrunched himself tight against the back of the couch, on his side, and motioned silently for her to join him. He was fully dressed. So was she.
Unable to resist the tender, strong, caring arms, Emma lay next to him, faced away from him. Her body fit his well. Her curves cuddled right in against his form. Her head tucked just under his, half on her pillow and half on his arm. Her eyes closed as he kissed her head, grasped her hand in front of her stomach, and held her in. Protectively.
She could get used to this. Just this.
Chapter 8
He had to get in touch with his sister. And soon. He was complicating things far too much.
And yet watching Emma and Patty as they sat across from him at the table outside Art House Café, one of the only places she could take Patty, she said, since they could sit outside but close to the building, Fillan wasn’t sure he wanted to uncomplicate things.
Breakfast had gone smoothly. Emma was surprised Patty didn’t throw a fit that he was still there. He tried hard to give the girl space without ignoring her. It was working. Patty watched people walk by as they ate their sandwiches, but if they looked over, she lowered her head and only crept it back up after several seconds and carefully. She also stared up often at the Pilgrim Monument that towered over the town.
Fillan wanted to ask Emma more about her ex, but he didn’t want to do it in front of Patty, so he stayed with a safer subject. “Have you been here long enough to give me a suggestion where to take my laptop to be fixed?”
“What’s wrong with it? Patty, do that quieter.” Emma set her hand almost over her niece’s as a sign of some kind which she understood. She kept tapping against the table but not so loud.
Trying to explain about the thing jumping to pages he d
idn’t try to go to and not loading pages he did want to go to, Fillan grew annoyed with it again.
“Sounds like you have a nasty virus.”
“Aye, but I do not want to spend as much as it cost in the first place to have it fixed. Ideas?”
“I can try.”
He eyed her over his soda.
“Really. I’m pretty good with them. Had to teach myself since I couldn’t afford the fix so often, either. I can’t promise anything, but I won’t charge you for trying.”
“I cannot take advantage...”
“Are you kidding? You’re not. I’d be glad to return some of the ... well, the...”
“Tell you what. How about you both come out to my cabin tomorrow and I will make you a beautiful lunch while you look at that dreaded machine. Sound fair? Is it more work than that?”
“Don’t know until I look at it, but I can’t. We go out for a little bit on Saturday and stay home Sunday to regroup.” She glanced at her niece.
“Always?”
“Always.”
Fillan scratched his chin. The stubble was rough since he hadn’t brought his razor for his unexpected overnight stay. Or extra clothes. “I suppose there’s no chance you’ll come out tonight while you’re out anyway?”
“Sorry, I...”
“Can’t.” He shrugged. “Alright, then.”
“Fillan, I’m not just...”
“I know.” He threw her a wink. “What do we do next?” He got up. Patty looked to be getting antsy. He didn’t want her antsy.
She stood, also, and actually touched his eyes for a moment. A very short moment, but she did, and he couldn’t help but smile. “I think she likes me alright.” He nudged Emma’s arm. “Maybe I could get away with coming to see you tomorrow so you can stay in?”
Emma looked at her niece. Patty gave him another fast glance, and started walking.
“I think that could be an okay.”