Sacrificed (The Ignited Series)

by Dantone, Desni

  He made a face like he didn’t really believe me, and I couldn’t understand why. To me, it was easy. I didn’t understand why he had to make this more difficult than it was.

  “I know your feelings for me are real, Kris. So are mine. Trust me.” He paused, his eyes pleading with me to understand. “But this thing with Alec isn’t over. I know it’s not.”

  “Really?” I stood and looked down at him where he sat on the bed. “Who gives a shit about what I say, right? What I say doesn’t matter, huh?”

  I didn’t wait for a response. I’d heard enough—nothing had changed. Part of me had started to suspect that he was making this so difficult because he didn’t want to be with me, but he didn’t know how to tell me. As I turned to storm away, Nathan grabbed my hand to stop me.

  “You’re the one who needed time to figure things out, Nathan,” I said as I spun on him, my voice rising. “Not me. You, because of Lillian. Stop trying to put it all on me.”

  He shook his head like he didn’t understand what I was talking about. “Lillian? You think that’s what this is all about?”

  “You needed time to think,” I reminded him. As if he had forgotten.

  “Yeah.” He said it like a question, prompting me to continue.

  “Because your girlfriend just came back from the dead,” I said. And tortured me and threatened to kill you…

  He released my hand and made a face that looked surprisingly relieved. “I didn’t need time to think because of Lillian. I don’t know why you thought that. That was seven years ago.”

  “Right, but the only reason you weren’t together is because you thought she died.”

  “Well, yeah, but a lot has changed since then. I’ve changed. And you…”

  “What about me, Nathan? You still need to think about something. If it’s not Lillian, then what is it?”

  He lowered his face to his hands with a groan, avoiding my question. And my eyes.

  “What is it?” I pressed, with a little more anger behind my tone than I had meant for. I stared at the top of his head as he rolled it back and forth. “Nathan?”

  He peeked up at me through spread fingers. The look on his face was…unexpected. Open and vulnerable in a way I have never seen him before. It softened my anger, but not my defensiveness. I folded my arms to keep from wrapping them around him like I wanted to do. Not until he started talking.

  “What about me?” I repeated.

  His mouth opened, but he shut it again without a response. He’d always been so good at that—at thinking before speaking. Times like this, I wished he had a problem with word vomit like I was known to have from time to time. His ability to hold back his thoughts was frustrating.

  “Nathan!”

  He groaned. “You scare the shit out of me, okay?”

  I froze, mouth agape and ready for another feisty argument, which had slipped away upon hearing his words. I supposed I shouldn’t have been surprised that he was afraid of me, considering what I was destined to become. But Nathan had always told me that none of that mattered to him.

  I didn’t think that was what he was referring to now though, which meant that he was scared of me, the girl, not the monster. Though I had no idea why.

  “You’re the first girl since Lillian that I’ve felt any…” Uncertainty settled into his eyes as his teeth caught his lip. Finally, he said, “With you, it’s different.”

  Entranced by his unexpected admission, I sat beside him as he continued.

  “Lillian and I were young, we were having fun. Yeah, I loved her, but I was living in the moment. I never looked past the present…” He trailed off and I could tell that he was struggling to find the right words, or scared to say them. “You’re the first girl I can see a future with. And that scares the shit out of me.”

  My heart did a little jig along with the Lord of the Dance going on in my stomach. Wow. That was so not what I had expected. And it filled me with hope—hope that he would forget about this not acting on our feelings thing he was hung up on. While hopeful, I knew he wasn’t there yet. And I knew he had more to say. I just wanted it to be something promising, because I was so tired of not acting on my feelings.

  “And you’re only seventeen,” he continued, sounding like it killed him to admit that. “You’re young. You should be out there, exploring your options. Not moving into a relationship.”

  “What if that’s what I want?”

  “If that’s really what you wanted, you wouldn’t be so confused about Alec.”

