by Ella M. Kaye
“If she is going to say no anyway, why does it matter, Genie?”
“You want it to look like you are only asking out of courtesy?”
He shoved a hand through his hair. “Alright. Alright.”
“Then don’t ask her, y’ eejit. You do not care enough or I wouldn’t have to push you to do the right thing. So enjoy the next three weeks and then say gotta go, nice havin’ y’, and get on the plane and do not look back. What does it matter? Y’ are having your fun.”
“Don’t be an ass.”
“That is what I’m telling you. Signing off here now, Fillan. Let me know if your plans change at all.”
He hated signing off with her annoyed at him, but what could he do? He’d warned Emma. He hadn’t misguided her.
His first night in his own place for several days and he was only annoyed. He thought he’d wanted the break. Leaving Patty with her grandparents Saturday night had been wonderful except Emma worried the whole time. She’d done fine. Patty had. Emma was distracted. Finally a night alone with her and he could tell her thoughts weren’t fully on him.
Self-centered eejit. You are a fine one, Fillan. You find this great girl and you are still thinking of yourself first. You are a clod and you do not deserve her.
And yet she enjoyed his company. Could be she enjoyed it most knowing it was temporary, that she wouldn’t have to deal with him long term. Could be that. He was good with short term.
Now you are making excuses for yourself. That is what you are doing. Acknowledge it, y’ horse’s arse.
Pacing around the cabin, he stopped to stare at the rain denting the sand that served as his front yard. He’d had good luck so far getting Patty to dance with him, using the video he bought as a guide. He hadn’t convinced Emma to go back to class. She was looking for a part time job and trying to figure how to make it work around Patty. To pay her mortgage without having to move her parents in, which she didn’t want, but she was near to giving up on any other option.
Maybe there was one.
Going to grab his class list, he skimmed through and found the phone number he wanted.
Chapter 13
He wanted to meet up with someone else? Emma hadn’t seen him for nearly two days, their time together was growing far too short, and he wanted to spend part of the day with someone from class?
She complained to herself the whole time she was getting ready. If Patty didn’t like this person, it would be a whole scene and she didn’t want a scene. The girl was doing well. The dance Fillan taught her seemed to settle her. She looked up more often instead of at the floor. She slept better at night.
Of course that would all change when he left and she wouldn’t understand why he was never there anymore. Emma had warned her. She would warn her several times again over the next three weeks. Still, she feared Patty’s reaction. All last night, Patty had wandered back and forth to the window where she went whenever Fillan pulled up and then she’d go open the door to greet him.
His leaving would be hard on Patty.
It would be hard on her, too. But she’d get over it. They both would.
Dressed in long shorts and a pale peach blouse, her hair in a short braid down her back, she went to tell him she was ready, and to argue about meeting up with someone else.
But she heard Patty’s voice. It was her voice. Talking to Fillan who looked shocked and trying not to look shocked.
Emma crept closer. She couldn’t tell what she’d said.
Fillan gave her a grin. “She wants ice cream today while we’re out. What do you think?”
Emma found herself nodding, her eyes moist, and she hugged her niece. Her daughter. “Yes. Of course.” More often now, Patty allowed an actual hug instead of only a stroke of the head, and she allowed it again. Emma had to wipe her eyes.
They’d told her Patty could talk if she chose. The doctors. She thought they were full of it, blaming the child instead of the situation. Maybe it had been the situation. Maybe she hadn’t felt comfortable enough before.
“I love you, sweetie.” Emma kissed the top of her head and felt the girl pull away.
A grin lit her beautiful face. “Fillan is getting me ice cream.”
Emma’s heart melted faster than the ice cream would melt in the late July heat. “Yes. I bet Fillan would get you most anything you wanted. What do you think?”
With Patty’s amused nod, Emma caught his eyes. He didn’t argue.
With a sigh, contented this time, Fillan pulled Emma into his arms as they sat quietly on the couch in the near dark of her living room. The day had gone well. Jodi had got on nicely with Patty and the girl was fine with her. A student instructor at the dance studio, Jodi was looking for a place to stay, away from her parents where she would have more freedom but not be on her own. He’d overheard her talking after class several days before. She’d been surprised at his call two nights earlier, but agreed to meet up with Emma and Patty to see how it would go.
“I have a confession.” Fillan ran fingers along Emma’s face. “You liked Jodi well enough, am I right?”
“Yes. She’s nice. Patty likes her.” She stiffened and sat up. “Why? Are you leaving us for her? Fillan, you only have...”
“Why would I take you to meet her if I was?”
“I don’t know but...”
“Em, she needs a place to live. She works and can pay rent. She dances and is willing to learn the steps to best help Patty continue her dance therapy. She is a sweet girl from what I have seen.”
“Help Patty?”
“When I leave I thought you might consider moving her in instead of your parents. To help with bills. And with Patty. I think she can handle her since she is doing so well.”
“I don’t want to think about you leaving.” Her voice was soft and she slid back in against him.
“And neither do I, but I have little choice. My visa is only good till the end of summer. Em...” He hesitated. It was the first sign she had shown him that his leaving would matter. “You could come with me.” His voice came out even softer than hers.
She raised again, met his eyes with a question.
“My place is not large but it would work. We could manage.”
“You’re asking me to move to Ireland?”
“I am asking if you would have any interest.”
“I can’t... Patty is my daughter now. I can’t leave her. And I wouldn’t...”
“I am asking you both.”
“Fillan...” She settled back against him. Silent.
At least she hadn’t laughed at him. “Think about it, Emma. What do you have here you would miss?”
“Nothing. But...”
“Then you should think about it. Don’t answer tonight. You have time...”
“Three weeks.”
“Well, or longer. I know you would have to settle your affairs here, and I cannot stay, but ... I would welcome you if you want to come later.”
Chapter 14
Later. Emma gripped his shirt and considered his words from three days earlier. Come later. Did he think it would give them time to change their minds when they weren’t together every day? Move to Ireland? How could she? Patty needed... She needed Fillan. She loved him. Patty loved him.
And so did she. But move to Ireland? Just like that?
They walked along rock-strewn Balston Beach in South Truro and she told Fillan of how the Pilgrims had not landed first in Plymouth. They anchored in Provincetown Harbor, had come to shore in Truro and exchanged some fire with the Pamet Indians with no casualties, and then moved along up to Plymouth. The Cape wasn’t suitable for settling, they’d decided. And by this time, it was over settled, at least as far as Emma was concerned. At least during the summer with the tons of tourists that made it hard for her to take Patty out and about. She loved the Cape, but she loved it most during every other part of the year than tourist season.
Two weeks left and then he’d leave. He talked of possibly coming back next summer. She wouldn�
�t let herself count on it. She pretended not to be thinking of it as Patty stopped to gather rounded flat rocks and stack them atop each other. Emma took the chance to sit in the warm sand. Her feet were tired after wandering the other side of Truro, Pamet River and Corn Hill where the Pilgrims had found and snatched a supply of corn the Indians had gathered, and Edward Hopper’s house since Fillan showed interest in it. They still planned to go to Highland Lighthouse but he wanted to be there at sunset. A poet, her Fillan was. He talked of what he saw in such a beautiful way and he often stopped and simply took in his surroundings.
Patty was content with her rocks and so Fillan lowered beside Emma. He rubbed a hand over her back. “Have you thought more of coming with me?”
“Where?” She grimaced when a rather tall rock pile fell over, but Patty just started again, changing the rocks around.
“Ireland, Em. Coming with me. Or coming later to meet me once you have things settled here.”
“Oh. Guess I wasn’t sure you meant it, that maybe it was only a spur of the moment invitation...”
He swiveled closer and pulled her mouth to his. Quick. Tender. “I sure enough mean it. Are you even considering..?”
“I can’t.” She heard it come out before she even thought. “Look at her. She’s finally settling in well. She’s more content than I’ve seen ... ever. How can I disrupt her whole world again? I think... I think I will ask Jodi if she’s interested in moving in. That should work...”
He pressed back in against her mouth, an arm around her shoulders, lowering her to the sand while he leaned his body over hers. “She would be alright. It is being with you helping her most. You would be there and so she would be alright.”
“And you. She loves you, you know.”
His chest swelled. “And you?”
Emma pushed herself back up to sitting and didn’t answer. There was no point. “I’m not ready for such a big step. I’m finally settling, also. I think, now that I don’t have someone holding me back, I’ll go for my master’s degree and then I can make more and everything will work fine. It’s time to be a grown up and part of that is...” She heard Mark’s voice in that statement and cringed inwardly. “Facing reality. The reality is that I’m not ready for that kind of a step. If you decide to come back next summer, you can stay with us.”
“If you don’t have someone new by then.”
Emma nearly laughed at his sulk, his slumped shoulders, his head turned in avoidance. “I won’t have.” She pulled his face back to hers. “I won’t have. Maybe you could Skype with us now and then like you do with your sister. We could still have part of this.”
His chest rose hard and fell softly. “Alright, Em. That was our agreement. I haven’t the right to expect anything more.”
“Is that a yes? You’ll keep in touch?”
“I will keep in touch. As long as you are still willing.” He stood and brushed sand off his legs beneath the long baggy shorts. “Come, Patty. Ready to go up in the lighthouse?”
Emma wasn’t sure she would once they got to it, and she had to let her take a handful of rocks with her, but she strode easily at Fillan’s side toward the car.
He could return for the Christmas holiday. Looking out over the Atlantic Ocean from atop the lighthouse, Fillan was glad to be going home soon. Part of him was. Too much of him wanted to stay. He could return. He could take the job his father wanted him to take and move his teaching to part time on evenings and weekends, which would fill his time, and save money to come back in December. And then again next summer. A nice arrangement, he tried to tell himself. Free much of the year and two beautiful companions here and there as he could. And maybe they could come and visit once she got her head wrapped ’round the idea she could.
She would have Easter break in spring. She could come then for the week. Would Patty do alright with flying? That, he didn’t know.
They would have to take things as they came, he supposed.