  “I’m not—”

  Finally, he lifted his head to look at me. “I can see it, Kris. I’ve seen the way you look at him sometimes. You started something with Alec that you never got to see through.” He stopped and his jaw twitched before he muttered the next words. “Maybe you should have. Maybe you still should. I don’t know, but what I do know is that you shouldn’t be rushing into something with anyone before you’ve resolved what you started with Alec. Figure out what you feel, or don’t feel, but really figure it out.”

  For one, Nathan wasn’t just anyone. But his reasoning behind not wanting to rush into something before we were both sure actually made sense. Even though I wasn’t exactly convinced that I was still hung up on Alec.

  Sure, Alec had a way of getting to me—flustering me, exciting me—but he did that to every female he encountered. Yeah, he was hot. But so was Nathan. And yeah, Alec made me laugh like no one else could, but Nathan understood me like no one else could.

  Nathan was my rock, and always would be.

  No matter what he thought, I was convinced Nathan was the one I wanted. But I would also honor his request to get to the bottom of my ‘unresolved’ feelings for Alec. If that was what it would take to get what I knew in my heart I wanted.

  “Nathan…” I scooted closer to him on the bed. He tensed beside me, as if guessing my intentions. And he was correct, of course. “If I agree to resolve some issues, could you agree to kiss me from time to time, just to remind me why I’m going through all the trouble in the first place?”

  His throat jumped before a small smile spread across his lips. I secretly loved the way I made him nervous sometimes—times like this. “From time to time, huh?” he said gruffly.

  “That’s all,” I whispered, and waited.

  I didn’t know what I expected. Maybe, if I was lucky, for Nathan to actually agree to it. Maybe for him to finally give in, to finally act on the feelings he had for me. Or, maybe he would make another excuse and I would be left disappointed.

  What I did not expect was for him to pull me to him and kiss the hell out of me.

  While my hands lifted to the back of his head, as if trying to prevent him from fleeing, his gripped my waist like he might never let go. His lips meshed with mine eagerly, fiercely, like he had been waiting for this moment as much as I had. He controlled the speed with which we moved together, and it was slow and purposeful, like all the unspoken words he was too afraid to say could be expressed through his actions.

  Knowing that he wanted me as badly as I wanted him fueled my desire. I’ve never been good at controlling my impulses, and this was no exception. Connected as we already were, it just wasn’t enough. I needed—I wanted—so much more.

  With a sudden burst of courage, I shifted to swing my leg over his. His hands remained on my waist, guiding me until I was straddling him. His lips slid from mine just long enough for a low guttural sound to slip between them, before crashing into mine again, claiming me, in that moment, as entirely his.

  With the creaking of the door as it opened behind me, it all came to a sudden halt.

  As I struggled to scamper off of Nathan’s lap, he bolted to a stand, tossing me to the bed in the process. I flipped onto my back to see Callie standing in the open doorway, mouth agape.

  “Uh…” she said as she backed out of the room. “I’ll come back later.”

  She closed the door, shutting Nathan and me inside together. With the big pink elephant, sitting on my chest,
making it impossible to breathe.

  Or was it Nathan that had stolen my breath?

  Damn, that boy could kiss.

  His gaze shifted from the door to me, met mine briefly before skirting away. “Guess I’m not doing a good job of not acting on my feelings, huh?” he said quietly.

  I scooted to the edge of the bed and sat up, placing my feet on the floor for stability. “I’m not complaining. In fact, I could do that again. If you wanted.”

  With his head dropped, I only knew that he was smiling from the dimples in his cheeks. After a moment, he looked up. His eyes were twinkling when they leveled on me, and oh, did I want to kiss him again.

  I’m not sure what it was he saw when he looked at me, but his expression shifted into something resembling sadness. He dropped to a knee in front of me, his face level with mine. “Look, Kris…” His eyes were soft when they met mine. “We’re here. We’re not going anywhere. We’ve got time to figure this out. Right?”

  I shrugged and mumbled, “If I don’t go all evil-Kris first.”

  “And that’s not going to happen,” he responded immediately. His hand brushed against the side of my cheek, and lingered there. “I won’t let it.”