At least Patty had no negative reaction to his contact with Emma. Taking advantage of the mood they’d given him wandering the Cape in the gorgeous heat of the summer sun, Fillan pulled Emma into his arms as the sun set over the ocean. Patty still didn’t object, so he kissed her, his Emma. And he hoped like hell she was right that she would not find anyone new when he left. Though he had no right to hope such a thing.
“We should get home. I’m starving. Aren’t you?” Emma stroked fingers down his shoulder.
“I’ll take you to dinner since we’re out.”
“Oh, Fillan, you’ve done enough.”
He skimmed her lips. “I will be thrifty again when I go back home. We haven’t gone to The Moors yet.”
“It’s too crowded. She won’t like it.”
“What do y’ think, Patty?” He kept a hand on Emma’s back as he leaned around her to see the girl staring out at the sunset. “Can we take your mum to her favorite restaurant tonight? Will you be alright with that?”
Patty glanced between them, stuck the two rocks she’d been juggling in one hand in her pockets, one on each side, and took his hand, and then Emma’s hand.
“I would say she is willing to give it a try.” Fillan shrugged. “If it doesn’t work, we’ll leave. Good enough?
Emma slipped out to her backyard and sat cross-legged on the damp grass to look up at the twinkling stars. Did they look the same in Ireland? She supposed they would. She swatted at buzzing mosquitoes and then wiped the remains of one off her palm into the grass.
So much for a normal dinner. Too crowded. Too noisy. Not for her, but for Patty. She’d known better. She let Fillan talk her into trying against her better judgment and of course it hadn’t worked. They’d left just after they sat down, as she apologized to the server who’d brought water and silverware and would have to clean it up for the next patrons with nothing to show for her trouble. Emma would normally leave a small tip just because, but she was too flustered to think of it. She’d felt guilty all the way home.
Luckily Patty was tired from their long day out and settled right into bed when it was time.
She looked up at Fillan when he wandered out beside her and stroked fingers over her head.
“You alright?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I should have just said it wouldn’t work...”
“Don’t worry about it, Em.” He squatted next to her.
“Guess you should be about ready to go back to your own life, right? Away from ... us.” She yanked a weed out by its roots and tossed it over on the patio that needed repairs she couldn’t afford yet.
“Why would I have asked you to come with me if I was ready to get away from you?”
“You’re sweet. And I mean you’re really very sweet. You know that, right? It’ll be a lucky girl who winds up with you. I want you to remember that.”
Fillan shifted, lowering to the grass, wrapping around her from behind, his arms around her stomach, one leg bent behind her buttocks and the other propped up at her side. “Y’ are one of the very few people on earth who would call me that. I am not, in general. I am pig-headed and set on my own path and even my own sister tells me oft enough I am far too full of myself. So if you see me as sweet, it is something you have brought out. I am grateful to you for that.”
She leaned back against him with a deep sigh, wrapping her arms over his.
“Are y’ going to be alright, Em? On your own with Patty. Will you be offended if I say the idea of it bothers me?”
“I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Lance is around if we need him...”
“Your brother who wants y’ to put her in a full-time care facility?”
“He’s thinking of me. In his own way, he’s trying to help. But if I need him, he’ll come. He’ll lecture, but he’ll be there.”
Fillan snuggled closer and kissed her head. “And y’ will not go back to Turner?”
“Never.” Her body tensed at the thought. “I’ll be fine. Really. This summer... This time with you has shown me more of who I am, what I can do an
d what I really want. Thank you for that.”
“I did nothing except...”
“More than you know.” She turned to face him better and touched his face. “You will always matter to me, Fillan. You will always be a part of me. I’m grateful for whatever made you come for the summer.” Meeting his lips to stop whatever he was about to say, Emma slid her hand down his chest, up inside his shirt. “Come inside. She should sleep well. Stay with me.”
Chapter 15
As Emma called her parents to check on Patty, Fillan lit torches around the front of his rented cabin. He would miss the place, as little of it as there was, and with as little time as he’d spent there. In the morning, he would fly home. Back to his Ireland, to Galway, to the job his father wanted him to take. Dock supervisor. On the fishing dock he worked every summer as he was growing, under his father’s supervision. Not a bad job. It was outdoors and active. It had been good for his muscle strength and would be again, beyond his dance training. His father owned it now. Fillan was unsure how well that would work, but he would give it a try. It was good pay. No further need to count every penny would be a good thing. Saving for plane tickets much faster would be an even better thing. He meant to come back again to see her.
She didn’t believe he would and he guessed it was fair.
But he would.
He grinned as she again carefully picked up a starfish and strode a ways out into the water to set it back in. It wasn’t unusual, she said, for sea life to get stranded unexpectedly and it made her feel better to help as she could by moving them back into the water. A natural giver, his Emma.
Ambling back up the beach, she hung up with a sigh and wandered toward him, her bare feet digging into the sand, her swim wrap swaying with her soft stride.
“Everything alright?” He slid a hand up her thigh under the mesh wrap.
“She’s unsettled. But okay, mom said. She said it like she didn’t really mean it, though.”