  He didn’t give me a chance to respond, not that my brain could process actual words with the way he was touching and looking at me, before he stood again. He hesitated, then bent to kiss the top of my head before walking away.

  I was left nearly hyperventilating when he paused in the doorway with a small grin on his face. “If anyone other than me or Callie tries to come in here, you let me know, okay?”

  “And by anyone, you mean…”

  “Alec,” he answered automatically.

  I nodded once. “Thought so.” So figuring out my unsorted feelings for Alec did not include unchaperoned visits in my room. Good to know.

  He started out the door, and paused again. “Same goes for Micah.”

  I smiled at his back as he shut the door behind him. Only then did the enormity of what had just happened hit me, and I collapsed onto the bed with a heavy sigh.

  CHAPTER 5

  It was Nathan that interrupted my sleep the next morning, and not in a good way.

  As his obscenely loud thumps on my bedroom door startled me awake, I immediately regretted the moment I’d asked him to resume our training the night before. At the time, I’d meant it. I wanted to get stronger and better at fighting, especially since we would soon be going after the Skotadi.

  Now, I would rather sleep in.

  “Come on! Get up!” he called through the door.

  “Oh, my God,” Callie groaned as she rolled over beside me. “What is wrong with him? It’s not even light outside.”

  “Go away!” I shouted at the door.

  He banged harder, and louder, and it became apparent that he wasn’t going to give up. I was just about to roll out of bed, grudgingly but ready to do whatever I had to do to shut him up, when the door swung open and Alec strolled in.

  He might have been sleep-walking, it was hard to tell. His eyes were barely open slits, his hair more disheveled than usual, and his face lacked its usual devil-may-care grin. He crossed the room to where Callie and I lay in bed, watching him curiously. Wordlessly, he yanked the covers off of us.

  His eyebrows shot up and his lips curled into a faint smile, and I knew that he was at least partially awake. He didn’t even bother to hide the fact that he was checking both Callie and me, and our equally scarce sleeping attire, out. Just before it ventured into awkward territory, he turned and walked away.

  He paused in the doorway, where Nathan stood watching, jaw slightly dropped. “You’re welcome,” Alec said to him before disappearing down the hall, probably back to the couch to sleep.

  What I wished I could be doing.

  I groaned as I reluctantly got to my feet. A sweatshirt lay on the floor next to the bed and I quickly threw it on over my camisole. It was big enough to cover more skin than the too-short-to-wear-anywhere-but-in-bed cotton shorts I was wearing. And that wasn’t saying much.

  If Nathan noticed, he didn’t let on. His head had been turned over his shoulder as he watched Alec walk away. Now, he tipped it to me with a tight grin. “You’re the one that wanted to start training again.”

  “Ugh. I’d forgotten how much I hated you before,” I returned groggily. I nudged Callie, who had already pulled the covers back up and was burying her head into her pillow, preparing to go back to sleep. “Come on. This includes you, too.”

  She opened one eye. “What?”

  “You need to know how to fight,” I told her and nodded my head in Nathan’s direction, “and he’s the best one to show you how.”

  Callie glanced in Nathan’s direction, and what she saw, I’m not sure, but her eyes widened in terror. “What in the hell did you sign me up for, Kris?”

  “Torture,” Nathan said lightly from the doorway before he turned away. I heard him chuckle as he headed down the hallway. “Lots and lots of torture.”

  He wasn’t really leaving. He was simply giving us time to get dressed. I expected he would be waiting, somewhat impatiently, for us outside. If memory served me correctly, I knew that I’d better get my butt in gear, before I got a good dose of ass-kicking.

  And Callie? I doubted she had much of a chance.

  The others were all well-trained in weaponry and combat, something young hybrids were taught early on in their development. They were all soldiers of the Kala-Skotadi war. They didn’t need the training Callie and I needed. Their entertainment for the morning consisted of watching us from the back porch.

  Nathan used me to demonstrate a few beginner moves to Callie. I secretly reveled in the fact that he used me as an example of what to do. It made me feel better about the improvement I had made. Watching Callie, I wondered if I was as bad as she was when I’d first started. I sure hoped not.

  After a few drills, it became clear that Callie was in desperate need of some one-on-one time. I thought that was why Nathan had suggested that I go work with Micah for a little while.

  Or, it might have been the way that both of us had reacted when sparring together, our bodies coming together on the few occasions I’d gotten close enough, or the couple of times I’d found myself restrained in his arms as he demonstrated something to Callie. Each time, there had been a hesitation just before he released me, and I knew that he, too, had been feeling the electricity between us.

  The last time, I’d even seen it in his eyes—a sort of pain that he couldn’t fix. That was when he’d suggested that I go do something else. Typical Nathan—the master of avoidance, his undocumented fifth specialty. No one could do it better than him.

  Though he’d pretended nothing had happened, I hadn’t been fooled. Nor had Callie. As I’d passed her when she stepped forward to take my place, she’d grabbed my arm and dropped her voice for my ears only.

  “That was the hottest foreplay I’ve ever seen,” she had said.

  I’d smiled the whole way to the house to find Micah.

  That was where I was now, with Micah, in the living room. The others were still on the porch, watching Nathan and Callie. Every now and again, I heard a laugh from one of them. Usually Alec. All they needed was some popcorn to make the experience complete.

  I desperately wanted to watch, too. Actually, I’d rather be the one wrestling with Nathan, but if I couldn’t do that, I’d rather watch Callie try to. It had to be more interesting than what Micah was trying to talk me into doing.

  He tapped the open textbook in my lap, snapping my attention back to him. “Pay attention,” he scolded me as he pointed at the book. Hybrid’s Guide to Learning Specialties.

  I still couldn’t believe it. They actually had textbooks on this stuff. Granted, it was only available to the Kala community and wouldn’t be found on Amazon anytime soon, but still, I found it hilarious.

  Micah waved his hand over the page he had turned me to. “Do any of these sound familiar?”

  Looking
down at the page reluctantly, I studied the large chart that summarized the twelve specialties, with descriptions of the early signs of developing each one. Not one of the things listed there had happened to me yet.

  “No,” I replied automatically, then something caught my eye—once I was actually paying attention. “Well, actually, maybe the fighting thing.”

  Micah raised his eyebrows. “A fighter, huh?” He sounded skeptical.

  My defenses immediately kicked in. “Even Nathan said I was getting the hang of it faster than he’d expected. And, well, I kind of enjoy it.”

  “Yeah, I wonder why,” Micah muttered under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear.

  I took that as a stab at my obvious attraction to Nathan, so I ignored him, and added confidently, “I think I have fighter blood.”

  Micah eyed me. “Want me to read you now?”

  “Read me?”

  “Read your specialties, like we talked about yesterday.”

  Oh, yeah. I’d been distracted by the combat drills and laughter from the porch. But now that I remembered, I was curious to see what specialties I possessed. “Sure,” I said. “How do you do it?”

  He turned to face me on the couch and motioned for me to do the same. “It’s a lot like meditation,” he explained as he took my hands in his. “Close your eyes, relax, free your mind…”

  I did as he said and tried to free my mind, whatever that meant. I supposed it meant not to think about anything. That was a lot harder to do than it sounded.

  “Let me in,” he added, his voice low and soft.

  I opened one eye to look at him. With that one statement, things suddenly felt weird. The moment was instantly too intimate for my liking. Not to mention, I didn’t really want him to ‘see’ certain things, and I knew some prophets were able to do that. Could he? Could he read anything he wanted? Everything?

  “How good of a prophet are you?” I asked tentatively, withdrawing my hands from his.

  “I’m okay.”

  “Can you read minds?”

  He fixed me with a knowing smile. “Sometimes. When someone’s emotions are very strong, it’s impossible to avoid them. It’s like they’re shouting their thoughts at me. If they’re holding their thoughts back, blocking them, I can’t get through. Not yet, but I’ve been working on it.”